Confused...

[MissVictoria]

So I have posted in the past how supportive my amazing wife is. She buys me outfits, prepares my wigs, does my make up, etc... She is amazing in every aspect of my CDing and enjoys seeing me go out to the local CD club or just for a night out. I asked her last night what her thoughts were about it all, as its been several years since I've asked, and she insists that I step my game up. I go out just about every Saturday night, and since last night, she is dead-set on getting me to experience total femininity. She wants me to create a profile on Match.com, she is explaining how she's dreamt of me experiencing this, and would like me to test out the waters first, as she would like to watch me with a willing participant. While I would thoroughly enjoy experimenting, I don't want to hurt her. I can't get a read on her true feelings, and don't know if she is saying this because I might enjoy, or because she would truly enjoy. She does have a kinky streak, but she is also of the jealous type when it comes to other girls talking to me in male mode. What do I do?

[BLUE ORCHID]

H Kim, Be careful with this one it could possibly not end well for both of you.

[Flowergirl]

My advice would be to enjoy what you have...a loving supportive wife. Many people on here would practically kill for your situation. It is not worth the risk. You said yourself that your wife is the jealous type, even if she claims to be dreaming about it, I wouldn't chance it. It could be a test, it could be for real...either way, it is not worth it. If the situation was reversed, could you honestly sit back and watch somebody going at it with your wife? I know I couldn't.

You said that she has a kinky side...go buy some toys and role play. It might not be the quite the same thing, but you will be sharing the experience with someone who truly loves you, and I am quite certain that will make up for whatever it is that you think that you would be gaining by going through with your wife's suggestion.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but that's my 2 cents.

[Karren H]

Sounds like shes getting you prepared for the next chapter of your life... according to her plans... she ever mention starting her own escort business? Lol.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Go very slowly. I can't tell from your brief description what's going on, but be very careful and cautious. A match.com profile would look really bad in divorce court...

[wilt575]

POISON!!! I smell a "poison pill" set up here as flowergirl said how would feel if things were reversed. Think how this would look to judge in "Divorce Court" case down the road. Stranger things have happened when relationships change for the worse.

[giuseppina]

Discretion is the better part of valor on this one. Getting done up is one thing, but match.com is a horse of a different colour. I would be asking tough questions in a nice manner.

The jealousy is a big red flag. You're right to be wary.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kimberly,

I would ere on the side of caution but then again you know your wife better than any of us. Do you have a suspicion she may be setting you up? Is she truly into sharing you sexually or is this just a passing thought? More importantly . . . What do you want? Just because your wife is supportive it should not mean she gets to set the rules of the game. You need to be comfortable with doing things she wants as much as she needs to be comfortable with CDing.

I would take some time to have a serious chat with your wife and ask her where all this is leading. You sound like a nice person who is in love with your wife. I would lay your cards on the table and ask "Are you suggesting this because you think I might enjoy it?" and go from there. I would also discuss your concerns about jealousy. The one constant in this thing we do (after we have come out to our SOs) is communication. Heck if you can admit to your wife you like to wear lingerie and dresses, I am guessing there is nothing you can't talk about.

If you do decide to travel down the threesome road, I will tell you this. These things inevitably wind up hurting someone. I have known a lot of guys who come to work talking about their great wife who is open to sharing. Sounds like a great fantasy . . . flip a few months into the future and they are all divorced. The jealousy thing concerns me and I really think you need to lay that card on the table before experimenting.

Hugs

Isha

[Cynthia Anne]

Hanging oneself is NOT a pretty picture! I would think twice before I slipped that noose over my head!

[kimdl93]

I'm in agreement. The fantasy you and she are entertaining could morph into a major relationship problem. Personally I guest ion going out routinely without her.

[samanthasolo]

As the old saying goes, Two's company and Three is a crowd. If the both of you were in an open marriage then the more the merrier, but it does not sound to me that this is what your marriage started off with and the likely results of you going along with your wife's prompting will probably not wind up with a favorable outcome. You should really think of all of the possible results that will come of this. I do not think that this is one that you can go into with the old prepare for the worse and hope for the best conclusion.

My wife is supportive and accepting of my dressing, but I am not naive to ever think that she doesn't struggle with it or that she is not overwhelmed more than just some of the time. On the other hand my wife also says what she has to say when she has to say it wthout holding any punches! If my wife made that suggestion to me I think I would be inclined to ask 2 direct questions immediately!
and that would be.

1. Are you at the end of your rope with me and looking for a clean conscience reason to be able to walk away from US and our marriage?

2. Have you fallen out of love and possibly looking to find that with someone else?

It might be a good idea to not only be very cautious on this one but possibly read between the lines and really have a heart to heart with your wife and put it all out on the table. It might possibly be you both might wind up sitting alone at different tables!
Good luck with this one.

[Nancy (PA)]

When is "enough" enough?

[Mgreenva]

Very shakey ground. I hope your marriage is as strong as you think
Or it could be the beginning of the end

[Rachel M]

I'd be very cautious. I have to agree with Samantha and evaluate where this is eluding to. This post triggered a nerve with me as it touched some issues I went through as well. I went back and read some of your previous threads to get some insight and back story. How solid is your marriage? Is there balance in your life with Kim and yourself or does you wife see more Kim? One post you mentioned your wife's friend is ultra femme and prefers manly men. Are you being man enough for your wife? This recent post seems as though she is grooming you for a new life. Just take a moment and reflect on the balance of the relationship and make sure you are giving an equal share of time and interest into your wife's needs and activities also.
Rachel

[Chari]

Great positive advice from all previous posts! Another take on this issue could be your wife is planning to go on match.com to explore "new" adventures, but hopefully that is a negative assumption. However, there appears to be some underlying issues with her, more than just wanting you to "experience full femininity". Perhaps an appointment to a therapist would help. Please be very careful as to where and what path your wife is leading you.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Hmmm....I think being open with her and asking some questions would be a good place to start. I would love a situation like that if your wife was sincere. But I would find that out before jumping in head first.

[Jill Devine]

My guess? Match.com is not just for you. After you bite on the bait and you go through with it (you hook up with another guy) you will owe her. And she will own you.
Step 2 is "what's good for one is good for the other." She wil also be free to date and have sex with other men. She may be looking for an open marriage or an opening to leave with a clear conscience.
But... it's very VERY unlikely that she is looking for you to simply satisfy your needs / curiosity only. This is not just about you!

Tread very carefully!!!

[CarlaWestin]

Your situation is certainly a full swing of the pendulum from what a lot of us experience. My goodness, I just want my wife to get past DADT. How do you cope with CD when your SO is the feverish driver of the pink fog? I think in fantasy I would enjoy being dominated and feminized by my wife but, I wonder what it's like when it becomes all consuming with someone else driving it. Oh, and I don't think it's a good idea to use social media as a playground for fantasy games. That's petty and cruel to unknowing participants and anymore, your online profiles become your future resume or rap sheet, depending on how it's viewed.

[Kiva]

I would never go out without my wife, and I certainly wouldn't 'date', with or without her permission. Sounds like the perfect set-up for the beginning of the end....in my opinion.

[suchacutie]

This sounds like the beginning of a story that doesn't end well. The fact that she's happy that you go out without her is a massive red flag, but the match.com thing is terrific divorce court material. I guess there is some small chance that this is a fairly tale life, but we all doubt it.

[Beverley Sims]

Kimberley,
Are you being set up?
I am sorry but I would be very wary and also suspicious.
I don't want to introduce mistrust into the mix but something may be wrong.
Look outside the circle.

[Veronica497]

You had best be careful here Kimberly, very careful. I wouldn't be so quick to put yourself out there on Match.com. That is solid info to use against you should your lives together ever come to an end. She sounds fantastic don't get me wrong but not even she can truly know how she is going to react if fantasy becomes a reality especially when it comes to her having a jealous streak. I would step slowly into this water before diving in as tides do turn in life and you could be setting yourself up to drown. Don't gamble any more than you can afford to loose because in the grand scheme of all things in life you could find yourself on the loosing end when she plays her last hand. Listen to your sisters here and to this GG, tread carefully and make sure you have a way to come out in the good if this goes bad.

[Cindia]

Isn't Match.com a dating site for single people rather than a sex hook-up site? Seems strange to create a profile at a site like that if not looking for a potential long term partner. Must be better sites if it for a sex hookup. Unless you already have an open arrangement, I'd wonder why she's pushing it.

[MysticLady]

I can't get a read on her true feelings, and don't know if she is saying this because I might enjoy, or because she would truly enjoy. She does have a kinky streak, but she is also of the jealous type when it comes to other girls talking to me in male mode. What do I do?


This sounds weird to me....................... :straightface:

[Alexis.j]

Sounds a bit dodgy to me... I would not persue that route, as others have commented, theresomes don't work and someone always gets hurt .

[docrobbysherry]

Why r u asking us? Ask her! Sounds like she'll be straight with u. (Sorry about the pun!)

[RobynP]

I can't get a read on her true feelings,
I think you need to find out what she isn't telling you...

Ultimately, both of you need to discuss why you are married and married to each other.

[Bridgetlagurl]

Typed out a big long answer to this, then hit the wrong key and deleted it.
My wife would end our relationship if I went out with another women, BUT she would be quiet fine with me being with a man. She has told me this many times. So I have to believe she means it. I never asked her about it, she brought it up. And yes she wants to watch me. Not out of the realm of possibilities, I am bi. Not something I am pursuing.
Not sure where I am at on this one.

[chrissy111]

Whatever your decision, I hope your ready to live with the results. Good luck!!

[MissTee]

Like others have said the suggestion sounds unsafe in lot of ways. Why not simply define the fantasy and role play it. In any event, I'd make sure it's never more than fantasy.