OMG-Just outed myself at work

[Veronnie2]

:eek:
OMG, I just outed myself to a fellow co-worker at my office. I made a major mistake thinking I was alone in the bathroom. I was in a washroom stall adjusting a stocking to my garter strap and did not notice the door became ajar. A fellow co-worker walked by and looked in and saw me and my stocking process. I tried to wait until he left but he waited for me to venture out to see who it was. He saw me and just smiled. Now I am worried he will blab to everyone what he saw. He has now walked past my office twice and just glanced my way and smiled both times. I am really nervous about this, but it was all my fault for not being extra cautious. Anyone else have something like this happen to them? What did you do to react? :eek: Veronnie2---Veronnica

[Rachael Leigh]

Not sure what kind of work you do but something like this is exactly why I don't undersdress at work, just don't care to have that happen. I much perfer to tell people who I trust

[Julie Gaum]

Never happened when I underdressed at work for many years but I would venture one suggestion: Call him in your office the next time he goes by and close the door --- if there is one, otherwise catch up with him at lunch or after work. Ask him whether your clothing makes him uncomfortable. Tell him that millions of others do it from bank presidents to college professors, from truckdrivers to coal miners and so on.
I think you just might get a positive response from him. In no case should you act defensive or antagonastic. That's one suggestion.
Julie

[UNDERDRESSER]

Was it particularly lacy? if not, you could try telling him they are support hose, and they are recommended by your doctor? Many men need support hose, and more than a few use garter belts because tights or hold ups are unsuitable.

[kimdl93]

I'd suggest you ask him to sit down and talk about what he may have seen and ask for his discretion.

[Dianne S]

I would say nothing unless your coworker says something to you or to someone else first.

[Candice Mae]

This is why I never understand why people under dress, if your so worried about the implications of some on finding out why do it? Its almost like playing Russian roulette, eventually some one will find out it is only a matter of time. If you don't want to be outed stay behind closed doors. Its practicality impossible to hide what your wearing under neath at all times, you can't be the guy always wearing a jacket for ever.

[~Joanne~]

That's why I hesitate about under dressing. You never know when your shirt may rise too high or your pants may sag a little. Just enough for someone you hardly know to catch a glimpse and start talking. Sorry to hear this happened to you. Yes you should have been more careful but things happen. I some what agree with the other girls, take this person to the side or you may just want to let it ride. In a way, taking him to the side might be a sign that your ashamed of wearing them and that may only make it worse.

[Veronnie2]

Julie, thank you for your input. I think it may be the best approach. Again, thank you hon...veronnica

[Miss Trish]

I read your post a few times and a few things hit me.
1.Is he the type of person who would out you or purposely use it to harm you?
2. He keeps going by your office and smiling, is he interested?
3. Is he a CD

If he's not the office jerk, it seems strange that he would keep going by and smiling at you.

[stephNE]

I have underdressed for many years and never had anything like this happen.
If someone says anything, remember what Bill Clinton taught us- just keep telling them it didn't happen.

[LaLaChic]

Are you married? If he ever says anything to you, tell him you lost a bet to your wife and that was the punishment. Or you can tell him that stockings make you feel pretty. End of conversation.

[Vanessa01]

oups ! good luck with everything !

[Cynthia Anne]

As they say ! If you play with fire you are bound to get burned! I've heard enough of that!
I think Julie is leading you on the right path! GOOD LUCK!

[heatherdress]

Don't do anything, don't say anything. If he brings it up or says anything, simply say it was a dare or a bet. The more you react, the more attention you might gain. It is really no one else's business anyway.

[arbon]

Several years ago I had to do some work from home and accidentally attached a personal file to a work related email that i sent to a vendor my company has worked with for ages :doh: . It was really unfortunate as it was the first time I had ever written about how I felt in that file. I had always been to afraid to even write it for fear somehow someone would read it, and the first time I do what happens? The vendor called me a little bit later and said the file I sent was not what they expected, I asked what the file name was that they got and I just about died when they told me. She said "they" got a good laugh though. I did not know what to say, i just wanted to die at that moment in my life.

In the file it really just said that when I was a child I wished I was a girl (condensed version)

Oh well, it all worked out. that outing is what opened the door for me to transition.


Probably best for you not to mention it what happened to you unless someone else you work with brings it up, and then you will either have to lie or own it.

[Amy Lynn3]

Deny, deny, deny, deny, especially if he ever brings it up. Time is in your favor, because they don't remember the details of what they saw. It is never what they think they saw. Some of my macho friends discovered I was wearing a bra under my shirt one day. They think they saw the outline of a bra, but it turned out to be a back brace I wore now and again for a back problem.

I did not get upset about it, but told them a car crash left me in bad shape (no lie there) however, I did have on a bra. Now, they had to pick what they wanted to believe....my story or the eyes that lied to them. I never heard any more about the issue.

[Jackie7]

I understand this could be a sensitive situation, but walking past your office and smiling does not seem hostile. If he didn't seem hostile to you, you could just wait until next time he smiles your way again, whereupon you could smile right back with a wink. It probably will end right there, but you might find a new friend. On the other hand, if there is a risk of hostility, don't do anything or say anything until and unless he comes to you to talk, which is rather unlikely to occur. My hard-earned 2 centavos.

[CarlaWestin]

Don't even give it a second thought and there's no need to lie about anything. Carry on like nothing happened because nothing happened. If the issue comes up in conversattion, ask if he has a problem with someone else's protected rights. I doubt anyone wants to create an issue in this day and age of employment difficulties. And I wouldn't hesitate to use the law to draw a line in the sand. These days, anyone that has a derogatory, prejudice attitude about gender expression is an imbicile.

[Karren H]

run and tell him you lost a bet.... that always works .... I shave underdressed on and off and never had that happen.... I even did full transformations. In the mens restroom over lunch... ahhh. The good old days....

[Rhonda Darling]

I have underdressed for many years and never had anything like this happen.
If someone says anything, remember what Bill Clinton taught us- just keep telling them it didn't happen.

I second StephNE's approach. No pictures? It never happened. Former President Clinton, actually, almost any politician you can name these days, rely on the average attention span being infinitesimal and people not knowing how to react when told they didn't actually see what they really saw with their own eyes. Don't waiver, don't blush, don't give an inch. Just say: "What the F are you talking about? Are you crazy? Why would you say such a thing?"

JUST ADDED AN ADDITIONAL THOUGHT: If he raises it in any sort of hostile or threatening way, ask him how long he's had his habit of looking into occupied bathroom stalls, and does that give him a thrill. That he should be happy you chose to not report his invasion of privacy to Human Resources.

Your mileage may differ.

Best,
Rhonda

[Elisa Lace]

If it somehow comes to it being somewhat awkward, the bet route is by far the best. You can always say something like "That bet with my wife really paid off last night! But man, wearing a garter belt is definitely not as comfortable as they make it look!". Brush it off like it was nothing and just move on.

[TxCassie]

:love:I have underdress at work a few times but I haven't made it a habit. For reasons stated, I know something just would happen like it happen to you Veronica. I say, do nothing in the short run. However, after some time has passed and there is an opportunity that presents itself where you and your co-worker are alone and you can talk safely, you may be prepared to address what he saw. Otherwise, I would not go out of my way to create anymore that what it is, a brief citing that really doesn't mean anything to anyone but you. If your co-worker continues to pass, smile, or wink or if he begins to make remarks, then you may have to make it a point to have a private conversation with him. He may be "interested in CD", may just like it, or he just may be a jerk and like to know the private nic-naks of everyone in the office.

However, If he gets out of hand, it may be time to consult HR about the harassment. I doubt your HR department will be interested in the intimate apparel you wear but would be, should be interested in an employee who may be experiencing sexual harassment, or a hostile work environment

Be clam dear, and but be aware.

Cassie :love:

[AmandaM]

I had on a red, flowery dress one time. When I went by the front window I think my neighbor could see me. So later I had stuff to do in the garage. I put on my red Hawaiian shirt in drab. He was out again and kept staring at me, like he wasn't sure. LOL.

[bianncats]

just let it go...if the other person wants to say something he will. if not you escaped....

[Rachel Morley]

If he's not the office jerk, it seems strange that he would keep going by and smiling at you.


I have underdressed for many years and never had anything like this happen.
If someone says anything, remember what Bill Clinton taught us- just keep telling them it didn't happen.

I agree, it does seem a bit weird that he's smiling all the time unless he's a total a$$hole (which it sounds like he is) and I also think that this is a rare thing to have happen. I have been underdressing at work for 12 years and I have never had a single thing ever happen, not even the slightest weird look or a casual comment never mind an accidental uncovering. I also think that the "it never happened" stance is a good one. It's just your word against his if he takes it further. Stay confident and assertive and insist you don't know what he's talking about and if he is a bit of an a$$hole, people will know that and he'll make himself look like a fool or a liar ... or both.

[Terrylynn]

Some time ago I was wearing a cami, panties, and thigh high stockings with a wide lacy band at work. I was walking down the hallway and noticed that a couple of people kind of looked at me a bit strangely. After getting back to my office I realized my thigh highs had become ankle lows and we're rather obviously resting on my shoes! I was embarrassed but that never stopped me from frequent bouts of underdressing. Love it too much.

[Tracii G]

Here is what I would do : don't underdress at work again and if he spills the beans say I don't know what you are talking about.
If there are others around he has told and he is present say Hey look I'll take my pants off if you want proof dumbass.
If he has no proof he will look pretty stupid IMO and others will think he made it all up.
I would just laugh it off and act like he is completely nuts.

[CindySTJ]

I would just forget it and deny it. No big deal and as long as you don't make it an issue then he really can't. If you do confront him THEN he will know he saw what he thinks he saw and will get braver.

[Beverley Sims]

Stockings can be surgical stockings for controlling fluid in the leg. :)
It may be a half truth but who needs to know.
You do not need smart asses to out you like that.

[Stephanie47]

I tried under dressing on my private time with a sweatshirt and jeans. As a retiree I had no concerns about coworkers finding out, etc. I always shake my head when I hear men asking for advice as to which bra to wear under their work clothes. It's just plain stupid. It's nothing but risk v reward. Explain to a wife why she is not going to the office Christmas party anymore or the summer picnic. No man is an island until himself.

I see you're an engineer. Maybe you can tell him you were testing out the strength and durability of a new design for garters. Or take an early retirement (63). Or, if he blabs and work becomes intolerable, sue for a 'hostile work environment.

[Alliecat]

Don't talk to your coworker or anyone else about it. Deny it if anyone brings it up and assume that your coworker kept his mouth shut if nobody says anything. If someone told you something like that aboutanother coworker you'd half expect it to be untrue anyway. As far as anyone else is concerned its just another rumor in the workplace.

[Chickhe]

You need a cover story... go tell a trusted co-worker in private that you were in the washroom and this other employee was peeking through the cracks in the stall and was stalking you on your way out...just say it was really odd, you won't report it unless something happens again. ...no explanation about what he saw is required, just lay the foundation in case he says anything. Then go buy some sock suspenders and wear them, make sure people notice your 'suspenders' so any stories can quickly be refuted. Then refrain from underdressing at work. ...now, on the other hand...most people are probably okay with it although initially flustered...or curious... so you gave someone a laugh. Oh, and its not the first time a guy wore such stuff on a dare to improve the romance with the wife...if you know what I mean, nudge nudge.

[sandra-leigh]

The worst thing can often be to act like something was wrong. And that includes giving the impression that you are eager to press him to keep his mouth shut. You are not required to explain to anyone (other than perhaps bosses or HR, if they ask.) You are not required to acknowledge to anyone. If someone else says something, you can divert with "Fred was peering in on people in the toilet stalls?"

In about 7 years of underdressing and 4-ish years of wearing only women's clothes, I was never once asked to explain to anyone (other than one person I was rather hinting to.) I think there must have been multiple times when the upper edge of my panties were visible when I was in the common areas and happened to be bending down; there was one time that I was fairly sure someone saw a couple of square inches, but nothing happened. But I was willing to "own" wearing what I wore with a shrug and an "Eh, so?". Remember that people can detect people trying to "hide" something a lot faster than they can detect what is being hidden, so when the clothes become "What I wear" rather than "I'm getting away with something", the detection rate will go down and the "care about it" rate will go down even further.

[celeste26]

If this person never does anything more than smiles then drop it from your end. There is no sense at all of confirming to him that you were doing anything less than proper by arguing with him about it. Because anything you might say to him will in fact make it look like a bigger deal than it really was.

I'm retired so I have no job to underdress at. I go en femme nearly everyday even outside doing my errands.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Veronica, It's like the old saying goes "If you play with fire sooner or later you are going to get burnt."

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Let it go usally it justs blows over.

[linda allen]

I suggest saying nothing and doing nothing. If you talk to him about it, it's an admission that you were doing something wrong. If he tells anyone and they mention it, you can deny it. Of course that means no more underdressing at work, at least for a while.

Messing around at work (affairs, crossdressing, etc.) is a really bad idea, especially if you have a career, not just a "job". Nothing but bad can come of these activities and a career setback will affect the rest of your life.

[Greenie]

I really don't like all this talk about lying. I would leave it be. When you lie, you might have a tell, or something that would make it more apparent you were lying.

a.) He has only walked past your office and smiled. So........ Has he walked by and snickered? Pointed? Is winking at you? Made other faces. Just a smile is not enough to go on. Maybe he knows a cd, maybe he is a cd, maybe he is an asshole, maybe he thinks its funny, maybe he thinks its hot, maybe he thinks 100 other things. Unless you ASK him. You won't know. I would not worry about it unless he makes it clear what his intentions are.

b.) This is why I do not understand underdressing at work. There are so many things that can go wrong. In this world your professional reputation is important. I would think it silly to jeopardize professional integrity that by bending over and have your lacy thong sticking out, etc etc. Unfortunately CDing or wearing women's undergarments is not widely accepted in this world and the risk of having rumor spread about you is something that you need to weigh before underdressing at work again. It would suck for him to tell everyone and then you be treated differently because of it.

[AveryS]

I underdressed at work all the time (I work from home now so I can do as I please). I once wore a full fishnet body stocking under my dress attire and a colleague gave me a friendly shoulder rub. I didn't react, although he seemed a little surprised (it's hard not to tell fishnets under clothing when you feel it through a dress shirt!), but didn't say anything. I just kept on like nothing happened and it never came up.

If you make a big deal about it, get embarrassed, confront him, or otherwise, it will make itself a big deal. When's the last time "can we keep this a secret?" ever resulted in a secret being kept?

Denial makes it seem like you're hiding something, like it's wrong or something. You're absolutely free to wear whatever you want, especially under your clothes, and should never be ashamed of it.

[Jamie001]

Don't lie or make excuses about it and if it is mentioned, own it. It is not anyone's business.

[Debra Russell]

If an issue is made,-- ask him if he is jealous ! .............................Debra

[LilSissyStevie]

I think he might be sweet on you.:love::battingeyelashes:

[Roli F]

Hi I Outed Myself at Work Deliberately on a dress down day I chose an outfit that was similar to my female colleagues of around my age and wore that out to work a few people sniggered but more than 3/4 of them were supportive it has been a huge millstone that was dropped like an anchor into a harbour one I didn't want back
I have not looked back I work in a heavily male environment too.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

More colorful lies, or "plausible deniability" to use from the world of getting busted while engaging the fast paced/high risk world of "underdressing."

Those were "Shirt Stays", or "Shirt/Sock Garter's" often used by profession's that need to keep there shirts straight and in position, military, LE, etc." "I prefer longer sheer men's dress socks like the really fancy "Gold Toe" brand sold in Macy's."

"What in the world did you think I was wearing,, and why were you so interested in me getting dressed in the bathroom again?!!!!:o"

[Jamie001]

Don't lie or make excuses about it and if it is mentioned, own it. It is not anyone's business.

Remember, that you are not doing anything that is illegal or against the rules at work. Your work does not dictate what you wear under your clothing.

[Veronnie2]

I want to thank everyone for their suggestions and input, and even for the criticism. What a great bunch of people who follow this site. You are all great. I thank you. As a follow up: My smiley friend and I had a conversation about what had transpired, and the outcome is that he is also a crossdresser. He was very relieved to see that there is another person who, now, he can converse with about our lifestyles. Discretion will be kept between us. My fears may have turned into a new friendship. We shall see....Veronnica

[Tiffany Rose]

That is the best outcome possible! Thats really great.

[Zylia]

How many of us are there?!

Not much of a lesson for anyone else risking their job or career over wearing silk underwear and stockings though.

[robindee36]

As a follow up: My smiley friend and I had a conversation about what had transpired, and the outcome is that he is also a crossdresser. He was very relieved to see that there is another person who, now, he can converse with about our lifestyles. Discretion will be kept between us. My fears may have turned into a new friendship. We shall see....Veronnica

Sounds like you are going to come through this OK and I am happy for that Veronnica. Now, are there any lessons for us to learn from this? I see two.

First is underdressing or dressing at all can be fraught with unforeseen issues, especially in places where we are not 'out'. Second is there are quite a few of us here in the Chi Burbs who live in the closet. Getting darn crowded in here ;)

TC and hugs, Robin

[Lorileah]

Now if you can break him of peeping in bathroom doors...

[sandra-leigh]

b.) This is why I do not understand underdressing at work. There are so many things that can go wrong. In this world your professional reputation is important. I would think it silly to jeopardize professional integrity that by bending over and have your lacy thong sticking out, etc etc.

Addressing this theme, which several have expressed:

My history is a bit unusual in that I did not know I was a cross-dresser until I had a sudden revelation of that. Making a distinction here between momentarily putting on panties as a sort of sex toy (an impulse that to me was like buying a porn magazine, an activity rather than an identity), versus wanting to actually wear the clothes.

Once I did have the revelation, then Yes, there was a brief time during which I underdressed for reasons partly sexual, partly to feel that I was "getting away with it" in public, partly just to be cross-dressed. But it was no more than two months (at most) between the time where I started wearing panties in public sometimes, and the time where I needed to wear panties, that male underwear felt wrong, inappropriate, upsetting, a lie, something to be endured.

This is the "Male to Female Crossdressing" section, so I will emphasize that this is not how it is for all MTF cross-dressers. For some of us, though, it stops being about "having fun" wearing panties at work, and the risk and possible consequences of "getting caught" get to weigh less than the certainty of daily problems in not wearing panties. Such people might be more towards the TG or TS side (I know I am), but that just tells us that each person needs to assess for themselves, rather than us giving a blanket opinion that it should not be done.

[MarinaKirax]

Here is your solution:

YOu tell him that you just had a minor injection procedure on some varicose veins, and your doctor prescribed you some support stockings that you had to wear for three days post-procedure. Curiously, men's full-leg suport stockings are always thigh highs, with a garter belt to hold them up. Seems most men dont WANT to wear pantyhose (ed. - What's up with that???!), so all full leg mens compression garments are garter belt and look like stockings. The only difference is they all have an open toe. Check them out on line, look up Sigvaris garter mens thigh high. Problem solved. MK

[Tearose48]

I would say nothing unless your coworker says something to you or to someone else first.

I agree with this. He may assume that you lost a bet, and never say a word.

[Michelle789]

I find it very weird that he's walking past your office smiling. Could he be an under dresser, and is smiling at you because he's now met another one, or at least that's what he thinks? Could he be gay, and think you're gay? Or, maybe he's just an ***hole.
Don't say anything, and wait to see how things unfold. He may try to catch you off guard and try to get an on the spot confession from you. If he says anything, pretend you didn't listen and that you were focused on something else. This buys you more time to think about what he said or asked. That wouldn't be a lie, because we all can get like that where we're just completely focused on something else we don't pay attention to what others are saying...this would work unless you're known to never be zoned out. Once you've thought things through if he asks again you may be better prepared.
If he does confess that he underdresses, be careful not to confess back, because he could be baiting you. On the other hand, if he uses that kind of bait it's a double-edged sword that could backfire against him.

[Amy R Lynn]

This is why I always use the closed bathroom stalls, not the urinals when I under dress. I don't want to flash some lace and have this happen. I like Julie's advice though. It might be a good idea to just talk to the fella like Julie said. It may way lay some of your fears. Who knows..... maybe he liked what he saw.

[Nicole Erin]

Worst case scenario is in the lunchroom, he will walk in with a karaoke machine and be singing, "I may not want to admit it, I am just a fool for your stockings I believe..."


Or you can tell him that stockings make you feel pretty. End of conversation.
WHAAA HAHAHAHAH! :D Yeah, THAT will cause the subject to be forgotten that instant.
"They make me feel pretty!"
"Oh alright. Hey so what about those reports the boss needed done, did you...."

[ginafaye]

almost outted myself the other day . the wife and i were clowning around with the camera taking a few photos,on my smartphone ..we deleted them fairly quickly but the next day they had sync to my facebook acc..panic city, but they were in the private folder and was able to delete them.. no more photos with the phone...stand alone camera for us now

[TightsInHiding]

I am going to have to check my photo sharing settings now I'm scared

[Diversity]

I have underdressed for many years and never had anything like this happen.
If someone says anything, remember what Bill Clinton taught us- just keep telling them it didn't happen.

Good comment!
Di

[jessicamichelle]

Veronica said in the front page that the issue is all good. Her smiling friend is a fellow dresser. :) No worries all.

[jjjjohanne]

Don't lie. People will try to catch you in a lie. Own it. Or at the most, if it ever comes up in the office say, "That's a little personal, don't you think?" He will very likely tell other people and they will not talk to you about it. A jerk might bring it up, but most people will not. They won't know if it is the only time or a regular thing. They will possibly look for impressions on your clothes that reveal that you are wearing something underneath. In the end, you'll be that guy who wore that stuff that time. They will judge you by the quality of your character and the quality of your work. If you were to wear a skirt to work one day and then never do it again, it would probably play out the same way (unless you work for a religious or political organization).

Now, if you dress feminine for Halloween, that might change everything. You might open the door for questions and even more so for assumptions. People will not give you the benefit of the doubt if you are caught wearing something once and then dress for Halloween. (If you have dressed for Halloween in the past, you are busted.)

Even if someone from work caught you crossdressing at Victoria's secret, if you never openly bring it up in the office, you will be treated normally and will be judged on your quality. ...unless there is a real jerk there... Then you will have to address it somewhat openly and then it will go away. In the end, crossdressing is not all that big of a deal. We just *think* it is.

[Sarasometimes]

The lost a bet only works if it can be confirmed by a Bettor (Will your wife vouch for you?). I would go with the deny with so do you always try to peek into the men's room stalls approach if the subject comes up. Don't open the can of worms for him.
I agree with the "Why I don't under-dress at work way of thinking". Waring a garter belt and stocking to work is a pretty brazen form of under-dressing in IMHO. Good Luck!

[Ressie]

Bill Clinton was impeached. Glad to hear the coworker is also a CD. I was thinking that he wanted to blackmail you into a blowjob. Oh, there's that Clinton again!