"SOMEDAY" Is Today!

[Leah Lynn]

Last Thursday I was having some chest discomfort, so I went to see my cardiologist. He was out of town, but was seen be his colleague. I was admitted for tests, and kept overnight.

Friday morning, the doctor came to see me, saying that nothing new was wrong with my heart. He did explain that there's been extensive work done to it, and there's not too much that can be done to it. I'm running on 60% of my heart as it is. As for the discomfort, he's treating me for acid reflux, hoping that is the cause. Okay, that's simple enough. Then, oh yes, there is a "THEN", he said that the chest X-ray showed a spot on my lung. They had already make an appointment for me to get that looked at. Then sent me home.

As I drove the 50 miles home, I did some serious thinking. I tried to be a good man, a loving husband, a fantastic father, a good son. Now, I'm in the process of becoming the woman that's been dwelling within these many years. I've done without so my family could have more, often saying that "Someday", I'll get one, I'll do something, I'll ANYTHING! I sold my prized possession, my classic Harley, so both kids could go on a church trip. I said, it was okay; Someday, I'd have another.

Saturday morning I was going to a nearby town to go to a particular venue. As I neared the Harley shop, I decided to just stop and look.

As I sat on the bike in the dealership, I thought to myself; I want this bike. I could write a check for this bike. I'm here today. I have no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow. That spot on my lung could be...! I've been waiting for "someday"!

"SOMEDAY IS TODAY!"

I wrote the check. I'm broke till next payday, but I took another step towards my fulfillment. It's time to live before I die. I have no idea how much time I have left on this side of the sod, so damnit, I'm going to do those things that I've put off for years.

Time to get that bucket list printed up and get to it. I ain't getting any younger!

Anyone ever ride in heels before???????

Leah

[AllieSF]

I haven't rode in heels yet. Want to come by and give me a ride to nowhere?? One thing about life, is that we only get so many chances to start living tomorrow as the first day of the rest of out lives. I hope that spot on the X-ray is just a water spot. have a great talk with the wife and maybe the kids, take a deep breath and start to continue living and incorporating some of those "someday" bucket list items into your everyday family life. Good luck and God speed.

My prostate cancer sent me a similar message and all of a sudden Allie was born!

[RenneB]

Way to go girlfriend. What a great reason to put some leather on.... Watch out for those helmet states, they tend to mess up the hair.... LOL..

Renne.....

[mary something]

Good for you!

[Sheila11]

It didn't take a spot to push me into someday. I started feeling the aches and pains of middle age and watched my dad go from non stop to slow. Decided to "do". My life is now richer, fuller, and more exciting. Go for it.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body,
but to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, glass of wine in the other, body thoroughly worn out
and screaming "WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE".

Take as many people as you can on the ride with you.

[larry]

LeahLynn,
You Go Girl. Best wishes.
1 heart attack-- triple bypass
2 rh lung lobectomy
3 heart attack-- stent
4 still here..

[sandra-leigh]

I had a warning on kidney earlier this year. It turned out to be within normal range for bigger-boned people like myself, but I was worried for a time about whether surgery was implied.

While I was fretting about how serious my problems might be, I asked myself what I would do if I was told I only had a year to live. And the answer came to me pretty quickly: I would change my name, get implants, and live as a woman. Same for if I was given 5 years, except maybe slightly less of a rush.

After a bit of time of asking myself the question and giving myself the same answer, I finally listened to myself, and realized that the reason I would do that is... that I want to change my name, get implants, and go full time as a woman!

I know you might be saying, "Well, duh! You already said that!", but to me there was a difference. For example if my wish had been to go to Disney World, then that would be like "bucket list", something to do once before I died. And likewise for the last year scenario, it would be "something I wanted to do before I died, and that last year would be my last chance to have the experience." Where-as post-listening to myself, I understood that it was not something I wanted to cross-off before I died, that it was what I wanted to do to live, and that "last year" or "last 5 years" would be my excuse. Cuz it's cruel to deny someone their dying wish, right?! so "they" would have to let me do it. No, I don't know who "they" is, exactly. My mother? Society?

I waiver. I am waivering right this minute. I've been in bleh health for several weeks. But clearly some part of me is looking for a way to "give myself permission". My Reason is looking for a Rational way to feel or do what I would like, but clearly it is not a Rational course of action to undertake. But, my Reason doesn't mind giving way to an Irrational course of action when presented with an Irrational situation -- and proximate death has got to be about the most Irrational situation that exists. Sort of like dancing in the rain without rain-clothes (or any clothes): sometimes you have to say "WTF not!" and release your burdens and skip and play and have fun.

[Chickhe]

The way my bucket list works... there are optional items and there are items that need to be crossed off before I can check in and claim that my life was worth while. My reasoning is that I do not know my life's purpose, but suppose I was required to experience the things I feared and learn to overcome them and if I didn't, I failed the test. I don't want to lie on my deathbed regretting anything, I want to lie there with a smile knowing I did it.

[MsRenee]

Im so afraid of hospitals that I try to avaiod them and then doctors, but one day at work I was having chest pains so bad I couldnt even stand up.
Rushing to the er and taking a battery of tests they tell me I was havind an anxiety attack.
I was scared as heck becauseI reached the age that my mother had passed from a sudden attack.
I will say a little prayer for you girl and like they say" You only luve once so make it he best you can"
Thats why every chance I get to be me I grab it and enjoy it

Xoxoxo
Renee

[kimdl93]

Well, let's hope the doctor you see isn't setting a broken fibula! Baby boomer bikers can forget how heavy a hog is!

[Leah Lynn]

I love your responses! Renne, helmet hair is bad; the wind in the hair feels great, but takes forever (almost) to brush out. Sheila, I agree, I want to go sliding in, all worn out. No need to save it for the grave!

I know that there are many reasons for a spot to appear in an X-ray. I also know that there is a possibility of it being malignant. I know this, but choose to not dwell on it. I understand that hormones can exacerbate malignant cell growth. HRT may have to stop or at least be put on hold. Then, if it does go that way, and I end up with an abbreviated lifespan, I'll have to follow Sandra-Leigh's thoughts; go full time female and live out what remains in my hourglass as Leah. But, I'm hoping it's nothing, or of no consequence. I'll just have to wait and see.

Now I have to concentrate on really important issues; like starting to save up money again and find some good electrolysis!

Hugs,
Leah

[Barbara Ella]

WTG Leah. Will pray for your health. So glad you had the courage to realize your day. I know you will be making the most of it.

Barbara

[Teri Ray]

Girl you are right. Glad you got the bike. lets go for a ride life is too short not to.

[Diversity]

Go for it, Leah Lynn. You've got the right attitude and attitude is everything! I wish you well and will hope that the spot is nothing more than a spec of dirt on the x-ray machine. Enjoy your Harley in heels (skirt too)! Best wishes to you.
Di

[Kandy Barr]

That is just too cool, and yes, I have ridden in heels before...and rode a horse, and driven a tractor and a 4 wheeler.........I am so proud you did that and my prayers are for you on the biopsy.

[Raychel]

Congrats on the new ride.
I have had some awakenings in my life, and now not so concerned what other people think or want
Now working hard at getting to where I would be happy when I get to the pearly gates.