I'm so lost....

[CaraDawson]

I don't know What to do because the male and female personalities inside me are clashing for control... The Masculine side of me wants to stay, but the feminine side wants to be the only one. If I decided to live as a woman I would cut all ties and just start new, mostly because my life hasn't been what I wanted, I haven't been able to accomplish the things that I planned on by now. I'm still young I'm only 23, but I feel much older. I'm just hoping someone could give me some advice to help me get through until I figure out what I'm gonna do.

[Rianna Humble]

I think the best advice I can offer you at the moment is to find a reputable gender therapist and talk these feelings through with her/him.

From what you say, there are things about being a male that are important to you and that you would regret giving up. If I'm right then you do not need to transition at this time.

I am not denying that you are facing some tough choices t the moment, but your words do not suggest to me that you are suffering from acute Gender Dysphoria which is why I suggested the therapist.

[Angela Campbell]

I agree. Transition does not solve all of life's problems, it can solve certain ones for some people, but it brings on other problems. At 23 you have barely begun life, it takes a lot more time than that to accomplish a lot of things. Don't be in a rush, look around, decide what you want for now and then learn how to get that. A therapist will often help to focus on what you are missing.

[CaraDawson]

Thanks :)

[sandra-leigh]

In addition to what the others wrote:

Transition is hard work, including deciding exactly what kind of transition is right for you. Your transition is most likely to be successful if you are self-reflective and honest and face up to yourself. You can't run away from yourself. Cutting all ties because your life has not been what you wanted sounds too much like not examining yourself and what you want and what you will need to change about yourself to get what you want.

There are sometimes circumstances where cutting all ties is beneficial, but those circumstances usually involve abuse or realistic threats of abuse.

[Allesandra Rhodes]

Well you are young enough to take a little time and plan things out. Severing all ties may sound good, but are you sure? If you're not then perhaps you need more time to decide. Even if your mind is made up, a therapist can and will help you take the next steps.

[IamSara]

What the others have said is so very important. The most important is getting into therapy. I fought and fought with myself and with others because I was so miserable. Until I finally got into therapy nothing changed. A good Therapist who is trained with gender dysphoria is the only way to go. Is it the solution to all your issues. NOT HARDLY. It can only be the start and you have to take it the rest of the way. Whether you have to transition or you stay a male therapy is the only right way to go.

[Andie Elisabeth]

Cara, I am just a year older than you are and I've been burning bridges behind me since fourth grade. Trust me, it'll get you nowhere and you'll probably be lonely. Cut only the ties that need to be cut because it's hard to go back to people you left.

Therapy sounds good if you find a therapist who you feel you can trust.

[Barbara Ella]

Cara, I am nearly 3 times older than you. I cannot offer a lot of information relative to transition, as that is something that is your personal road to be traveled when you feel things are right. You have a lot of good support from the girls here for you to use as you see fit.

The one thing I can pitch in on is the worry you express that you have not accomplished what you thought you would by this stage in your life. You are only 23!!!! Timelines and milestones are only crude estimates and in no way are they cast in stone, nor should they have any influence on how one views their life's accomplishments, NEVER!! You have nearly 60 yease ahead of you if you take care of yourself mentally and physically, what you have done over the first 23 will pale with what you will be doing in the future. Make plans, try to meet them, adjust your expectations and proceed onward. Just keep moving onward.

If transition is your future, you will take some friends along with you, and you will leave some behind. Do not intentionally separate yourself from everyone. You have some who will care very much about you, i would bet money on that, you just have to find them and let them choose to come with you.

Trust me, and the others here, you will figure this out. It may not feel very good at times, but that is the burden we must bear.

Barbara

[Kathryn Martin]

I really have trouble understanding your post. I mean you are young, so I am not sure what you wanted to accomplish other than education and a vocation maybe. I have no idea what you mean with male and female personalities? Then you talk about your masculine side and your feminine side, and I wonder if that was just a rephrasing of of male and female personalities. How do you decide to live as a woman? What does that mean for you? Maybe you can describe what you mean when you say "live as a woman"? I guess there is little or nothing that I could say to advise you based on your post. Maybe you could just answer my questions?

[kimdl93]

The most important thing is to recognize that at 23 there are lots of things you have left to experience and learn. The second thing I'd advise is to get past the idea that there is are "male" and "female" entities clashing for control. There are not. There is only you. Your mood and your desires may change from time to time, moment to moment....but its just you in there.

And instead of figuring out what you're going to do, why not experiment. That's what youth is for. To what extent have you actually gone out and experienced life presenting as a woman. At this stage in life you have the opportunity to try out that role and see how well it fits.

Also, you're statement, above, treats gender as an either/or. But there are more options, more gradients on the continuum of male to female...and you may find yourself comfortable with some blend of the two. So, be willing to experiment. Its a lot more reliable to find the answers you're seeking by trying on possible gender roles instead of sitting around contemplating unknowns.