Megan72
10-29-2013, 09:11 AM
Hello,
I have been posting to this stream for a little while now and I thought maybe it prudent to introduce myself a bit more formally so that everyone knows a bit more about me. While I have not yet begun any transition I am seriously considering it as a viable option at this point in my life. Like many, I have struggled with my gender since early childhood, I really do not remember exactly what age I began questioning but is was very early. I struggled with the idea that I could not play with the other girls around my neighborhood and do the things that they did. On the rare occasion I was able to play their games I felt free. I envied the parties that that the girls would talk about in school and the things they did during the weekends. Most of my friends were girls growinng up and still are, just because I relate to them better than guys.
I am educated and received my masters in Public Administration from the University of Wyoming and a B.S. degree in Administration of Justice from Western New Mexico University. I was a police officer for 10 years but hang up my duty belt to work in Human Services for another 10 years. I recently left that to work sell real estate full time. It seems that I have been drawn over the last 11 years to careers that are typically more female dominated and "more tolerant." of lifestyle choices. In my career I have often thought that I choose work that put me in positions to deal with people a bit more screwed up than myself, but I also loved that I was helping people to be better.
Since early childhood I have questioned, but in early September I suffered a serious loss in my life. This triggered a massive shift in the way I looked at myself and has caused me the think I am someone different than what I was born. I struggle daily with the idea that I can not live the way that I have been living for 40 years and long for something different. I despise the sight in the mirror and the shower, and pray for some immediate change. Yes i am in the process of interviewing and deciding on a therapist skilled in gender dysphoria.
I do not really believe that there are two distinct personalities as I once did. I feel only one personality, which is decidedly femal rather them male. Not only in appearance, I think that is really superficial, my feelings are toward the feelings and emotions of others, the hobbies I choose, the things I like to do, and the way I feel I relate to others. I like to feel that I helped, more nurturing, I have been told many times that I am like a "girlfriend" to many of my friends, so that leads me to feel my communication style is instinctually female.
I am attached to a beautiful woman whome I love love dearly although I really have no idea how she will react to this new shift in thoughts. She knows about me and is very supportive but will likely struggle with the idea. She says that she wants me to be happy and that we will always be together so I take that as truth and communicate honestly and completely with her, this is not the biggest issue but does add some stress to the situation.
I know that every woman here is different so looking to each individual is pretty pointless but the fact that I have questioned why I had to have boy parts for as long as I can remember leads me to believe that I am transgendered and should at least give myself the opportunity to see if this is right. I owe it to myself for my happiness and peace of mind.
I hope to make more friends and gain more insight on what to expect during my early phases. I have been a member here for a long it e and have always enjoyed the discussions. So far on this steam I have had the same experiences. I love the atmosphere of all of you and the insight I have already gained has been very usefull.
Thanks for reading, I know it's long and probably uninteresting but I felt that you all should know me a little better.
Sincerely
Megan
I have been posting to this stream for a little while now and I thought maybe it prudent to introduce myself a bit more formally so that everyone knows a bit more about me. While I have not yet begun any transition I am seriously considering it as a viable option at this point in my life. Like many, I have struggled with my gender since early childhood, I really do not remember exactly what age I began questioning but is was very early. I struggled with the idea that I could not play with the other girls around my neighborhood and do the things that they did. On the rare occasion I was able to play their games I felt free. I envied the parties that that the girls would talk about in school and the things they did during the weekends. Most of my friends were girls growinng up and still are, just because I relate to them better than guys.
I am educated and received my masters in Public Administration from the University of Wyoming and a B.S. degree in Administration of Justice from Western New Mexico University. I was a police officer for 10 years but hang up my duty belt to work in Human Services for another 10 years. I recently left that to work sell real estate full time. It seems that I have been drawn over the last 11 years to careers that are typically more female dominated and "more tolerant." of lifestyle choices. In my career I have often thought that I choose work that put me in positions to deal with people a bit more screwed up than myself, but I also loved that I was helping people to be better.
Since early childhood I have questioned, but in early September I suffered a serious loss in my life. This triggered a massive shift in the way I looked at myself and has caused me the think I am someone different than what I was born. I struggle daily with the idea that I can not live the way that I have been living for 40 years and long for something different. I despise the sight in the mirror and the shower, and pray for some immediate change. Yes i am in the process of interviewing and deciding on a therapist skilled in gender dysphoria.
I do not really believe that there are two distinct personalities as I once did. I feel only one personality, which is decidedly femal rather them male. Not only in appearance, I think that is really superficial, my feelings are toward the feelings and emotions of others, the hobbies I choose, the things I like to do, and the way I feel I relate to others. I like to feel that I helped, more nurturing, I have been told many times that I am like a "girlfriend" to many of my friends, so that leads me to feel my communication style is instinctually female.
I am attached to a beautiful woman whome I love love dearly although I really have no idea how she will react to this new shift in thoughts. She knows about me and is very supportive but will likely struggle with the idea. She says that she wants me to be happy and that we will always be together so I take that as truth and communicate honestly and completely with her, this is not the biggest issue but does add some stress to the situation.
I know that every woman here is different so looking to each individual is pretty pointless but the fact that I have questioned why I had to have boy parts for as long as I can remember leads me to believe that I am transgendered and should at least give myself the opportunity to see if this is right. I owe it to myself for my happiness and peace of mind.
I hope to make more friends and gain more insight on what to expect during my early phases. I have been a member here for a long it e and have always enjoyed the discussions. So far on this steam I have had the same experiences. I love the atmosphere of all of you and the insight I have already gained has been very usefull.
Thanks for reading, I know it's long and probably uninteresting but I felt that you all should know me a little better.
Sincerely
Megan