What do you do?

[Aly Cat]

What do you do when you're too broke to make any changes (like laser hair removal, ffs, hrt, srs, etc) but are completely discontent with your physical appearance and want change? How does one manage that? I want so bad to be a woman and yet I have no means of achieving that outcome. How do you get past that roadblock? I'm going to be going to college so that I can have a decent career but I want to be doing hrt in the process. Then I think about having to shave breasts and face and everything else and it makes me want laser hair removal done first. But that is so stinking expensive...

:sigh: I need a starting place. I kind of feel like I'm sailing in the dark here with no navigation. Any advice would be much appreciated from the trail blazers who have already charted these waters...

[Stephanie-L]

Like anything else, you do what you can. If you have a little money, look for a groupon for laser hair removal, at least you can get started on a small part. If you have medical insurance, or some other access, start therapy, then get a referral to an endocrinologist. Check out the support groups in your area, many have free or low cost trans health care. I do not know the state of your general health, but get in the best health you can now, so you don't have to worry about other issues while you start transition. Lose weight if you need to, if you smoke, quit, eat a good diet, exercise. Then, think about a second job if you can. This is a very long and expensive process, it is not done in a day, or even in a year. Every step you take, even if it is something seemingly unrelated, like that second job, makes you feel a bit better about yourself, because you know that no matter how slow, you are making progress. I would say that the first issue you need to deal with is the therapy, usually they are a good jumping off point for sailing these waters. Much luck to you..............Stephanie

[Aly Cat]

Thank you so much. I definitely want to get into therapy asap. Physically, I'm in great health. I'm 5'9" 150lbs, don't smoke, don't drink, eat mostly organic foods, and ride about 18-20 miles a day twice a week on my bike. I'm going to be going back to school for the next 2 years and will be working part time. On top of that, I'm going to be having to pay child support for two children since my wife and I are divorcing. Needless to say it's going to be ramen noodles for me for a while. You mentioned that sometimes support groups have free or low cost trans health care??? I wish I knew some of those groups in my area. Worse comes to worse, I just have to suffer through these next 2 years and get that career so that I can start affording this stuff. It's hard though when you don't see forward movement. I at least want to somehow get started on hrt. That takes a while and the earlier the better.

[kathtx]

Like anything else, you do what you can.... This is a very long and expensive process, it is not done in a day, or even in a year. Every step you take, even if it is something seemingly unrelated, like that second job, makes you feel a bit better about yourself, because you know that no matter how slow, you are making progress. I would say that the first issue you need to deal with is the therapy, usually they are a good jumping off point for sailing these waters. Much luck to you..............Stephanie

This is very good advice. Also, you may be able to get therapy inexpensively through your university's student health center.

Don't delay starting any more than you have to, but also recognize that this is going to take time and also that transition will go better the better you're prepared for it financially and professionally. Get a solid education and build your skills to make yourself a valuable and productive engineer or accountant or whatever. You're more likely to be able to maintain steady employment through transition if you have skills in high demand.

Keep in mind that every hour you work or study is ultimately progress towards your goal. When I was in college, I worked crap jobs that I hated (I'm old enough that it was still possible to get through a 4 year degree without loans by working minimum-wage jobs). I used to calculate how many hours of class would be paid for by each hour of mopping floors or scrubbing toilets. You can think the same way: a week's work pays for X hours of electrolysis, or for X credit hours towards learning a valuable skill. Studying for that calculus test will help your transition in the long run.

[Dawn cd]

Look at it this way, suffering through these two years will help your earning power, and those earnings will help pay for what you need. Also, check out your college's counseling office. It's cheap for students. Maybe they have, or can get you, a gender therapist.

[Beth-Lock]

Like anything else, you do what you can. ... I do not know the state of your general health, but get in the best health you can now, so you don't have to worry about other issues while you start transition. Lose weight if you need to, if you smoke, quit, eat a good diet, exercise.... I would say that the first issue you need to deal with is the therapy, usually they are a good jumping off point for sailing these waters.

Some dramatically lose weight before SRS to look slender, and more like a woman. One woman I met in Montreal for SRS had a before picture and compared to her as a woman the main thing was loss of weight and especially the beer belly, so she really looked by then, like a born woman. She went from typical man to typical woman, before SRS. You would not guess it was the same person.

Also they say, losing wight before HRT makes it a lot more difficult, is another reason. As for getting fit, some go into fitness self-training, especially cardio, in oder to be able to take the surgery of SRS which is major surgery, better and be safer. And then Dr. Brassard, when he interviewed me long before SRS, gave me a hand out which said stop smoking now, if you are a smoker. I gave up alcohol six months in advance to improve my health and only resumed months after SRS.

There are a lot of things that you will need to be able to do, sooner or later, like talk like a woman, (voice training and style of expression, as well as avoiding taboo topics, etc., that women avoid), generally act like a woman, (observing women helps), acquiring women friends and thinking like a woman. Women's magazines will help. There are voice traning hints on You Tube as well as "How to walk like a woman,", etc. You certainly don't need to be idle now. You have years of work on all such things ahead, so get cracking!

[Aly Cat]

There are a lot of things that you will need to be able to do, sooner or later, like talk like a woman, (voice training and style of expression, as well as avoiding taboo topics, etc., that women avoid), generally act like a woman, (observing women helps), acquiring women friends and thinking like a woman. Women's magazines will help. There are voice traning hints on You Tube as well as "How to walk like a woman,", etc. You certainly don't need to be idle now. You have years of work on all such things ahead, so get cracking!

That is for sure. I think the hardest part is going to be forgetting how to be a guy. 31 years of it makes it certainly hard. I wish I had more GG friends I could talk to and learn from. Right now, my sister is pretty much the only one and she lives an hour and a half away. Not for long though! Soon well be in the same town and ill be seeing a whole lot more of her. Timing is everything I suppose.