What are your regrets?

[Abby Lauren]

Hi everybody
At the risk of this being a downer, I thought I would try to see what others may have regretted not doing in their lives as crossdressers.
Probably my major regret was in not having the courage to overcome my sense of possible humiliation by coming out to my mother when I was young. In retrospect, it appears that my mother knew all about my alterego but I always denied it to her whenever she would allude to it. She never came right out and asked me if I crossdressed. She was too kind and sensitive a human being to do that. She may also have been too frightened to actually acknowledge the truth. But, she passed along many hints to me about her being amenable to my crossdressing. Unfortunately, she passed away when I was 19. I always wonder about the road not taken. What might have happened if I had my mother's support all along? Having not taken up her suggestions, I was always left with the feeling that I should be ashamed for being who I was. It took me many years before I could be proud of myself as a transgendered person.
Are there others in this wonderful forum who are willing to share their regrets?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Love,
Abby

[ginafaye]

there have been many moments in my life where in hind sight i wish i would have embraced my passion for my fem side ...but we can only move foward ..........

[Raychel]

My number one regret would be not telling my wife before we got married. But we can't change the past

[Mary Jane]

I bought a wig when I was in my early twenties. All I saw in the mirror was a man in a woman's wig. If I had known then what I know now about makeup, I would not have wasted so many years not dressing. Remember this was a time before the internet and information was almost nonexistant. A lot of wasted years but nothing can be done about that now. I just look onward.

Mary Jane

[Rikki Elisabeth]

Time to pause and reflect. I regret few things but I know that there some I would have done differently:

1. Not get married.
2. Become much more involved in crossdressing and TG during college.
3. Lived as a girl FOREVER.

Happy New Year!!!

[Rosemary]

Time to pause and reflect. I regret few things but I know that there some I would have done differently:

1. Not get married.
2. Become much more involved in crossdressing and TG during college.
3. Lived as a girl FOREVER.

Happy New Year!!!



I always love your posts, Rikki.:)

They make so much sense to me. I know I have an opportunity of not making the same mistakes where some of the more mature girls on this forum consider they have. I love reading and learning from their experience.
In regard to your post.

I don't intend to get married, with the way I am it simply wouldn't be fair to me or my partner.

I will get involved as much as possible in crossdressing because I love it so much, full time is my dream.

I want to live as a girl forever, and I know that we all can do this one, as long as we don't let what others think or consider normal get in our way.

Luv to you.:)

Mary

[ChristineRenee]

1. Not having any children.

2. Although I love my wife very much, not marrying someone who fully accepted me for who I am and who didn't either try to change me or to deny that a large part of the person that I am even exists.

3. Not recognizing much sooner in life that I was not just a CD but TG as well.

4. Not accepting, and especially embracing, myself for who I am as a person, resulting in too many years of enduring a needless lack of self-esteem because of it.

[TGMarla]

I don't have any kids, either, but that has nothing to do with crossdressing. I wish I had come to grips with it earlier in my life, gone out and had some fun with it. I wish I had been up front with my wife, too. Then I might not be so "in the closet" about all of this.

But overall, regrets get you nowhere. So I look ahead, and just accept the past.

[MsJanessa]

Everybody has regrets most people, including Me, have too many to list here---Instead of trying to do that I'm going to make a resolution---to live Me life according to the way I feel it should be lead---not according to what other people may think----that way maybe I won't have as many regrets.(actually I've been doing this for the last few years and it seems to work):dom:

[suzy]

My biggest regret......not starting sooner....way sooner...I hid it and pushed my feeling back and fought it for way too long...;)

[Christina Nicole]

Would have been nice to have kids
Should have extended myself a bit instead of being conservative and bought the other house. It was only 70g more.
Should have at least tried to get into a top tier college

Live and learn

Warm regards
Christina Nicole

[MarinaTwelve200]

Not really such a big deal, compaired to the other posts, but I should have gone along with what my friends were doing, and dressed like a girl at Halloween too, when I was in my early teens (in the 60's).----But my own secret CDing made me very reructant to do that. I would have looked great and also not missed out on a lot of fun and adventure---who knows?, early experience, actually being out in public,(with social approval, being Halloween) might have releived a lot of the psychological turmoil I went thru over my CD in later years.---

BTW halloween, 2004 was the first (and only) time I have been out in public CDed.

[connie rotten]

Moving out of the San Francisco Bay Area :crying:
Next would be waiting until I was 37 before I stopped drinking:bonk:

[HaleyPink2000]

Regrets HuH?

Yeah, we all have made mistakes. Thats how we learn many times. Since many times we don't listen! HUH?

Lets see, is there enough room for me to post all my regrets? Nahh, prolly not.

Not wanting to bore you all. But I'll give you just one!

" I regret being in denile for most of my life about CDing". I was so trying to grow beyond the idea of dressing.

Haley:)

[HaleyPink2000]

I so want that dress. Where did you buy such a beautiful dress?

Haley:)

[Butterfly Bill]

I wish I had started dancing much sooner.

[Lilith Moon]

I wish I had started dancing much sooner.
Hey Bill,

Nice to see you here ! I've always enjoyed your newsgroup posts.

Like most here, there are so many things I wish I had done earlier. I've spent years in conflict, feeling guilty, trying to repress my true self, missing out. Why, oh why didn't I accept myself all those years ago....:(

[Rikidee]

Not letting my true self be known when I was much younger when the consequences were not so great. Should have not been so good at hiding and allowed myself to be outed. I could now be honest with everyone.
Rikidee

[Nikki A.]

Getting married a 2nd time (although I do love my wife and kids to death),
I did tell my wife about dressing and she thought that she could deal with it
Not knowing or not admitting to myself where all this was leading to
Again times were different then and like many of us, we felt alone and isolated.

[Robyn2006]

When I was 23 years old I was pretty much awash in femininity. My entire life revolved around dressing up, although I somehow managed to keep this a secret, with everyone just thinking I liked to be alone. Anyway, there was this one night where I was dressed to the nines and I was out in my backyard thinking about my future. It was a pivotal time for me, as I was in college and had a new career looming. That night I asked myself the question: Do I want to live this secret life, or do I want to pursue my career 100%? I answered yes to the latter and purged big time. My regret is not understanding that my need to be feminine was not something I could ever turn off, it is simply who I am. Over the next 5 years I managed to keep this need at bay and built my little career, but was so unhappy. Eventually, I came back to it all and with it rediscovered the joy I only have known when I could be my fem self. I so wish I could go back to that night and tell myself that my need to be feminine is not a choice, it's who I am, that I should embrace it with as much fervor as anything else in my life. At that time I really could have come out and been free to explore my possibilities. Not to say it's hopeless now, but I'm certainly locked into a life where coming out is not a possibity. It would require starting all over. Not in and of itself an impossibility, but far harder than it once might have been.

Robyn

[Katiegirl]

My main regret is not being true to myself earlier in my life and living how I wanted as Katie, I think by now I would be so much happier.

:)

Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, Life is a bitch

[ReginaK]

I'm still young, so no serious regrets yet. My biggest regrets are getting fat, not taking better care of my skin during my teens, and spending so much time in denial about who I am. The denial part is the worst and in some ways I still do it to this day.

[windycissy]

I should have gone along with what my friends were doing, and dressed like a girl at Halloween too, when I was in my early teens (in the 60's).----But my own secret CDing made me very reructant to do that. I would have looked great and also not missed out on a lot of fun and adventure---who knows?, early experience, actually being out in public,(with social approval, being Halloween) might have releived a lot of the psychological turmoil I went thru over my CD in later years.

You take me back to the Halloween when my mother asked me if she would let her dress me up as a girl. She told me she always wondered what I would have looked like...but I too was spooked because of my secret CDing. What a pity! She would have had a ball dressing me up in my sister's cute clothes, and it would have been a wonderful experience for me.


When I was 23 years old I was pretty much awash in femininity. My entire life revolved around dressing up, although I somehow managed to keep this a secret, with everyone just thinking I liked to be alone. Anyway, there was this one night where I was dressed to the nines and I was out in my backyard thinking about my future. It was a pivotal time for me, as I was in college and had a new career looming. That night I asked myself the question: Do I want to live this secret life, or do I want to pursue my career 100%?

I made the same choice. How I wish I had totally explored my feminine side when I got my first apartment after college...I had such beautiful long hair then, I could have styled it and experienced life as a pretty young girl.

My other big regret is breaking things off with Mr. Right. I know it was probably inevitable and for the best, but we had so much fun together and I really miss him...instead of sitting home on New Year's Eve, I could be in a little black dress, trying to dance backwards while he holds me in his arms...sigh!

Windy

[Sweet Susan]

I guess my biggetst regret is not allowing myself to indulge earlier in life. I had plenty of clues early on, but I either ignored them or didn't pay attention. I think if I had emersed myself into crossdressing when I was say, 20, to the extent that I am now, I would probably be an entirely different person. I'm not sure what that means to me. For some reason I believe that if I had begun earlier I might have really gone all the way, if you know what I mean. It's kind of scary when I think about it.

[Abby Lauren]

I think this is such a wonderful group and I thank everybody who has posted thus far.
Interestingly, I share so many of the same regrets as others who have posted. My late mother also asked me to let her dress me up in a blue dress for Halloween when I was about 8 or 9. I demurred, wanting to see what the scene would be like first. I went as a cowboy, instead- yuck- and saw that another boy went as a girl. He wore a skirt that had a large pinafore under it and, all night, 2 nasty brothers taunted and teased him and kept picking up his skirt. Although I was relieved that it hadn't happened to me, I was hurting for him --- and for me--- that it hadn't happened. Like a number of you, I have no idea where I'd be now had I allowed this side of me to be openly out from this early age or even later.
Nevertheless, thank goodness, I've finally come to celebrate who I am and I am thrilled to be Abby as often as I can.
I look forward to other posts.

[Falcor]

Staying in a relationship that longed failed.
Not realising that everybody IS unusual in some way[if not the're boring as batpoop]
Not keeping my older sisters fab 50's clotheing after she left home.
and mainly,giving a rats arse what people think of us.

fal xx

[RenaCD]

Hi Abby I don't think I would use the word Regrets. Maybe Refections would be a better word for me. I've had too much fun and never had a boring minute while in drab or dressed. Having three children,all grown now with kids of there own and I'm really loving that! Being very happily married 33 years tomorrow to a wonderful wife and mother, and that just keeps getting better now that she has meet Rena. I Think your mom is very Proud of you where ever is! The rest of the world should be as warm and as sensitive as all the girls on this Forum, but thats not news to any of us is it?

I could go on, but It's a Holiday

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, LET"S STICK TOGETHER AND MAKE ONE!!!

[randi_789]

Yes, I have way too many regrets, but the biggest one would probably be that when I did mention it to my wife twenty five years ago and she freaked, I promised not to dress anymore. We all know that that didn't happen. I should have opened a dialogue and tried to explain how I really felt, but caved in. I think part of the reason was that I didn't know what I know now. There was no internet and I didn't know there were so many others like myself. Now I can't tell her.

[Nastasha]

My regret would be the 3 purges that I have done. I threw alot of nice things away, some that you literally can't get anymore. I had a pair of vintage VF panties that felt wonderful, threw them out when I purged once. I regret that.

[robyn25]

Regrets are hard to be sure about, since you can never change just one thing. I would love to have dressed more when I was younger, but I wonder about the effect it would have had on my career and marriage. I guess if there is one thing, it's that I wish I had had a professional makeover sooner. Jim Bridges gave me the works for the first time when I was in my mid-thirties, and I was astonished at how I looked. I went next door to the Queen Mary and this guy who was chatting me up asked if I took hormones and lived full-time. (It was dark. Really dark.) Ever since, I've wondered what I would have looked like ten years earlier and ten pounds lighter.

[Lisa Maren]

Hi everyone

I regret that I never got a chance to dress up much as a child because my only sister is years younger than me and her stuff didn't fit until much later.

There was one opportunity I might have had to be dressed up by a pretty older girl, but she wanted to dress me up when we were all putting together skits and I was too scared of being picked on afterwards. Maybe I should have done it after all. I'll never know now!

I regret not having enough understanding about myself until really just the last few years.

Hugs,
Lisa

[Aileen]

I regret stealing dresses from a friend's sister when I was a kid. That was inexcusable.

[joni-alice]

I regret that I have so many regrets
and that I sometimes dwell on them.
love,
joni-alice :cool:

[Abby Lauren]

Thanks, girls, for sharing your regrets.
Heather's regret makes me remember the only complete purge I did about 3 1/2 years ago and gave away a wig that I really loved and everything I owned. What I don't regret is that I gave it to a Tri-Ess group and asked that the proceeds of what they could get for everything would go to the World Trade Center Fund. Interestingly, one of my friends found out that I had returned to the TG scene and sent me my boobs (I kid you not) and some of my fancy jewelry that she had bought. I was more than touched by her kindness.
Lisa's regret makes me remember the one time a girl who was interested in me offered to dress me up as a girl. Because I wasn't attracted to her, I turned her down but I obviously remember the offer from many years ago with great regret that I didn't allow her to do it. She was close to my size and I think I could easily have worn her clothes.
And, Randi, I don't knowhow others may feel but I don't think you should feel bound by a promise made 25 years ago when you had very little information and support. My relationship with my wife demonstrates that things can evolve over time and your wife needn't necessarily want to divorce you if you come out to her.
Thanks again, girls.

[Deborah]

When i lived in England my parents sent me to a therapist (i was 17) I regret not saying anything about being TG and i'd probably be living as a full time female right now.
I was ready to do it right up until he hit the record button on his tape recorder.:rolleyes:

[racquel]

As most of the ladies here my first,biggest,deepest regret was that I did not come out when I was much younger and to be truthful much better looking:p

[Wendy me]

My regrets easy i got a few mostly when i frist noticeing that i was just a little diffrent i wish i accpeted it and embraced this person that was hideing out in me ....and for not telling my wife when we frist got together ......

[tiffiany]

My biggest regret has been dening the real person who I was. All of my life Ive tormented with this, spent countless nights wondering why, abandoned my faith, and shut myself off from the rest of the world. But yet I feel that last year was the best thing that ever happened to me as I was able to move out on my own. Since doing so I have been able to finally express my trueself and it has made me a better person. I have a new outlook on life now as if this is trully what I was meant to be. For me it doesnt matter what clothes I have on as they dont define who I am, how I trully feel inside does.

Thanks for listening.

[Stephenie]

Telling my wife after 24 yrs of marrage. Now she feels that If I say anything about her it is just to make her feel bad since she does not approve of Cding and that she can not trust me about anything. She feels that Cding is a coice that I have made and that it is sick and even though we had problems before I told her now everything wrong is because of it and my fault.

[cindybarnes]

Hi Abby,
It's a fair question.
I regret thinking that I was the only CD in the state of Georgia for 20 years !

I sometimes think about all the friends and fun I missed all those years but I try

and always remember how lucky I am to have such an accepting wife and

some realy close friends now.

So I guess my regrets are balanced some with happy thoughts :)

Cindy

[Abby Lauren]

Thanks again for sharing, girls.
Stephenie, your post reminds me of the early days I had with my wife after I told her. It took quite a while and many conversations to get her to see the inner me and to not treat me so disdainfully. I also had developed a great deal more self-confidence as Abby and wouldn't accept poor treatment. I can only thank all the many girls I corresponded with for helping me achieve that level of self-acceptance. I hope your situation improves greatly. Keep your head up, girl. You deserve to be treated well.

[Stephenie]

Abby,
I'm happy for you. But for me, there is no hope that she will ever change. So life goes on.

[Bonnie D]

My regret is not being totally honest with my wife before we married. I told her that I used to dress but didn't anymore. I told her that, due to her reaction when I said that I had tried it when I was younger. We married and had two beautiful children in the next few years. That I will never regret.

Now I want to come out to my wife. If I do and stay, our relationship will be like Stephenie's. If I leave, the financial stress on us both will be big. If I keep quiet, I will regret all the time I'm missing being my true self along with all the events and people I want to meet.

I regret not being me everyday.

Bonnie

[PennyAnne]

My biggest regret has to do with a career choice that was very wrong for me. Things came very easy for me accademically, and grants in the sciences where readily obtainable, so before I knew it, I was 20 with a BS, MS, EE, and SCD in engineering. Then I realized I actually hated it. Fortunately, not before I had been in the field for a few years and obtained the patents that made me reasonably financially independent.
After a stint in the USAF ( supposidly to "make a man out of me"), I got my JD and started in the profession I love. Also, I stopped trying to fool myself into thinking that I ever really would be accepted as a man, both by myself and the world at large.
I must confess that over the last ten years, there have been times when I regretted that decision. No matter what you may hear, there are aspects of a woman's life, even in this enlightened society, that just are not as pleasant as those of a man. Looking back now, I believe it was the right life path for me. Lord knows it isn't for everyone.

[Lissa Stevens]

Mostly I guess it would be when my parents found out that I did not just tell them "This is what I am and will always be. If you love me you can live with it if not tell me now and I will move away and not embarrass you any more". You know what they say about hindsite.

[Abby Lauren]

For whatever it's worth, I think since we only have one life to live, it might as well be the life we feel is a genuine reflection of who we are. I realize we have to take into account the effect this will have on others but, if we can't be true to ourselves, aren't we destined to be very unhappy and unfulfilled? Is who we are so unacceptable that we have to feel permanently stifled? My vote is that we need to be whoever we think we truly are. And I will no longer accept thinking of myself as some sort of weirdo alien pervert. I am different but I think that's just fine.

[SherriePall]

I've been thinking about this thread since it was first posted a couple of weeks ago. Do I regret not doing or doing something? Or do I just wish I could have done things differently? Several girls have said they regret not telling their wives before marriage. A while after I told my wife of 32 years now (six years ago) about my little hobby, I asked if things would have been different if I had told her before we got married. She said she never would have married me! But now she can't live without me (or so she says) even though my crossdressing is frowned upon.
So, do I have regrets? Not really. Do I wish things could have been different? Yes.

[swiss_susan]

Without regerets are 1) immoral 2)sociopathic 3) both

We all look back and wonder about what might have been, but look at it this way. Your mom knew, and always loved you. Hey its enough for me. Every cloud has a silver lining (Clichè).

Susan