How important is our voice

[Richelle]

When I make calls I am never mistaken for a woman. So I always expect my voice to be the big give away. But I am beginning to think otherwise. As I have posted in the past, I push the fashion envelope by wearing women's clothes and jewelry when presenting as a male. I do not have on breast forms or hip pads and do not use foundation to cover my facial hair.

Well last night was interesting. My wife and I decided to have a quick dinner at the Denny's restaurant when we got up to Big Bear. I had on women's dress paints, and layed top with the pink showing. I was also wearing long dangling earrings, necklace and rings. The manager greeted us as ladies and since she was short handed she served us and during the entire dinner said ladies and ma'm. She even complimented the color of my nail polish.

The most interesting thing was when I was paying I commented that my hands were very sticky from dinner. At that points she told me that the ladies room was down the hall on the right. So even after all the talking we did and me paying with a credit card with my male name she still thought of me as a women.

So how important is our voice when we are out enfemme?

Richelle

[cdmorganashley]

i think if you are presenting as a woman the respectful thing for another to do is to treat you like a woman regardless of how well you are pulling it off... so i guess it doesn't matter in that respect, however, if you are trying to make people think you are actually a woman and you have a distinctly male voice i think it will make people give you an extra look and maybe notice things they didn't after a first glance... personally if i see i really tall woman, or one with broad shoulders or a deeper voice it will get me wondering, but i would always treat a person based upon how they appear to be presenting themselves, or if i'm not sure how they want to be addressed i would try to avoid addressing them in a manner that brings up their gender at all

[Chari]

The importance of your femme voice is in who is listening to you! There are many deep voiced GG's who are always considered to be feminine. IMO you should always be relaxed, present well, and are comfortable and confident in who you are, no matter what you are wearing.

[Kate Simmons]

About as important as we want it to be I guess. If we just go about our business naturally, I wouldn't think it would be a huge issue.:)

[Allison Quinn]

It's somewhat important to me and i'm self conscience about it c: But working about it.

One thing that makes me feel better about it is that remember that there are Genetic Girls out there who are labeled as male over the phone :P I think how you present yourself and just how natural you sound are a big part of it :) Obviously if you sound squeaky like you're trying to do a parody voice you're going to be read with it. Many girls just have lower toned voice. I know plenty who do! But they aren't called out as men because of it.

[HCarla]

Thank you for you advised, I'm trying to the best that i can with my feminine voice, the best way is when come out naturally.
Hugs
HCarla


The importance of your femme voice is in who is listening to you! There are many deep voiced GG's who are always considered to be feminine. IMO you should always be relaxed, present well, and are comfortable and confident in who you are, no matter what you are wearing.

[Lynn Marie]

As I have posted in the past, I push the fashion envelope by wearing women's clothes and jewelry when presenting as a male. I do not have on breast forms or hip pads and do not use foundation to cover my facial hair.

Richelle

So I take it you present as female so well without foundation that you are now wondering about your voice which is often mistaken for female on the phone. Why? Sounds like you present as more female than I do with full face paint, forms, and hair! What's to worry about?

[Beverley Sims]

When tele marketers phone I answer in a soft voice and they speak to me as if I am a woman.
Just a little ploy I use for practice.

[Chickhe]

I remember this time I went out on one weekend either side of a mid week Halloween for a party, I was dressed in a female costume, I was passing pretty good that night and we went to a diner. I expected the greeter to first acknowledge that we were all wearing costumes but she interacted like it was any day other day and then later when ordering, there was no indication either way what gender they thought I was, but I ordered in a male voice and no raised eyebrow...so I just don't know what they were thinking. I guess they were too busy just keeping up with orders to really look at their customers... so once someone categorizes you are golden unless you really mess that first impression up.

[Lorileah]

It depends on the person. I don't work hard to change my voice, I soften it and speak slower. However this week I was told I need voice lessons so I could pass better. :eek: Oh well it goes with the "I can show you how to do your make up" from the makeup artist. I guess I just will never fit in :idontknow: One thing I won't change is my voice, I use it professionally and if people don't like it, I don't care. Just like walking, holding your arms, or any of the hundreds of other things women "do" that they really don't do but seem to be the holy grail here. I have heard so many Ts start out with a falsetto voice only to lose it after a few minutes speaking with them. That to me sounds worse than just talking like Barry White to start

[suchacutie]

It seems to be situation dependent. A casual meeting, or a waiter/waitress, is not going to generate a lot of conversation (unless you want it to). My take is that the more conversation, the closer the scrutiny.

In my experience it is easier to change one's voice slightly to pass under the radar, but the conversational process is much harder to ignor. Men almost always give short answers and just don't engage in conversation. Women give longer answers and will almost always engage in at least a short conversation. It's subtle sometimes, but the difference is significant.

[RachelRICD]

I have a very male voice and at work I need to make reminder calls to prospective volunteers for training and always speak in a softer voice and identify myself at "Rachel". I have never been called sir or Mr so I guess most people are very tolerant. Recently I went to Payless to pick up a pair of shoes and the SA asked me what she should call me. I said "Rachel". She said she was so happy that I told her that as she was just not sure which way to go. I explained that if I am there dressed to treat me as a female and when not treat me as a male...that simple. We had a good laugh and now whenevr I go in she says "Hello Rachel"

[windycissy]

Wow, going to dinner with your wife in women's clothes, how cool is that? I still remember my first meet-up with another crossdresser in public - it was with you at some mall in Orange County - and how feminine you looked, so it doesn't surprise me that even though you weren't "presenting" as a female, the overall impression was that you were two girls...and even though your voice sounded manly, it was the total package that had the manager thinking "female". When your voice is disembodied over the phone, people don't have all those other visual clues to go by, but when the eyes say woman, the brain can get tricked.

[Tracii G]

Talking slower and softer with you regular voice most of the time will do just fine.Don't overdo mannerisms because you will get closer scrutiny.
Today I pulled in the bank drive thru just minutes after they closed and pushed the talk button and the guy said I'm sorry ma'am we closed at 6:00.
I said "well darn" and "thank you" in my voice only softer.The female teller next to him keyed in and said " Ma'am I love the pink and white lai on your mirror it goes with your top"
I laughed and said thank you, looks like I'll have to come back tomorrow. She said we'll be here.

[Marcelle]

While my male voice is rather deep, I find like others if I soften it a bit and speaker slower with greater emphasis on inflexions, it sounds more female than if I try to use a Monty Python falsetto voice which is too high and awkward, hard to maintain and sounds very fake. Pronunciation and diction is important I find for keeping things on an even keel along with more emotional emphasis. But in the end it is my voice only softer.

I find as I guy my voice is more monotone and my answers run "bam" to the point. If I have to interact en femme, I use inflexion to emphasise and give more detailed responses. This also helps me to keep calm (not a big fan of one on ones because I know I get read quite easily up close and personal). So, forcing myself to interact with more detailed responses places me in the here and now and calms me down.

I practice a lot in the car or at home out loud to work on emphasis, tone and timbre.

Hugs

Isha

[Zylia]

Just to be clear: there's no way you can have a meaningful conversation about the importance of something based on a single or even a couple of anecdotes. Additionally, for every story like this there are dozens of stories of cross-dressers and transsexuals whose single dead giveaway is their voice.

Every element of our presentation is a part of a greater puzzle. You can probably complete the image with some pieces missing, but some people will still see through. We're doing this website and the many people who struggle with their transition or presentation a great disservice by even suggesting that any piece somehow is of less importance.

Maybe you did 'fool' the lady, maybe she was just doing the right thing and addressed you as the gender you presented as, at least according to her observations.

[iGenny]

When tele marketers phone I answer in a soft voice and they speak to me as if I am a woman.
Just a little ploy I use for practice.

I was just thinking about trying that the other day...I have a naturally high voice anyway. So the first time a call came in with a number I didn't recognize, I did an upper-ranged-sing-songy 'hello.' It was a local car dealer, who said, 'hi, <insert my wife's name here>?' Uh oh. Said no, I'm me. He apologized, I said it's OK it happens often (it does).

So yeah, next time I'll try again. Maybe it'll be a real telemarketer and I'll get some practice. Funny - I've never looked forward to an unsolicited call before.

[linda allen]

If you sound like a male, people will realize that you're a male regardless of how you are dressed. Some people will realize you're trying to be a female and treat you as such but they are not fooled.

A female sounding voice is as important as anything else in our presentation. If you can't pull it off, it's best to try to stay out of situations where you must speak. Or, just don't worry about being made.

[Allison Quinn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DiyKv4o5Ls

I'm not sure if this video will work for everyone.
But one thing that I do feel like i have to point out is, when she gets her voice to a feminine range. She is much easier to perceive as female in my opinion and that's why I still want to work on mine a lot :)

[Sophie Yang]

A lot of it depends on circumstances.

It depends on your self-confidence, comfort level talking with others, and your experiences – both good and bad, and how you reacted to them. Most people do not enjoy formal public speaking. For CD there is the additional pressure of being read and ridiculed in simple informal public conversations.

A couple of months ago, on a weekend, I was walking down the deserted streets when a lone car pulls up across the street and an older women yells over to me, starts waving, gets out of her car and walks across the street towards me. She asks me for directions to the medical clinic. I stepped to her side and pointed down the street telling her it was one or the other of the two big buildings in the next block. She tapped me on the shoulder, “Ma'am please repeat what you just said, I need to read your lips.” In this case, not that important.

Today, I was drinking coffee in a mall and working on my computer. A young lady walks over and asks me if I knew where are the stairs going down to the next level. I looked around and said there are stairs over there. She said that they only go up. I was sitting right next to the escalators that came up and down. She hated them, must be some kind of phobia. Anyway, I pointed her in the opposite direction of the stairs going up and told her there was an elevator in that direction. If people need something from you, it is probably somewhat important.

If you initiate the conversation with a stranger, it is probably important. I was drinking coffee and working at StarBucks a couple of weeks ago. The older gentleman had ordered two oatmeal cookies and sat down at the next table from me. Another gentleman walks around the counter to pick up his coffee order and the first gentleman engages the second one in a conversation. Pretty soon these guys are exchanging their life stories, blah, blah, blah, blah. After about an hour or so, the second gentleman excuses himself to go find his wife who left after getting her coffee. I overheard a lot of their converstion. Both were at the clinic for some medical procedure. Growing old really sucks. The first gentleman was a farmer, 70 plus years in age. He had some minerals on his land, he was quite inquisitive about many things, and had set his grandson up with some investments. Investing is something he had learned late in life. I smiled at him and he came over to my table. I paid him a compliment, I told him he was a warm out going person and he really worked at his people skills. We chit-chatted for quite some time. What a smooth talker. We ended our conversation with him asking me the difference between flirtatious and something else which I cannot remember. He was definitely the former.

If someone else initiates the conversation, voice definitely can become a big part of the conversation. As I was walking into the public library the other night, I noticed this guy looking at me. I did not think that I had been read, wasn't sure. I nodded at him, smiled, and walked in. I found a desk on the seond floor where I could watch the river and do some work done. About 45 minutes later, he shows up at my desk and introduces himself, Martin. He starts hitting on me right there in the library. That is a first. Some of the lines were, do I know you?, have I seen you at such and such bar? The answer is No. Anyway we talked quite some time in a library of all places before, he gave me his number and asked me to call him. Guranteed that is not going to happen.

Finally, when I am at home, sometimes a group of us girls go out to the comedy club. On average, I would say the group is about 20 or so. The last group outing had 33, but I wasn't home. Interesting group of girls covering the full gender spectrum. A group that big is never going to blend, no way, no how. There is definitely safety in numbers. Once the gals start talking sports or other manly activities with the other patrons, voice definitely doesn't matter.

Many women have a somewhat deep, husky voice, especially if they smoke. Speaking en-femme is like learning a foreign language. If you do not learn it young, it is hard to learn. It takes practice, practice, and more practice. Just say-in.