Sharing your secret.

[thecddj]

Hi all, newbie here !

How many of you have shared your desire to cross dress with your partners ????

cddj

[sexygal]

I have and she is okay with it as long as she is not around. I don't go out so it is just around the house. Did have a guy come to the door once selling something while I was dressed, quickly slipped off bra and top but left skirt on and wore a "guy" top and he never noticed (I think).

[stephyX]

best thing i ever did was share,gave the freedom i was after and made things better for the both of us,usually better if you can have friends to accept it,more you hide the harder it will be

[Christie ann]

Yup, told her 35 years ago. She hated it then and has so slightly warmed up just a little bit.

[Tina_gm]

I confessed it to my wife 10 months ago. It has been and will probably always be a very slow and sometimes difficult road with acceptance from her. She has come quite a ways, although I think at this point she has come farther than she will go in the future. It has been a wonderful relief for me. Although she is not into seeing me dressed and never has, just being able to not have to hide and be secretive about this part of me. To allow myself to be feminine is a relief, and has made me a much better and calmer person overall.

[Jenniferathome]

Many, many here have done so. It is the best thing for you both. If you do share this info, be prepared and disclose everything.

[vallerie lacy]

I fessed up to my future 2nd wife around 37 years ago. It was at a bar, needless to say after a few drinks. Maybe it was a few more drinks actually. The hardest part was dressing for her the first time. I felt silly. She has always accepted my dressing, and encourages me to do so. I consider myself to be one of the luckiest crossdressers.

[shawna0289]

I told my gf about a year ago she is accepting as far as I am aware

[daviolin]

I told my wife 4 years ago. I had to for my own sanity. It was hard at the time. but things have mellowed out since. Daviolin

[KarenCDFL]

I told my wife of 18 years well before we got married.

It took awhile but she is totally accepting.

[Karren H]

I have.... not willingly..... wasn't a fun day... lots of screaming and crying.... she was pretty upset too!

[bridget thronton]

I decided that for me keeping secrets was not a good think to do. My wife has known for many years, my adult children and close female friends for the past 5 years or so.

[Bria]

I told my wife several month aftere starting, she is ok with it and helps me with fashion and accessory choices. I model every thing for her and ask for her comments. So far I don't go out fully dressed and don't do makeup, so its just at home for now, Bria

[Kelley]

I didn't share it with my wife that was a discovery she made on her own. Turned out for the best.

[Stephanie47]

I think when you use the term "share" that it means something other than the wife discovering the SO/CD secret. Maybe it was stumbling across the stash in the back of the closet. Or coming home too early from work or a trip. When I was first married my wife and I dabbled in "bedroom play" with nighties and hosiery. She was accepting because it properly seemed like a fetish. Later on my interest in woman's clothing grew. I started buying slips and panties. However, the world kind of turned on its axis when she saw I had purchased a Vanity Fair red bra and panty set. She could not understand why a guy would buy a bra, if he has nothing to stuff into it. Valid question! That started the discussion every CD seems to endure. That was over thirty years ago. So, it's DADT. She realizes I am basically the same guy she was drawn to and married. I just have a little quirk she was not expecting. I believe the attributes in my personality she was draw to was nurtured by my inner feminine side.

[StephanieDragg]

I was closeted for many years until I left a skirt out in the open, my wife confronted me about it and was sure I had another woman in the house, I told her it was mine and she didnt really believe me for a bit so I brought down my stash of stuff and eventually tried stuff on in front of her, that was about 15 years ago, she'll go out shopping with me a few times a year but it isnt her favorite thing

[Beverley Sims]

Mine knew before we were married.
It has not been all beer and skittles.

[Rachelakld]

Told my wife before we got to serious as it's hard to be honest while hiding such a secret . She is a good advisor on clothing and daughters help with hair and makeup

[Suzanne F]

I told my wife 8 months ago. She has been very supportive. I go out fully dressed on a regular basis with and without her. We have had struggles and it has not been easy. But I has been worth it! We are grateful for each day and we are being honest and open with each other. She grieved losing the all male picture of me and I understand that. It has taken time for her to get used to the idea of me as a woman. However, it has had benefits as well. We are closer than ever. We do not take our lives for granted. I cherish her and love her for her willingness to make me happy. I am trying to do the same for her. If we had not already had a wonderful relationship we would not have made it through this. I am very happy!
Hugs
Suzanne

[mikiSJ]

First of all, welcome to the forum you have asked a common question.

I told my wife, before we married 37 years ago that I cross dress. She was accepting then but less so as time went on.

As time has passed, I have left CDing behind and found out who I want to be for the rest of my life. I came out to her as Miki late last year, and will be telling my wife that I want to progress as Miki and that will probably end my marriage.

[Ressie]

I've told at least 5 of my past girlfriends including an ex wife.. The first was in 1978 and they were all told near the beginning of the relationship. Why do you ask cddj?

[Diversity]

I have and am very glad I did. My wife has accepted this in me but doesn't totally understand it and does not want to see me dressed. She does allow me to sleep in a nightgown and underdress in panties, however. In fact I can now wear panties and a nightgown 24/7 without any problems. I must however, keep this as 'our secret'.
Di

[reb.femme]

I told my wife about 18 months ago, after being partially busted and I'm glad I did. It's not been all plain sailing. She is supportive but not overjoyed with my alternative lifestyle, shall we say?

My wife told her sister at my request, as it gave her an outlet for the burden of this secret. Quite how secret it really is now, is another thing, but I don't really care to much either. I worry for my wife as I don't want her to suffer for my penchant.

Rebecca

[Joanne f]

Told my wife quite a few years ago , it was a bit dodgy at first but now completely accepting .

[femguy]

Told my wife yesterday, thats how I found this site I was trying to find other people who also crossdress. I don't think she understands it I think she thinks its something sexual and that she feared I might be bisexual or something, but for me its the trill of nice feminine clothes against my skin etc.. We are talking again and she agreed for me to wear panties to work on occasion, I would love to wear something nice to bed but baby steps I guess

[Allintime]

Shared it as soon as I dressed for me first time. Kinda just said screw it I need to be "me".

[thecddj]

I have been a crossdresser since 14 and never shared it with anyone, but now i have met such an amazing woman and have been seeing each other a few months, i am so wanting to tell her but i have no idea where to start.....

[mikiSJ]

thecddj and FemGuy

There are many resources here that are available to your partners. Ask them to the to explore the site.

[AmyGaleRT]

I told my fiancee (or, as she puts it, she dragged it out of me :) ) about a year ago. It's the best thing I could have done; she is very much OK with it and has been supportive as I have grown as Amy. It wouldn't have been possible without her!

- Amy

[Phydelia]

i am very fortunate to have an understanding and supportive wife; i told Her about the more unconventional aspects of my personality very early on, as i knew that they would be make-or-break issues.

[Launa]

I just posted in another thread this was the comment:


I told 3 girlfriends about myself before I settled down with the partner I have now for 20+ years. All of them were accepting and didn't give a crap about it at all. However I told them right up front, even before we got serious. I took the chance if the relationship got ugly that they wouldn't blabber about it around town. Guess it worked
We didn't stick together for other reasons other than dressing. I suggest not to go looking for dates in conservative, square head, churchy towns that can't handle anything outside the norm!

[Robin777]

I told my wife of 34 years before we got married. She is very supportive. We go shopping together and like to go through thrift stores together.

[julia marie]

No partner, but my dog knows. I don't think she's told anyone.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi, I told my wife last Dec after 12 years of marriage. Some ups and downs, but she indulges me from time to time and I treasure those moments. She's a gem; I'm so happy I told her.

[Steph_CD_62]

The first time I talked to my current wife I let her know that I had a lingerie fetish. With in a week I was telling her that I really enjoyed wearing lingerie too. I knew from the start that she was the one I wanted to be in my life so I didn't want to hide anything figuring if it was meant to be she would be able to accept me for who I am.

[Vanessa01]

Told My girl friend many years ago, she okay with it, but not always...

[Jilmac]

When I was dating my first wife, I told her about my desire to wear women's clothes. She disapproved but married me anyway. I hid it from her for ten years. We divorced but not for issues related to my dressing. When I was dating my second wife, I told her about my desire to wear women's clothes. She disapproved with the belief that it would "turn me gay" but married me anyway. I hid it from her for 26 years until her demise in 2007. I told my present SO about my desire to wear women's clothes and she is ok with it as long as I don't do it in her presence. I'm ok with that agreement because now I can be open about my dressing and no longer have to hide.

[PretzelGirl]

Told my wife from day one. She has always been informed about my feelings and my advancements have all been with her saying it wasn't pushing any boundaries.

[giuseppina]

If I ever find somebody willing to put up with me, the plan is telling her well before marriage is discussed. I don`t want her thinking I`m cheating on her, and I also don`t want her finding out from another source.

Femguy, this is early days now. Don`t push too much or she may turn against the dressing. If you can convince her to join this site, there are benefits here for her, but if she isn`t ready, don`t try to force the issue. And for the record, most of us are heterosexual males that like to dress in ladies clothes.

[Michelle55]

I told my wife about 2 weeks into dating. She is not only fine with it, she enjoys it a lot. She is fine with me going out dressed and fine with it in the bedroom. In fact this last evening ............

[Dora]

I have told a few of my friends but also they were not shocked and were acting as if they were expecting it.

[Roli F]

Hi my first marriage broke down when busted she wanted a real Man, then had GF told her that split us up, told SO at the beginning about lingerie and nightwear she tolerated that for last 10 years but not happy with present situation having come out of the wardrobe (armoire) to all my family colleagues and friends she is seriously embarrassed that her family will find out won't let me leave house obviously dressed En Femme
Living in Manchester England there is a wonderful LGBT community centred around the Village in the northern quarter though you still have to be careful around town

[BLUE ORCHID]

Married just short of fifty years my wife has known about my dressing.

[daarleane]

I told my first wife about two years after we were married. Honestly I did not know myself at that time but anyway we talked about it. How ever after forty nine years I lost her to cancer. Of course during the time we were raising two children my CD activities were "in the closet". My second bride was told long before we ever decided to marry, she accepts it as a part of me. I am a greater limiting factor in my CD efforts than she is.

[Frédérique]

How many of you have shared your desire to cross dress with your partners?

I did, and I lived to regret it… :sad:

[Emilia]

My wife knows, luckily she's ok with it too! She's seen me dressed quite a few times.

[Devin C]

I told my ex at the beginning of our relationship an she was fine with it for a few years. Then she wasn't years later we split up. I told my current wife when we first started dating an she embraced it an it's wonderful. We have a great time with it. .

[thecddj]

After doing a lot of thinking the last days i have decided to tell my gf this weekend about everything, it feels the right time and if i leave it any longer and tell her i feel that it will feel like i have lied to her, wish me well :)

Hi all, well i did it ! and she is 100% ok with it and even wants to help me dress.
It is such a weight off my shoulders and i cant wait !

[Emma 73]

I told my wife about 2 years ago, i started dressing at 35, she accepts this as part of me know and will help me with some of the shopping trips. Some days are more fun than others though....

[suchacutie]

I'm blessed in that Tina is a product of the curiosity of my wife and me. The first time Tina ever dressed was with my wife. I'd never before condidered that I might be transgendered.

[EnglishBeth]

I told my wife early on. Worked up slowly to full dressing with forms and wigs coming someway down the road. Has moved from me borrowing what she doesn't want to her buying me clothes, then wearing them herself!

[Jenniferpl]

My wife was able to get to accept that I am a cross dress. Best thing I ever did. Hopefully I have become a much better person as a result. It has turned into a amazing journey of self discovery.

[Jillian Faith]

Both 1st and 2nd wife were told well before we married. The divorce form 1st wife had nothing to do with crossdressing.

[dutch-anita]

Hi cddj nice to know she is ok with it, I told my gf after 3 weeks or so, thats 13 years ago, still going strong

[Michelle51]

it was her suggestion to see me in a skirt, things rolled from there.

[jessica2009]

Like many, My SO was quiet aceepting of me and love her much for because of it! took 4 years to tell her but, better late than never right?

[flatlander_48]

My second wife and I have been married for 8 years now, but I've known her for about 20. I told her when things got serious a couple of years before we got married. I think she believes it is sort of fun as she's always trying to feel me up when I'm dressed at home.

[thecddj]

My other half now wants to take me out to buy me something nice and sexy for my birthday next week, I am sooo excited :)

[MatildaJ.]

So happy this is going well and the two of you are having fun with it! Keep it slow, go at her pace, and you'll have many good times together!

[reb.femme]

18 months ago. Told all after being partially busted about a month previous.

I've got my own clothes now and get to go out as well.......marvellous! :heehee:

Rebecca

[Michelle V]

Coming out to my wife has improved our relationship in every single way, she has open many door I didn't know existed,our intimacy has reached a place I never knew existed. I love her more today than the day we met,for allowing me to grow, recognize and accept who I am.

[Christina Kay]

Couldn't have said it any better than Michelle V. Good luck , and keep communicating. Hugs

[casper064]

I had been in relationship with my wife for 4 years before we got married. 6 months after the marriage, I told her about my CD 2 weeks ago via phone, because we are now separated due to my work.
Currently she is not only ok with it but also wants to buy me some new clothes when we are together next month. It makes me like the happiest man in the world, and I love her more than ever.
However she has never seen me dressed, I hope that she will not be turned off.

[Vanessa5]

I told my wife about 3 years ago. We have a DADT relationship. Any serious relationships before that...once they found my stash I was told to basically get out, we are done.

[Amberhea]

theccdj, I had told my wife about my CD'ing really only a year or so ago. But she knew of my panty wearing while we were dating. Only lately has it moved to full on crossdressing with her support and encouragement. She actually bought me some bra inserts a few weeks ago. The picture that is my avatar is one she took as well. Having my first wig and doing my 1st makeup only occurred a few months ago. I love looking at myself dressed up and feel that I am the person I was meant to be in girl mode.

[5150 Girl]

Moms know everything you do! (atlest moms of my generation anyway.) They may not always let on they know, but they do. If you're into an activity they disagree with, they may be in denial, but deep down, they still know.

[Heather-Barbie]

I kept it a secret from my ex-wife, and it was her reason to leave me. I know this was not the true reason we ended our marriage, but in the long run, it was best for us to both move on. After she found out about me, I took time to understand this part of me, and decided to be honest with those I dated after my marriage ended. Most were not excited about this, but I made good friends. 6 months ago I met a wonderful lady, and I was honest to her from the beginning. She had time to research this on her own, and asked good questions. Because I understood what it really meant to me, I was able to answer many of her questions. She is open minded, and I mixed some suggestions of activities with my dressing that would be fun for both of us (shopping, sharing clothes, just having fun with this part of me). We have been building up a wonderful relationship.

I think one basic point is we would want anyone we get close to in our life to be honest with us, so it is only fair we be fully honest with them.

[darla_g]

yes by all means. If you haven't told her yet you will have to at some point if the relationship is going anywhere. Be prepared for the basic common questions:


Are you gay?
Do you want to become a woman?
Have you been wearing my things?
Who have you told about this? Who else knows?

[JazmyneCD]

She knows and doesn't care. She's the best.

[chrissy111]

Told my wife before we got married, I thought it was best to be honest about me from the beginning.

[jennloves55]

I would love to. But alas, I know how she feels about it. I did wear one of her nightgowns to bed a few years ago and she totally freaked out.

[MissTee]

Mine has know for more than 30 years. She is fully supportive and we have fun with it.

[Teri Ray]

My wife knows. I didn't tell her but she found out (why do we think we can hide this?) DADT ever since. I am so much happier that she knows and still loves me.

[DebbieL]

For years I made the mistake of trying to keep it a deep dark secret and then telling my girlfriends/lovers/partners AFTER they had fallen in love with me and vice versa. It always back-fired. If a woman was attracted to be because I was masculine, then she would be turned off when she found out I was feminine. On the other hand, the women who got to know me a feminine liked me even MORE when they found out that I was a cross-dresser.

There were probably times when I was almost clownish, trying to pretend to be masculine, even "macho" when it was actually so unnatural to me. On the other hand, once I finally let my secret out in the open, and shared it with others, I had many wonderful NEW friendships that wouldn't have existed with the old persona. Once I came out fully, there were women asking for my phone number, women wanting to introduce me to their (bisexual) girl-friends, and trying to fix me up with some really wonderful women.

Since the relationships were based on honesty, they lasted MUCH longer. Even the "one night stands" lasted 6-18 months. A couple lasted around a decade, and one lasted 15 years before she decided that she wanted to live in Provincetown MA even though I had to be near a major airport to travel to work. I was also a city girl and she liked the country. I've been with my current SO (now wife) or over 9 years now.

The real question is how hard you have tried to hide your secret by looking, acting, and being as masculine as possible. The bigger the gap between the you your partner knew and fell in love with, and your feminine side, the harder it will be to address issues after the big reveal. She will feel deceived anyway, but if you talk about being "the man", and refuse to do "woman's work", and make fun of "girl talk" and tell her how you hate shopping - she will feel like it was ALL a lie, which it was. If you are that good about those lies, what else have you lied about?

On the other hand, if you watch "chick flicks" together, cry during the right parts, and love cuddling, then she won't be all that surprised when you let her know about your dressing. She may have even fallen in love with you because you had such a nice soft feminine side. She may have been afraid to bring it up with you because she was afraid you would be upset and that it would threaten your masculinity.

I actually had three of my pre-reveal lovers tell me that part of what they loved about was that I was so feminine, one even told me that making love to me was almost like making love to a woman. Unfortunately, at that time, I was terrified that if ANYONE found out, that the terrible abuse, beatings and trauma I had experienced as a child would start again, so I refused to admit how strong my feminine side really was. Too bad too, I think there were two or three who would have really liked it, and another who might have introduced me to one of her friends.

What I have found is that it's not only important to tell her about the dressing, but also to share your fears about telling her. This is a good time to share your fears and feelings around it, as well as any negative experiences you've had in the past, such as being bullied for being a "sissy" or being perceived as a homosexual. This will help her to understand how much courage it is taking for you to EVER tell her, even if it's been a secret for a few years (or decades).

[EllenJo]

My wife knew that I liked to underdress from the start of our relationship almost 20 years ago. She had no problem with it and even bought us matching panties to wear. She also knew that I loved to fully dress but wanted no part of that so we settled into a DADT situation that worked for us. Last February she sat me down one day and told me that she would be fine if I wished to dress openly around the house. Now I spend a lot of my spare time at home wearing what ever I choose. She has even complimented me on some of my clothes and asked me why I don't choose more fashionable male clothes since I like colorful female clothes so much. We have very open communication and I work very hard to give her as much of the male me as the female me. I love her so much.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[Phillipa]

To all of those who's wives/girlfriends know. You are so lucky, I am sure my wife has her suspicions, yet I know she hates the idea. I told her that I wanted to go to the Rocky Horror cross dressed (Not as a character) her reply was well I am not going with you if you do, and anyway your just fulfilling a fantasy, what ever that means. So that was the end of that.

Phillipa XX

[Ressie]

Phillipa, I wouldn't share then. It shouldn't be too hard to feel out a spouse (or anyone else) before letting the cat out of the bag. Just my humble opinion.