How do you tell your Children?

[simone1970]

I like to dress up(only in the house) but I don't do make up ,wigs etc.I have no interest in taking this further,however I would like to dress up more than the few hours a week I get at the moment.My wife is totally cool with me CDing in front of her,but I have a teenage boy to consider.He is aware that I have removed most of my hair and have painted toe nails(he thinks that a bit weird but has let it go).I don't know how/if I should tell him.I think he would be OK with knowing,but what if he isn't.Have any one any experiences that they could share that may help me make any decisions.

Luv Simone

[Kelly DeWinter]

A teenager in 2013 living in the UK with the internet ? He ALREADY knows .

[MissLiz]

I myself have a 5 yr old boy, turning 6 in a couple weeks. I don't dress up when I have him every other week, but I do have my nails painted. I don't know if I should tell him now or when he gets a little older. Like you, Simone, I am confused on this subject myself.

[Violet-13]

I like to dress up(only in the house) but I don't do make up ,wigs etc.I have no interest in taking this further,however I would like to dress up more than the few hours a week I get at the moment.My wife is totally cool with me CDing in front of her,but I have a teenage boy to consider.He is aware that I have removed most of my hair and have painted toe nails(he thinks that a bit weird but has let it go).I don't know how/if I should tell him.I think he would be OK with knowing,but what if he isn't.Have any one any experiences that they could share that may help me make any decisions.

Luv Simone
Okay I'm not a parent yet and not ready to be. But the way I see it is, you should sit down and talk to him about sexuality and such, I know it will be awkward, but you should see what he think's about it before you even decide to tell him or not. Remember though when I say talk I mean also listen, because he might surprise you


I myself have a 5 yr old boy, turning 6 in a couple weeks. I don't dress up when I have him every other week, but I do have my nails painted. I don't know if I should tell him now or when he gets a little older. Like you, Simone, I am confused on this subject myself.
Your five year old will be different, as I'm sure you don't want to have the birds and bees talk with him at his age, but for him all you really need to do is let him know that not only Girls can be pretty, or you could wear female cloths with your male cloths around him to get used to the Idea. But before you start any thing I think you should talk to his mother, as even if divorced a child needs two parents and both get a say.

I hope my Ideas have been helpful

[Jessica1983]

i wouldent know either i have two boys one is 6 and the other younger i know they wouldnt understand yet but i think most teenagers r well aware of modern sexuality and the internet is full of info about all sorts he might have gested allready u might be better asking ur wife to talk to him loosely to see he might tell her

[MissLiz]

I have already talked to his mother about this, she kinda knew from the get go that I was a CD but we are still talking about how to tell him. We both think he might take it well since he acts a LOT like me.

[Kate Simmons]

Don't underestimate your children. They have the ability to figure things out. Mine did. It's always been DADT with them more or less. :)

[Dianne S]

Why do you want to tell your son? If it's only for your convenience, I don't think that's a good enough reason. Telling your spouse is one thing... she's an adult and can choose whether or not to stay with you as a partner. Telling a child is IMO selfishly burdening him with a very heavy piece of knowledge. [If you are TS and wish to identify full-time as female, this changes the equation... then it's not simply a matter of your convenience.]

I would not tell my kids until they are adults. I don't see what good purpose it serves and I can see all kinds of unpleasant scenarios unfolding.

[Beverley Sims]

As Kelly says 2013, the internet, and social values.
There is every likelyhood he is already suspicious and probably knows by investigation.
Why tell him, let him ask and then tell him if it is considered necessary.

[Laura912]

I am absolutely with Beverly and Dawn on this. Finally told one of my sons, 43 y.o., only to find out he knew. We both agreed that there was no reason to tell his 41 y.o. brother. Told the older because of of some clues he may be or that grandson may have some issues related to gender.

[heatherdress]

Agree with above comments. You don't tell him. Address his questions and concerns honestly if he finds out.

[Rachelakld]

I only have daughters, I waited until they had their sex ed at school and a bit longer once they were mature enough to understand that their school friends will give them crap if they ever found out. At that age they were starting to explore the forbidden draws and hidding areas around the house. For boys I would recommend waiting an additional 30 years

[Brooklyn]

The teenage years are tough enough; I'd wait until later unless he asks. You can use discretion and reveal the minimum without lying. Younger children like mine who grow up knowing usually handle it better, but that is not your situation.

[suchacutie]

There a lot of private things that I don't share with my offspring...being transgendered is one of them. For those of us who are not living primarily in our feminine selves, from my perspective, sharing private information puts a burden on those with whom we share it. It might make us feel better, but does it improve the lives of others? The one exception is one's spouse, IMHO.

It is different if one is considering 24/7 or close to it. In that case it is prudent to share the situation with close family and friends first, and then work from there.

just my 2 cents :)

[Roberta Marie]

We have 5 kids, current ages 21 to 35. They all know. My wife and I innitially had decided not to tell them, but then one day about 5 years ago our then 21 year old son came home unexpectedly while I was dressed, making lunch for my wife and I. A few days later he was at his older brother's house for a party and had a bit too much to drink and told his brother. At that, my wife and I decided that it would be better to tell each of the other 3 in situations that we could control. All in all, our oldest daughter, currently 35, is not at all supportive. Our second daughter, 31, has no problems with it, and I'm often at their house playing with our grandkids, 5 & 3, while dressed. Our two older sons, 28 & 25, accept it, but are not overly supportive and wish that it would go away. Our youngest, 21 (and gay) is very supportive. When he was in college, I occaisionally visited him on campus while dressed, and he introduced me to his frat brothers and other friends, and had no issues.

My oldest daughter's kids know, but my daughter does not want me to dress in front of them, and I honor that. The other grandkids have visited with me while I'm dressed, and they have no issues, or do not seem to have any confusion about it. I'm Pap Paw to them, no matter how I'm dressed, whether I have boobs or not.


For the younger kids, I honestly think that it will only be an issue if we make it an issue. Otherwise, it's just how it is.

The older kids, though, can make it an issue. The one thing that our middle son (the one that walked in on me unexpected) said that struck me the most was, "This changed our entire image of our father. You were always the strong firefighter, that could do almost anything, and that's all changed."

[Tiffanyselkoe]

My wife and I decided to be open to our children ages 10, 12, 14, 16, and 18 (4 boys and one girl) regarding my crossdressing. We figured it would be better to explain in a controlled setting where we could calmly answer any questions and explain some of the rationale behind it rather than have an unexpected discovery. I did not show myself dressed to the children until after our family talk. None of the kids have any issues with the female aspect of me and we were mindful to explain to them that dad is still the same person no matter how he is dressed. I hope this helps. A surprise always causes more misunderstandings in my opinion.

[ArleneRaquel]

I came out to my daughter, age 31 then, in 2003, a year or so after my wife and her mother died. She and her husband will have nothing to do with me.

[Debglam]

My 14 year old, that we were trying to keep my being trans* from until she was older, figured it out on her own. She confronted my SO and I and we told her the whole story. Her comment: "Dad, you are not as boring as I thought you were." This is 2013 and kids are a lot smarter and a lot cooler about things like this than our generation.

Deb

[thechic]

Just both sit down and tell him, better in a social situation. he might be already be in the know, but make certain you do need to tell him first.

[docrobbysherry]

I recently told my teen daughter. Only because I had to. I'm dressing more often and going out dressed occasionally. She almost caught me a few times and would have eventually. Plus, I was fed up with the lying and stress of hiding it all from her.

Telling her hasn't worked out well. She never wants to see or hear anything about it. It's become kind of, "don't ask, don't tell". However, that beats being caught dressed as Sherry by her completely unexpected!

[SharonDD]

If you willing to gamble everything you and you son have think twice. I have 3 kids and my two youngest 24 & 27 won't talk to me for 4 years plus. My 30 year old doesn't care but doesn't want to talk about it or see me dressed either. Good luck

[DeeInGeorgia]

It depends both on the innate and the taught traits of being accepting of the differences in others and the local environment. It also depends on how close you are to being transsexual. A transsexual, if transitioning, needs to tell. For anyone else, you don't have to tell, and it is dependent on how each child thinks.

We told both my kids back when one was a preteen and the other was a teen. That was about 6 years ago. The circumstances made it a bit of a necessity. They have both been OK with it, but I do not present when friends are over. They see me often in my female presentation as I present full time at work now.

[MissTee]

We've opted not to tell, but I am almost certain they've figured it out. My wife knows and supports, and I'm fine with DADT with everyone else in my household.

[Raychel]

I told all my kids in a one on one situation, that way if they had any questions they would feel free to ask them.

Only one had a question and that was "Why are you deciding to tell me this now?"
they all have been totally cool with it. as well as most of their friends.