More noticeable than I thought

[Tina_gm]

I was having a discussion with my wife last night about CDing and my femininity overall. It had its rough moments, and I am ok with that so long as she and I are communicating.

What brought up the topic was that her daughter had made a comment to her that I was acting girly. It was a random thing where I was petting a very stinky dog. I immediately noticed how smelley this dog was and said omg this dog stinks, and apparently made some sort of feminine like hand gesture and I guess the way I said it as well.

Now, when we are out in public or with her family or our friends, I do try to make an effort to not act feminine or "girly" Mostly for her sake as I do not want her to feel awkward, uncomfortable or embarrassed. Apparently I was not so successful during this particular moment. Now thankfully, my wife was not bothered or felt awkward or uncomfortable as I feared she would have after her daughter made this comment. But I know if too much of this goes on she will, and has stated so.

She has also brought up that others have made some comments in the past, and not just since I have opened up to CDing, but even long before we were married. While no one knows about my Cding, my femininity seems to be more noticeable than I thought, and that I am not as successful hiding it as I thought. I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised by this, but I sort of am in a way.

My only real concern I suppose is that now that I am out to my wife and at home I make little attempt to mask my femininity, it may start or may be starting to show through even more when I am out and don't want it too. I am lucky to have her accept that I have a fem side to me and that she can tolerate it to a degree while at home. I really don't want to rock the boat in public though. Has this or does this happen to any others and any advice on how to not have it happen when I don't want it to?

[AllieSF]

Well, what your wife told you should actually help you be more vigilant in the future. I would try that and be more careful. If some things are more natural, ask your wife to help you identify them and maybe with her help and her tiny hand signals from across the room you may be able to get them under control while in male mode. Good luck.

[Rachelakld]

Been lucky, my girls (daughter and step daughters have all seen me fully dressed) and while I've sat crossed legs girl style all my life, apart from that no one has commented.

[Kate Simmons]

I understand your predicament Hon but if I constantly worried about what others saw me do and say I would end up being a "basket case". I don't so I'm not. I know everyone is different when it comes to their personal situation but I decided long ago, if folks can't accept me for who I am, it's their problem not mine. Just a thought.:battingeyelashes::)

[suchacutie]

This is a great place to discuss gender presentation control. I consider myself bi-gendered but didn't understand that I was transgendered until 8 years ago. Looking back it was obvious that my supposed guy mode was really a mix of my gendered selves and was probably not what one might consider "manly". Now that I understand Tina better, it's easier to present as completely as a male as I like. I really do have much more control over presentation, and my wife has been instrumental in helping me understand all of this. It really feels quite empowered to be able to know how one gender or the other is perceived by others.

It sounds like you are looking for just this kind of understanding, so I agree that bringing your wife into the conversation is a great idea. We didn't grow up as girls and that means we have a lot to learn about being a girl. Once we've "joined them" we really have a lot of the control you are mentioning!

Good Luck!

[Beverley Sims]

Carry on as you are, trying to mask it only makes it more noticeable.
I have long fingernails, talk with my hands, cross my legs and have no hair on them either.
I live with it and I get little reaction from others.
Usually about my fingernails, if they have just been filed.

[mariehart]

I personally wouldn't worry to much about it. If anyone makes a comment you can bat it away with a joke. In fact I think it's not uncommon. Many men have a feminine side even if it's only slight. The problem with society is that it expects everyone to fit into little boxes and people are not like that.

I always displayed a feminine side but genuinely believed otherwise for many years. I thought I hid it well and indeed in my crossdressing felt I was too masculine. But over the years there were plenty of comments from people alluding to my female side right from school onwards, where I was called 'cutey'.

Many people I worked with believed me gay although rarely was the subject brought up. People automatically associate feminine behaviour with being gay although I am bi.

It was only when I actually came out to one or two people that they told me that everyone around me assumed I was gay based on my very feminine behaviour. My whole shift in work apparently. No one was surprised when I told them. They just wondered why I took so long.

So much for hiding it. I don't bother anymore as I was completely unsuccessful anyway.

[Bridgetlagurl]

My wife said to me on our first date, 11 years ago she picked up on it. Kind of hard to hide what you who you are. If you are being kind and not hurting anyone that is better than, over compensating with the tough guy act. I used that most of my life, I gave it up prior to meeting my beautiful wife. She fell in-love with a very fem man.

[linda allen]

If you're going to be a male at times and a female at times, you've got to learn to turn it on and off to match the clothing and presentation. Just like you would with your voice.

[Ressie]

How girly is this part of your personality? Just be yourself is great advice, but since this aspect of your personality has been stifled your whole life it's probably freaking your loved ones out. My fem hand gestures etc. come out once in a while around my macho friends. Body language tends to bring out the truth of what we try to hide.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Just be yourself, trying to live your life like a puppet on a string to satisfy others image of you will drive you crazy.

[Chickhe]

Just be yourself. You can try to tone it down is certain situations, but otherwise just learn to laugh about the funny situation if someone notices... If you worry too much about what your wife and daughter think you will go crazy and you have to teach them to accept you for yourself too.

[Stephanie47]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Most of our actions are subconscious behavior. I sit with my legs crossed at the knees of occasion. Having little hair on my head I guess I don't have to worry about flipping a stray hair off my face a la woman. Just think of the alternative. This year I saw a cross dresser in one of my local Wal-Mart stores. His presentation was terrible. He was in dire need to watching You Tube feminization instructional videos. At home I take care in adopting womanly gestures. On the rare occasion when I venture out I do not want to walk at a fast gait throwing my legs out in front of me or swinging my arms.

[Ciara Brianne]

Although my friends haven't made many comments on it, I am sure my femininity shows out more often than I notice. Occasionally I find myself acting very girly in guy mode. I see the wonder in peoples eyes, but they say nothing.

[Tina_gm]

Thank you for all of the nice replies and suggestions. I do find life more bearable when I do not try to make such an effort to cover up my femininity. I really do not know for certain just how obvious it is in regular day to day stuff at work, or other functions outside of the home. I would guess that there are just moments where it becomes noticeable, but that not every moment is noticeable. At least when I am not showing that side of myself. I do have plenty of regular guy moments as well, so I wonder if sometimes people just do not know what to make of me lol.

[Stephania]

I too, have mant "feminimme" traits, and I say just let them fly. If somebody has a problem, to bad for them.