Erin Campbell
10-14-2013, 12:46 AM
I have been with my wife since high school and next week it will be 9 years married and 19 years together. Back in high school and college, we dabbled a bit with her dressing me up for playtime but it wasn't anything serious to her and was most likely just a phase. Once we got married, life got in the way and we never really explored the crossdressing side of me any further. Since I could sense my wife's desires had shifted away from seeing me dressed, I went into the closet and dressed when I could. For me, the urge to crossdress and bring the Erin out of myself never went away and for several years, I did whatever I could, whenever I could. Of course, being married with 2 kids now, that time was few and far between but it was always a part of me, no matter how hard I tried to keep it in the closet. During the past few years, I've progressed from just wearing panties and bras for sexual gratification to being fitted for a wig and having breast forms and my own clothes. So, while my wife was forgetting about me crossdressing, I was actually diving deeper into my crossdressing experience.
On Friday, I asked my wife if we could talk about our sex life. I'm not the most open person in the world so my wife was taken aback a little bit and I'm sure a little scared. I had no intentions of coming out with my crossdressing but rather just wanted to express where I thought we were at in that department and find some ways to spice things up. After all, it had been 9 years and 2 kids now, and I think every married couple experiences that lull in their sex life at some point or another. So, I was talking about my submissive desires and such and for me, talking about anything private like that is a major breakthrough and my wife was very receptive to the conversation, then it happened.
Maybe it was because my wife was so understanding of my desire to spice things up in the bedroom, or maybe it was because I was being so candid about our sex life which is completely unlike my normal behavior. I still don't know why, but as I was making a point about how it's difficult for me to be the "alpha male" in the bedroom, I said, "...and I'm the guy that likes to dress up in lingerie, bras, panties, and high heels." I don't think I'd ever seen my wife so surprised in the 19 years I've known her, but the strangest thing is, I wasn't thinking when I said it, it just out, yet I didn't feel the least bit nervous once it was out there. I expected to have that "Oh sh!&" moment like what have I done! Instead, I was calm and at that moment, all I could do was wait for a reaction.
The reaction was acceptance. My wife's surprised look was more because I just let it all out there and opened up a part of me that my wife knew was there but I never articulated to her. We talked about what I like to wear, why I like to wear it, and when I have been wearing it. I experienced all the normal questions about being gay, wanting to be a woman full time, etc. I answered all her questions honestly and more importantly I acknowledged that all of her questions were fair questions. I then told her I respected any decision she made, but I will continue to have a desire to be Erin now and again and it isn't something I can give up easily. My loving wife looked me right in the eye and told me, "I love you, I love all of you, and I will always love all of you." It was an amazing moment and after 19 years, you think you can't get closer to someone you've spent just about every day with for that long, yet I did. She also told me she had suspected I had been getting deeper into crossdressing, although she never brought it up. In a strange way, I was simply addressing the elephant in the room and now that she knows I know she thought I have been a CD this whole time and I know she knows I like to escape reality as Erin for a little while, the last 2 days have been like when we were dating in high school.
My wife did set a few ground rules, which I was in complete agreement with.
1. No dressing around the kids (no problem there, both my kids are under 6 and I don't have any desire for them to see Erin)
2. No hooking up with other people, including other CDs (no problem there either, I only want to share Erin with my wife)
3. If I desire to go out in public, my wife wants to know about it and talk about it (I agreed, won't be difficult because I haven't gone out much, although I have done it a handful of times. I wasn't going to push this yet though, over time she may be more receptive to it or not, but even if not, I'm ok)
4. Erin can't dominate my life or my sexual desires, in other words, my wife still wants to have some playtime with the man she married (again, no problem and perfectly reasonable, she agreed to make time to spend with Erin, I can agree to make time to spend with my wife as her husband)
So, there you have it. I still can't believe I opened up like that. For all of you thinking about it, it is a very difficult risk to take. I was fairly confident any reaction I got wouldn't lead to divorce, yet still very tough to articulate to my wife I like to wear panties and heels as much or probably more than she does. I feel so liberated and a huge weight is off my shoulders. I'm not sure where things go from here, and I will continue to post on here as things go. For now, my wife is looking forward to meeting Erin for the first time and I can assure you I will never be more nervous dressed up than I will be at that moment. Are there slumber parties in my future? Will my wife and I ever go shopping for her and me now? Only time will tell and I'm not going to rush anything. I will be content sharing Erin with my wife at her own pace and comfort levels and I can't wait to see where things go.
Wherever things go, I can say I have an incredible wife and I am a very lucky person to have her. Supporting Erin won't always be easy for her and I understand that, but for her willingness to accept and continue to love me, my love for her has grown deeper.
On Friday, I asked my wife if we could talk about our sex life. I'm not the most open person in the world so my wife was taken aback a little bit and I'm sure a little scared. I had no intentions of coming out with my crossdressing but rather just wanted to express where I thought we were at in that department and find some ways to spice things up. After all, it had been 9 years and 2 kids now, and I think every married couple experiences that lull in their sex life at some point or another. So, I was talking about my submissive desires and such and for me, talking about anything private like that is a major breakthrough and my wife was very receptive to the conversation, then it happened.
Maybe it was because my wife was so understanding of my desire to spice things up in the bedroom, or maybe it was because I was being so candid about our sex life which is completely unlike my normal behavior. I still don't know why, but as I was making a point about how it's difficult for me to be the "alpha male" in the bedroom, I said, "...and I'm the guy that likes to dress up in lingerie, bras, panties, and high heels." I don't think I'd ever seen my wife so surprised in the 19 years I've known her, but the strangest thing is, I wasn't thinking when I said it, it just out, yet I didn't feel the least bit nervous once it was out there. I expected to have that "Oh sh!&" moment like what have I done! Instead, I was calm and at that moment, all I could do was wait for a reaction.
The reaction was acceptance. My wife's surprised look was more because I just let it all out there and opened up a part of me that my wife knew was there but I never articulated to her. We talked about what I like to wear, why I like to wear it, and when I have been wearing it. I experienced all the normal questions about being gay, wanting to be a woman full time, etc. I answered all her questions honestly and more importantly I acknowledged that all of her questions were fair questions. I then told her I respected any decision she made, but I will continue to have a desire to be Erin now and again and it isn't something I can give up easily. My loving wife looked me right in the eye and told me, "I love you, I love all of you, and I will always love all of you." It was an amazing moment and after 19 years, you think you can't get closer to someone you've spent just about every day with for that long, yet I did. She also told me she had suspected I had been getting deeper into crossdressing, although she never brought it up. In a strange way, I was simply addressing the elephant in the room and now that she knows I know she thought I have been a CD this whole time and I know she knows I like to escape reality as Erin for a little while, the last 2 days have been like when we were dating in high school.
My wife did set a few ground rules, which I was in complete agreement with.
1. No dressing around the kids (no problem there, both my kids are under 6 and I don't have any desire for them to see Erin)
2. No hooking up with other people, including other CDs (no problem there either, I only want to share Erin with my wife)
3. If I desire to go out in public, my wife wants to know about it and talk about it (I agreed, won't be difficult because I haven't gone out much, although I have done it a handful of times. I wasn't going to push this yet though, over time she may be more receptive to it or not, but even if not, I'm ok)
4. Erin can't dominate my life or my sexual desires, in other words, my wife still wants to have some playtime with the man she married (again, no problem and perfectly reasonable, she agreed to make time to spend with Erin, I can agree to make time to spend with my wife as her husband)
So, there you have it. I still can't believe I opened up like that. For all of you thinking about it, it is a very difficult risk to take. I was fairly confident any reaction I got wouldn't lead to divorce, yet still very tough to articulate to my wife I like to wear panties and heels as much or probably more than she does. I feel so liberated and a huge weight is off my shoulders. I'm not sure where things go from here, and I will continue to post on here as things go. For now, my wife is looking forward to meeting Erin for the first time and I can assure you I will never be more nervous dressed up than I will be at that moment. Are there slumber parties in my future? Will my wife and I ever go shopping for her and me now? Only time will tell and I'm not going to rush anything. I will be content sharing Erin with my wife at her own pace and comfort levels and I can't wait to see where things go.
Wherever things go, I can say I have an incredible wife and I am a very lucky person to have her. Supporting Erin won't always be easy for her and I understand that, but for her willingness to accept and continue to love me, my love for her has grown deeper.