Identities?

[Allison Quinn]

Sorry in advance if this is the wrong subsection for this topic i'm still bad at placing them c: thus why I don't really start too many :P

There was a thread earlier about losing your male identity. It got me into thinking about my actual identity well, I have been for a while. At this point i'm not even sure exactly if I identify as male or female internally. I used to think that it was female, but lately i've been quite happy with my body so perhaps i'm just seeing myself as a human who is being true to his or herself. I don't really know anymore xD The whole figuring out just what the hell I am question has been driving me insane.
I dress, it's not for a sexual reason. It really just makes me feel happy. I know that we all have different reasons for dressing but that's simply just mine. I've found a female identity in myself, but the thought of going on HRT and things like that is either wonderful sounding to me, or incredibly scary. Like I know that I would for sure probably ahve been happier if I were just born female but with the situation i'm in now i've been perfectly happy dressing and being treated just like a person instead of a man. In fact the thought of transitioning actually sort of scares me. I know doing it would not have magical effects, and life would probably be harder for me in particular. So i've found the best in what I have right now and I love it, I've been happy with my body and life and I don't want to change any of it.

Now for the question I have really, am I even able to be considered transgendered? I don't really consider myself a male internally, but at the same time i've been quite happy living in the sex of men. I feel as though I can appear female and whatnot and I'm happy. But really it annoys me that I can't figure it out xD Like am I gender fluid, transgendered. Am I just an effeminate man who leans is sort of odd. At this point, i'm trying not to label anything as it is stressful xD I'm happy being me, but I feel as though i'd like to just have some sort of simple easy cut label that I know I can't really have xD

What do you all identify as internally? Did you go through any thinking that you had to go through before you finally understood it.
like i've gone through all this dressing and to a councilor, and now i'm just realizing I don't need to change anything really to be happy. I think all of this is somewhat interesting so it's quite nice to read about and it helps me sift through my own madness xD If this thread has even been done before please direct me there and if this kind of question is not allowed i'm sorry :c

Thank you for reading have a lovely night :)

[Beverley Sims]

Cyan,
You will get a lot of answers here, some controversial and some heavily disagreeing with anything you say.
In my opinion sit and look at yourself quietly without overthinking.
When you dress you want to feel female, when you are with a new girlfriend you want to cast it all off, purge and deny what you do as shameful etc.
I think these are all normal feelings of a heterosexual male.
I don't really know or care.
I have felt like this, I have fantasised with going out with a man and transitioning.
I seem to come back to square one all the time.
I would read what others say and make a decision yourself.
If you are that way inclined and a second opinion is desired you could try a therapist or counselor experienced in these things.
Personally I feel you are quite normal and should carry on life for a while until something positive manifests itself.
Keep dressing, enjoy what you do and do not overthink the situation.
Leave the labels alone also.

[ReineD]

Cyan, I'm going to isolate a few things you've said, and then I'll compare them to a rather novel person that I know.


It got me into thinking about my actual identity well, I have been for a while. At this point i'm not even sure exactly if I identify as male or female internally. I used to think that it was female, but lately i've been quite happy with my body so perhaps i'm just seeing myself as a human who is being true to his or herself.
Like I know that I would for sure probably ahve been happier if I were just born female but with the situation i'm in now i've been perfectly happy dressing and being treated just like a person instead of a man.
In fact the thought of transitioning actually sort of scares me. I know doing it would not have magical effects, and life would probably be harder for me in particular. So i've found the best in what I have right now and I love it, I've been happy with my body and life and I don't want to change any of it.

You are starting out your adult life at a time when society is just beginning to recognize that not everyone on this planet is cis-hetero-normative. Gays have rights, and transsexuals hold public office and teach. Some people may not be happy about that, but I'd say there are many more people of your generation who take it in as a fact rather than condemn it.

In prior generations people didn't understand very much. The vast majority of people felt that we either had to be female or male and there was nothing in between other than people who were sick. This has proven wrong and last century's studies conducted by pioneers in trans-research are now being built upon and finding their way into the mainstream though the form of better laws, which in turn causes more general awareness. I'm not just speaking of transsexuals here, I'm also referring to a significant part of the Transgender community: the Gender Non-Conforming (or bi-gender, or gender fluid).

As controversial as what I'm about to say might be, genetic women who were on the masculine side have been better accepted by prior generations than genetic men who expressed femininity. I think the rules are beginning to relax a bit for the members of your generation.

That said, I know a genetic female who in prior generations would have called herself a transman. I use the pronoun "she", because this is how she refers to herself now. She is in her late 20s, early 30s. She is a female-attracted individual who has absolutely no desire to express any femininity whatsoever. None. She has a male haircut, a rather square male body, she decidedly buys all her clothes in men's stores, and the thought of wearing makeup, heels, skirts, etc is deeply distasteful to her. At the same time, she seeks no hormone therapy, she will not change her voice, she will not get a mastectomy nor will she ever think of having a penile implant.

I had a rather lengthy conversation with her some years ago and asked why she referred to herself as "she" and why she was not transitioning, given that her gender identity was decidedly male. She told me that after much consideration (and I'm guessing quite a bit of anguish), she had decided to HONOR who she is, which is a genetic female born with a male gender identity. An amalgamation of both genders. She said that she was entrenched in the lesbian community, they were her family, her sisters, and her lovers, and she did not want to ostracize herself from them by dishonoring her female body.

I met her through a trans-group and there are others like her. As stated previously there are likely more male-gendered genetic females who decide to honor their birth sex, than there are female-gendered genetic males who decide to do the same. But hopefully society is changing to the point where genetic males from your generations will be able to do the same. I dare say that the concept of androgyny is becoming much more mainstream than it ever was, in the sense it emphasizes the idea that gender is not black and white.

I thought that her approach was awesome. She was proud of everything that she was. Frankly, I have no idea what label she assigned herself. But the description "Gender Non-Conforming" seems to fit.




Now for the question I have really, am I even able to be considered transgendered?

Are you transgender? Yes, if your definition of transgender is anyone who is not cisgender. You definitely are not cisgender. But if you define the term "transgender" as transsexual (a deep knowledge that one is decidedly not the gender of their birth-sex and to whom their sexual characteristics are distasteful in addition to their assigned birth-sex gender roles), then based on what you've said above, I don't think you are transsexual.

[Kate Simmons]

I identify internally simply as myself. The gender is optional and not my main concern while operating in this world. What others may peg me as is up to them Hon.:battingeyelashes::)

[Rachelakld]

Hi Cyan, internally and externally I'm a male, with touch of girly topping.
I'm also very happy with the combination and I get to hang with females while the blokes watch football.
I'll let the future worry about what may change in my life