Important Decision Pending...

[Victoriana]

Hi girls,

Whether you know this or not I am trying to get more insight about why we crossdress for a particular reason. I have crossdressed since young and I made a decision to just stop entirely, which worked...for awhile. Approx. 6-7 years (I lost count actually) with a partial relapse (couple items) and dressed in full a year ago. So here is the predicament. I know two things:

1 - I don't know if I can stop these crossdressing urges but I know that if I try again I have the best chance to make it so and think I can do it (regardless of what anyone says :battingeyelashes:).
2 - I also know that if I do dress (which sounds fun at the moment) it will throw me deeper into the fog that I believe is the color pink.

So, I have maybe $800 to spend (not really but the urge says I do lol). The way I look at it, I can buy a dress, skirt, top, one bra, a set of panties, couple of stockings and pantyhose, one pair of pumps, breast forms, two wigs, and for the make up: one lipstick, urban decay eye shadow, dermablend foundation and powder, mascara, eyeliner, bronzer, blush, make up remover, nail polish...and some other stuff.

or,

Something I like (could be anything, think of a hobby you like as much if not more than crossdressing and ask if you would forgo the feminine stuff for that full amount?).

So do I stop for good? Or do I dress? Consider both and advise on both if you can. Help me out...I need to figure this out! :eek:

Victoriana :D

[Karren H]

Personally if I only had $800 to spend and I thought I had the slightest chance to quit.... Id go buy a new pair of hockey skates and a stick.... maybe two sticks!

[Jennifer in CO]

same here as Karren - I'd be buyin parts for the racecar...or at least one part....

[cdmorganashley]

i don't think i understand why you want to stop dressing? also to me $800 is a lot and i don't see why you can't spend some on girly stuff and some on something else?

*Karren how much do skates cost? if you can only pair one pair of skates and two sticks for $800??!!!

[Karren H]

My Reebok 9K pump skates were $550.....

[kimdl93]

Evidently, you feel that CDing, if not "wrong", may be wrong for you, and by your statement, you are willing to make an effort to quit. I won't tell you that its impossible. It may be possible for you.

Just put the money aside for a while and take another break from CDing. If you're still on the roller coaster there is no reason to spend money on clothes you may not want some time from now.

[marciaanne]

I've tried to quit many times and I've come to accept that it won't go away and to enjoy if when the moments strike me.

[cdmorganashley]

that's a lot of panties and lipstick Karren!!! i would quit hockey =P

also i like kim's advice to "sleep on it" and put the money aside and see how you feel after giving it some time... i would also agree that if you are trying to quit because you feel dressing is not working for you you may be able to quit, however, if you are trying to quit because of pressure from others, or something like that i think it's gonna be really tough, because your true desire would still be to be dressing...

i will share that i have tried to quit a number of times and was able to for over a year sometimes, but denying that part of myself expression really made me feel depressed and kept me from doing something that brings me a lot of happiness--i won't be quitting again and that makes me feel really good.

[Victoriana]

Evidently, you feel that CDing, if not "wrong", may be wrong for you, and by your statement, you are willing to make an effort to quit. I won't tell you that its impossible. It may be possible for you.

Just put the money aside for a while and take another break from CDing. If you're still on the roller coaster there is no reason to spend money on clothes you may not want some time from now.

Thanks, I appreciate your answer and I have thought about that. Maybe I should wait this out even though I want to buy some clothes and dress. I can sabotage myself and buy like a HUGE stereo system lol. :heehee: Then I won't have money for dressing and will have no choice! :) But I have had a break for a year and about 6 years before that so this will be a hard break to do when I want to suddenly dress so much! And crossdressing is not wrong at all but I seem to think it may not be the best thing for me in the long term. I definitely do not want to pay $800 for clothes I really like only to toss them in a purge! Oh gosh this is difficult. :eek:

Thanks again everyone.

[RADER]

My Reebok 9K pump skates were $550.....

Karren:
I saw a Pick Up Truck with a $ 600.00 down payment tag on it and only $ 250.00 a month.
The skates are cute alright, but a Pick-Up is the way to go.

For the $ 800.00. I would go slow and fill in your wardrobe a you like....Say a skirt and top,
Panties and some bras, than some forms, etc.
Have fun, you will never quit forever, so enjoy.
Rader

[Rachelakld]

A cheap coffin caus I won't be breathing.
$800, weekend away with family in a new top and skirt.

[NathalieX66]

[QUOTE=Rachelakld;3317331]A cheap coffin caus I won't be breathing./=[QUOTE]

I sincerely hope you are not serious.

$800? Hmm, another guitar definitely. Or put it to my hair removal budget.

[suchacutie]

It looks like you are trying to solve a long-term situation with a short-term solution.

Where do you want to be in 3 years? Does allowing yourself time for your feminine self interfere with this 3-year goal? Or does your femme self interfere with any of your goals? If there is no interference, is your life so full that you can't cull some time or reprioritize to make some time?

If your femme self is going to interfere with life in the short term, but not in the long term, invest the money for the time when you will be ready to use it en femme. If your life prohibits a long-term self en femme, spend the money and move on.

If you can't move on, go back 2 paragraphs and try again :)

tina

[Jenny Gurl]

My Reebok 9K pump skates were $550.....

Leave it to Karen to find a pair of skates in a pump. :heehee:

[lingerieLiz]

So you say -- So, I have maybe $800 to spend (not really but the urge says I do lol. Why not put it in the bank for a rainy day? Or spend 10% of it and either buy a hobby toy or do some due diligence and purchase a set of clothes for $80 by shopping smart. You can buy a name brand bra for $10 at Marshals. Panties run $3 and tops and jeans maybe another $40 or so. That leaves you enough for inexpensive makeup to practice with.

[Victoriana]

It looks like you are trying to solve a long-term situation with a short-term solution.

Where do you want to be in 3 years? Does allowing yourself time for your feminine self interfere with this 3-year goal? Or does your femme self interfere with any of your goals? If there is no interference, is your life so full that you can't cull some time or reprioritize to make some time?

If your femme self is going to interfere with life in the short term, but not in the long term, invest the money for the time when you will be ready to use it en femme. If your life prohibits a long-term self en femme, spend the money and move on.

If you can't move on, go back 2 paragraphs and try again :)

tina

Thanks for your answer and to those who do answer the actual question. This is more or less a serious question but everyone seems to be answering the "fun" part and joking. That is fine, I value those who do try to help. And yes, your jokes are funny (not all of them though, sorry). I know most on here don't understand why one would want to quit. It is hard because you really don't know their circumstances and reasons. Could be bc a SO or work or whatever.

Tina, you brought up an interesting question. I guess it does interfere. I can make time for it but it does end up as a distraction and I don't know where crossdressing will take me. I do know that if I do dress now I most likely won't try to quit as much as I have. I definitely need to ponder that of what you said as well as some others.

Thanks. :)

[MysticLady]

So, I have maybe $800 to spend

That's almost a million dollars at, Goodwill:D

[Allesandra Rhodes]

This gives me an idea. You could contribute to a good cause. Like the Allesandra needs 800 dollars in clothes from Goodwill fund :battingeyelashes:

[Brooklyn]

Maybe take some ballroom lessons... The only thing better than dressing is dancing!

[Beverley Sims]

Put the money in storage, like a bank.
Do not purge it.
Put your clothes in a bag and store them, in the attic, sorta like a bank with no interest paid.
"Do not purge them."
Find an outside interest like a new GF, if married try something else that is interesting.
This takes your mind off dressing and if you keep getting other interests all the time you may beat it.

There is no nicotine patch for crossdressing. :)

[giuseppina]

Here's a practical idea for the long term: How about three or four sessions with a qualified gender counsellor? Most of the otherwise good ideas above are focused on the short term.

[linda allen]

You're asking strangers on the Internet if you should stop crossdressing? It's up to you. Entirely up to you. Nobody is forcing you to do it. When you get up in the morning it's your choice - pants and shirt or skirt and blouse. It's your body and you have control over it.

This is something you have to decide for yourself. We aren't in your situation and we don't know you that well.

As for the money, again, it's for you to decide. Don't let people talk you into spending a bunch of money and then regret it later.

[stefan37]

[QUOTE=Rachelakld;3317331]A cheap coffin caus I won't be breathing./=[QUOTE]

I sincerely hope you are not serious.

$800? Or put it to my hair removal budget.

I second this

[EllenJo]

Sorry Victoriana but I don't quite get where you are trying to go. You keep posting about wanting to quit crossdressing. That's fine and I respect it if that is your choice. If I were you and serious I would not be on this forum at all. I would be going to a crossdressers anonymous group or thereapy. ($800 would go a long way for thereapy). You are asking a forum full of dedicated crossdressers about how to quit. Kind of like going to a bar and expecting advice on quiting drinking. Guess I just don't get it.
Ellen Jo

[Marcelle]

Hi Victorianna,

The one question you did not answer was "why you want to quit". Is it something in your life that CDing is interfering with? Or have you come to the realization it is not for you?

I know it is not the same thing but when I quit smoking many, many years ago, I did it for health reasons so I knew why I wanted to quit. I then took what would equate to one year of smoking (in dollars) bought a bond and locked that bond in a safety deposit box. If I could quit smoking for one year, I would take that bond and spend if frivolously on me. At the end of one year, I no longer smoked and went on a nice vacation.

With CDing, I don't know if it is just a matter of quitting but it will depend on why you do it. Smoking is a chemical addiction so fighting the urge takes some doing but it can be done. CDing, not sure there, it might be chemical or it might be psychological . . . nobody really knows.

So once again, why do you want to quit? If you have a motivating reason, then quitting cold Turkey might work if the reason is important. In the interim, put the money aside and wait. It might be wise to speak to someone who is a specialist in this area to understand why you dress as that might help give you clarity as to the voracity of your ability to stop.

Hugs

Isha

[ReineD]

IMO it depends on your motives for the CDing.

If you have a solid male gender identity and the CDing is sometimes or always a fun sexual thing to do, then in my opinion you could set it aside if you think that it will get in the way of a future relationship, or even get in the way of your general focus (if for example you choose to forego other fun things to do and the CDing kinda forces you to begin to isolate). You might need help in doing so though, rather than go cold turkey. A lot of people do different things out of compulsion and it really isn't easy to get this under control.

On the other hand if you can keep it under control and reach a balance with it which would not force you to isolate, there are GGs like me who can and do come to terms with the CDing.

However, if your gender identity truly waivers between male and female (that is, if you're not confusing a feel-good hormonal or neurotransmitter reaction to the dressing with feeling that this must then be what it feels like to feel feminine), then IMO it might be impossible to quit.

Nutshell: anyone can stop compulsive behaviors that they feel get in the way of living a full, self-actualized life (even though it's not easy). But, an attempt to stop a behavior that reflects inherently who you are, I don't think would be successful.

[katssun]

I started CD when I was young, just into the double digits. I just never realized it was that much of a part of me until much later. I think I "quit" for about 9 years, but even before that it was really only a once a month thing. I went through numerous "great purges." Once I got my own place, years later, I started rebuilding, and began doing it once a week, then more often.

At first it was for sexual fun, but the more I did it, the less it was about the kink and the more it was about the comforting feeling of being both sides of me. The point is, we all have individual reasons for doing what we do, and they're all mostly unique.

I have too many hobbies to do all of them at the same time, but honestly...If I had $800 to kick around, it would go right into the savings account. There's time to spend it later. There are hobbies you do every week or every month, and then there are "10 Year Hobbies" that you've planned to get into for years, but aren't in a situation to just dive in.

I don't think any of us can answer the question for you about what you should do, but you should sleep on it, maybe even write down your thoughts on paper. Not a list of pros and cons, but just a list of Whys. Why do you feel you want to quit (and so on down the chain, these would be your personal reasons), why do you think you are being pulled back into it, why do you think another hobby will distract you or why do you think it will work, why does it need to work, and so on.

It can be hard to convey the reason you want to do something without really knowing why you want it. If you're already past that stage, you should be the only one to make that choice.