granddaughter

[marshalynn]

What do you do, if your 10 year old grand daughter ask you not to dress like a girl around her friends, I stopped dressing very fem around them.. does any one have good answer to this problem? Marshalynn

[Sara Jessica]

Are you full time and in transition? If so, then you need to have a talk with your granddaughter, preferably with one or both of her parents involved.

If you are not full time and in transition, then perhaps you posted this in the wrong section, in which case I'd probably suggest that you refrain from dressing up around the kids.

[Rianna Humble]

Marsha, as you are transsexual, your granddaughter needs to understand why you dress the way that you do and that it is not as some hateful people put it "gender play" and "time wasting".

I will never have to face this particular dilemma personally, but I would hope that at 10 years old your granddaughter will still be open enough to sit down with you and explain why she asked you to stop dressing normally when her friends come around then to ask you positive questions about what gender dysphoria does to you.

[thechic]

Yes as every body has said ,you do need to have a talk to her and her parent's . Its just to hard to pretend your the person that your not in front of her , better for her to learn to accept you as you are,that's if your full time TS. But if not full time Just Carry on as usual.

[Amanda M]

Perhaps you should discuss this with her parents and get their take on it - that might steer you in the right direction.

[mikiSJ]

Your granddaughter may be under a lot of pressure from her friends for an explanation and your granddaughter may not have or want one.

I believe someone above mentioned you are transsexual, so not dressing is a non-starter. Do you live in the same house? If not, is this a situation where you seen by her fiends when at her house?

If you believe she is old enough to understand, then ask the parents for permission to talk with your granddaughter. Be prepared for her to choose her friends over her grandmother - at least at this time in her life.

[marshalynn]

thank you all for your advice..

[arbon]

If you are living full time as a woman then you should try being something else for her. Its not easy. My daughter had a hard time for a while when I transitioned and did not want to been seen with me. She would not even go to the store with. It just took a while for her to adjust. Now a few years later last night I went to a movie with her and a group of her middleschool girlfriends - its all become a non issue.

[KellyJameson]

Because of her age she will be less able to protect herself from bullying, teasing or being socially ostracized which can be particularly painful for girls.

Boys commit higher rates of suicide but girls attempt it more and I think this comes from the higher sensitivity to bullying and cruelty girls experience plus this is how girls hurt each other indirectly where boys tend to use more direct physical violence.

You do not want to compromise your genuine self but you also do not want to lose your empathy and compassion for those you care about.

It is good for children to learn the painful lessons of challenging social conformity yet each child's circumstances should be evaluated individually and if your grand daughters circumstances for some reason place her at a higher risk of experiencing violence, cruelty and social isolation than I would urge you to protect her by considering how your appearance impacts her and I would say this regardless of whether someone is a transsexual or not.

All adults who associate with teenagers should remember and be sensitive to how painful and dangerous these years are for them.

This is a time of high emotion and impulsivity where teenagers are trying to work out their own issues of gender and sexual identity and need a balance of stability and yet challenge provided by adults.

Create a positive dialogue by sharing your journey with her but also watch for indications of her ability to handle it on a personal and social level.

The pain of GID and difficulties of transitioning can make us insensitive to others because we are fighting for our survival but I do believe everything possible should be done to protect children from the consequences without dangerously compromising our own pain to our own detriment.

Extremely difficult to do and sometimes feels like being in the middle of the ocean in an over crowded lifeboat and deciding who must be thrown overboard so others have a chance at survival.

[mary something]

What Kelly said so well!

Tone it down around the granddaughter and she will feel more comfortable. How about simple jeans and a long sleeve t? As time goes on and everyone gets more comfortable with each other slowly blend more of your preferred dress into your Times with them