The fear of your first trip out.

[Erica Marie]

How many girls here have been out in public fully dressed?

Do you remember your first or second time?

How many of you were shaking in you panties?

Well as it goes earlier this year I made my first journey, and this weekend I made my second. But this time it was out, mainstream america amongst everday people. Now the kicker, wasnt I suppose to be nervous? I know it was out of town, among people I didnt know, I had a very cute and supportive cd friend along. But I was ready, I opened the door and out I went. It felt amazing. Not too many strange looks and no negative comments or remarks. I am still chuckling inside, our first stop was at the Goodwill store ( for those who dont know, its a larger chain, nonprofit thrift store). There was a lady, she looked like a manager. She must have gave me about 5-6 looks. I dont want to say bad looks, but maybe confused. Maybe she read me, maybe she was trying to figure it out. But it never bothered me. Maybe Im ready, maybe the world is read for more of us. How will we ever know if the closet door keeps us in?

Erica

[Sallee]

I still get the paranoia but it usually dissipates quickly after my heels hit the ground. It still remains a buzz every time I go out

[Princess Grandpa]

I'm glad it went so well for you. I have been out a few times now and I'm freaked out each and everytime. At some point in the night I will realize I have relaxed but at some point it returns again. I don't know why I'm so bothered. Almost all of my interactions with Johnny Public has been positive and accepting. A few were amusing and only one confrontational. Yet each time we discuss going somewhere other than the safe places I start freaking out.

Hug
Rita

[kimdl93]

Yes, I've been out fully en femme on many occasions and of course I recall the first few nervous outings. My first was to the front yard, simply to move a sprinkler. That was it, but my grave fears were not realized and I took some encouragement from that brief step out. The next morning I went to my regular stylist, who till then knew me only as male, and sought a more feminine do. Next I was off to MAC for a makeover at the mall.

The nerves were present, like stage fright with each new outing, but I found they dissipated quickly when I actually interacted with people.

[Alberta_Pat]

First time out? Oh yes, that is indelibly engraved in my mind.

It was to Winterfest, a celebration hosted by Edmonton Illusions. I got dressed, obtained my wife's approval on my appearance, and out I went to the car.

I drove to the location where Winterfest was being held, parked the car on the street, gazing at the hotel. While sitting there, garnering my nerve, a taxi pulled up on the other side of the street and went into wait for a fare mode. I stared at the taxi, willing it to move for about 10 minutes.

My mind just didn't have the stamina and strength to force it down the street.

My wife was surprised to see me home after only an hour or so, but as I explained to her, I did not have the nerves to walk down the block, cross the street, and then enter the hotel.

Since that time, I am much more comfortable on the street, in the mall, or almost any other place I might be found.

Life is good!

[linda allen]

It's hard to say what was my first time "out". Was it driving in male clothing with a bra and water balloon forms? Was it driving at night but not getting out of the car in female clothes, forms and a cheap wig? Was it getting out of the car at night in a deserted parking lot and taking pictures? Or was it walking around the tourist secion of the city in female clothes, forms and wig, but with sunglasses?

I suspect many of us stick a toe in, then a foot, then both feet, then up to our waist, and then finally jump in head first.

The fear gets less each time.

[Lexi Moralas]

I remember my first outing like it was yesterday. I was terrified! I actually got out twice that night. I had to go to a business function in Boston and I had decided to drive there and back fully dressed make up and all. So I the way her I got off a random exit to buy a water at a garage / store. My neves had my mouth so dry! I grabbed a water and put it on the counter , careful not to make eye contact with the 2 machanics behind the counter I could feel the tention from the 20 something guy when he took my $20 I almost left with out my change. I thought I looked great but he read me right away. I took my change and as I walked out he going one said wtf? To his older co worker who replied " to each there own no harm no foul"
I got out of there fast , changed went to my function then redressed for the long ride back. At about 2:30 in the morning I got off another random exit and went in to a 24 hour stop and shop walked up an down every isl ( heart pounding out of my chest) got Checked out by a couple of over night stock workers picked out a tube of lipstick which the cashier told me would look so cute on me and headed back to my car with I big smile. 2 total different experiences In An 8 hour period. I am sure that I would have chickened out and ran back to my car if I wasn't wearing 6" stelleto pumps with ankle straps. There is no going any where fast I. Those thing and god forbid I did encounter a bad situation I couldn't just kick them off and run. Lol so I tried to remain calm and it all worked out. My next few outing I wore regular 4" pumps.
But now I have been out many times and I am totally comfortable. But still get a little nervous until like salee said until my heels hit the ground them I am fine. Btw I should have said this in the begging, I am glad you had a great outing and wish you many more like it. Xx Lexi

[Eryn]

Most dangers lies in our own minds, not the outside world.

The first time I went out was to a dinner with a CD group, held at a restaurant in a community known for being LGBT-friendly. Nevertheless, I was very apprehensive, because I had to drive 60 miles on LA freeways to get there and I had only met one member of the group briefly, and in drab. I arrived about 15 minutes before the appointed time and then had the dilemma of how to kill the time. I parked on a side street and read a book until the start time had passed. I pulled up to the restaurant and the first person to see me fully en femme was the valet attendant. He opened my door and said "Good Evening Ma'am, welcome to..." which made me feel much better. I walked into the restaurant and was directed to the group's table and from then on it was smooth sailing. I even went to another place for an after-dinner drink which involved parking a block away and walking to the club. I was rather overdressed in a pretty lace dress and I kept saying to myself "I can't believe I'm really doing this!" but I was and I was having a very good time!

Since then I've been out dozens of times and every time the anxiety diminishes, replaced by a sense of normalcy. When the concern goes from "will I get made?" to "will I have to walk too far to wear these heels?" you know you've arrived!

Erica, recently I read an article about the way that soldiers react to the challenge of battle. A few break down completely, most acknowledge their fears but remain functional, while a very few respond with a sense of calm and focus that athletes refer to as being "in the zone." It seems that you're one of these few people when the challenge is going out dressed. Congratulations!

[celeste26]

Hey it was over 40 years ago and I just dont remember sorry. But I still go to official meetings in drab. But all other outings are in the (now) usual girlie clothes. Its now almost that my "normal" clothes are the ones that include skirts, blouses, and bras and the "special" ones are the pants and shirts (I have no suits.)

[RenneB]

Oh yea... like they say, the first cut is the deepest.. The butterflies had me flying. I took a bazillion baby steps to get to my present state of being out and about. In time the butterflies leave and you'll wonder what happened to them. In the beginning time seems to slow down as you are going through what is called a flashbulb moment. It seems to take forever to walk.... Eventually, you're just a great looking girl out doing errands...

Welcome to the daywalker's club....

Renne.....

[rita63]

I've been out 3 times fully dressed and very often in jeans and a T with makeup and jewellery. At the LGBT conference I attended last week I was quite apprehensive about leaving my hotel room in a dress. It is really my own insecurity that I haven't overcome yet. I chickened out on going to the dance on Sat night and still kick myself. Most of the time I was quite comfortable with my self, participating in workshops with my Rita C. name tag and being addressed as a woman. Being given a bad table in the hotel restaurant (I am a hospitality school grad) was disconcerting and I went to the Sunday brunch en drab for the train home. I ran into the following quote here this week and I am stealing it.

"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. "
Thich Nhat Hanh

The author was in my part of the world in Aug and is currently finishing his tour in California. Sorry I missed him.

hugs rita

[Jenniferathome]

Just like your fist kiss. I remember it well. What's more amazing is how I forgot that I was dressed at times. Going out with friends helps a lot. I think attitude goes a long, long ways.

[Beverley Sims]

My first full time out dressed was with three girls trying on dresses one Saturday morning.
We were looking for a suitable dress to wear out that night.
Iwas scared as hell for the first hour.
After that the rest pales into history and insignificance.
We never bought any dresses it was a girls exercise for me to be scared out of my wits.
We went home and I was loaned a dress by one of the other girls.
It was eventually given to me and I have it to this day.I kept it out of sentiment but it is ill fitting now.

[Jamie Christopher]

Erica:

First, thanks for your thoughts on a common subject. Many of us here have experienced a similar story, but yours is special with the addition of a special friend. I was once told "attitude makes up for most of it", meaning if you act like you're supposed to be there, you are, and let that settle any second thoughts. When I venture out, I do so without that sense of worry about being "read". If I am, I am still here, and deal with me; attitude takes care of a lot. I enjoy being my special person, and have had great success with just going about my business shopping. Most folks are so involved with their daily routine they don't even notice.

Thanks for sharing,

Jamie

[Karren H]

My first trip out enfemme was when I was 16.... it was such a rush... Late one night when my parents were asleep... got dressed in the basement and snuck up and out through the garage..... scared wasn't the word! Lol

[Talisker]

Yes its scary but that is also part of the fun right? Enjoy the fear and do it anyway.
You may be shaking inside but your body language has to be assertive.

Scariest time is late at night anywhere near bars but its the same for GGs - wouldn't recommend that.

[Stephanie47]

My first time out and interacting with fellow humans was on Halloween. The crutch of Halloween supported my knocking knees. I had on a knee length jade with black floral pattern dress, beige hosiery, black strap on low heels, blond wig and full makeup. I thought, "It's Halloween stupid! Get out of the car!" I did. I walked across a parking lot and entered A Winchell's Doughnut shop attended by a woman. I ordered a doughnut. I reach into my purse to find fifty cents. She complimented me on my presentation. "I did it!" That must have been thirty years ago. Even with the crutch of Halloween there was weakness in the knees.

[Bunny Girl Zoe]

That first time stepping out can be so hard and nervous but get easyer.

[Christie ann]

O ya, I remember that first time. One evening, I took the car to a gas station and filled it on up. Had a long skirt, peasant style blouse and a hat to make up for the lack of hair. I never saw a gas pump move so slow. I just knew that the black helicopters were coming my way.

It gets both easier and harder. Easier in that now I know the black helicopters are actually pretty slow and I'll be gone before they get here. And, harder in that I do more than just put gas in the car at night. Every time you interact with people, you wonder what their response will be. I guess the responses haven't been too bad, I am still going out.

Explore the world. Enjoy your your self. Be pretty. And be yourself.

[mikiSJ]

MY first time was earlier this year when I went to a Gems event in SAC. I left the Bay Area in drab and picked up another first timer and we rented two motel rooms to change in.

After dressing and makeup, I stood at the door and said, 'ok, let's do it!'. I walked out the door and nearly ran into the desk clerk who checked me in. She smiled, and I felt a bit better. I then promptly knocked on the wrong motel room door and I apologized to the guy who answered the door, fully understanding his very quizzical look.

Picked up my partner and had one of the best evenings I had in a very long time.

I now go dressed to my therapist, have been to more Gems events and have met friends in SF for a bit of wine.

[Aly Cat]

My first experience with going out in public was actually to be on tv. Talk about jumping into the deep end with no floaties! I wasnt afraid one but though. I absolutely loved it. I felt completely comfortable as if I was actually a woman. It was an amazing first experience and for sure has ushered in a new era for me.

[bobra]

I had gone out for Mardi Gras and Halloween but those did not count. First time to a club with my wife was so exciting and scary at the same time. Of course my fears were unfounded and I got many more compliments than odd looks.
Each time is easier after that.

[Ellie52]

Erica - I am so proud of you. I knew you had it in you and as I mentioned in the PM you look fantastic. As you know I have been out a couple of times myself recently, but I go where I know I could see people I know. I dont know if this is a deliberate act of rebellion or what but if I set myself a challenge I have to do it. Like last week I decided to go to a local marina, and it was school holidays and a really nice day so lots of people. I dont know if anybody made me, and I didnt really care as I was enjoying myself so much. I even went to the ladies toilets. The lady in the coffee shop was a bit confused as I made a mistake asking for my coffee too quietly and when I repeated myself it came out a bit deeper then usual. She was really nice and brought the coffee to my table and asked if I wanted anything else.
I went to our local shopping mall on the way back and had a walk around Target and other shops without a care in the world. NOT ONE PERSON commented and I didnt hear any giggles or snide comments.
Please believe in yourself and you'll have a great life....Lots and lots of love Ellie
ps Im so proud of you.....E

[rachaelsloane]

Erica,
Congrats on your outing. The more you go out, the more natural it feels. What I did find really interesting while out and interacting with people was that after a while, I forgot I was dressed.
Rach

[PretzelGirl]

Who wouldn't remember their first time out? I was nervous, but I pushed through. I remember walking towards the door of Ulta and every time someone walked in or came out, I would stop and act like I was doing something until they got out of the doorway. Bleah! :heehee:

Everybody gets nervous. It is part of the passage. And when you go out again, there is some level of it that is still there for most of us. When you go out regularly, it calms those feelings down. If you don't go out for a while, it is natural for the nerves to make a come back. The important thing is for each of us to do what we want to do.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I don't remember my first time out, but I do remember one of the earlier times. I went shopping as an adult with my Mom, it was one of my first times and I got read. It was terrible... I go out a fair amount now, and I seem to have overcome my nerves.

[NathalieX66]

My first time out ever was at a coffee house on Newbury Street in Boston 21 years ago, and yeah, I did panic.

Then I stayed closeted for 18 years, because I never saw crossdressers in public, so I felt really alone.

Erica, I wish you the best. It get easier each time.

[Stephanie Lynne]

I'm so glad to see other girls being extremely nervous. My first time when fully dressed, I chickened out. The next 2 times I waited in car, but felt better after putting my heels on the ground. I've had so much fun and excitement being out.

[AmyGaleRT]

Like many girls, I took it in stages:

Taking the trash out to the dumpster
A drive around town
Going through a drive-through (and actually getting "ma'am"ed)
Getting out of the car to go into a supermarket
Going to my first meetup with other CDs

It was after I got my hair done that I finally lost all my fear of getting out. Since then, I go out on a regular basis, and have even been out at Denver's PrideFest, in the middle of Civic Center Park, among a massive crowd. In the process, I've had a great time, and have now even been given the opportunity to organize the local meetups and help other local CDs that way. I was out last night for the Black Crown's Haunted Cabaret, and will be out again, at least, this Thursday, to meet with the Program Director of the GIC. I'm already accumulating more "winter" items in my wardrobe in anticipation of the coming months...

- Amy

[Lorileah]

Who wouldn't remember their first time out?

me. I really don't remember. May have been Coronation 1996. I went with my brother in law but Coronations are booooring so we left for a bar. If that was the first time it was not a big deal except when two different people lifted my skirt on the dance floor. And you all wonder why I don't dance now

[crazybiker]

I remember my first time out, its haunted me for a while, a long while since then its been hard to get out until recently.
I was trying to impress my gf, and I was 19. She had only barely taught me how to do make up, and shes lighter skin than me, so it was harder for me to use her stuff, but it was a cool night, I had her trench coat, jeans and a Tshirt on under that, but was too cold to take jacket off, and some simple black heels. My hair and my nervousness made it a bad night. I was in a panic the entire night, and I thought I looked good leaving the house, but compaired to my friend who came with me, she just simply looked better than me I think and so the whole night I was sweaty on the train under my jacket, kept my head down low, and kept my headphones on. IT was late Friday night, so a bunch of partiers were on their way home and so I was actually the center of attention that night cause I could read the faces of people wondering what I was.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Goodwill has lots of nice stuff. I do recall the first time, second, third and so on. Nervous at first but very comfortable by the last time. It's been a while now..

[Marcelle]

Yes the first time is very nerve wracking. My true first time did not go well but I will chalk that up to the venue (not a wise choice on my part). My first day time (solo) outing under scrutiny of a lot of people (a busy grocery store) was the most horrific as I do not pass at all (blend at distance yes . . . pass not in a million years). I got a lot of looks (or at least perceived looks), heard a few giggles (mainly from young kids) and there was a few times that I wanted to leave my groceries and run away but then I thought . . . heck I have the right to be here in guy clothes so why not in a dress. Once I calmed it got easier to continue and I even had a very nice conversation with the girl who checked my groceries out (she liked my boots). :)

Hugs

Isha

[Angela Campbell]

It wasn't all that long ago for me, slightly over a year now. I clearly remember how nervous I was. Literally shaking all over. I had an upset stomach and even felt a little faint. It really seems so far away now since I am living as a woman (except at work for a little while) now and really go wherever. It is funny as much as it was frightening the first 4 or 5 times it really does get better each time.

[Cheryl T]

Of course I remember my first time. I was never so nervous in all my life.
I felt that everyone was looking only at me and that everyone knew. I felt awkward, and alone even though I was in a crowd.
It took a while till I realized that no one was watching me. They all had their agendas and were going about their business. Of course I did get read a few times and there were the stares, but I go over that. It was just so nice to be able to be me in public at last.


Now years later I don't even think about that. I just go out, hold my head up and own the day.

[Olive_CD]

My first time spending the whole day dressed was a month ago, driving around California and stopping in various shops and shopping malls along the way. It helps to be in an area where you don't know anybody, for the "do not care" factor.

My main mistake was keeping those heavy leggings on under the skirt, since I don't shave my quite hairy legs and wanted to hide them, which meant they kept me warm the afternoon. No mention from anybody about my appearance, good or bad. I probably got more stares from wearing opaque tights in California than from my appearance, at least from far away. I spent the next day in a skirt and went out a few times in heels the following week. Great feeling!

I think the trigger for me was seeing someone walking down the street near work, in heels and a skirt and he was clearly a CD. I thought I could do it too.

[BillieJoEllen]

I can remember just about everything about my 'first time out'. Took a bubble bath, shaved, vanity fair navy blue panties, bra, girdle and full slip. Queen tall pantyhose from Penneys. Dusted all over with Chanel #5 and perfumed with Chanel #5. Had my first ever tall girl dress. It was navy blue and zipped up the back. Fit very well. Han a pair of navy blue shoes and to top things off I wore a light tan trench coat and a navy blue purse. I lived in a second floor apartment and had about a half block walk to where I had to park my car. After I got downstairs and turned left it was only about ten or so feet to the alley. As I was making my way down the alley an older man was sitting in the doorway of a building that I had to pass. Finally made it to my car. Did I tell everyone how bad I was quaking when I stepped out of my apartment? It made the ten o'clock news that night. I was recorded as 'seismic activity'.

Drove around for about a half hour and found a place to park. Walked around a city block. Did this about another 5 or 6 times. On my last walk I passed six teenage girls. They were all laughing and giggling and paying me no mind. That is except for one girl. She kept staring at me. Nothing came of it and I safely made it back to my car and apartment.

I don't remember my second venture outside but in the months to come I got up the courage to do a little shopping and do more walking around the city.

[julia marie]

Tough to forget the first time out in public. Wearing nice looking boots with three-inch heels was a big mistake with snow and ice on the sidewalks. Limped back to the car after 15 minutes. Stopped to get gas; realized that nobody freaked out at the sight of me, which was reassuring. I still get nervous sometimes, but it's been great going out once or twice week these days.

[Erica Marie]

I really want to thank all the girls for sharing their first time experiences and I hope it is motivation for all the girls who are close but still on the edge about going out. Finding a friend helps alot and taking a a weekend away to a different city where no one knows you also helps.

[Majella St Gerard]

I've been out many times and sometimes I still get the shakes right before I'm getting ready to leave the house, I'll look for excuses not to leave the house or I'll change back to male clothes.

[CarlaWestin]

My first adventure out was very late at night about 48 years ago. I was wearing one of my mother's secreted bras under a tightly buttoned jean jacket as I scaredly moved from shadow to shadow in the quiet neighborhood. I was so scared that police helicopters would be circling overhead at any minute. Now, I go out shopping in boobs and heels like it's nothing.


.................and sometimes I still get the shakes right before I'm getting ready to leave the house...................

Oh yes, that natural shot of adrenaline right at the moment.

[jennyluvly]

For me, every time feels like a 1st time, the rush of adrenalin, a bit of stomach butterfly, excitement, the whole 9 yards, at times just doing every day things nonchalantly, & of course I was read by some, all in all worth every bit of fun & trouble.

[Suzanne F]

It was so exciting to step out of the car in my heels and skirt. I floated down the street with my wife and our girlfriend. Yes I was nervous but I knew I was home! I go out at least twice a month now in San Francisco. I have been out in Vegas also. I love it and am never going backwards!
Suzanne

[esther22]

I live in a small town where everyone knows each other, so I wouldnt go out here, but if i was in a town where no one knows me, I wouldnt have any problem. Esther

[Cindia]

I honestly can't remember the very first time I went outside in a skirt. It would have been in my teens, just walking down the drive way to the mailbox. I'd guess I was nervous, but I just figured if anyone saw me they'd think I was one of my sisters.

[Genesis]

OH YEAH I RMEMBER ! I was on my way back home from my first get together with another CDer and had a FLAT TIRE on my car. It was in the middle of the night and I got out to look, when a truck stopped and two men offered to help the "little lady". I tried to sound gurlie as possible and told them my boyfriend was on the way to help. After they drove off I got into my normal clothes and changed the flat. This was the first time I had felt the power of the female form lol and loved it !

[Julia NZ]

I go out frequently fully dressed from top to toe. Still not entirely comfortable yet but it's getting there as I have had no bad encounters. I've actually had several positive comments from the fairer sex which was extremely nice and appreciated.

I have still to pluck up the courage to wear a skirt or dress though. Don't know why as I go out in heels and the most obvious of ladies pants, blouse, heels and jacket...not to mention make up. Just need a bit of encouragement perhaps?