How did you finally acheive inner peace or comfort in yourself?

[Desirae]

Was it an epiphany kind of thing for you, like it just happened one day? Did achieving comfort in yourself just happen? Does it happen for everybody. Was it after years of sorrow, crying, despair?

[Beverley Sims]

Desirae,
I never really had an unhappy time in my life like you describe.
I had enough company and support to keep me from thinking about it.
There was always someone to occupy my mind and activities to help me get on with life.
I like to think I have been fortunate.
I have been unhappy for a multitude of reasons, crossdressing was never a major problem.

[Phydelia]

Still waiting... i'm relatively young, but i don't really see it happening...

[Rachelakld]

Aged 13, drowned,
Very enlightening experience but it's still better to breath air.
Aged 23, took up meditation

[Alice B]

Interesting question. For me it was a process, like many others. First a drive in the car. Then getting gas and finally going out to a bar, being accepted and having fun. But, the biggest thing was the first time I went to DLV, spent almost a week dressed 7/24, wen out to planned and unplanned events in the main stream public and being accepted by people. Often in a very friendly way. I had been getting comfortable with the process, but after that week I had ache vied what you describe.

[Phydelia]

Aged 13, drowned,
Very enlightening experience but it's still better to breath air.


That's funny... i've nearly drowned twice (had to be pulled out of the water and revived) and the only thing i remember is being trapped underwater in a river and thinking "You idiot, why didn't you get life insurance???"

i feel ripped off :(

[EnglishBeth]

I think there's an element of accepting it as just part of me. There isn't anything wrong with it. I did go through phases of hating the conflict, but remember thinking if there was a pill to take to feel 'manly' I wouldn't want to take it as I enjoy being me. Once I got my head around this, I was ok.

[Kate Simmons]

No epiphany per se. It just happened after I accepted all of my feelings and took ownership of them and responsibility for my own actions. Now whatever I do is always totally my own choice.:)

[ginger56]

I'm still trying to get the inner peace.Somedays I'm ok with it other days it is battle to keep from going crazy.i know i'm a man and I like to do manly things,but I also have these feeling of a woman trapped inside.tand more days that I feel comfortable,so I guees s for me it is a gradual acceptance of who I am.

[PretzelGirl]

I have never had a problem. My personality is to accept things the way they are. There might be things I want to work at changing, but I accept those things and work on them within what I can do. Anything else is out of my control. So when it comes to this, it isn't going to change. So the best thing to do is enjoy it!

[Erica Marie]

For me it has been a 30 year journey that still has me lost. There are still alot of things missing and I have been working very hard at trying to find all the pieces. It seems everyones journey leads them in different directions and some people paths are shorter than others.

[NicoleScott]

It's a choice. You can try to cry and fight your way through the turmoil, or you can accept who you are. That doesn't mean you have to bring your CDing out in the open. Many CDers have inner peace with their CDing but choose to keep it private.

[Marcelle]

Still a work in progress for me but I have achieved a certain "calm" in my life. The last two months before I came out to my wife I was angry, hateful and just plain mean . . . all the time. When I came out and accepted Isha into my life and began to integrate her and her desires (going out) I have achieved calm. My wife says I am like the man she first met many years ago. I laugh more and I don't let little things bother me. Have I completely accepted myself and achieved balance? Not yet, but I think I am about 70% of the way there.

Hugs

Isha

[Cheryl T]

One day after stealing an hour to dress (as I had for years) I just decided I couldn't take it anymore. I told my wife everything and that I wanted to be able to dress freely when I wished and not be hiding all the time. I told her everything from the beginning of my journey and that although I have never understood why, I no longer care why. I accepted myself for who I am and that's that and that I needed her to accept me also.
After long talks and lots of crying she came to understand and now is at my side for everything in our lives, no more sneaking and hiding. We share so much more and it's been such a freedom to have all that baggage removed.

[Zylia]

Acceptance, learning and reflection. The cosmic perspective. No matter how big the universe is or how little control I have over it, I know I'm part of it. We're all the result of an infinitely complicated equation, but I'm made of the same materials, I capture the energy and I pass it on.

Then there's a human perspective: we worry about being 'cursed' or 'blessed' with cross-dressing while other people around the world worry about having sufficient food and shelter at the end of the day. We complain about things on the internet because we got time and money to do so.

So whenever you feel big, look up in the sky and humble yourself in the presence of the rest of the universe, then be glad you're part of it. Whenever your problems feel big, turn on the television and watch the news.

[Jenniferathome]

After years of hiding, I came out to my wife. All the stress melted away. I was never in despair or sorrow. Just a good amount of shame. Shame for hiding it and shame for denying it. Now it's all good.

[Karren H]

I've never had internal torment about who I am..... or nothing to the point that I would cry.... All of my stress come from external sources applied to me.. I really never needed any additional internal stress... I try to manage that stress... playing ice hockey really helps a lot.... but as far as accepting who I am and what I do... that happened decades ago when I realized it wasn't going away and that there was nothing wrong with it.... it wasn't a revelation or anything just a gradual acceptance that it is what it is..... and even though my situation isn't optimal.... I deal with the cards that are dealt me and make the best of the situations in my life......

[Desirae]

Still a work in progress for me but I have achieved a certain "calm" in my life. The last two months before I came out to my wife I was angry, hateful and just plain mean . . . all the time. When I came out and accepted Isha into my life and began to integrate her and her desires (going out) I have achieved calm. My wife says I am like the man she first met many years ago. I laugh more and I don't let little things bother me. Have I completely accepted myself and achieved balance? Not yet, but I think I am about 70% of the way there.


Hugs

Isha

Well, then, I think you're 69% closer to it than I am, Isha. I really don't have anyone to come out to. My father died in 2002. he was a man's man. He was a great father. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't inflict any kind of hurt on my parents, particularly in a near end of life scenario. And it would be hurt, no doubt. I figured that yes, maybe I am hurting because of the inner turmoil and shame, but how does "spreading" that around into others' lives help anything. It seems it is just adding additional hurt to the mix and onto others. My mother is still alive, but she's older, and has ailments herself. I can't see adding to it. She already lost her daughter, my sister. I have such a small, small family that losing even one person in my life by coming out to them would be devastating. If, and that's a mighty big if, I ever venture out, it would be just me knowing and that would be, like, more secrets. I can see how having someone who is supportive is a huge blessing. Anyone who does is very lucky.



Interesting question. For me it was a process, like many others. First a drive in the car. Then getting gas and finally going out to a bar, being accepted and having fun. But, the biggest thing was the first time I went to DLV, spent almost a week dressed 7/24, wen out to planned and unplanned events in the main stream public and being accepted by people. Often in a very friendly way. I had been getting comfortable with the process, but after that week I had ache vied what you describe.

I've done the car thing and a few other small things. Its just never "grown" from that. Its like I'm stuck at a certain spot in the process and have been for a long, long time.


Still waiting... i'm relatively young, but i don't really see it happening...

I hope it does for you. I'm 48 and it hasn't happened for me, yet. The one thing I have found is that the inner turmoil builds over time. Even if you don't recognize that the turmoil is there, it IS there. It like slowly gnaws at you at little more each year. Eventually, at least in my case, it becomes a pretty heavy burden. It wears you down. Some of it is the "what ifs".......what if I would have discovered who I was when I was in high school or younger, what if the information available today would have been available when I was younger. Its the looking back that is sometimes hardest. I know you're supposed to look forward. Sometimes its hard to let the past go.


After years of hiding, I came out to my wife. All the stress melted away. I was never in despair or sorrow. Just a good amount of shame. Shame for hiding it and shame for denying it. Now it's all good.

That's great Jennifer. I guess mine is comprised of mostly shame, too. It's a lot of years of it. I wish I could just flip a switch and have it all go away. I don't like hurting people. There is no doubt that it would. And if I lose family because of it, that may be their problem, but it IS my problem, too. No one is an island unto themselves. Hopefully, I can figure out some balance of what will work for me, even if it is still kept a secret to most.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It was the years of sorrow/despair/self hatred thing with me. Circumstances in life brought me to the realization of why continue fighting a battle which cannot be one, why continue fighting the person the really am (male and female sides), all while being very miserable and unhappy. Yes there could be consequences for coming out the closet, but the cost of remaining in the closet was so overwhelming not only to me but everyone around me that the denial route was unsustainable.

So part of my self discovery was to stop trying to live my life in a manner to please others, or be someone I really was not to gain the approval of others. Decide to just embrace who and what I am, while still using some discretion and common sense about how far out the closet I wish to go.

Or as a close friend would tell me "Stop living your life by constantly swimming uphill against the stream which has been your mentality for about as long as I've known you." "Try to actually swim with the flow, downstrean and you will discover how much easier, happier, and pleasant life will be."

[Christina Kay]

I just came out to my wife. She always suspected, now it's validated. She is very supportive, and we have a ways to go. My wife said to me, "How can I deny you who you are..when we met you saved my soul. " But like at the end of the movie Kung Fu Panda. Master Shifu says"I am at peace, finally I am at peace" that is how I feel now. My wife helped me find my peace :) hugs

[Alice Torn]

One day at a time, or one moment at a time. I have told about seven people. I have had Craigslist ads, and hope no one i know, especailly my redneck racist brother has seen them. Someon really blasted me on there last night. I hope it wasn't him! I have been less in turmoil, about it, but there is still some shame and guilt, due to religious beliefs, and society rejecting male crossdresing. I do not like being such a loner, and crossdressing has made me much more a loner! I have been counseled to get around people, fellowship at church, be with people. I have taken my cats to the nursing home, to share with elderly and infirmed people, but sometimes have been kicked out, for bothering allergic folks, or other anti-cat reasons. I have not been to any church in almost 4 yrs. One thing for sure, i would not mention crossdressing with anyone there! I do compliment women on their nice clothes or looks, often. I don't think i will ever be free of all the turmoil until i die. However, i am integrating the emotions, and male and female parts of me. But, i accept that i am a male, that loves well dressed women, and to dress up as one.

[Chickhe]

It is complex, it took years, but if I had the same education when I was 20 I would have lived a much happier life. Basically, it started out with years of sadness, shame and guilt, then I reached a turning point where I had a life crisis...started asking myself, if I died today, would I regret anything? ...decided I needed to end life having overcome my fears and I made sort of a mental bucket list. I did all the things I ever wanted to do and I found out a huge weight is lifted...I gave myself room to explore and took care of myself. Ignoring other people who place demands on my positive mental state. Exercise, lots of critical honest thinking, just doing it rather than not... I feel great! I'm much easier going, I'm seeing people in a more positive light (nobody bothers you like you fear...in fact many are happy to help you!), I'm the least shy I have been in my entire life...actually getting out more. There are huge benefits to overcoming your fears...you may have a different approach, but the main part is deciding you need to change and taking some action.

[AllieSF]

Since I started dressing very late in life about 7 years ago, my epiphany was that I really enjoyed this new and very different activity of dressing as a female. One of the advantages of starting so late is I didn't have any baggage associated with this activity to deal with. Being old, and mature, which sounds so much better than "old", also means that I was able to avoid all the turmoil that this causes a lot of people so I could get down to the core of the activity, it is fun, like going to a costume party whenever I dress up, I get to role play some, and most importantly, I get to have a lot of fun doing it. So, for me, it has been very easy to just accept it and not let all that other "negative stuff" get in my way.

[LilSissyStevie]

I just hit bottom. One day, I was 23, I woke up on the floor of my apartment, I don't know how long I'd been there, covered in my own piss and vomit. I knew I couldn't go on like that and I just wanted to die. Although I was too sick and intoxicated to stand up, my mind was crystal clear. There was no way to fix this anymore, it was time to find the exit. Time to stop obsessing about suicide and just do it. It would have to wait because I couldn't even crawl on my hands and knees without falling over but I begged God (I was a militant atheist) that if I passed out again to please let me die and not wake up. Now the weird part, when I woke up the next day everything was different. The world was different and I was a different person. My life was still a total disaster and I was in bad shape but it just didn't seem that big of a deal all of a sudden. It was as if someone had reached into my psyche and turned on the light. And maybe that's exactly what happened. I don't know. This was after a lifetime of mental hospitals, therapy, jails, rehabs, detoxes, police stations, emergency rooms, courtrooms, psyche wards, etc. Now, at the flick of a switch, it was as if that series of unfortunate events happened to someone else. It's been more than 35 years since then but I don't think I've ever really been depressed since that day. I still have emotions but they are proportional to the situation. I wish I could be more helpful. I'd like to be able to tell people the foolproof method for climbing out of the abyss. I could write a book and make millions. But the truth is that it just happened to me when I got to the place, not of my own volition, of complete surrender.

None of this had anything to do with crossdressing, BTW. CDing was/is my happy refuge.

[ArleneRaquel]

Having dreamed since the age of eight, or thereabouts, of living 24/7 as a female as an adult I just felt it natural that I would live this lifestyle eventually. Therefore I just waited for it to happened. After my wife died in 2002 I just went fulltime as a nature course of events. No qualms or regrets, just joy & happiness. I do have to admit that after going 24/7 in 2003 I did cut down for a few months, but 2004 it was back to 24/7, with a few hours off now & again.

[Tina_gm]

I have had a lot of internal torment over being TG. I am in a slow process of accepting myself. I have come a long way. I still have a ways to go. I have moments where I just don't want to be different. Moments where I wish I did not have the desires to dress as a woman or have the femininity I have. Slowly I am feeling more at peace with myself.

[Dani0948]

I've never fealt any real shame or guilt about dressing. Although I've always kept it private, I've never fealt I was doing anything bad or wrong. It's just somthing I enjoy doing. Of course, most others would consider me weird, and I guess I am. Talk about schitzo. Oh well .......

[Michelle (Oz)]

Male me still shakes his head at female me and wonders why. If 60+ male me saw female me pass by I know what I'd be thinking. Yet folks just are a lot more accepting or unaware ... thankfully.

Yet when transformed I feel just great. No fears or doubts ....

So no epiphany just a gradual feeling of confidence and acceptance by me and the 'public'. Fortunately no inner turmoil either.

[kimdl93]

I went through decades of shame and self loathing. Despite having a lot of things going for me, I carried around a lot of baggage, had a tendency to have tantrums over minor things and as unaccepting of others as I was unaccepting of myself.

In therapy, after a painful divorce, I acknowledged being a cross dresser and my psychologist remarked, " It's not a crime, you know." Till then I assume I was a hopelessly corrupted pervert. Suddenly I was just a person who liked to dress like a woman. It took a lot longer to come to grips with my gender identity, but that was the starting point to true self acceptance.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Desirae, Oh I don't know It's just who I am and it's just what I do.

[MissTee]

I have a supportive spouse who helped me be okay with it. After more than 3 decades together, it's no big deal.

[EmilyPith]

Read. Research. Your answer is out there. There is no one reason for this diversity. But there is also no gender binary.

Find the words written by others that could have just as well have come from your own hand and you will feel better.

I have not found inner peace, but sometimes the sun comes out and I can feel calm for a while. That's a start.