The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth

[Aly Cat]

So this morning, I had a very long talk with my wife and parents. We sat around the table for over 3 hours and talked about everything; what I want, what I see in my future, everything. I fully opened up to them about wanting to become a woman and going through the process of becoming one.

Over the last week, my parents have had this idea in their minds that once I finished school, I would get back together with my wife. Though my wife didn't know the ful extent of what exactly I wanted, she knew we probably wouldn't get back together. That was why this whole talk took place. I explained that I truly wanted to be a woman and that my wife has already expressed that she didn't want to be married to a woman...can't fault her for that...and explained that one we separate, that's pretty much it. The talk did not go well. Lots of tears from everyone since all three of them didn't know the ful extent of what I was wanting. My wife did the best at accepting it. She explained that though she could not follow me in the journey that I was on, she respected my decision to follow the path I feel is right. No, she is not ok with it, no, she does not want it to happen. But she knows that it is entirely my choice and I have to do what I feel is right. Both my parents just cried a lot. They didn't have much to say. Hours later, I got a text from my dad saying that he/they will always love me no matter what. It means a lot to me for sure. I know and understand that it has to be excruciatingly hard for them to see their only boy want to be one of the sisters. I have three. It's very hard to know that they are hurting and there is literally nothing I can do to make it better. I think they are somewhat mourning the loss of a son. It breaks my heart to see them go through all this and know that there is very little I can do to make it better. Especially since it is my fault all this is happening. Kind of makes me want to curl up somewhere dark and just cry and hide.
These kinds of things hurt my heart. I wish there was another way. My wife well be fine, but my kids will be hurt and my parents well be hurt.
Sometimes I just wish I could disappear. (Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything drastic) I just wish this could all be over and I could just have a do over and be a GG. Sadly, I'm stuck with this one life and don't have a choice. God doesn't make mistakes, but we do live in an imperfect world. I just want the outside to look like the inside feels. :cry:

[GroovyChristy]

You are brave for having this talk. It is not your fault so please don't blame yourself. You can't change who you are. Your parents have reacted better than many and have let you know they still love you. I'm sure this will be hard for them, but they will get through it. It's even harder for you and hopefully they can understand that.

[paulaprimo]

i'm sure that having the "talk" was the best thing you could of done.
the alternative was not to say anything and live a long life of misery...
so at least now, things can only get better for you!
i do admire your willingness to tell the family.
i wish you the very best of luck and much happiness! :)

[Rachelakld]

Well done, good to hear your parents intend to support you.
I hope your wife find the support of a good man soon (It'll be very hard on her these next years).
Your kids, well kids always seem very adaptable and will probably come to terms quicker than the adults.
and hope things work out well for you.

[Beverley Sims]

Well Eva,
That is the hard part done, now it is not going to be any easier for you either.
I sympathise with all of you especially your wife, it is going to be so hard for her.
You also have a hard road to travel and as yet you haven't even started.
I wish you all well in your adjustment to your new lives.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eva Lynn, It's great that you had the talk with everyone .
I wish you all the happiness in your life's journeys and may
all your paths be covered with rose petals and sunshine.

[kimdl93]

That had to be a brutal three hours for everyone. I hope you'll have an easier path going forward. And I hope you will make every effort to maintain a relationship with your kids, they will need you in their lives.

[Aly Cat]

That had to be a brutal three hours for everyone. I hope you'll have an easier path going forward. And I hope you will make every effort to maintain a relationship with your kids, they will need you in their lives.

It was a very tough 3 hours. I think the path is only going to get tougher from here. My wife has expressed that if I do HRT, I can basically only be in my kids lives before all the major changes take place. So essentially, when its too noticeable for me to hide the fact that I am changing, that's when I'm cut off. I'll do what I can to hide the changes for as long as possible around the kids. After that, it's up to the lawyers I suppose.

[daviolin]

Eva, this thread brought tears to my eyes. I hope it all works out for you. I will be praying for you. Daviolin

[MatildaJ.]

I can basically only be in my kids lives before all the major changes take place.

That's not up to her. Have you spoken to a lawyer yet?

[Princess Grandpa]

After that, it's up to the lawyers I suppose.

My advice Hun, don't wait until you are cut off. Find yourself a good lawyer now!

And please don't blame yourself.

Hug
Rita

[vallerie lacy]

Eva,
Do not feel that it is your fault, because it isn't. I wish you the best on your journey.

[Tracii G]

Do not let your wife use the kids as a bargaining chip or a way to get back at you.
You have every legal right to stay in your kids lives no matter what gender you choose to be.Kids are pretty amazing and will still want you in their lives.
I would seek an attorney you are going to need one.

[Marleena]

I agree with Tracii here.

[Aly Cat]

I'm trying to take things one step at a time for now. I have to get my house ready to rent out, find a place to live, find a new job, and then get situated with a therapist and lawyer. I have a lot more to do but those are my main focuses. In addition to maintaining some form of normalcy for my kids. My mom sent me this violin song this morning when I was still in bed and I literally just laid there and wept. I had a hard time pulling myself together to go to work. But, I'm here now and trying to make it through the day.

[Marleena]

I say good for you Eva! You are attempting to live a genuine life. Don't let your wife hold you hostage you're making the right choices for you.:)

[MatildaJ.]

Consulting a lawyer should be a very early step, since your wife has already threatened your access to your children. Have you told your parents about these threats? Presumably they don't want to lose access to their grandkids, and will help you pay for a lawyer. Please make this a priority, to show your kids that maintaining a relationship with them is your top priority.

Here's some information about Georgia I dug up with a quick google search:

>> Do not move from the marital residence (or the home where the child is living) until there is an agreement. Many men decide that it is better for the child to be in an environment where the parties are separated than to live in a contentious environment with both parents. Though this is noble in concept, if you move out before a custody order is in place, your rights to see your child are virtually at your wife’s discretion. Do not allow her to have that power over your relationship with the children. From a really basic perspective, the way to increase your chances of having more custody time, is to be more involved with your child. Be there for extracurricular activities, participate in bedtime and bath time, take the children to school, etc. The easiest way to get extra custody time is to show the court that the needs of the child dictate your available presence. >>

That's from: http://cordellcordell.com/resources/georgia/georgia-child-custody-questions/

And here's an overview of Georgia divorce law:
http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Georgia-Divorce-Laws-484.html

And a pamphlet with very detailed information about the grounds for "fault" divorce:
http://www.gabar.org/newsandpublications/consumerpamphlets/upload/divorce_09.pdf

[Aly Cat]

Thank you Jess for the info. I will definitely need that. I really appreciate everyone's encouragement on this. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible in this situation but sometimes I have bad days.

[MissTee]

I must admit that even I have a hard time wrapping my head around a permanent gender change. Not saying it's a bad thing, just it's not for me. You are a very brave soul. Good luck, Eva Lynn.

[sandra-leigh]

A couple of nights ago, the workshop I am attending showed the short documentary (http://news.stanford.edu/news/2003/june11/documentary-611.html) "No Dumb Questions (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303371/)". I think it would be worth your watching soon-ish. It demonstrates that kids might be scared but are often adaptable and even proud of those going through gender change.

This is not something that you should hide from the children, in my opinion. Not unless you want them to have a narrow world view about who "the right kind of people" are. (And some people do want that, for reasons of religion or race or class prejudice, or due to homophobia or other kinds of xenophobia.) If you are raising your children to be open-minded, then although "stress-testing" their openness may not be the pleasantest of things, neither is it the worst of things, as it demonstrates the reality that open-mindedness is something they need to apply in their own life, not just something that is good for other people to practice towards them.

[Robin777]

Eva Lyn, I just want to wish you the best as you go forward. I just want to say get yourself a good lawyer and fight for your rights with your children. I have had co-workers over the years that have been walked all over by the system when it comes to visitation rights. The courts like siding with the mother in these cases. So if you get a lawyer that doesn't seem to be working,dump them and get one that will fight for your rights. I have heard all kinds of stories from my present co-worker and his fight with his ex-girlfriend over his son.