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emma5410
10-28-2013, 06:50 PM
I am nine months into my RLE. A mere beginner compared to some but I wanted to share some of the things I have learnt. This is my experience. Yours may differ.

Don't do it.
It is definitely worth doing.
Only a masochist or someone who is TS would have electrolysis. I have had 75 painful hours with many more than that to come.
Start electrolysis as soon as you can.
Start HRT beforehand if possible.
It is very surreal at times.
You will never really know what other people are thinking.
Based on the way people treat me at work I wonder if they have actually noticed that I am transitioning. This is a good thing and a bad thing.
Some people think that I have completed my transition and everything must be great.
It can feel like an anticlimax. All the drama of telling people and then life returns to normal.
Having doubts and WTF moments does not mean you are not TS. It means you are sane.
Having doubts and continuing means you probably are TS
Face the world no matter how terrible you feel. This is your life now.
Life can still be depressing, boring etc even if you are living as a woman. Perhaps more so.
I am glad I do not have to live as a man anymore.
Be aware that you are probably physically weaker and therefore more at risk in certain situations.
Your voice is far more passable face to face.
Do not stare at people wondering if they are staring at you. They will stare back.
Life is more difficult than it was. I still have all the same problems but now the everyday things, such as shopping and going to work, can be stressful.
My work performance has suffered. Fortunately I have very understanding and supportive bosses. Even so it has a had a significant effect on my income.
You become paranoid or more paranoid.
Sometimes it feels like having a tiger by its tail.
Some days you feel you cannot go back and you cannot go on.
Those days only have 24 hours in them.
People are more likely to judge you on your appearance than before.
Dress like a woman. You do not have to be super girly but it helps with passing if you give people some visual clues as to what sex you are.
You have to decide what to wear each day. As a man I had a 'uniform' of trousers and shirt like every other man in the company. No one ever commented on my clothes. Now I sometimes get verbal compliments or disapproving looks from some of the other women.
People will judge your clothes differently than they would a GG.
Wear what you want. Some GG will wear things you would not be seen dead in.


I cannot decide which was worse. The last six months as a man when the GD was pushing me towards suicide or the nine months of RLE when I have constantly worred about identity, passing etc.
This weekend I reached a watershed. I always said that if I could go back a few years to when I could still cope as a male then I would do it in a moment. I realised this weekend that is no longer true. I want to continue this journey. It is a paradox that despite the daily struggle I am happier than I have ever been. I just need to try and remember that when life gets diificult.

Rachel Smith
10-29-2013, 10:32 AM
Emma I don't really have anything to add. I just wanted you to know it was a good read and we have some things in common.

You are not alone
Rachel

Jorja
10-29-2013, 01:38 PM
Just remember, it is easy to just give up and go back to being the person you were when things get difficult. Along with that return to your former self comes the exact same set of problems that drove you into transition in the first place. It has been over 30 years since my RLE. Yes, life goes on and it is still difficult because that is life. I have had no further gender problems. I have been a well adjusted, fully functioning, happy person ever since. You have come so far, don't screw it up now. You are almost there.

dreamer_2.0
10-29-2013, 02:55 PM
This was a good read. :) interesting you started it with "Don't do it".

whowhatwhen
10-29-2013, 02:57 PM
+1 For electrolysis being literal Hell.
I'd almost end up in tears after only an hour yet, as you state in #2 It's definitely worth doing.
:)

Angela Campbell
10-29-2013, 03:04 PM
I agree Electrolysis is hell, but for me the hardest part is waiting. Waiting for everything.

Doubts means you are sane....yep for sure.

The drama of coming out....yes it is strange that the buildup to it is much worse than what happens when you do.

and before you grab a tiger by the tail make sure you have a plan for what you are going to do about the teeth. Don't jump into this with no plans or preparation.

One more...nothing is going to happen today that a nice warm bubble bath will not make better.

emma5410
10-30-2013, 08:19 PM
Thanks for the replies. I have had something of a major shift in perception in the last few days and learnt something new.
It was three years ago when I lost control of being trans. Up to then I could cope with it and live as man. Suddenly my GD became more than I could handle. Looking back I realise my life had changed forever. I spent almost 18 months trying to find new ways to cope. Then the next nine months preparing to start RLE. Something that terrified me. The last nine months of RLE have been a struggle.
I have a been a victim for the last three years. At the mercy of something I could not control that was making me do things to survive that terrified me. In the last few days I realised four things

My biggest fears and nightmares are caused by fear of not transitioning. Not living successfully as a woman.
Despite the problems of the last nine months I am still transitioning. I have not given up.
I feel more natural and more 'me' as Emma than I ever did as a male.
For the first time I would not choose to go back to being male even if I could turn the clock back three years.

The last of these is a major shift. It means that transitioning is something I want to do. It is something positive and good for me. I am no longer a victim. This is not something beyond my control that is happening to me, It something I am actively doing. It is my decision and its success or failure is my responsibility. That is scary in some ways but also empowering. It is easier to be a victim of circumstances than to take responsibility for your life.

I understand now that transitioning, for all its problems, is an opportunity to finally be myself. It is something positive. It is something I am doing for me. Not something horrible that is happening to me.

Leah Lynn
10-30-2013, 08:47 PM
Too late for #1! I'm sure that I'll question everything as I progress, but I know that life will be so much worse if I turned back. I'm down the rabbit hole, and enjoying the strangeness of it all. I already have experienced some of that letdown when a big event turns into a nonevent.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Hugs,

Leah