Coming out to family

[KristyE]

Hi, My son, his wife and my grandsons ( 3 and 1 years) are coming up to stay with my wife and I for a couple of days over Halloween and I wanted to take my son aside and tell him about my xdressing. I think he'll be ok with it. Should I ? I've only been out to my wife for a couple of months. Also do you gals think I should tell my wife of my plans to tell him or keep it between him and me? I know she is afraid they may not bring the kids around if they find out. Any advice you have would be appreciated.
Love Kristy

[thechic]

!You should defiantly talk to your wife first! about what you want to do , But do you need to tell your grandson, does he need to know ,with the wife only knowing about your cross-dressing for a couple of months it might cause issues ,you should only be telling him if you plan on going out dressed or crossdressing around your grandson , does his mother and father know about your crossdressing. But That only My opinion.

[I Am Paula]

Just my 2 cents. Unless you are planning on going full time, or gender dysphoria keeps you from going the few days without presenting female, why open that potential can of worms.
I've met lots of girls that had no real reason to come out other than that they wanted an audience. Just double check your motives.

[samanthasolo]

This is a topic I have discussed with my wife, and although my wife and I both agree as for our situation that we keep it between ourselves. IMO I believe not only should your wife be involved in whatever final decision you both choose to make, you both really need to consider the positive and negative possibilities that will come from your decision should you choose to come out. You stated that you have only come out to your wife a few months ago and I honestly think that it may seem she is accepting of your situation and how it pertains to your relationship with her. There s a good possibility that she might need more time to process and digest the extra you just added to your marriage. It could become an issue that could prove overly burdensome to more than just your wife and yourself. If there is a reason that you feel there is a real need to make your son aware of this it might be better to do it at a later date as to ensure your wife has had enough time to adjust. From my own experience it does take some time, your wife might not be ready. I wish you both the best in your decision.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm wondering why you feel the need to do this. Family knowing all isn't always necessary. In the movies Tony Stark told the world he was Iron Man but that didn't necessarily work out for the best. Personally, I've always operated on a "need to know" basis like we did in Army Intel. It's your decision, however.:)

[Marcelle]

Hi Kristy,

I agree with most. I would take a slow approach and work on the acceptance within your own marriage first before bringing your son and potentially others into the mix. However, you know your son's level of acceptance better than we but you should inform your wife about you wanting to do so. If it goes bad and your son decides to withhold the grandchildren, this could have some serious knock on effects in your marriage. IMO, just go slow and let things progress to a more balanced point in your life and relationship with your wife.

Hugs

Isha

[Tina B.]

Only two months, I doubt your wife has had tome to fully wrap her head around it, much less be ready to share with the world.
Have you considered your wife's reaction with your son or his wife get scared of bring the grandkids around you and your wife, and how that would effect your relationship with said wife.
I commend you on wanting to be open, but I think you need to give yourself and you wife more time to work on this before involving even more people and possibly more pressure.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kristy, Be careful what you wish for, It could come back to bite you in the @$$.

[Sarah Beth]

I would have to agree with what the majority are saying here. This is a discussion you need to have with your wife first. To me it would be better to keep it just between the two of you at least for now. Even if you are planning on becoming more open about it with everyone in future its going to be awhile before your wife is really used to the idea. Two months isn't that long and while she is on board with it now she is still likely trying to absorb it and having your son know and start asking questions might put way more pressure on her about than she needs right now.

You do know as well that once you tell your son he will tell his wife and then who is she going to tell. I was once told and it seems to be true, if you tell 1 person something then two of know it and that 1 and 1 are 11.

[Beverley Sims]

Talk to your wife first, amd think of the implications.....
Why tell your son at all.
Some things are better left unsaid and just because you see success stories here there are ten times as many unsuccessful ones.

Say nothing and have a good Halloween, a happy Thanksgiving and coming holiday season.
Just enjoy their company un dressed. :)

[sl-Stephanie]

I also think you are going to fast. it has only been a couple of months enjoy what you have with your wife for awhile.

[Jackie7]

My need to dress was among the forces that broke up my first marriage, the kids were grown and gone by then but there was no keeping it under wraps. One of them later told me they knew I dressed during the DADT years, kids living with you generally know something about everything, though they rarely have the full story. At the same time my kids prefer the Dad they grew up with, and their kids need a grandpa, they've already got enough grandmas. Similarly my second (current) wife's family, they know I dress, but they know me as a man. I have plenty of opportunities to dress at home and out, so I don't feel any need to push my femme self onto them. Any more than I need to see everything they choose for their own lives.

My guess is your son already has a clue, but if he isn't asking and you don't live in the same house, there's no need for you to confess. If you need to be out all the time and intend to dress for family events, then of course you must explain. Otherwise take your time. My hard -earned 2 cents.

[Carla4Guage]

I feel that you are pushing your agenda, rather than tell your son I think you need to reassure and strengthen the relationship with your wife. If sometime down the road there is a need to inform your son then; with your wife's knowledge and approval you can do so. You have a relationship you need to have firm feelings about before you attempt to try to explain things to yet another person. M H O !!!!

[Jenniferathome]

I always ask the same question when this comes up. Why? Is it for you or for them? Is it that you want to tell someone or you need to because you will be dressed when he visits? If for you, don't. If for him, definitely.

[KristyE]

Hi and thank you, I do tend to rush into everything I do. I have no intentions of dressing around the family and definitely not in front of the grandchildren. I can't answer why I wanted to come out, maybe for the support. I think I should wait awhile and not screw-up what I've got. Thanks again for helping clear some of the fog. This is why I came to this site, to have someone to talk to like me.
Calmed down. Love Kristy

[Stephanie47]

Is there any compelling reason for your son and his family to know? If you are so inclined to upset the family apple cart, tell your wife before you do it.

I'm with Jennifer on this. Sometimes I think these self outings are a cry for trying to gain acceptance of self without realizing the consequences to others.

[kimdl93]

I personally would put this off for a while. You haven't been out to your wife that long and I don't see the Need to rush with your son.

[sometimes_miss]

The original rule applies here: If you can accept the worst possible outcome, then go proceed. Do not assume that everything will work out the way you wish it will. Chances are very good that they won't. So consider; if you can accept the rest of your family considering you a pervert, with a potential to be a child molester, if you can accept never seeing your children or grandchildren ever again, or never being trusted to be alone with them; If you can accept that they may out you to the rest of your church, all the rest of your relatives, in fact, the rest of the world, then go ahead. Far too many of us have outed ourselves to others due to wishful thinking clouding our judgement, forcing ourselves to believe things that are not true, simply because we want them to be true so very much. Don't let yourself be fooled into believing what you want reality to be, with what reality is.
Good luck.

[Allintime]

I wish I had good advice, but just coming out to my mother and girlfriend(who are very accepting, and both actually enjoy it!!) I am trying to say screw it and tell me brother and everyone else but its rough stuff :(