Rough spot and some patchy fog

[Tina_gm]

So lately, things between my wife and I have been not the best. I know not all of it is CD related. Not even sure if any of it is, although I am suspecting heavily that at least some of it is. Very little mention of it as of late and any mention of this side of me at all is brisk and with a slight negative connotation. This seems to be going on longer than the normal few days in which I know to lay low and not discuss it and reign in the fem side of me somewhat. This is going on now for a bit longer than usual, and a bit worse then usual as well.

A lot of other stresses are happening as well... work stress, and some untimely money having to go out around the holidays, blah. :sad: Oh and my wife is now entering menopause as well. Not the best of combinations I am thinking here.

Add to that, I am having patches of the fog. Not severe, or constant, but also a little stronger than whatever little I have experienced. Some hit me very recently, but also along with times where with all of the recent stuff going on, times where I feel even less than my usual fem side. So my head spins a little as well.

I guess on a positive note, I sort of was able to have some Halloween fun. I was going to dress up in a 70's get up for work, but needed to go in stupid early and then just said F-it. But when I got there (I have always dressed up) co-workers were disappointed. So, one women just hands me this sort of old lady victorian style dress she had brought in. Makes me wonder how read I am.... So I reluctantly agreed lol. Wasn't taking this real serious, no make up, I still have a goatee, but I sort of did this old lady thing with a grey wig. At work, people thought it was great. Hey, this is 2013 after all, and most really don't have much of an issue, plus its Halloween and I wasn't going all out. But a lot of fun, a lot of jokes, and y'know, it felt good to wear a dress too. :)

So later on after work, (she let me keep it for the weekend) hmm, how read am I? .... but I suggested to my wife that she, the kids and me would go out and do something, and I would wear the dress. Again, not a serious thing, but my wife was not interested at all, and said she would not be going out with me if I did. Plus my teenage kids just wanted to stay home, and it was raining horribly. So we did nothing.

But weird though, because my wife asked me to wear the dress so she could see what I looked like at work, plus I had a pic on my phone that she saw. She didn't seem mortified, but sort of shook her head negatively with an eye roll and an odd smile kinda thing. Well at least for a few moments she saw something, and her world did not end.

So I am hitting a bit of a rough spot here, and the fog is a little heavier at times, but very patchy. Overall, not one of the better moments I am having with all this, but yet somewhere a few very brief moments that are good have occurred. Wish this was all a heck of a lot easier.

[Persephone]

Oy! Sounds like you have a bit of a storm to weather, Mutt.

Hopefully once the storm clears there will be a rainbow.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[DonnaT]

Maybe it's time to put some romance back into the marriage?

Like revisiting some things y'all did when dating, or going on a simple picnic, etc.

[Jenniferathome]

Mutt, STOP dressing for a time. Suck it up, it's not that hard. During that time, you have to try to talk with her about it. You could simply offer, "Honey, I'm not going to dress until we can talk in some detail about my cross dressing and your comfort. Let me know when you are ready, whenever that is." Put her first. This kind of thing can spiral out of control.

[Julie Gaum]

Jenn beat me to it --- saying the same thing. Obviously there is still a huge gap in understanding so the openng line suggested is perfect! Rolling of eyes and innuendos can't go on and have a happy ending. As far as "detail" --- only proceed as far as you feel she continues to wrap her mind around the information offered.
Make a point of encouraging response as you go to make sure you don't run into a brick wall without knowing you have. It will take more than one session without any distractions --- make sure your SO has no excuse to end the conversation before it's desirable for you as well.
Let us know how it works how. Patience and understanding needed on both sides --- you ARE partners.
Julie

[RADER]

I think you might try to bring romance back into the picture.
My wife was OK with me dressing, but I could tell when I was pushing it a little to much.
So get some flowers and just you and her go out for a nice evening.
I think she would like that a lot.
Rader

[Marcelle]

Hey Gendermutt.

Communication is the key thing here but only you know how your wife will react to the tact you take. Some have suggested telling her "I won't dress anymore until you are comfortable with it". My wife and I had a similar bout (she is going through menopause as well) and I thought that would be the best approach so that is what I did. Should have known better . . . she got very mad/upset by my declaration of support and refused to speak to me. When we both finally simmered and discussed she told me to stop making it about me and making her feel bad by saying I won't dress until she says it is okay. I found out her sullen mood had nothing to do with my CDing or my dressing. She is having problems with a co-worker and her current hormonal imbalance is not allowing her to cope well. We talked, I provided advice and things went on.

So my recommendation is before you jump on the "it must be my CDing" talk to her and find out if there is another root cause, you may be surprised that it has nothing to do with CDing. Regardless support and love is the big factor here and if she needs your support give it to her regardless of the cause . . . but a nice something special for her can really help :)

Hugs

Isha

[BobbiHall]

Jennifer -

I just joined the group. It seems I might be one of the few single "girls" here. Just browsing around and saw your picture and wanted to tell you how great you look. You could pass full time.

[Joanne f]

When there is a lot of stress around it can be difficult to know which negative things are stress related and which ones are not although there is a good chance that most are , if there is some way that you can help with what is causing your wife's stress or at least both talking about what it is that is causing it you may get a clearer picture of what you can do or not do at the moment .

[Tina_gm]

Some good advice, thank you. Romance really isn't a problem. We have had a lot of stuff on the table lately that is not CD related. I am thinking that the other stress makes whatever discomfort of Cding intensified. I did get a little caught up with Halloween. It was totally unplanned and in hindsight, probably should not have suggested to wear a dress to the halloween festivities, even though it was more of a gag mode kinda thing, or at least it would have appeared so to everyone else. It was my wife who asked to see what it looked like on me and to see the pic that was taken.

I do agree that a sit down talk is in the future. We haven't had one in quite a while, just random stuff here and there. As for the idea of quitting, it is perhaps not necessary though. Other than what Halloween would have been, my dressing is pretty close to a DADT kinda thing. She never sees it and I do not talk about any specific dressing I do. It really does not alter her lifestyle or any day to day activities in any way other than she does call when I am home and she is not before coming home. I would entertain the idea of quitting for a bit if she really needs some sort of break from all of it, but that would involve a sit down talk and maybe revisiting how we are going about this. Thanks again for the good words of advice.

[Jaylyn]

Sounds like you are hitting a rough time. You mentioned menopause..... All I can say is that is tough on every one . Be very careful and tip toe when she is especially sensitive. It has all ready been mentioned but try the romance again and again. Long trips together with out the teens can lead to some great catchup time about her. Make it all sincere and just keep the communication lines open. Remember that family is way more important than dressing so if it is meant to be see to to her needs first and she will see to yours after she knows you are trying and still care. Hang in there.

[Beverley Sims]

When you reach this time in life it is a lot of going round in circles and making sure you don't break any glasses in the process.