Love conquers all... Or so you thought

[Briana90802]

I use to think that love conquers all but after noticing all the post about SO not approving of their CDing I have to wonder can love overcome crossdressing, or is it the one thing that stands in the way of love? Or did that person love you to begin with?

Any thoughts?

[Jenniferathome]

Maybe I'm just a half full glass kind of guy,but there are plenty of positive posts as well. I KNOW love conquers all because I am living it.

Note that in the negative experience posts, there is far more to the relationship than cross dressing. Even the women who post negative experiences write that it is not the cross dressing as much as the non-disclosure and subsequent selfish behavior that drives the wedge.

[Stephanie47]

In general terms "Love" does not give a person free rein to do whatever she or he wants to do in a marriage. Too many times I see the extremes getting in the way of resolving issues.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

in my case my wife's love for me overcame my lies and deceit for not telling her of my feminine desires for almost 30 years.
she would have had every right to end our marriage on the spot and tell the world about my secret.
the fact she has forgiven my lies and still loves me makes her a candidate for sainthood in my humble opinion!

[CarlaWestin]

I use to think that love conquers all but after noticing all the post about SO not approving of their CDing I have to wonder can love overcome crossdressing, or is it the one thing that stands in the way of love? Or did that person love you to begin with?

Any thoughts?

I just posted in another thread and touched on this. I don't believe love conquers all, like what if you found out your SO was a serial child molester. Don't think I could get around that one with flowers and a card.
But, love, true love, is a mighty powerful thing.


There certainly are some great comments and insights in this thread. This is why I embrace this forum, thorns and all. As I am currently in a DADT situation of about 2 years in a loving relationship for twenty, I have to report that it is certainly a relaxing higher plateau as compared to the sneaking around thing. My wife and I have gotten all of the misconceptions and guilt about past behavior behind us. I very respectfully do not expose her to anything she would find objectionable. I'm also accepting and understanding as a good husband is naturally. Our relationship is paramount to any proclivity that either of us indulge in. During early conversation I asked, "So, which one of us is perfect?" Together, loving each other, we are perfect. And we love each other dearly, thorns and all.

[suchacutie]

For us, love was the catalyst for bringing Tina to life. We discovered her in our fourth decade of marriage and the interpersonal connection intensified between us because of it. It certainly helped that neither of us had any a priori prejudicial problems with gender identify and it was a new experience for both of us as neither of us had experience in presenting in the other gender.

I admit that I have no idea how I'd go about explaining Tina to a new partner and certainly hope I don't need to find out.

[anna kate]

In my opinion, if there is no love, there is very little chance for a meeting of the minds for forgiveness or resolution...

[docrobbysherry]

The word "love" is a lot like the word "sport". There as many different kinds and ways to enjoy, explore, and "play" them both as there r people!

Some people's love is as shallow as the TV watcher who turns off his lifelong favorite team's game when they fall behind by 4 runs in the 3rd inning!

Don't ever measure your or SO's "love" by other folk's experience. Yours WILL be different!

[Alice B]

If the love is real and strong then your relationship will survive your cross dressing. What is important is the ability to communicate with your SO and to be open and honest. There will be give and take and a balance can be achieved.

[kimdl93]

I agree with Jennifer above. There are a lot of positive relationships here to look to for encouragement, just as there are many examples if relationships gone wrong. My guess is that many marriages fail for a combination of factors, with CDing playing a small part if any role at all. Think of all the non CD relationships that falter for the same general reasons. People may simply be incompatible, or grow apart in their interests over time. Some hold deeply ingrained and rigid, black and white views that simply allow no room for compromise. And so often people are lacking in empathy for this partners interests, needs and concerns. Add to that simple selfishness and deceit. None of these conditions are unique to relationships with CDrs

[Beverley Sims]

From what I read it isn't ALL about X dressing there are other factors as well.
To get a wife even vaguely interested you have to wash dishes, cook meals, look after her wishes and then maybe you will start to make inroads.
Consideration for her plays a big part in my estimation.

[Rachael Leigh]

Love is a two way street for a relationship to work not matter what it is. Sure you can love someone and they not love you back but it makes it's very difficult if both don't come to the table and forget self and love unselfishly. I've been a big failure in this is I allow self in the way to much.

[Steph_CD_62]

In my case love does conquer all.

I told my current wife within a week of meeting her about my desire to wear lingerie.

I know she wishes I would quit, but we did have an interesting conversation a couple weeks ago. I told her that I know she would be happy if I quit dressing, and she surprised me by saying no. My wife stated that if I stopped dressing then I wouldn't be me. I have always known she supports me, but to hear that from her made me happy.

[Tina_gm]

When it comes to the CD aspect, I am thinking that telling long after a commitment is formed is what may break a relationship. However, there are women who just desire a very masculine testosterone overflowing kind of man. That is just how some women prefer men. So, a man who has a strong feminine side, strong enough to where he wants to emulate a she, that would be someone that a woman who desires the masculine type of guy would not ever fall in love with in the 1st place. So, what happens when who she thinks she has fallen in love with is not really who she fell in love with??

In a case like that, regardless of how respectful a CDer may be, between the deception and or lying and the feminine aspect which the woman just has zero desire for, and is likely a big turn off for her, that relationship is doomed. Just another reason why it is always best to tell prospective S/O's about this side of us. It eliminates a situation like above. The other things as far as CDing goes which could ruin a relationship would be the lack of respect given to the S/O by the CD. Or, if the CDing is escalated far beyond what it was at the beginning of a relationship even if the CD did tell her early on.