What Do Sales Assistants Think

[deebra]

What do sales assistants "think" when they come in contact with a MtF CD. I'm not asking so much as to how they act towards the CD but what is there mental feelings to this person. The CD could be
1/ dressed as a male browsing womens clothing
2/ dressed in drab (half male/half female) browsing womens clothing
3/ dressed as a woman browsing womens clothing and trying them on

We all have no idea what another person is thinking but this is 2013 and a lot of what use to be forbidden and looked down on is now accepted because our young people have crossed standard barriers, put it in our face wheather you like it or not and we have gotten use to it and pretty much accepted it. Is this true with MtF CDing today? When dressed and passing and interacting with neighbors, sales assistants, shoppers in the mall, etc. are people locked in to their own thoughts and are starting to accept or overlook us just like the young people? But let's mainly limit your opinion to the original question, what do SA think.

[Laura912]

Given the variation in humans, they think all sorts of things based to some extent on their age. The thoughts probably run the gamut from "creep" to "another sales" to "I really want to help this person".

[Stephy]

I think it depends a lot on the individual SA - what sort of environment they have grown up in, what they have been exposed to. I have noticed SAs in the Sydney CBD are far more accepting than those in the suburbs. But I guess being accepting does not necessarily mean that they think of the CD as just another customer - they may still think to themselves - "gosh you get all sorts of freaks here" while smiling and assisting. Maybe some are better than others at hiding their distaste, or have had better training. I would love to know what they are really thinking, but one can only judge what they might be thinking based on their actions, words or how sincere they appear. I've thought of asking them, but it's not likely they would give a straight answer. :)

[deebra]

Stephy, love your answer, I'm cracking up over "gosh you get all sorts of freaks in here". And thats probially very, very true.

[secretlyme]

I've always shopped in guy mode and have experienced the full spectrum of reactions ranging from completely helpful with genuine interest from the SA to moderately begrudging helpfulness. Although I've seen disdain in their eyes on occasion, none have ever been outwardly rude or antagonistic. Other shoppers might leer or laugh at times - mostly teens - but some actually show peaked interest, bordering on fascination. Regardless of any reaction, I enjoy what I do and I know that it makes me happy; reactions from others don't hinder the experience. Don't let anything stop you from pursuing your passion.

[Kate Simmons]

Offhand, they are probably hoping they will make a sale. :battingeyelashes::)

[Ressie]

If we could only read other people's minds for a day...

[Lexi Moralas]

I think it depends on the SA. I prefer to shop fully dressed but that is rarely possible. There are times especially with younger SA's it seems like they could care less I'm just another customer and they are happy I'm shopping there. One rainbow store loves to see me coming, I keep them from getting stuck with the size 10 shoes on the clearance rack. I've paid as little as $3.00 for really great shoes ( love the rainbow store BTW if the are in your area check it out)
And some times you get some smart ass who is nice , and help full enough but just can't resist saying have a nice day SIR just to let you know you didn't fool them. These SA's are usually at the big discount department stores I've gotten this a couple of times at Burlington coat factory. But I get great stuff there at such amazing deals its worth it. And some times I think the SA is all excited about helping you so they have an unusual story to there friends after work.
But all in all as long as no one is disrespectful it all good. But a real good SA can really make the experience 100 more enjoyable

[Beverley Sims]

What ever type of "different" shopper that approaches them they generally think.... "Another one."
They have seen it all from the downright rude, to the extremely polite.

[Bambi87]

I recently had a make over in a well known store and the sa was more than helpful and actually said she was very excited to work her magic on me :) I had a great time Bambi x

[denese]

most of the time the SA'S do not even ask if i need help and if they do i usually say "just looking" and they go about their job. even the cashiers just ring up the sale since to them it's just another sale. i did have one interesting time in wallyworld though. i was looking through the panties and a SA who was walking past stopped, smiled and said "they would look so good with your eyes" and then walked on. she was not from that department and i felt that this was a sincere comment from her. it made my day.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I've formed friendships with some of the SAs in my home city. I've asked them what they thought when I first went in their shops and whether they have had any other CDers shop there.

Their observations are interesting and instructive. Universally they commented that I was friendly, pleasant and appreciative of their help (all true). They said that it is easy to be friendly to some one who is friendly but less so to someone who is not. They are very open and encouraging of difference and have a 'you only live once' attitude.

I have had the same said to me by hotel staff, airlines, rental cars, cafes, restaurants ... and the list goes on.

The message is to be genuinely friendly and appreciative. It is a good thing if someone feels better about their day because of our interaction with them.

Oh, and one SA said that there was a CDer come into the shop very occasionally. She thinks that he stole clothes. Bummer!!

[Jodi]

I worked as an SA for both New York & Co and the Limited. I know how I thought. My job was to provide top notch service so as to separate as much money from the customer as they were willing to spend.

Experience has taught me, both as an SA and a shopper, well treated cd's in a store spend an awful lot of money. The better the treatment, the more they buy.

My job was to assist and sell, so I would bend over backwards to do both. I had return cd customers.

So, my thoughts--no judgments at all. Good customers that were willing to spend.

Jodi

[Karren H]

Not "Oh isn't that _nice ... he's buying bras for his wife" or "He must have lost a bet"! Lol

[stacycoral]

I think Karren has hit it on the nail, with this statement,

[suzanne]

Of course, all I have to go on is their reaction to me, and ultimately that's all that matters. My latest fave store is in the suburbs. The first time I went in, in drab, I was apprehensive about the reception I would receive from the sales staff. A needless worry, as the first woman I met immediately brightened up when I explained I was shopping for myself. We soon exchanged names and my shopping went smoothly with me buying just one dress. When they saw I was getting overheated in the fitting room, they brought me a bottle of water. Since then, whenever I go in, I am greeted warmly by my male name as if I were family. Whichever SA I get goes to great lengths to find items for me to try on. If one can infer what they are thinking based on that, I would say they enjoy, not merely tolerate, my shopping there. They have told me that while my physical shape is a challenge, they like that I ask for help and I am always polite and respectful. I feel as though I get exactly the same treatment as any female customer.

[Eryn]

Mimi and I went shopping at an outlet mall yesterday. I was dressed in a simple top and long skirt. We visited probably 30+ stores and in virtually every one of them we were greeted courteously as we entered the store.

What did the SAs think? Probably "Wow, look at that height difference!" I'm 5'14" and was wearing 2" heel sandals. Mimi's a foot shorter and was wearing flats.

I honestly don't think that they pegged me as a CDer from an initial glance. People outside of our community just don't think that way. To them I'm a very tall, not very attractive, fiftysomething woman in a world with wide variance in attractiveness and height.

Now, after talking to me, a muggle might suspect that I am not a GG. My voice is not as femme as I wish it were and I may accidentally use a masculine mannerism or two. Even if they do suspect they cannot be sure. so they will default to my obvious presentation.

Most likely, since they see hundreds of customers coming into the store every day, their thoughts are probably on selling merchandise, returning merchandise to the racks, keeping things tidy, and what they will be doing with their SOs after work. I'm just one of the people they encounter during their day.

[Diversity]

I've mostly gotten a friendly reception from SA's. But on one occasion, I very politely walked up to an older SA in a small shop and told her that as a courtesy to her, I was a CD'r and asked her if she would be willing to help me with some items. She flatly told me that she did not wish to do so, as she preferred to only have women in her shop. I said that is okay. I understood that such may be the case, and that is why I approached her in the way I did. I thanked her and walked out.
I believe if we get an 'inner sense' of such a view with an SA, we must be respectful of their feelings (which are not necessarily the feelings of the store, unless the SA is the owner, which could have been the situation in this instance, as it was a small shop), and in fairness recognize that we are 'different to society's norm', and thus should be respectful as long as the SA's are courteous to us.
There are indeed many other shops to visit. The loss is theirs - not ours...
Di
s

[CynthiaD]

As long as you're treated we'll, it doesn't matter what they think. Since we can't read minds, we don't actually know what anyone really thinks of us. Including our best friends, SO's, close family members, etc. We can only interpret based on what others say and do. Usually we're right, but sometimes we're very, very wrong. That's life.

[jjjjohanne]

I have had two interesting comments from SA's. I normally go out as a guy in a skirt if I dress up at all. One clerk, who seemed almost happy that I was a CD, commented on how some of her CD customers were rude and fussed at them about their selection of sizes. Another SA commented offhandedly that she thought she preferred how I was dressed but presenting male. I interpreted that to mean that she found the make-up and the either pretending or disguising as female to be creepy or something.

[smeat]

In all cases I think it's mostly how you act.

If you act nervous and ashamed, expect to be treated like you are doing something wrong. If you're avoiding other customers and hovering, waiting for an opportunity to shop alone, expect to draw attention. Act this way while picking out onions and people will think "Why is this person being strange about onions? What exactly do they want to do with it? I should call the manager!" This effect is amplified by unusual appearance. It goes the other way, too, of course. Your confidence inspires comfort in others. Walk up in full boy mode + skirt and happily start flipping through the ladies clearance rack. You probably won't get a second glance.

My philosophy: We tend to make up stories for strangers as we observe them; our brains do this to rationalize and make sense of our world. Live in your own story, and others will pick up on it. If you dwell on what other people's stories about you might be, then you will likely find yourself living those stories instead of your own.

[GenderCurious Andrea]

I went bra shopping for my wife at Victoria Secret once in drab it was Valentine's day and nobody questioned me and the sales associates were very helpful. I have been thinking of going back with the same story only for me this time. My wife used to work there and she gave me a personal bra fitting at home so getting sized isn't a issue but sizing your self isn't to hard.

[Dalva]

My ex used to work in the shoe section of a national dept store chain. For the first couple of week she would come home and joke about the trans gendered customers. It didn't take long for her to realise these ladies were adding to her commission.

In other words, I think many SA's don't even bother looking at the customer, rather they look at the potential increase in their paycheque.

[brassieres]

I always wondered what SA's think.

Lexi,I only know of one Rainbows location, lol! ;)

[Launa]

Not "Oh isn't that _nice ... he's buying bras for his wife" or "He must have lost a bet"! Lol

Yep, this is exactly what they're thinking!

Now if your shopping at this time of the year then the SA's are thinking that your wife thought it would be a good idea that you dress as a woman for a Halloween party you will both attend!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra, No matter what they are thinking when interacting with a SA, Never let them take control of the situation .

[brassieres]

But the big question is how does he know his bra size? :o :D

[Girl]

I have only praise for the store assistants here in Sweden. In all of the stores and over all of the years that I've been buying clothes, they have always been kind and helpful and always let me try on any clothes I wanted.

[ClaireTaylor]

There's no reason to expect any different range of acceptance from what you'd find anywhere else. I've experienced hostility and extremely helpful staff. My sales go to the latter.

[julia marie]

I saw a post on one of the threads where someone praised Dress Barn associates and how welcoming they are for CDs. I went into a couple of different Dress Barns (en femme) in recent weeks looking for a particular item, and not sure I could afford it, until my third visit and I made the buy. On each visit I was shocked at how friendly they were. When I actually made the buy the clerk not only was fine with my appearance but she was really pushing their frequent shopper card and its benefits. I guess that's proof that some sales reps are perfectly accepting of us.

[brassieres]

Now that is interesting, I will have to consider walking in there sometime.

[Eryn]

...Dress Barn...On each visit I was shocked at how friendly they were. When I actually made the buy the clerk not only was fine with my appearance but she was really pushing their frequent shopper card and its benefits. I guess that's proof that some sales reps are perfectly accepting of us.

Also proof that they realize that a positive experience now will pay off in many sales down the road! CDers love dresses, so they love CDers!

From what I heard, the sales quota for a Dress Barn SA is a hundred dollars in sales per customer. it's no wonder that they are so nice! I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with this, just that they have a vested interest in making our experience as pleasant as possible.

I love the experience but sadly (and perhaps, luckily) the nearest Dress Barn is in my no-fly zone. The next nearest one is 60 miles away which makes a visit there an event. Mimi and I had a great time trying things on and we both found something we liked!

[NicoleA]

I had a brilliant experience with a sales assistant in a lingerie shop today. When she came up and asked me if I could help and whether I was shopping for a gift I said, "This is a little embarrassing but I'm actually shopping for me." She then asked if I meant from their small section of mens' boxers near the front of the store and I said, "No", she just said, "Oh...well, that's not a problem, have a browse and I'll come back to help you in a few minutes". I asked if it would be okay if I used the changing rooms and she said that would be fine and offered to measure me. So I ended up having a professional fitting, and she suggested some other styles that might suit me.

Throughout the whole experience she treated me like it was the most natural thing in the whole world. I ended up buying two bra and brief sets, a slip and some silicone enhancers, and even joined their customer loyalty scheme. I walked out with a huge smile on my face.

[Celeste]

It's tough to envision what could actually be running through their minds,I think we can help the situation out some by smiling and being upbeat though. I've noted the SA's at dressbarn to be super helpful also...I really like it.

[BOBBI G.]

I agree with Celeste. I try and forget bad experiences (comments, weird smiles, etc.) and go on shopping. This happened to me yesterday. In March I went into my local Macy's to but a LBD. Ended up leaving with two, a very nice SA the reason for this. Yesterday I went back there to get something for the approaching winter season. The lady remembered me and assisted me throughout the finding, trying on, and payment process. May cost a little more but the total experience more than makes up for it.

Bobbi

[linda allen]

My feeling is, if I don't know someone and they don't know me, I don't really care what they think in this situation. I "browsed" women's clothing last evening in two stores dressed as a male.

[christiecox74]

My feeling is, if I don't know someone and they don't know me, I don't really care what they think in this situation. I "browsed" women's clothing last evening in two stores dressed as a male.

I agree. I have only ever shopped in male mode and I have always had positive expriences. I even went into a Payless today and tried on some women's shoes while in male mode and the associate was very courteous and even offered to help me find something I might be looking for in particular. She even commented on how nice a pair of shoes was that I tried on.

[Janet Bern]

I have found that they are there to sell products. 90% of them don't care if you are a CD.
In fact many have a great time getting involved with your purchase.
Make sure you are up front and honest and don't try to say its for someone else.. you really look silly and they know you are not truthful.
So don's start off with a "lie".

Buying bras for his wife? come on.. they know its for you.. get real

[michelleddg]

When I go clothes or shoe shopping I'm dolled up to the best of my ability. I'm also pretty self-sufficient, so my only interaction is seeking assistance with a changing room and with checking out. Who really knows whether I'm pretty good at this or deal with sympathetic/well-trained SA's, but have never been treated as anything but another female customer.

Now, for services (hair styling, nails, makeup) I'm not yet a finished product so my interactions are as a dude in the process of getting dolled up. Here again, my experiences have been uniformly positive. I find if I deal with artistes with confidence, friendliness and respect I receive the same in kind. They won't say it, but I think the artistes enjoy the extra challenge. It tests their professional skills and offers variety from the same old same old. Hugs, Michelle

[StarrOfDelite]

Buying bras for his wife? come on.. they know its for you.. get real

Spot on! No husband in his right mind would even think about purchasing a bra for his wife if he's ever seen her shopping. I bet that the average number of bra's which a more or less typical GG shopper would try on in the changing room would be 5-6. Women are very, very picky about fit, support, and strap and cup comfort.

[Shelly Preston]

Buying bras for his wife? come on.. they know its for you.. get real

I am sorry but I think this is a wrong assumption.

What about all those husbands whose wife is housebound.

There are some who may have been asked to get one for their wife for whatever reason.

Would you assume a woman buying boxer shorts is buying them for herself ??



Most sales assistants might try to guess but they cant be sure to be correct all the time.

[ttenneb]

i dont care i'm a customer and spending money in there store

[Alice B]

Does it really matter what they think, as long as they do their job and help you.

[lingerieLiz]

"typical GG shopper would try on in the changing room would be 5-6"

I used to feel guilty if I tried on a few and didn't buy any, but after shopping many times with my wife and women friends I'm amazed at how many they try on.

[GenderCurious Andrea]

To whom ever it may concer
I have a very open relationship with my wife and have brought clothes for her on multiple occasions. And on that note she still has that bra and wears it quite often. And as for fitting you can measure your self easily enough It's not that difficult. I am not going to play the victim in this story I have just shared a part of my life to this forum and if you don't like it I'm sorry.

[SarahSerene]

I have had some really positive experiences with SA's, and only a few negative one's (interestingly, while in drab, and they were no big deal). Couple of quick examples -

First makeover at Ulta - there wasn't a MAC nearby so I setup an appointment at Ulta. The technician was really attentive and did a lot of explaining during the process. I called ahead of time for the appointment and explained that I was CD. They set me up with a tech that had CD/TG experience. I gave her a generous tip. Oh - she also gave me a "shopping list" of what makeup/tools she used, and after the makeover she helped me find the items in-store. I ended up spending about $250 but it was so worth it.

Dress Barn - love this place. I knew from these forums about the $100 goal and on my first trip, in the back of my mind I thought "if this goes well I'm spending that with the SA." As a reference point, the SA was in her late 20's. She was so helpful, friendly, and respectful. It was a great experience, and on top of that - love the clothes here. They feel age appropriate for me and the style I'm looking for. I've returned again and she's remembered me, same experience, etc.

I had a SA at Victoria Secret compliment me (en femme) on my bra choice, saying "I have that exact same bra and it is my favorite!"

[Jenny Doolittle]

Over the years of shopping as jenny dressed from totally male to flamboyant female I have found for the most part S/A's welcoming and professional. I agree that how a shopper presents themselves has a lot to do with the interaction but they are there to preform a professional service to the customer.

On several occasions I have engaged in small talk with the sales staff and the topic of frequency of CD shoppers has come up, nearly all the answers has been the same, "Oh, there are a lot of crossdressed men who shop here!" So, maybe we are not as much a rare breed as we all think.

[Tina B.]

Be glad that SA's have reason to teat you nice, but do you really what to read there minds?
There personal thoughts are just that, and there professional behavior is really all that matters.

[GeorgeA]

Deebra,
I'm #1 on your list and other choice do not apply to me. I have bought skirts, panties and slips and nobody has ever asked a question: why? What do they think? Of course I have no idea and don't really care. An elderly man buying women's things, so what?

[Ayame]

I feel most do not probably care, I do not think I will be the first or last trans/crossdressing person they will see. If anything what is probably running through their mind is "How much longer till my shift is over".

[AnntoAnn]

The other month I was wandering around ASDA clothing section in male mode, saw something I liked and then proceeded to try and find my size. Lost in my own thoughts as I dug around searching, I turned to see a young SA behind me "can I help" she said. I told her the size I wanted so she helped me find it (There was another display with some on) as she handed me it she said "the changing rooms are in the far corner" I was now taken aback by her comment and just said "no that's alright, I think it will fit" she then went on her way. I think they see it more often than we think. A few years ago in Tesco (again male mode) I went to the clothing counter to pay for an item of female clothing and the woman behind the counter said (jokingly) "I think that will suit you" and without batting and eyelash said "I hope so" she just looked at me shocked and apologised as she was just joking, then also suggested I cold try it on before I purchased it. As the clothing section was empty I did.

[KatieGG]

This is something me and my husband talk about a lot actually. My first job when I was 16 was working at Kohls, I had so many people come through my line that they all tended to blur together. I do remember on one of my first days a really big burly man came up with a few dresses. I assumed he was shopping for his wife but that just always stuck out for me for whatever reason.

Shopping with my husband though, we never really get any comments or strange looks. A lot of the time we buy stuff for me and him at the same time and I'm sure the sales assistants and cashiers just assume we are shopping for me. We have noticed other shoppers looking at us sometimes if we are talking loud. We once over heard a group of girls say something along the lines of "that guys seems a little too involved in picking out her dress" and my husband held a dress up to himself and turned to them and asked if they thought he had the boobs to hold it up! lol which caused a lot of giggles.

[Danielle_cder]

honestly deb, i don't care what they think its a waste of time and life I'm here for me

[Lisa Diane]

One day at Wal-mart in drab, on a wild hair and decided I needed to get some heels,hose and a body breifer. At the only open check-out I stood in line quite nervous and red-faced,when I finally got to the register and paid the girl looked me in the eye and said "Have a good time!".
I was shocked that she saw right though me and knew what I was up to!, she probably had seen this before though.
Lisa

P.S. I did go have a GOOD time. LOL

[Nickie]

I did this too just saying ahh what the hell Ill buy what I want. You know when the nerves came? When I was in line and there were guys behind me. Ugh that is nerve wracking. Especially when the clothes look like they just may fit you... ugh lol

[randeegirl]

I am both scared and excited when I take feminine clothing up to a cashier to pay for it. Very rarely do they say anything to me. Never know what they are thinking, but probably not much - just doing their job.

[verytheresa]

Well the cashiers don't bother me much when buying feminine clothes. Sometimes I feel a little funny when I'm going through the racks of bras and panties and dresses and skirts and tops and I get stared at by the other women.

[ReineD]

Like Laura912, I also think the thoughts run the gamut from, "OMG", to "Hope he buys something", to "Oh wow, what a wonderfully liberated individual!".

And then if you have a nice personality and relate well to people, the SAs who might initially find this creepy will likely change their opinions and enjoy dealing with you.

But I think the vast majority will fall under the "Hope he buys something" category. You don't impact their personal lives.

I've been shopping with my SO a lot of times and I unfortunately have seen a few SA's reactions behind my SO's back, when they didn't know that we were together. But they were nice as pie to my SO, which is really the only thing that matters.