Sometimes...

[Samantha_Smile]

...Like tonight, for example.
Content in my femme attire, wig, makeup and all the trimmings, I just wish I wasn't so chicken shit.
I have days like this, where I'm just thinking, I really want to get out of the house.
Not to anywhere specific, not for anything specific. Just get in the car, it's only a matter of being outside for 10 seconds tops, I'd be in and away. Then all the paranoid (encounters with police/drunks on the street) jump up in my head and stop me dead.
But... Just to be out.
And not just in the physical sense, but in the social sense too.
Too have all my family and friends... just know about me and be cool with their wider understanding of who I am. To not have to hide this part of me from everyone but 3 people who I know IRL, not just online.
Am I greedy? Is this a case of always wanting more?
I never thought I'd be in a place where I could think thoughts of going out for a drive, walking on the street.
I've been making plans to get out to a CD/TV club soon. My GF is on board and is willing to come with me, and thats awesome, I cant wait.

I dont always feel like this when Im dressed, most of the time Im quite happy to sit at my computer or watch TV, but just the odd occasion like now.
I just wish the world was just a little different.

Anyone else get this way?

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Hell yes! Nothing unusual there. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by fears thinking of being out, but I remember when I have been and look forward to the next time. Why not now, why not anytime? Why? To be truly free, that would be a dream come true. We'd all be a lot happier, except for all those poor empty closets :)

[NathalieX66]

Being out & about really isn't that hard.
If that's your avatar, then you will do fine.

[AllieSF]

Your feelings are very common for a lot of us. It seems that you are working your way toward going out. Best thing for you is that your GF wants to go with you. From your avatar, you look wonderful and should have no issues out, assuming you go to the right places first. As many will say, take little steps, build up your experience and confidence so that you can grow on the successes of the previous outings. Then, one day when you have a negative experience, it will be easier to get over. Good luck and enjoy.

[Shirley Rose]

I hear ya girlfriend !!! I wear shorts tee shirt and sneakers all the time would it be so bad to replace the shorts with a skirt and pantyhose ? I tell myself no but only sneak out after dark in a skirt. To walk around the block in hose and a skirt is so exciting my heart is pounding by the time I get back home.

I can't imagine the feelings you must have at your level of dress. Perhaps someday I will know.

[Nikki A.]

The only thing stopping you is you yourself. Once I started going out and found that I was not going to be tarred and feathered it got easier. I now have the confidence to go where ever I want day or night. I've been to restaurants, shopping, churches and malls both in daylight and evenings.

[Cynthia Anne]

Perhaps it's time to spread your wings and fly! You will never get off the ground with a negative attitude! YOU can do this!

[Beverley Sims]

Yu do remind me of a fledgling about to leave the nest.
May your first flight be a successful one. :)

[Rachelakld]

I've parachuted,
I've bungy jumped
white water rafted
Played one arm bandits at Blackpool (1/2 penny only - not one to be to wild)
CD not so dangerous, but sometimes it helps to have balls :)

Also nice to have good coffee shops that open early

[Marcelle]

I have only recently started going out and while my wife went out with me once, it did not go well and she has decided not to go out with me again. While I tried to explain to her that the world is what it is and negative responses are going to occur, she does not want to see me get hurt (emotionally or physically).

So I have had to go out on my own. I hear your angst as it was difficult to fling myself out of the car and into a few stores and a coffee shop. I have done some fear evoking things in my life but this was probably one of the hardest. However, once I got to where I was going, calmed my breathing and just tried to act naturally, nobody really noticed. Did I get read? Yup. Did I get some funny looks and a few giggles? Yup again. However most people didn't really care.

Going out is not for everyone and each of us has to make her own choices on this aspect of this wonderful thing we do. I found reading the posts of those who have gone out (good and bad) helped me immensely in taking that first step. The best advice though is choose your venue wisely . . . safe areas are best for your first steps.

Hugs

Isha

[jennyluvly]

Please correct me if I'm wrong, I believe it's the same feelings all CDs have before their very 1st adventure in the outside world - fear, trepidation, scared sh**less etc. Some overcome these feeling, & some don't. Sure, there will be times that we'll be read, but there'll also be plenty of times when nobody cares. So my 2 cents worth of advice is - do what's comfortable for you & enjoy it.

[cdmorganashley]

i can definitely relate to how you feel... i don't think i am as close to making a trip out, but i do think someday it might happen... i probably most connect with the idea of having to hide this secret from my family as it feels like a burden not to tell, then again at other times i feel like why do i have to divulge every part of me to them, i mean i'm sure i don't know every detail about their lives--i guess it is because this feels like such a large part of my identity... to be honest i think i will probably tell them someday as i recently told them i was bisexual and it really wasn't an issue at all; still i don't know if they will understand this... i guess we'll see someday

[LeahVonT]

Do you often get stopped when driving about? Take that walk to the car and go for a run! :)

I go out dressed up occasionally and sometimes I've gone out without trying to pass as female but wearing a lovely dress and heels but even walking out of my front door and across the communal landing to drop the rubbish down the chute is sometimes daunting. The likelihood of meeting someone is almost nil; the liklihood of them being negative about it if you did is even less but still it's there - and then you do it and it's great.

I too wish the world was a little different, we probably all do. Even my friends (a supposedly open-minded, welcoming-to-all 'alternative' scene/community) can't really get on board with it easily.. but sod them. Do it, feel good, don't be afraid. Your first wine in a bar with your GF will be the best tasting you've ever had :)

[Bambi87]

Couldn't agree with you more Hunni feel like this but only managed to get out once to a family party as I dressed up for charity :) and I got to have a wonderful night. Had some funny comments like you seem very comfortable to say your in a dress, if only they knew Bambi x

[Lexi Moralas]

You look great ! I used have all the same fears , I think every girl dose when we first start going out all dolled up. I am no expert but if I could offer any advice from my own experience it would be this.
1)first of all get far enough from where you live so you don't have to worry about seeing some one you know, and if some one reads you who cares you will never see them again anyway.
2) take baby steps plan to have a few hours and do some mini outings like get $10 worth of pay at the pump gas go to a strip mall just at opening when it's all but empty park on one side and walk up the side walk to the last store look in your purse like you forgot something then walk back to your car things like that where you don't have to interact with anyone.
3) when you feel more comfortable try a mall. I know that's sounds crazy right ! But hear me out most malls open there doors at 9am and the stores open at 10 am. So you can walk around the mall checking your self in the reflections of the store windows ( a great tool for improving your movement ect) and the only people you will likely encounter are a few old men meeting for coffee at Micky d's in the food court who don't see all that well. And maybe a new mother or 2 walking there baby for laps around the mall to get back in shape. Low risk high reward.
Some other ideas :
Do some walk through at a CVS drug store they have big mirror so you can critic yourself
Try a t friendly store if there are any in your area if not try the "ADULT " store in your area even if you not in to that stuff. Those people have seem it all and won't make you feel uncomfortable.
When you are ready to interact with people try the gay bar even if like me you not gay.
The gay community is very excepting of pretty much every one and I am sure you will be made to feel welcome
Well that's my laypersons advice hope it helps good luck in your journey
Btw you look amazing anyway and will probably blend right in no problem

[Suzanne F]

Samantha
I believe you are ready! Once you take those first steps there will be no looking back. My wife goes out with me sometimes and I also meet some girls from this forum on my own. Having someone with you for the first times out will help. For myself it was one if the best things I ever did when my heels hit the pavement. Good luck and let us know how you are doing!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Michelle (Oz)]

Oh how I remember leaving my hotel room for the first time fully dressed and daylight outside - like it was yesterday. Totally dry mouth, sweaty palms, adrenalin pumping. Expecting everyone to yell out 'there's a man in a dress - let's all point fingers and laugh'.

I've include a photo of me dressed today, out doing the usual things people do. I am in close proximity to many people, interacted with many and had absolutely no difficulty even with a male voice. My reason for including the photo is simply to prove that the public is far more accepting than we fear or caught up in their day-to-day business to care about us. Yes, there will be some looks; maybe provoke some discussion but above all there is tolerance.

From your appearance in your avatar you will have a fantastic time. Sure it takes time to build up confidence and there will be the odd awkward moment. I still get some butterflies and nervous anticipation. But what a great way to spend a day!!

I do have one suggestion. For your first time out see if there is a CDer in your area that will be a big sister. If not, go out alone. You will be concerned about your GF and how she feels plus she will feel protective should any situation arise. You are in disguise and she is not.

Let us know about your imminent outing.

[kimdl93]

I have never really enjoyed CDing as a solitary practice. I was out - to the extent of wearing lingerie and stockings - with my first wife and more open still with my present wife. However, when I started venturing into dressing completely, I did it alone...mainly out of the fear that I'd look awful and foolish. But it wasn't long thereafter that I looked in the mirror, said to myself "I can do this!" and felt the pull to go out and to come out.

Sam, I've done both and I can tell you with certainty, that the world and people you know within it, are much more tolerant than you imagine. If your GF is on board, then take that first big step and go to a TG friendly club or restaurant. Pick a nice place in a good neighborhood away from drunks and brawlers...they're not that hard to avoid. Or take a day trip...I've done malls, coffee shops, quaint restaurants, gift shops, groceries, museums, etc. Its all fun and you'll be surprised how easy it gets once you've overcome your nerves.

[beth_30]

I had the same feelings when I first found this forum a few years ago (although I've been away for a while...). I felt like a prisoner and I think that creating an account here helped to an extent - I was opening up to the world as Beth. I found the support and stories here to be incredibly inspiring. It took a while, but spurred on by the advice I got here I finally stepped out (and quickly back in again!) and then again - and fairly regularly after that too!

All I can add to the advice below is that I have found it much more fun to be out with someone else. I have been out for strolls alone and when I got home I was like 'well that was easier than I thought, but what was the point?' I'd feel almost as isolated going out by myself as shut away in my flat. Comparing that to going out with some friends, well, there's no comparison. You can chat, laugh and do stuff you'd enjoy anyway (feel normal, almost :) ). And that's the beauty of the internet age - you can find people and make connections you could never have made otherwise.


that the world and people you know within it, are much more tolerant than you imagine.

Yes, Yes and furthermore yes!

Anyway, good luck and hope you find the same inspiration I did!