Trannies are an Abomination of God

[Anne2345]

"Trannies are an abomination of God," proclaimed my brother-in-law the other night as we were watching television together. His statement was made in reference to some random scene in whatever movie we were watching at the time.

Stunned, I asked him whether he thought he was being harsh over the subject matter.

“No,” he responded, as he repeated that “trannies are an abomination of God.”

Immediately sensing thin-ice, given that my sick, dying, cancer-ridden, yet lovingly accepting sister was but a room away, blissfully asleep, I offered that “trannies” are people, too, and challenged his premise that “they” are “an abomination of God.”

My brother-in-law, however, would have none of it. He went on to explain that “trannies” should “man-up,” and accept the bodies that “God clearly intended them to have.” My brother-in-law further explained that “trannies” are basically sick folk, and do not deserve the assistance, help, and compassion of society. He said that if they are going to make the “choice” to become “someone they are not,” and “someone they should not be,” they should do so “by themselves.”

At that point, because I had asked apparently one too many questions for his comfort level, he then questioned whether I “liked trannies,” and whether I had “a thing” for them.

I was so full of disgust, so shocked by his attitude, and so full of hurt that rather than answer the questions, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I stayed there for a while, and when I returned the subject matter was forgotten, and he continued on watching the movie as I stewed over the conversation in my mind.

My sister will be passing sometime soon, and will be leaving behind her beautiful baby girl who will turn three years old at the end of the month.

As I continue to come out and transition, my brother-in-law will soon recognize me for the “abomination of God” he has proclaimed transsexuals to be. It is my sincere hope that he will come around, and recognize the error of his beliefs.

Regardless, I am decidedly not an abomination of God.

Instead, I am merely but a broken person who is simply trying to fix her life and make it right. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

And the thing is, this is not easy. Doing this ain’t for the faint of heart. It is hard work. It is risky. It is scary as hell. It can be lonely. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and there is still so much more to do.

The fact of the matter is that there are a million reasons not to do this, not to transition.

But despite it all, there is that one reason out there that is quite compelling. That one reason to do this that really isn’t a reason at all, and it’s called survival. I must do this if I am to survive. I cannot live as is, and I refuse to do so any longer.

Still, the potential prospect of losing my relationship with my niece after my sister passes makes me sick to my stomach. I will do all I can to bring my brother-in-law around. All I can, that is, short of not transitioning.

[Christie Camelle]

Wow... I am without words...

[arbon]

Well wont he be in for a surprise?!

Your not an abomination, just so you know :)

A lot of people have very strong opinions and mis-conceptions about transsexuals and gender variant people. Some come around when it ends up being someone they are close to, others will turn their back on you and you will become their dark family secret that can't be talked about.

No, it is not fun to go through. It sucks.

[rachael.davis]

I have no words, I am so sorry for what you had to hear.

[Megan72]

Anne, what a horrible position to be put into, and completely unreasonable on his part, but I have always believed that everyone is entitled to their opinion even if it differed from mine. That being said, it is my experience that kids will come around, even if he denies your niece access initially she will come most likely seek you out to know her aunt and family. Along those same lines if your brother in law sees the rest of the family being supportive it may very well change his feelings as will your presentation in the family. It's an opportunity to change what he thinks. He most likely only sees the oversexualized stigma of "trannies" and not the human side.
Megan

[marshalynn]

Does your sister know about your life style? If so, you may want to ask her, what future contact she would like you to have with her child. She may want to tell her husband, her wishes about you. I know bad time to have to talk about this, but you need to know her wishes..

[Chickhe]

My father in-law once said something about my long hair...so I said, 'well, at least my hair is not all bunched up inside my head instead of being able to grow out' (he is balding)...he then quickly shut up.

For the brother in-law comment, if he says anything else, say 'I'm just shocked, I thought you were bigger man than that...never thought I would ever hear such bigoted remarks from you...' the trick is to not argue or show your hand... just focus on how shocked you are at his bad behavior.

[vallerie lacy]

This is one of those times that I regret being of the same species as that close minded, ignorant SOB brother in law of yours. I wish you the best .

[Dawn cd]

I'm so sorry you had to hear this, Anne. Clearly your sister didn't tell him what she already knows. I hope and pray that her evident love and support for you over the years will inspire a change of heart for your brother-in-law.

[Nigella]

Although Anne has posted a comment about religion, this is not in context of the thread. If members care to read the OP they will find it is about the potential relationship between herself and her BIL.

Anne has not commented about a religious belief, so keep this thread in context, there have been too many posts deleted because religion has been brought into it.

Any further religious comments could result in moderating actions being more than just a deletion of the post.

[Kimberly Kael]

Most of us start out fearing the worst, while you've had the misfortune of having it confirmed before you even begin. I'm sorry you've been exposed to such uninformed hatred within your own family, but at least you'll be somewhat prepared. Obvious questions you could pose: what specific passages condemn transsexuality? Why are eunuchs explicitly cited as being especially beloved if there's an absolute prohibition on alterations to your physical self? Of course the problem is that beliefs are most often used as cover for a personal distaste, they're rarely the real underlying source of anyone's feelings on a polarizing subject like us.

Good luck. May I suggest you find strong support elsewhere among friends and family before tackling the subject with him again? It's much easier to bear rejection in the presence of healthy support. Not easy, but easier.

[kimdl93]

I'm curious about his choice of prepositions. By saying trannies are abominable, but 'of God' he is acknowledging, to me, that they are God's creation. I'm sure that isn't what he meant, but if God is responsible for creation, then we must be good, not abominable.

I sincerely hope he comes to realize that far from an abomination, you're a blessing to his wife and daughter. And I am very sorry to hear of your sisters illness.

[JohnH]

Anne,

I really feel bad about your brother in law talking like that.

Johanna

[Rianna Humble]

Marsha, Anne is not a cross-dresser, she is transsexual so this is not about life-styles.

Anne, I'm so sorry you had to hear this and especially from your Brother In Law and at this time.

IMNSHO, you did exactly the right thing by removing yourself from the discussion and taking time to regain your balance.

[MysticLady]

Regardless, I am decidedly not an abomination of God.

Still, the potential prospect of losing my relationship with my niece after my sister passes makes me sick to my stomach. I will do all I can to bring my brother-in-law around. All I can, that is, short of not transitioning.

Anne, you are not an abomination, especially by God. He does not create Abominations. I am so sorry in hearing of your sister and her possible passing. I wish I could tell you something that would make you more comfortable in this horrible episode in your life. I'm sure you're brother in law is a good person, just ignorant on the matter. I wish you peace and strength during this time in your life.:hugs:

[gonegirl]

Well wont he be in for a surprise?!

The dude doth protest too much, methinks.

Anne- Try to catch a glimpse of his undies next time he flips out and you might be surprised too!

Sheesh, what a douchebag.

[JustWendy]

Anne - was this comment out of character for your brother-in-law? If so, maybe it comes from built up stress and anger and sadness and maybe fatigue. From what you say, he will soon lose his wife and be a single parent of a 3-year old. Maybe he just lashed out at the easiest and most available target - a non-comforming character in a movie. Your life is changing. And so is his. You'll both need an ocean of support. I hope he comes to realize that and how important each of you is to the other.

Wendy

[Angela Campbell]

Well there it is. There are some people who have their own idea of what is normal and anything that deviates is a good target for their attacks, and they feel good about doing so. It is sure they do so out of ignorance, but then the questions.....is he capable of learning, is it worth attempting to help him learn? Or is it better to just avoid confrontation? I would probably just steer clear of this person.

[Jonianne]

Anne, I'm sorry you had to listen to that bunk. I hope your BIL changes his attitude. I lived so much of my life in a fundamentalist environment, having to hear that trash pounded in my head, that it took nearly 8 years of intense therapy for me to just be OK with myself. It's sad what kind of damage that kind of stuff does to everyone involved, especially the innocent.

[Rachelakld]

Still amazed that a grown up "man" could be so threatened by the concept.
As a child that visited the pearly gates, be reassured there is only love and acceptance on the other side (if your not escorted back by loving relatives)

[Anne2345]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate it. Rationally, I know these things can happen, and I know that there are such people out there as him. To date, I have been pretty lucky coming out to friends and family, and I have a pretty decent batting average. I have only lost a couple of friends, and no family in this regard. Unlike my other brother-in-law, though (he is awesome about it), there has always just been "something" about him that has kept me from coming out to him, despite my sister believing I could. Given my sister's illness, I have needed to maintain access and information. With him, it has always been more about her and them than it has been about me (they have been together for four years, during which time my sister has battled cancer throughout the entirety of their relationship (past 10 years, in fact), and gave birth to their daughter 3 years ago). So I don't know. I guess we shall see, as time will tell . . . . .

But still, "an abomination of God??!!!"" WTF??!!! That was beyond harsh, totally uncalled for, and that cut super deep. It hurt much, and it still does. I just hate it. I hate, hate, hate it, and that there are people out there that are like this and believe such crap. Including, apparently, him. Anyways, my skin is much, much thicker and tougher than it used to be. I am not deterred in the least, nor do I feel any less of myself than I did before. And there is nothing that he can say, or anyone else, that will change that.


Well wont he be in for a surprise?!

You ain't kidding there! LMAO!!! :p

[steftoday]

He must be going through a lot, with the health of your sister failing. But no one, no one, should have to put up with that sort of venom.

[Julie Gaum]

Anne, no question that this is a very tough time in your life. In the short time left on earth remaining for your sister, IMO, do nothing in the way of confrontation towards your BIL. Do not call him on his comments as any changes in his views will never happen during this period of stress that both you and he are going through. As posted by others, continue on your path gaining acceptance from most of family and learning who your friends really are. Fully expect that your niece
will be seperated from your love for her for probably a few years --- years that she is not likely to remember. In the future when your BIL learns of your transition and sees that he has become the "outsider" (and not you) there will be more than enough time for him to see the error in his conceptions, whether on his own or by the intervention of others. There is also a strong possibility that he was inculcated with so much vemon that nothing will ever sway him. For now do nothing that may upset your sister. Make a point of stressing not only your love for her and her daughter --- which she already knows --- but of your love for ALL her family. --- by making her days as happy as possible your feelings towards her are sure to reflect with the rest of your relatives --- the only "right" thing to do for now.
Do not consider that your feelings are being false but know that we do love our fellow humans no matter how they may stray.
Julie

[Kerigirl2009]

I have been dealing with the same type of comments lately and I agree that we are not an abomination of God. Some people just get so wrapped up on their own world that they forget that yes we are all still human and only want to feel right and normal.
As of a few days ago my wife decided I was a sexually immoral person. This idea was placed in her mind by her divorce class at a church. I definitely disagree with her
But hey that's my opinion

[Mssusan]

What a sad situation. First, I am so sorry that your sister is dying. I wish her a peaceful passing.

I am sorry that your BIL, for whatever reason, is taking out some do his anger and grief on a group of people, especially by using such deeply charged language. I'm sorrier that you are part of that group.

You did the right thing by walking out of the room. Confrontation would have worsened the situation.

I hope that your sister has documented her wishes regarding her family's access to her daughter. You might want to see if there's any legal recourse if his passing comment leads to any adverse action when you confirm that you are indeed part of the group he condemned.

Again, I wish you and your family peace in this awful time.

Oh and about your BILs comment....

You already know you're not an abomination
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, people can't make you feel inferior without your consent
Small words are the product of small minds

Keep on being a shining example of humanity!

[CassandraSmith]

Odd that he knows God's mind so well. Is he a pastor? Babies are born every day with illnesses and deformities. Should they accept the bodies God intended them to have or seek corrective surgery or treatment? While the psych profession used to classify tranvestitism as an illness, it's my understanding that they don't now. Does he have some superior insight into mental disorders that elevates him above an entire professional healing group?

My point: keep cool. He is highly illogical and doesn't really have skill in critical thought. If you give him enough rope, he'll knit you a sweater.

[Badtranny]

Yes.

Yes they are.

[kimberly ann487]

Your brother-in-law and my future ex should compare notes one day,

[Barbara Ella]

No.

No they are not.

We may be broken, as you say, or just an incompleted work in progress that requires a great deal of work on our part to complete the progression.

It is so terrible that you had to sit there. It is so utterly wonderful the way you were able to handle it. As a lawyer, I know you had a totally awesome closing argument ready to spew on his moribund head. I admire your respect for your sister this control shows.

Go beat some walls, throw some nerf balls around the house while screaming at full voice (feminine of course) but let the nerf nogggin you call a BIL continue his ignorance. As things develop he will be the one left out, not you. You, dear, are IN. And I know that you know it.

Barbara

[FurPus63]

It's sad. So sad that we live in a society that still has this kind of ignorant and arrogant attitude in the 21st Century! Incredible! Yet it's true.

So just hang in there. I'm glad to hear you handled it pretty well. I have to tell you. I've lost almost all of my siblings and family members due to deciding to come out and transition. It's a shame that we trans-girls lose so many people that we love. I have a BIL who also has strong religious beliefs that are holding him back from totally accepting me, but at least he hasn't said anything to me about it (yet). I hope you can learn from this experience and move forward with a positive attitude and focus on those who love and accept you and try to let go of those who don't.

Paulette

[Catie2013]

Regardless, I am decidedly not an abomination of God.

Instead, I am merely but a broken person who is simply trying to fix her life and make it right.

We are all broken in our own way. I'm sorry you had this experience.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I believe that the only real sin is harming another soul. Anne, if a Higher Power is pissed at anybody, it's not you.

[Angela Campbell]

I am not sure I will ever understand why some people react so viciously to things they do not understand or agree with even if the thing they are reacting to can and does no harm to them or anyone they are close to. Perhaps it is a defensive reaction to make others think of them in a certain way and deflect criticism away from themselves. You can never know if the person really feels this way or if they just want others to think they do. Either way I avoid this kind of behavior whenever I can because I know I cannot change it.

[Sara Jessica]

Anne, my heart breaks for what your sister is enduring, not to mention what you and her entire family must be going through.

That said, given her knowledge of your essence, I hate to say but it seems that the time is now for her to help pave the way for you to have a future relationship with your niece. If she passes without this being resolved, there is a significant probability that you will be cut off from your niece based on what you have conveyed about your brother-in-law's attitudes & beliefs. Ideally, she could express that it be her wish that you remain involved in your niece's life.

Best of luck Anne. This whole thing is just piling on given everything you are dealing with.

[docrobbysherry]

This is simply one other difficulty u have to deal with, Anne. A by product of losing your sister. That u will be alone with your BIL and your niece. I think it's tragic that u must deal with ALL of this!

Try to remember he is probably just parroting opinions he has heard elsewhere. When he finds out about u, he MAY realize he's been wrong? If not, like Sara, I worry he may cut u off from your niece!

[JohnH]

Your brother-in-law is a victim of a neurosis that I call "Masculine Anxiety" where the conventions of clothing, grooming, and behavior are extremely confined. After all, parents tell their boys, "Boys don't do that", "Boys don't wear that", "Be a man instead of a sissy".

It has gotten worse in the 20th century. Boys used to wear dresses, Mary Jane shoes, and have long hair before about the 1930's.

Johanna

[Cheryl123]

Dear Anne, I feel your pain and I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. Your courage shines brightly through your words. Often people who are predudiced in abstract will moderate there views when the subject becomes personal. This may happen with your brother-in-law, but maybe it won't. It would be good if you could discuss this with your sister, but I can understand why it might not be possible.

Although you can explain to your brother-in-law that you were created the way you are, and that it is so painful living as another gender that you'd rather die if you cannot change, he might not believe you. Logic does not often work with predudiced people. If it did, there'd be no predudice left in the world. It's easy for us to hate those that hate us, but try not to. Animosity will only harden his views. Believe it or not, love and understanding are your best weapons. The better and happier person you become, the more likely you will draw your niece into your life.

Again, sorry to hear about your sister. I will keep you and her in my thoughts. And may you find happiness in your transition you which you so richly deserve.

Love, Cheryl

[Angela Campbell]

Funny but trannies have more courage than he does. Just dare him to wear a dress at Wal Mart! Or lie down for electro!

[Nicole Erin]

Consider the source of the comment. Your brother-in-law. Too often the brother-in-law is a pimple on the ass of society.
Check out the Tim Wilson song "He's my brother in law" for a detailed explanation of why some B.I.L.s are such.

But yeah he does protest too much. Someday, you two will be fighting over a blouse that is on sale. He will win by saying, "Anne, who let you borrow MY tight leather black dress when you wanted to attend the Dominatrix convention?" then you will feel guilty. and hand over the blouse.

[Ann Louise]

In my view, this person is, how shall we put it, a JERK. :)

Two ways to look at this IMHO. Either:

1. You're brother-in-law is really a good guy, and is just going through a bad patch, like clouds passing through a blue sky that will clear later - he's just human, and you can patiently await his resumption of sweetness and light, later, or

2. Your brother-in-law is a JERK, and has been for so long that there is no blue sky, so why bother?

I suggest that you don't spin your wheels on people like this. Don't let this person take your eyes off of this beautiful world and all it has in store for you, and your beautiful journey to be your genuine self.

)0( Ann )0(

[CarlaWestin]

I've seen this sad dynamic too many times where, because someone is subjected to a painful loss, they seek out something to give it structure or explanation. I have made it very clear that when my best friend starts to 'witness' at me, it's as though he just lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in my face. It appears as though your brother in law is going to have a life of what he feels is the right path and this is how he's going to cope with, not only his impending loss but, becoming a single parent. It would be gallant of you to just brush off the left field comments and offer assistance and kindness in this time of need. You certainly must present yourself as a good loving person which runs contrary to the rude comments you've heard. Personally, I believe that the only thing that is truly divine is the truth. Love to you.

[Zooey_91]

I'm really sorry to hear that, unfortunately many people just want someone to hate usually becuase of some problem in there own life. Hopefully knowing you will help him to realise that transgender people are not “abomination of God” as he put it, and that we are not making a choice to be someone we are not we are being who we are.

[Rachel Smith]

Hi Anne,

I wanted to make a comment to this thread but it got a little off topic and in order not to get your thread hijacked I posted my comment here http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?203102-Sometimes-people-surprise-you&p=3328364#post3328364

Please give it a look. Sometimes things are not what they seem.

I hope things turn out for the best for all concerned.

Hugs
Rachel