Want to compliment, don't want to clock...how?

[Mssusan]

If I see or meet someone who is out en femme and I want to compliment her appearance, how do I do so without being disrespectful? From what I've read on this forum, TG folks do not want to be reminded that you are not GGs or are in transition. So how do I pay a compliment and be supportive?

Thanks,

[Pinky188]

If you smiled at me and told me I look good in my outfit I would love that!!!

[Marcelle]

Hi Mssusan,

To be honest it is a bit of long shot. I know that when I went out for the first time I would have latched on to anyone who paid me a compliment just so I could normalize the experience. However, I was so self conscious that I might have also not wanted the extra attention.

I think each gal is going to be different, some have great confidence and a compliment will be taken in stride. Others may be just trying to get through the experience and not welcome the attention. I took the safe approach on the one occasion I ran into a sister CDer (it was obvious). When we made eye contact, I just nodded politely, smiled and let her go about her business. I found that nod and smile made a lot of her angst disappear if but only for a few seconds. I like to think I gave her a little bit of boost without having to engage her directly.

Hugs

Isha

[Lynn Marie]

How is this complicated? You see someone who looks good, simply give them a compliment! Why would you find it necessary to identify them? You might be wrong!

[Suzanne F]

A short sweet compliment should be ok. I myself would love the interaction. Maybe you should observe how the person is behaving. Just as we make judgments about whether to risk saying anything to other women we encounter, you have to decide if the person looks approachable. Most women in this forum light up when a GG responds to them as the woman they are presenting. If you see me please tell me I look good!
Suzanne

[kimdl93]

If you smiled at me and told me I look good in my outfit I would love that!!!

That works!

[Jenniferathome]

You would offer the same compliment as you would to any woman. Things like:
"I like your shoes"
"That's a lovely skirt"
"Where did you get those ear rings, they're beautiful."

Whatever. That compliment without shock after the interaction is made, will make any cross dresser soar. But keep it real.

[AmyGaleRT]

Absolutely, Jennifer! One of the best compliments I can remember getting was when I was getting my hair done at Hana's, actually, while I was waiting for my fiancee to be finished. A couple came in to wait for their own appointment, and the woman sat on one of the chairs in the middle of the salon, where I was sitting. She said to me, "That's a pretty dress." I responded "Thank you!" She made me really happy. (I was wearing my pink T-shirt fabric dress with the floral print, pretty and so comfy!)

- Amy

[thechic]

Just treat them as any other woman.

[Marcelle]

I think this will also depend on how you are dressed. If I was "en femme" and ran into a sister CDer, yes I would most likely offer a verbal compliment "Nice shoes, nice skirt" as that is what women (not all) are more likely to do. However, if I was in boy mode, I would not offer a verbal compliment as I would not do that to a complete stranger (male or female). I would give a polite nod and smile and go about my business. In my example below, I was "en boy" when I ran into one of our sisters.

Hugs

Isha

[Jenny Doolittle]

Geesh, I think this thread really identifies how so many of us over think things, a compliment is a compliment, no matter who it is directed.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

How would you tell a GG she looked great? I say, do the same thing as if she were a GG.

[Kate Simmons]

I think as others have said, just compliment her as you would another woman. I know I would have no problem with it. Even if I did think you "made" me, I would be happy that you though I had a good taste in fashion. :battingeyelashes::)

[JenniferR771]

Ask her what time it is. Give her a big smile and say, "I'm such an idiot--forgot my watch. I can barely dress myself!" THEN...watch for that deer in the headlights look. Excuse yourself, and get lost fast if she seems uncomfortable. If she seems comfortable enough to smile back, or say, "There is a nice watch on your left wrist." THEN, you can say, "I love your shoes! Did you get them in New York?" Exchange a sentence or two about the store where she got them. Then..."I am looking for a pair about like that for my husband, only lower heel and in size 12."

Why am I offering advice? I am highly socially inept. Lots of women can do this smooth as silk, instinctive for some.

[bridget thronton]

Pretty dress you wear it well

[Beverley Sims]

A lot of us are quite reserved and do not want to be outed, so to speak.
Just smile and if you get a positive reaction thank again how you would play the situation.
It is hard unless you are in a group meeting others with like interests.

[Karren H]

"You look good... your not fooling anyone but nice try!" lol

[reb.femme]

I'm going with the majority, insofar that a compliment as offered to any GG, would be fine. Just seriously, don't follow Karren's advice unless you want to destroy the girl :heehee:.

Rebecca

[Badtranny]

Always appropriate: Wow I love those shoes, where did you get them?
Never appropriate: Wow for a cross dresser, your feet aren't very huge.

Always appropriate: Girl you've got some long legs that I would kill for.
Never appropriate: Girl you need to wear some flats, cuz you're huge.

Always appropriate: I love your nails, who does them?
Never appropriate: I love that your manicure almost disguises your huge hands.

[jjjjohanne]

I started trying to compliment ladies in general on their clothes and appearance. "You look very nice today." "That's a cute skirt." I have not yet said, "I have a dress just like that!" I think a woman would stop wearing something if I said that to her! If I meet and feel comfortable speaking to a CD, I would use a compliment like that. I have never done that though. The few CD's I have seen seemed like those angry, in-your-face activist types. I didn't go meet them.

A different twist on this is, what do you say to a co-worker who is crossdressed for Halloween?

[Mssusan]

Melissa and Karen, you made me chuckle :-)

Thanks everyone for the responses.

[RenneB]

Compliments that I've received include

Oh I love the skirt
Love your outfit
nice legs...
hey you smell great...

So if you see me out and about, that's what I'd love to here you say....

Renne.....