Someone's stolen my steering wheel!

[SallyS]

Metaphorically speaking.

Today is a rare day for me. A day when I can be en-femme just for the briefest of moments.

I've been spoilt in the past few years, where 2 or 3 days a week I could just be myself...and be happy.

life changes and things aren't the same. Before I felt 'complete', 'Rounded', 'Sane'.......now I'm direction less, someone's stolen my steering wheel.

The women inside of me, the one I felt so connected too all these years, has been caged, for now. Maybe for the next couple of years (family stuff etc.) I'll have deal with what feels like a loss, something important I can't function normally without.

Maybe I'm being a little over-dramatic, but it sure feel's real to me.

I'm struggling to cope without her, I'm moody, depressed, lost and in a state of perpetual frustration. The only good thing to come from it is I now know just how important she is to me:)

Just need to know how others get through prolonged periods without being able to express their female sides? I'm struggling!!!

[Cynthia Anne]

Hi Sally! When things seems ''out'' of control it may be time to let someone lead you into the right direction! So stay in touch with us! There are some of the best leaders here that can lead you back to happiness! Hoping the best for you!

[Beverley Sims]

Sally,
I know it sounds bad for now, we discourage boarders for the sme reason.
You will soon adjust and learn to get around the problem.
So, don't get frustrated too quickly.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My girl side always comes back with a vengeance when life's circumstances cause her to be put away for a while. "A while" consisting of more than 1 week. At this point my fear would be my girl side becoming so cranky that I just decide to say the heck with it and out myself, as opposed to going the discomfort of keeping her bottled up, which has almost happened several times, and it's taken my wife's persistence that I not do that. Basically this occurs whenever we have family members and friends who do not know about my girl side. Look for the small opportunities when they present themselves no matter how small or little time the present.:2c:

[wanagione]

I know how you feel! I finally had a day to be myself on wed. It was wonderful. It was almost a year since I had such a day. I got through those days with out full expression by remembering my true self. By doing things that make me feel more feminine, like taking a long bath, lighting candles, read feminine blogs. I have a friend , a gg, who i would just talk to more often and she would call me amy instead of my male name. It was tough but it helps. IT's kinda a doulbe edge sword but i does help.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sally, It's so sad to hear about a sister going through something like this.
We are always here for you.

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry to hear that you're being constrained by circumstances. I recall that you said this was coming. My first thought is try to find some distractions that will keep your mind off the confinement. the second is to find some alternate path to escape the confinement...without knowing what that path might be.

[Kate's at home]

Remember Sally...boundaries. Even if once a week for just a few hours, be Sally fully. You owe it to yourself. After all, I think for most of us, this is critical to staying grounded within ourselves, sane, and 'normal'.

Good luck,

Kate

[SallyS]

I know how you feel! I finally had a day to be myself on wed. It was wonderful. It was almost a year since I had such a day..........

a YEAR!!!! I struggle when I can't be en-femme for a week:D

Decided to grow my nails and get in shape during this restrictive phase of my life. Might be 2 dress sizes smaller on the other side of the tunnel!

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes when we are used to doing certain things on a routine, it becomes hard when we get constrained. Keeping things alive in our mind helps. This is one way I survived two hardship tours in a war zone while in the Army. Knowing who we are and being in touch with our real feelings helps as well.:battingeyelashes::)

[Debra Russell]

Yes - I am in the same boat - it's been two years since I have been able to let my trapped other side escape for more than a hurried episode in frustration, just over run with too much of the "life gets in the way" syndrome - hoping for a change soon. --- Hang in there Sally I feel your pain.......................Debra

[Chickhe]

Find a way to be out in plain sight without committing to any life change.... I did this with Halloween. I explain nothing, I just do it and I feel good to express myself and I can return to my usual life with something to remember. That way all the shock is gone and the people who don't like it can understand it was just a costume...

[Michelle789]

There's a saying that under difficult circumstances, we reveal our true colors. This so holds true with our girl sides. When we're under highly stressful situations, or circumstances where our girl side has to be locked up for an excessive amount of time (and what is considered excessive varies from person to person), we learn just how strong our girl side really is and how often we need to express that....in the most extreme cases revealing you're a TS and need to transition, but once again that's only if you're TS to begin with. If you're not TS you won't need to transition but may very well decide to progress to the next level, such as if you're a closeted CD you may come out of the closet, or you may decide to reveal your girl side to people you never thought you would come out to, or you're desire to dress may go from once per week to 3-4 times per week.

I've been going through a difficult circumstance myself, having no job for more than a year. You might be thinking, if I have no job, and I'm single and live alone, why in the H am I freaking out, if I have all the time in the world to CD. The truth is, having no job is very stressful, and there's a lot of unknowns in what your next job situation will be like or when. Just to name a few
* what is the commute going to be like?
* what are the work hours going to be like?
* what am I going to get paid?
* can I still afford my own place, or will I need to get a roommate?
* will I find a job soon enough or will I have to face moving back in with my parents?
* what else will happen in the mean time?

I know this sounds like total insanity, and it is. But a lot of it is fearing the future, will I have to lock my girl side in a cage, and if so when will I be able to free her? Or maybe I would have to settle for dressing less often? These are all fears I have, since my new job situation is an unknown still. I also had someone, who I recently eliminated out of my life, who was pressuring me into dating and marriage, and knowing that romance and marriage could very well mean I completely lock away my girl side (unless I'm lucky to have an accepting SO and no situation with the in laws arises).

All of this has resulted in me growing a lot. I've learned so much about myself.
* I've learned that I do not need to limit my shopping when in drab to shopping online or at CD specialty stores.
* I've learned my real women's shoe size is 11.
* I've learned that it's okay to shop in drab at any regular store, and they treat CD cash like any other cash.
* I've bought a new wig, in person, and got a make up lesson, and am really working on improving my appearance.
* I realized for the level of femininity I need to express, that being able to go out en femme, and possibly to come out to friends, may be necessary, that my days as a closet CD are over. (I still am yet to go out but plan to at some point in the future, just can't put a date on it)
* I'm learning about me, my gender identity, how strong the girl side is.
* I've also learned to appreciate what I have. I've been spoiled and had more freedoms that most people. No marriage, no kids, no roommate, lives thousands of miles away from family, actual 9-5 job, lived near work, and I didn't appreciate what I had. Now that I'm facing losing what I have, I'm really starting to appreciate what I have, and how important my girl side really is to me, as well as everything else.

Sometimes we have to suffer a loss, even if it's only temporary, or at least be on the verge of losing something, to appreciate what we have. I've learned that being who I really am, and being able to express that, means way more than a sunny day, way more than eating red meat, way more being popular.