This is how I feel

[Nanci]

I just wanted to follow up a bit more about the jenellerose article referenced in a previous thread. The article was entitled, "Conservative men in conservative dresses". I didn't want to hijack that thread entirely so thought I'd start my own. This is the article that was cited, and it was a very enjoyable read for me.

http://jenellerose.com/htmlpostings/conservative_men.htm

I just had to say more about this. I know it doesn't speak for everyone. This forum has a wide variety of CD'ers and many different perspectives. But as for me, the description contained here suits me almost perfectly. I have pondered many times the universal question that we face which is, "Why do I have this unexplainable, and uncontrollable, urge to dress up in women's clothes?" It's not that I lose sleep over this question, however. I just go with the flow and enjoy the experience whenever I can. :)

But one small section, in particular, in this article caused me to smile and nod in recognition as I saw myself expressed very well.

"Cross-dressing is an attempt to resolve an internal conflict, and it's not about fabric. If we had clothing for men and women that was identical in every way except men wore shirts with four buttons and women had shirts with five, cross-dressers would want more than anything to have the shirt with five. We don't know why."

It's not the fabric, or the colors, or the cut, or the style of the clothes necessarily. For example, I have no interest in wearing a kilt because that's a "skirt" made for a man. I walk around the house in a bathrobe and don't for a second get the sensation that I'm wearing a dress. I have viewed their web site with amusement but have no interest in buying or wearing "manties". Nor do I get any thrill out of wearing men's nylon bikini briefs in baby blue, even without a fly. It's just not the same. . .

All these things are similar in style and cut to women's things, but they don't do anything for me. Any time that I have gone out of the house dressed in recent years has had to be dressed completely in women's clothes from head to toe. There was a time in my early years when it was fun to wear panties and a bra under my everyday clothes, or even pantyhose a time or two. But that has lost its appeal, too. If I'm going anywhere en femme, it has to be completely head to toe. Not that I can pass, at anything less than about 50 yards, :grin: but just because that's the way that is most satisfying to me.

Time spent at this site, and a couple of other CD forums prior to this, has been a great source of reassurance and reinforcement that I'm not alone. I'm not amazed by it anymore, but I am always pleased to read some post that describes something that I have felt or experienced. Something that causes me to say, "That's me, too." Or, "I understand that completely!"

And that's what this article did for me. I am still smiling at the thought that someone else fully understands that I have to wear the 5 button shirt. :wink:

And actually I know that virtually everyone reading this post understands that desire very well. I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this. Thanks!!!

Nanci

[Jennifer47]

To me its just not the clothes but the grace women have when wearing them. The clothes can be bought in a store, but it takes observation, learning and execution of that grace to create the crossdressing illusion. Think about it. If birds were in the habit of smacking into trees, would humans have wanted to learn to fly?

[suanne]

Thanks Nanci. That is a very good article. I can really relate to it just like you. I think it comes as close as any other for defining my feelings and am in agreement with 99% of it. One thing about being in the closet is being or should I say accept being alone. That is until I discovered the forum. I have since made some friends and have for the first time in around 50 years of crossdressing been able to talk to someone else about the hidden me. This feels sooooooo...good.:thumbsup:

Suanne

[Wenda]

Thankyou for posting that article, Nanci. For me, it is spot on. I played with dressing when I was young, and then mostly left it after I was married and raising a family.
A divorce, a huge career change, several epiphanies, and on a trip to Calgary, I chanced into an adult store. I didnt enter looking for crossdressing things, but I left in full flight. it was exciting to chat with the salesperson about tops, breastforms, skirts, and, especially shoes and boots. They had a delicious pair of shiny, black, high-helled, thigh-high boots. I had to try them on in the change room because I had to remove my pants. I was so excited, my hands were shaking. They were too small, but Pandoras box had been opened, and there was no easy way to close it. I bought a great (****ty) black pvc skirt with lace-up sides, and on my way out of town, bought a couple of bras, a set of breast forms, a pair of shoes and some stockings.
My gif was a bit unnerved when I shared this with her, but I didnt push it, and she has come to understand Wenda as another person who may be with us, or may not.
I feel that dressing has somehow made me more aware of femme issues, and given me a bit more closeness to several female friends. When someone gets a new hairstyle, and you later email her to say how great it looks, they appreciate it. My gf likes Wenda as a shopping buddy, but has no intention of relinquishing the male me to her. Similarly, although we have played with some dom roles, I have no interest in a gender change. I am quite content as a male, but, I love being female from time to time.
I dont understand it, cant explain it, not going to try. Just going to enjoy it, and be me. Thanks again for the article,

[Cassandra Marie]

"If we had clothing for men and women that was identical in every way except men wore shirts with four buttons and women had shirts with five, cross-dressers would want more than anything to have the shirt with five. We don't know why."

Nowhere before have I ever seen it spelled out more simply and to the point. I can say with an accuracy of damn near 100% that's exactly what would happen in my case. I'd be out shopping for 5 button shirts for no other reason than because it's what a female wears and by wearing one myself it would bring me that much closer to being feminine. I'm sure that I'd get a few stares and giggles from others if I were to be caught wearing it in public. When I got home I would get on the internet and visit the Five Buttoner Forum website and tell all the other "FB's" out there about my experience.

[carolynhcd]

I just love being Carolyn and can't imagine going back to pretending to be a man. End of story