I thought I was doing ok but....

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Hello everyone, I was hoping to see if anyone here has had similar thoughts as myself as of late. I am happily married and my wife accepts me but I don't think it's only about clothes. Dressing puts me in a frame of mind of being a woman and I feel at peace with myself. Lately, I have been looking on various internet sites for people who are accepting of crossdressers and I get the impression most are sexual in nature. I have been looking for others to accept my femininity but am afraid that I may be putting my own best interests aside in my quest for acceptance from others. This makes me feel very guilty in that I would never dream of doing anything I considered cheating on my wife as she has always been there for me. I don't want to put myself or my marriage at risk and these feelings I have make me feel like such an ass. It has been awhile since I have been out dressed. Has anyone else ever had such a desire to be treated as a woman that you did something stupid? I am afraid to talk to my wife about these feelings because I don't want her to feel I may stray. I haven't seen my psychologist in quite a while. I hope I don't sound like a terrible person. Maybe just looking for reassurance that I'm not. Sorry to dump my problem here. Thanks for any advice. Hugs:sad:

[kimdl93]

I don't know if I can offer reassurance. You're not a terrible person for having feelings of wanting "to be treated like a woman". Depending on what that means to you, it could be either a harmless, romanticized notion or a genuine threat to a real relationship with a loving and accepting wife. So, put that aside. If you can't manage that by yourself, enlist the support of your psychologist.

I would suggest that you do not tell your wife about these feelings...and that you stay away from the websites that cater to admirers searching for girls like you and me.

[Tracii G]

Don't cheat on your wife ever you will lose in the end and be miserable.
I wouldn't tell her about how you feel because she will feel you don't love her anymore.
If you want to be treated as a woman maybe you can go out with her and ask her to treat you like a GF.I know its not what you are talking about but maybe that can help a little.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I think it's the romanticized version for sure. I would never dream of actually cheating with anyone. I am just bothered by these feelings.

[Kate Simmons]

You never have to be ashamed of yourself or your feelings Hon. There are lots of good friends here you can talk to about your feelings. Everyone wants to be cherished , appreciated and loved for who we are. If we get in touch with our so called "softer" feelings and really make them our own, they empower us really. Feel free to ask me anything anytime my friend.:)

[cdmorganashley]

i think its normal to fantasize about various different scenarios, and it certainly doesn't mean you have to act on them... if you are saying that you find yourself being attracted to men i would say again that this doesn't mean you have to act on these feelings... i would encourage you to try and think outside the box into ways that you and your wife could explore some of what you are fantasizing about... i may be totally misunderstanding you, but maybe you could role play opposite gender roles on a dinner date, or get creative in the bedroom with some toys similar to what a man has.. anyway i think there are a lot of ways you could be made to feel more feminine and most of them don't have to involve infidelity... you're definitely not a horrible person to explore what you want and what will make you happy, but i hope you resolve yourself not to do anything that you know you may regret or that may hurt your wife.

[Beverley Sims]

When looking at nefarious sites on the internet your mind does wander and your imagination tends to take charge.
You fantasize and it is not harmful as long as you do not lose sight of reality.
A good jolt to help you is remember you are happily married and would not swap it for the world.
As for sharing these thoughts with your wife, remember there are a lot of things better left unsaid.
Fantasies are just that fantasies.

[Rachelakld]

I agree, let fantasies stay as fantasies (like I have with 2 or more girls), the reality will cost everyone you love very dearly, so stay away from those sites, not only is it adding temptation, but also leaves a trace on your PC for wife to find.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Thank you for all your responses. I think the reason it bothers me so much is the fact that my wife is such a wonderful person. We have been married 22 years and when I told her about the Tiffany part of me she hardly blinked an eye. She asks me for husband time when she needs it and I am totally ok with this. Maybe I just need a girlfriend night out with my wife as we haven't done that in a while. I don't find myself attracted to men especially, just the feeling of femininity if that makes any sense.

[linda allen]

I wouldn't suggest meeting men even on-line as a female. It's pretty close to cheating even if it isn't physical.

If you want to be "treated as a woman" (sexually or otherwise), there are ways your wife can do that if she's willing.

[Rachael Leigh]

These feelings are normal at times especially when you realize why is it we do this. Most here began doing this at a young age and deep in our minds it was out of a need for attention. Now why we didn't want to be caught there was a part of us that did because even if that would be negative attention it was still attention. So many aspects of this is selfish and when the feelings come up to want to be thought of as a women come in its natural, we see a women in the mirror she should be pampered and taken care of. I do agree with those on here if your marriage is strong don't do anything you will regret. Role playing with your wife would oh so much better

[NicoleScott]

I believe that we own our fantasies with no obligation to share them with anyone. Behavior is something else. For all I know, my wife is thinking of Brad Pitt when I want to believe she's thinking about me. We can use fantasies to our benefit but they can get us trouble if they let us forget our vows.

[Laurie A]

Tiffany,
I second Nicole's opinion, and I don't think you are a horrible person for having such thoughts. I think this is a good place to dump problems like this. You can find friends here who will accept and appreciate your femininity with out feeling like you are cheating on your spouse.
Dela

[Caitlin_85]

I would seriously not put the marriage at risk over this. You have a wife that some only dream of...in accepting of the feminine side of you. That's just simply amazing. I would not mention these thoughts to her. I would simply stick to expressing your feelings to the members on this site and leave it at that. Some of us search forever for someone to spend our lives with and never find them...you already have someone that from all indications - loves you unconditionally. Treasure it and don't jeopardize it. Have fantasies about scenarios...but let them be after that. Real life is real life.

[suchacutie]

Fantasies can be very healthy, but what we do about them can be very distructive.

Bottom line is that you are in a committed relationship, and one that has given you the opportunity to express both of your gendered selves. This is such an advantage! I suggest you use this advantage and funnel your feminine feelings through that marriage relationship, and you will find that path to be fantastic! And other path will be devastating!

Live that dream world through your marriage and it can only become stronger.

[Requal Jo]

Tiffany, at this time I am in femme mode and feel very feminine . This is my short time escape and fantasy from the real world. As suggested by a number of girls, I recommend you stay away from the other sites. They can be are very misleading. I strongly support the recommendations of not telling your wife but sharing your time with her as her GF.

[nethiker55]

You have nothing to be ashamed of. It is a natural extension of dressing (the ultimate acceptance) A great many of us have the same feelings. Just remember what is truely important in your life to have an SO who is accepting is huge and you do not want to throw that away for temporary gratification. Try going out with you SO as her GF and see how that goes, if other's accept you as her GF it may help to satisfy those feelings.

[Lorileah]

Reality rarely lives up to your fantasies. Dream on, but don't tell your wife and don't try thi sat home (or anywhere...I can tell you what men want even when they say they don't)

[Marcelle]

Hi Tiffany. I can only echo what others have said in that you are not a horrible person for having those feelings. I would though take time to talk to your psychologist to put some perspective on it.

Hugs

Isha

[NathalieX66]

Tiffany, I understand your position.

I have been out & about in public as you see me for 3¾ years....January 23, 2010 is the exact date that I begun this journey. I'm not a full-timer, at least in this this stage in my life, maybe some day, maybe never. That's all fine and good. Being a girl in public rocks! That's all I can say in a nutshell. I've been just about everywhere, and "flew pretty" (Baltimore to Atlanta) as Nathalie last month for the first time.

The reality is that There are two stages of acceptance:

One, Self acceptance. When you realize that you are a crossdresser, or you are transgender, or possibly transsexual (the part where your brain says "I'm female"). This is when you've gotten past the denial part where you think you can tell yourself that you can overcome it. The realization and conclusion that, simply, you are you.

That's actually the easy part.

Two, braving the big bad world, and coming out to other people: wife, family, parents, etc. In reality, there are no perfect solutions. Being out at the local mall or a restaurant is easy. Telling someone you know has it's risks, and you can possibly find yourself alienated, or worse.

You live in Missouri, I live on the East coast where there are communities of tall skyscrapers in a string of literally 500 miles. Meeting people of all "stripes and types" in the transgender community is a luxury I probably take for granted. That's not a knock on you. I have been fortunate to meet other crossdressers who have loving & and accepting wives, a couple of them happen to be well off lawyers and doctors.

My suggestion is to find a local transgender support group in your area, they can help you out as they did for me. What stinks about being a CD or TG or TS is it's about as confusing to us as it is to everyone else, including our loved ones.

[Stephy]

Tiffany, I was in a similar position a few months ago. I was feeling a very strong urge to express my feminine side and be treated by others as female. I, like you, searched the internet looking for sites where CDs could meet others that were accepting of us. I tried to rationalise it to myself that I deserved to feel accepted as me, and since my wife is not accepting, I had no choice but to look outside the marriage. I came very close to contacting others who claimed to be into CDing (amongst adventurous sexual activities) thinking that I might be able to have a platonic friendship with them. I am very glad that I did not go through with that. I am pretty sure it would have led to me cheating on my wife. Instead I joined a CD support group that meets once a month. It is an opportunity to dress and interact with others without any expectations of sexual activity. I think you should consider yourself fortunate that your wife allows you to share that part of yourself with her and should not look at using the services of sex-based meeting sites. If you need the interaction with others, join a cd support group rather. I know this was the right choice for me.

[Genny B]

Does this bring back memories. Great answers here too! Been there and understand exactly what your going through. I can remember breaking down in tears at one point, but I basically did what many others are recommending and I have to agree with them! Glad I kept my kewl and let time heal me.
Genny B

[Jackie7]

Lot of good advice here, for me the solution has been going out with my wife as girlfriends, and also occasionally with us both crossdressed. but we are blessed to live close to big cities, we have found friends who accept and enjoy us however we are dressed. we both feel free to chat and flirt with men and women, because we are together in this and we will always go home together.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Thank you all so much! I talked with my wife earlier today ( not about the fantasies mind you) and we realized that between work and kids we have not spent much time together for about 3 weeks and, frankly, we were both lonely for one another. We have planned a night out for ourselves on Tuesday and I am really looking forward to it, be it in girl or boy mode. Maybe I was just a little lonely and let my imagination get away from me. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I really appreciate everyone here for helping me keep a good perspective on things and all you support. You are all the greatest! I feel so much better after talking with my wife and everyone here.

[Sejd]

Hi Tiffanyselkoe, it is lucky that you can do the "Man" thing sexually. I've long given up on that one because I simply can't do the "Man" thing in bed. But I don't think your wife nesecarily need to go out with you as a girlfriend. That's asking of her all of a sudden to be a lesbian, and I think it is unfair. If you could find some support group of TS, CD's or whatever, then you could get your "Girl time" and not ask too much of her. It sounds like the two of you have a great marriage otherwise, so why blow it now? Good luck :0)
Sejd

[Alice Torn]

If i was married, and the wife allowed me to dress, i would feel very fortunate to have her. But, i am an old bachelor, and have met several admirers, but had boundries. It is not that great. Stay true to your precious wife.

[BarbaraVa]

I had a time where I was looking for something more and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. Fortunately I was forgiven, but it's not truly forgotten. I know I would never be inclined to look for more again, but it's Impossible to just have the past disappear.

[Cami.Aeris]

Hi Tiffany,

I think that the best way for you from this situation is to find the people who what to accept you as both a crossdresser and just a friend.

They do exist! :) It many seem that many people want only one or the other, but if you seek it out, and are strong with your boundaries, you will find it!