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Barbara Ella
10-16-2013, 11:33 PM
I may have mentioned that I started with a local TG support group. Wonderful group. But that's another story.

Six weeks ago, first meeting, i went in drab as I did not know the group or the accommodations. After the meeting, i told the wife i was going dressed to the next meeting.

Two weeks ago, I went to the meeting dressed. Wife working late at daughter's office, so i dressed, went to the meeting, and returned and changed back before she got home.

As we talked about the meeting, the fact that I went dressed took her aback. She claimed I did not tell her I was doing that. I reminded her,but her mindset was that I had not told that day that I was going dressed. She had an emotional meltdown. Middle of the night,she comes in from the other bedroom, crying, and tells me to leave the bed and sleep in the other room, never kiss her, touch her, hug her, or love her. I comply. Not a good night. Next morning she apologizes and says she realizes this was not proper, and things were good, if somewhat tenuous.

This morning, I told her I would go dressed to the meeting, and would dress at home and leave the garage in the dark so no one would see me. She thanked me,and went to work at daughter's.

At 5 pm, just out of the shower,she calls and says she is getting dinner and coming home early,but I am not to change my appearance from wherever it is...Just out of shower so I told her I would at least put on a robe...She thanked me for that...lol

We ate dinner, I went downstairs to change and dress. When completed, i warned her I was coming up and she could not look, and i would leave peacefully. She said no, and wanted me to come and sit with her and talk. I was shocked in the most wonderful way. First time in over 18 months she has wanted to be with me while fully dressed.

We talked for 20 minutes before I left. We talked for 30 minutes after coming home. She also decided she would go with me to Chicago on Nov. 8 when i go up to see a sister from here who is undergoing FFS the next day. I wanted to be with her and her wife before, during and right after surgery just in case they needed anything. Wife agreed to come up to lend her support for the couple. I am so happy this evening.

A wonderful evening for me. Thanks for reading.

Barbara

Persephone
10-17-2013, 01:36 AM
Very wonderful, Barbara! So pleased for you!

Just remember to take it at her pace, it sounds like the universe will soon be open to you! (That or I'm reading the wrong fortune cookie!)

Hugs.
Persephone.

paulaprimo
10-17-2013, 02:09 AM
great news barbara!! sounds like you have been very sympathetic and respectful of you're wife's feelings
over the past 18 months and now you are reeping the benefits... :)

thechic
10-17-2013, 02:53 AM
Im so glad it worked out, I really hate sad stories. her initial reaction is understandable just the realisation of you going out dressed as a woman, an emotional quagmire.

kimdl93
10-17-2013, 06:49 AM
That's very good news, Barb. It seems a crisis has passed and let's hope that the two of you are heading down a steady path towards full acceptance.

mary something
10-17-2013, 07:04 AM
Hope your trip to Chicago goes well! Maybe she just needed time to understand that you are the same person no matter how you present

Marleena
10-17-2013, 07:30 AM
Barb I'm glad things seem to be going better with your wife. Hopefully it's the start of more acceptance, the signs are good.

I know the stress you're going through because I'm compromising with my wife too. Many of us "newbies" try to or need to compromise in the beginning for whatever reason.

GD is insidious and I thought I had it beat but it forces you to do something. I was not prepared for this especially so late in life. We want our wives to accept but I also get their concerns and worries and it ends up a balancing act. My wife accepts me as I am, a woman, but does not want me out to anybody. I'm only out to a few friends because of her wishes but it's hard to hide your true self. I'm in a holding pattern for now but feel better since I've done something about the GD.

I hope things get better for you.:)

Amy A
10-17-2013, 08:11 AM
Well I hope it continues to go well for you, it really seems like you are both treating each other with respect and understanding. And of course love. Its nice to read!

Chickhe
10-17-2013, 09:33 AM
I guess when you joined a meeting and went out dressed suddenly the reality hit her. Then she must have realized that only your appearance had changed. ...I know if I did that, my wife would be most concerned about a 'life style change' that she may not want and yet on the other hand, I think she would also want to make sure I looked as good as possible before going out the door. It is really nice that she decided to go with you to support your friend, would be cautious it doesn't scare the heck out of her though...

melissaK
10-17-2013, 09:40 AM
I've seen a lot of two steps forward, one step back by couples in emerging trans relationships (including mine). And if she takes a step back, don't let it throw you. Be as steady and nice and as considerate as you have been.

Anne2345
10-17-2013, 09:49 AM
You are definitely making progress, and I am glad to hear (read) it!! Good for you!!! :-)

arbon
10-17-2013, 09:51 AM
What Lissa said is good to keep in mind. That was my experience with wife and family, it was something of a roller coaster ride.

JustWendy
10-17-2013, 10:54 AM
Barbara - so nice to hear that you and your wife shared a "two steps forward" moment. And I think it's wonderful that the two of you will be there for your friend and her wife during her FFS. As Chickie said, this may be another moment when reality hits your wife, so keep up the positive communication.

Wendy

Kimberly Kael
10-17-2013, 12:02 PM
Your wife deciding to engage is really huge. Don't underestimate how hard this is for her just because she has taken these few steps. If anything, you might want to acknowledge that you know it has to be difficult by trying to find something nice you can do for her.

Loni
10-17-2013, 03:46 PM
tread with care, let your wife decide the speed of this,

so great you have a wife that "approves" at this point, but like so many lady's she can change her mind very fast.
do something special just for her, to let her know she is sill your special lady.

and see how others in the family are on this subject as you might need there help keeping in the life of your niece.

as you are not a freak, let alone a mistake of god.

.

.

vallerie lacy
10-17-2013, 04:24 PM
So happy for both of you.

Julie Gaum
10-17-2013, 04:47 PM
Barbara, so happy that you just might be seeing a light down a very long tunnel. Worry a bit, as others have also posted their concern, that the Chicago visit may be a difficult concept for your SO to see up close and personal rather than as an abstract concept. Extra care is called for on your part.
Good luck and let us know how it works out --- we're pulling for you.
Julie

Barbara Ella
10-17-2013, 08:53 PM
Thanks for your kind words and concerns. Please dont worry, she is just going to meet everyone, and then be around during surgery, but will not see her afterward. That is definitely not a tactful thing to do right now.

Barbara

Megan72
10-18-2013, 07:15 AM
You both sound like you have given a lot of thought about this whole thing, both together and on your own individually, to me that is very admiralable. I wish you both the best on taking the next few seps together.

DeidraDee63
10-18-2013, 07:34 AM
I'm so HAPPY for you girlfriend, sounds like you are slowly getting there, just remember baby steps.

kelliehusker
10-18-2013, 07:53 AM
Great story. I hope you continue to have succes. Understanding is so hard to get sometimes.