She wanted me to be honest.

[Maria 60]

The other night my wife wanted to do her summer winter cloths change over and asked me to model for her to see what I could have if I wanted it or if she keeps it for next summer. Some times before a wedding or a party she will ask me to try on her dress she plans on wearing so she could get a different prospective of the dress when I am wearing it. After modelling about twenty dresses I sat on the bed and she asked me if I was tired of trying on the dresses, I told her if she was kidding I could do this all day. Lately she has been going threw some minor medical problems and feels she's starting to get older and with that she asked me if something happened to her or our relationship if I would change anything with the dressing, if I would tell the kids or if I would change anything and to be honest. I told her I am very happy the way it is now, but I don't want to maybe say something that may change her opinion on the way things are now, it's been up to now I only answer the questions she asks. So I went for it, after all she wanted me to be honest, I told her I see no reason why the kids should have to know unless if it comes out by accident, and I would like to explore into it a little more, maybe find a social club or get on the horn on the forum
and see if I could maybe once a week meet up with some sisters for a drink or a night out. She was a bit surprised by that and asked me why I never told her that I wanted to do that, she didn't know I felt like that and thought I was happy the way it is. I told her I am happy the way it is and I love and respect her, and the same way I swore to our wedding vows I remained the same with when I told her about my dressing. I swore to her the three questions she asked, that I am not attracted to men, I don't plan on changing to a women and i will be very happy in the closet, but as the years have past my opinion has changed a bit but I would rather be with her like this and not with out her. She then said that I should explore into it more and the kids are older now and that I don't do anything for myself anymore, a few years ago I would golf or play hockey once a week, maybe now I could get out once a week and meet up and do what ever I want. I told her it is fine the way things are now and that I am fine as long as we are together. She told me how great the dress I was wearing looked on me and that if I want it I could have it, and if I want to get out once a week it would be fine with her. I don't know if it is the way she is feeling lately or if she is being honest and if I should approach this or maybe just be happy the way it's been up to now and not maybe rock the boat. We all want more and to take things to the next level, I read here about the wife's who are totally against the dressing or the guys who have been in hiding all there lives and maybe just consider myself lucky and leave things the way they are. I would like the opinion of my friends here, what would you do? leave it alone or go for it now that the light is green.

[GaleWarning]

I think you should wait until the kids have left home.

[Amy Lynn3]

Without going into much detail, I see nothing but trouble if you proceed to the next level. I am sure you know that when some women say yes they mean no. If it were me I would keep things the way they are and if she says...why are you not meeting other sisters ? My answer would be....sweetheart, why should I bring others into the picture, when you are all I need. You have plenty of time to meet others, after the kids are gone and your wife has a better mental and physical outlook. Right now, in her present frame of mind.....you are all she has and I feel it would be a tragic mistake to share yourself with anyone, but her.

[Beverley Sims]

I would keepthings as they are unless there is some insistence, then try and include your wife in the activity.

[cdmorganashley]

i like Beverly's response... if your wife continues to bring it up try and find a way to include her in your pursuit of what seems like the next level for you... if she says she doesn't want to be included maybe consider whether it is more important for you to advance your dressing or maintain your relationship--sounds to me like if you really are satisfied with the way things are now that there is probably going to be a better time to pursue your dressing advancement down the road...

[Suzanne F]

I believe you should try a few outings. She asked you to be honest. I think you have to believe she was being honest. If so then to have her support in going out. Why not go and then talk to her about how she felt about you going. If it bothers her then discontinue that activity. My wife has some guidelines about me going out and they have evolved as she has become more comfortable with it. I have gone to a few social club events and regularly meet a few girls from this forum. We have been able to talk about our feelings and needs. I am very lucky and I want to make sure to respect my wife. This includes believing her when she says she is being honest!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Alice B]

I always feel that being honest is the only way to be and that it can strengthen a bond. I would not tell your kids at this time, until such time both of you would be comfortable with that. I would offer her the chance to participate if you go out and let that decision be hers. She seems receptive to your going out and if you can assure her that it is not any form of threat to your relationship, but simply having the meet others of a like expression it should be fine. I have that trust with my wife, although she does not have any desire to participate. I do share with her my evenings out, so there is no threat.

[wilt575]

I know what you mean about being honest and also about exploring it more, she said i could go and do the meet-up thing. After a while she said I didn't seem happy with the chance meet-ups. So I told I didn't like going out alone, her reply, we could go out as two sisters or friends. Bingo we now go out as husband/wife, sister/sister or girlfriends depending on occasion or oportunity. Life and relationship getting better every day.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

It is hard to say as it appears your wife is comfortable with you going out "once a week". While this is a good sign, I would not take it as a green light but then again I would not just drop the subject. She brought it up and on some level she must be willing to accept it. My recommendation would be to give it a few days and broach the subject again, confirming if she is truly fine with it. If she says yes, then I would plan an outing but keep her in the loop, where you plan to go, what you plan to where . . . she may even want to help you prepare.

However, saying yes is one thing and when it comes right down to the wire, she may change her mind and you need to be prepared for that. If she doesn't then I would go slow, perhaps not every week but once and awhile until the acceptance normalizes and it becomes part of your relationship.

Hugs and good luck

Isha

[Lori Kurtz]

For me, dressing up was always a sexual activity, and in my first marriage, drew my attention away from my wife, which was hurtful to her and ultimately destroyed the marriage. That's why, for my second marriage, I gave up CDing. I had a great sex life with my wife, and I didn't need the outlet of CDing.

It sounds like for you, CDing has a different meaning--and you've been honest with your wife (something I didn't do with my first wife). So maybe you could ease into some other activities safely. But I'd still say you should be careful: sensitive to your wife's feelings, and alert to any growing sexual attractions that could draw you away from your wife.

Best of luck to you. And give your wife all the love she deserves.

[stefan37]

It appears you and your wife have an open communication marriage. You should explore going out with some friends. Most tg groups have monthly outings. The danger is you will enjoy it and want to go out often. Go out, have fun and then talk to your wife and see how she feels. Take your cue from that. Telling the kids is a personal decision The more you can be open and not hide the more comfortable you will feel. Todays kids are very knowledgable snd accepting. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

[Maria 60]

I would like to thank you all so far for all the advice you been responding. I know there's no better place then here to ask for advice on this subject. Thank you again for the great advice, I truly feel at home here and you are all my friends.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Hello Maria. If I may chime in here. I would say the light is yellow, as in proceed with caution. Things have been fine up until now so no need to push it, if she is telling you that you can maybe plan a weekly outing then she has given you permission. Just don't overdo it. Anything else too quickly and the flags may go up. Just a friendly word. And thank you for the read.

[kimdl93]

Make this deal with her...you'll go out when she wishes to go with you.

[MatildaJ.]

I would test the waters by planning an outing far from home. Either

(1) ask her to travel with you to another city, and have one evening for a guy/girl night on the town and one evening for a girl/girl night on the town.
Or
(2) go meet other girls at a CD conference or some similar situation, away from your hometown.

That way you can discuss afterward how it made each of you feel, without her thinking you now expect to go out every Thursday night now with your new friends. It may allow her to be more honest with you, rather than feeling she has to pretend everything is perfect.

[suchacutie]

Whatever you do, including your wife is important. Travel away from home and spend time out with her en femme. She should come first and other CDs later.

[Stephanie Miller]

Let’s try a little “Honest” question and answer here first:
Q – Honey, what do you think about this dress on me?
A- I think it would look better if you maybe lost that 5 pounds you always complain about :doh:
Q – I’m just not sure about this foundation. What do you think, pumpkin?
A – I’m thinking it worked when you were 20, but it really highlights the wrinkles at 40 :eek:

So, maybe “honesty” in the marriage is a relative thing and needs to use a little discretion. A sound, happy marriage takes a little give and take. And that goes for answering questions “honestly” as well. (Let alone actions.)
You’re in it for the long haul so think about how your actions as well as your answers will affect the long term relationship and everyone’s feelings before answering.

[jackielou]

i agree with amy lynn dont rush things you have it made now why rock the boat love your wife and be glad she helps you find your hidden side

[Stephanie47]

I think this is a very good approach. You are fortunate to have an understanding and supportive wife. However, I've seen on this forum many instances of opinions flipping a 180. Going from an in-home cross dresser to one who is out and about is a major change. It opens up a lot of potential questions and issues in a wife's mind.

With Halloween coming up, perhaps, an outing with your wife en femme as girl friends or sisters would be an approach way to expand your cross dressing. I do not mean going out a Superwoman, but, in age approach attire for a dinner date and movie. Travel to a larger city where maybe you will not be noticed by friends, coworkers or neighbors.

If you do take the next step by joining a support group I suggest taking your wife along to meet exactly who the members are, male and female. That may eliminate any wild ideas that may crop up in her mind.

You may find getting out of the house may not be as big a deal as you imagine. Baby steps, baby steps.


Whatever you do, including your wife is important. Travel away from home and spend time out with her en femme. She should come first and other CDs later.

[Presh GG]

Most social clubs encourage wifes to attend with their husbands.

Stephanie47 has great advise !

[Sally24]

You must know you wife well enough to know if she is being honest. Take it slow and explore a little. If either of you sense problems, then go back to the status quo. Life is about changes.

[audreyinalbany]

talk about it again. Maybe she just said that on the spur of the moment. I don't see any problem with going out once if she continues to 'green light' it.

[Maria in heels]

Maria...you have an amazing partner there. I think that you should do what makes you comfortable, and she is allowing you to do what you want, I'm sure within reason, so that you don't miss life as it passes by ... sometimes too quickly. Be respectful, and have a great time - we all deserve a little time for ourselves once in a while

[Tearose48]

I would keepthings as they are unless there is some insistence, then try and include your wife in the activity.

I completely agree.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, That's a great story, ((If it ain't broke don't fix it)).

[clarisse-tv]

If you feel ok all together I don t see any urge to change things :)

[Devin C]

Id just be honest. For me with out my wife my dressing isn't as much fun to me. To me I'm just alone if she's not with me. When shes by my side I feel I can do anything. So I would ask for more but I'd be sure to let her know that she means more to me then any dress jewelry polish could ever be.

[Jackie7]

The most fun for you both is by including her but you must go no faster than she's willing. Jealousy and hurt arise from exclusion. Include her, invite her, entice her. Two girls shopping together is safe and fun, and a white-tablecloth lunch can't be beat. If you have a local CD club, maybe invite her to attend with you, see just how harmless it is. BTW I loved your story of trying on dresses with her, she sounds like a player.

My comment coms from having tried it both ways. My first wife, a long marriage in which I finally came out, sent me off to play by myself and it was all OK... until it wasn't, and it wash't much fun along the way either because I missed her and wanted to share with her. We ended up divorced. I met my now-wife while dressed so there never was a secret, we go out together often, and we both have a great time. The difference is inclusion.

[Pandys]

I had to read your post a couple times, I keep hearing

"Lately she has been going threw some minor medical problems and feels she's starting to get older and with that she asked me if something happened to her or our relationship if I would change anything with the dressing"

I can't help feeling that she is trying to talk about something she is not saying. I may be all wet but I would definitely have another heart to heart to be sure.