No longer a CDer.

[Kandy Barr]

After many months of therapy and much careful consideration of all the ramifications that will come my way I am no longer able to say I am just a crossdresser. Today marks my progression into the world as a woman. With letter in hand I have made my appointment with my Dr. to begin HRT. I am both excited and scared but know this is the right decision for me, so I am moving forward and embracing the woman I am to become. I can't believe I'm sharing this as I have kept this a very private part of my life, I however can no longer identify with the male side of me when the mirror just reflects back a woman no matter how I am dressed. It is something deep within and as of today I just feel so much relief and and excitement with what is to come. My Dr's. appointment is in a week and he knows what it is about, so I will be joining in on this forum from time to time. Thanks and any help you girls may be able send my way will be appreciated.......Kandy

[paulaprimo]

hi kandy,

congrats to you and i am sooooo happy for you.
i'm sure that it won't be an easy road traveled...but you have to be you and live your life!!
best wishes and big hugs,
paula

[ArleneRaquel]

Kandy,
Best Wishes dalin. My prayers are with you on your journey. Stay strong and I congratulate you on your decision. Hugs & Love.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

Good luck and keep us up to date

[Leah Lynn]

Welcome to the strange and wonderful world of TS. You'll hit every possibe emotion a person can have, from fears and doubts to joy and elation.

Congatulations!

Hugs,

Leah

[S. Lisa Smith]

Wow, amazing news. Thank you for sharing. You know we wish you all the best for your female future.

[dreamer_2.0]

Congrats and best wishes, Kandy

[kimdl93]

Glad to hear you've reached this point of clarity in your life.

[barbie54s]

Good luck and best wishes.

[I Am Paula]

Discovering your true self is such a huge step. The next step is becoming that vision. Welcome to the long strange trip.

[Marleena]

Well.. since I'm the self appointed "chairperson" of this section I'll go get a chair for you. Congrats on the self discovery.:)

[Launa]

I love hearing exciting news like this! You're going to do great!

[Diversity]

Good luck to you, Kandy. I wish you well on your journey.
Di

[Kathryn Martin]

Hi there, so how did you become a transsexual?

[FurPus63]

Hi there, so how did you become a transsexual?

WOW! What a mean thing to say! I'm shocked you would say that to someone. Not everyone knows or can accept they are a transsexual until they 've had much therapy and/or self reflection and deep soul searching. You know nobody just "becomes" a transsexual. I myself had to go through a life long process, and much mental anguish to conclude that I am a transsexual. Not all of us are lucky enough to have figured it out at 4 years old or whatever. I don't understand your comment or why you wrote it?

Paulette

[Anne2345]

Please forgive me if I do not blindly cheer you on, wish you well, tell you that you are doing the right thing, and proclaim how exciting this news is.

Based upon the substance of the information you have presented within the OP, however, I must admit to being confused. It is unclear to me how you arrived at your conclusion, and you have offered few if any facts to support it.

If, as you say, you are going to participate in the TS forum in the future, it would help us all to better understand you if you offer more about yourself. You wrote that you could not believe that you were "sharing" this information with us because it is a "very private part of your life." So if this is the case, what are your reasons for doing so now? I mean, you are either TS, or you are not. If you cannot share this information with the TS community, among those that you purport to be a member of, then this is problematic.

More importantly, if you hope to gain anything of value from this forum, it will be necessary for you to offer and share such personal things with the TS forum membership. Otherwise, your participation will amount simply to a waste of everyone's time. Hopefully, if you are truly serious about this, and decide to participate within this forum, you will offer more about yourself in the future.

@Paulette - Kathryn's response was not mean in the least. Kathryn merely but asked a simple, yet important question. As I alluded to above, the OP did not offer any substantive information of any real value about herself at all. Given the serious nature of her claim, or any claim that one is transsexual, it should not be taken in a forum such as this at face value without more. As such, Kathryn's question is a legitimate, fair question that deserves an answer. It is my sincere hope that the OP can adequately respond to the question, so that a true, insightful, informed, and knowledgeable dialogue may ensue.

[Marleena]

I forget to mention there is a seat belt with each chair. It comes in handy when you encounter turbulence.

[thechic]

Kandy,
Best Wishes and welcome to the club, I wont go into the transsexual thing as some here get so bitchy.

[arbon]

More importantly, if you hope to gain anything of value from this forum, it will be necessary for you to offer and share such personal things with the TS forum membership. Otherwise, your participation will amount simply to a waste of everyone's time. Hopefully, if you are truly serious about this, and decide to participate within this forum, you will offer more about yourself in the future..

.


Seriously? It's her first post so cut her some slack. Your not the forum keeper and you don't speak for everyone.

Welcome Kandy :)

Hope it goes well. Its good you are seeing a therapist, and probably better to rely on their guidance that on what people tell you on a forum

[Angela Campbell]

If you are going to begin HRT it might be a good idea to get used to being very public about the most private of things. It will eventually be very obvious. A very thick skin helps.

Welcome to the circus.

[LeaP]

Kandy, full disclosure here - you are absolutely welcome, but your post raises some concerns. Could be just language. Maybe glossing over some things in intro post fashion. I'm sure it will become clearer.

Arbon is correct in that none of us are forum keepers, the tranny police, or anything similar. But we ARE a community of sorts, diverse as we are, and many of us rely on each other for critical support and advice. As a result, there is a pretty low tolerance here for anything but hard reality. Most of us had to learn its necessity the hard way. I'm still learning to live it every day, including (specifically) today, which was difficult for a variety of reasons.

I, for one, am interested in your answer to Kathryn's question.

[Anne2345]

@arbon - yeah, seriously. Although true I did not sugar coat my words, is there anything inherently wrong or demeaning about the substance of my response? I do not believe there is.

And I find it disturbing that one can come in here all la dee da dee da, state that "today marks my progression into the world as a transsexual," as if it were some sort of promotion (which it's not), and immediately glean a cheering section based upon nothing more than simply claiming to be a transsexual, without any evidence in support of such claim at all.

I mean, what if she is not TS, even though she may think she is? How is she served well by a cheering section that encourages her to move forward, when the cheering section has nothing of substance to base their cheers on?!

I have all the respect in the world for you, arbon, and you know it. You also know exactly how serious these issues are. When I first arrived here, I was challenged and asked very difficult questions. At the time, I thought it was unfair and mean. But the reality is that it was not - it forced me to really think through these issues, to really learn more about myself. It was a necessary and fruitful exercise the membership put me through.

My response was elicited mainly because Paulette accused Kathryn of being mean. Kathryn was not being mean. She was merely asking an innocent, meaningful, and necessary question. I simply followed in kind. In this, I stand by my post and make no apologies for it. I also hope that the OP takes the time to think through these questions and issues, and offers a meaningful response that we can then thereafter begin a truly helpful and supportive dialogue on.

I do not believe this is too much to ask for, and I am sincere in my hope.

:-P

[Ann Louise]

So sweetheart, given the foregoing bucket of cold water in the face, you may better understand why I would say welcome, and then offer my condolences. Seriously. By my observation, the overriding theme in my TS life has been one of loss, of nearly everything I ever thought was dear to me. Almost all of that is now gone, an illusion at best, and the shape of a totally unforeseen life is irregularly coming together for me, day by day.

Maybe you're already quite aware of the hard facts of the road you've set out upon. If not, you've come to a reasonably good place to get the bigger picture, but that will take time.

Some of the girls here speak seldom, but when they do it's with piercing truth, or deeply moving eloquence. Others say lots of things, sometimes without really saying much, but they simply find relief in the loose-knit sense of community here, away from a hard cis-gendered world. See where you fit in hun, and yes, you certainly will need a very thick skin.

So, rather then congratulate you, I offer you welcome, and wish you good luck. :-)

)0( Ann ) 0(

[Barbara Ella]

Well Kandy, let me extend a friendly welcome to this side of the forum. Buckle your seat belt that has been extended, as it can be a bit of a bumpy ride. It will be bumpy in your personal life now, as you adjust to the realization that there is something completely new in your life. Not everyone develops the "hate" early on in their life and is forced to live with it for extended periods. The feeling that something is wrong can develop at any time, god I know, and the process of finding out exactly what this is can be an arduous one that can be eye opening and truly revealing of the inner self that you never looked at before.

I must compliment you on one thing, that so many others here dwell on, but fail to mention here in response to your post. Congratulations for going the proper route, seeking therapy, taking the time to learn about yourself, reaching the point where your therapist felt it appropriate to give you your "letter." This greatly improves the chances you will be successful in finding your true self.

Easy it will not be even close to. It has not been easy for those here. You will see that more and more as you read and chat with everyone. Please take time to go back and review some historical posts here, and in the Safe Haven, when you join, to gain an appreciation of the struggles that you may be taking on with your new found status.

I totally understand the difficulty you express in believing you are sharing. I am reticent and introverted, and the thought of sharing something so personal had me shaking when I first joined the forum, and again when i joined this side of the forum. It passes relatively quickly, and you will have quite a lot to share in your future. Don't hesitate to share.

I must disagree with some, and express happiness that you are here. i do that because i sense a happiness in you that you are making and accepting this in yourself, and taking appropriate steps to move forward, so I want to help you enjoy your moment. When you have questions, and real life kicks you down, i will then be sad with you and try to help as best i can to see you through the inevitable setbacks, and they will come dear.

Sometimes we will be hyper-cryptic, and at others boringly verbose (case in point here). All should be taken with a grain of salt, because there is knowledge you might not possess right now about the personal struggles each one of us is going through that clearly color the nature of our posts. Take your time, get to know the women here because each and every one is truly on your side and wishes you total success.

It isn't all wine and cheese, but enjoy your progress.

Hugs,

Barbara

[gonegirl]

Kandy - Welcome to TS central. As you can see, emotions sometimes run high here. :)

TS members in this forum expect and respect authenticity from people and sometimes our questions are very direct. You will gain the most value participating here by recognizing that the provocative questions are also the ones that are most likely to help you understand yourself, and help others here help you.

[Rianna Humble]

After many months of therapy and much careful consideration of all the ramifications that will come my way I am no longer able to say I am just a crossdresser. Today marks my progression into the world as a transsexual. With letter in hand I have made my appointment with my Dr. to begin HRT. I am both excited and scared but know this is the right decision for me, so I am moving forward and embracing the woman I am to become

It seems obvious to me that this is not a conclusion that you have drawn lightly. There will be a lot of experiences on your road, some good, some not so good and you will have quite a few questions and even "WTF am I doing?" moments.

Even though some members appear not to have read the start of your post, the questions that they have raised are sincere and are offered in a positive spirit.

I hope you will take the time to share the good times as well as the bad with us here. You will find support even when some of it may not be what you were hoping for because true support also involves challenging whether you are right in some circumstances.

[emma5410]

I cannot understand the negative response to the OP. She has taken all the steps one would expect at this stage. I am a little concerned when people pile in with 'you go girl' comments. Something wonderful has not happened to her. She has set a bomb off in her life. I am not sure if Kandy full appreciates what is likely to come but that is even more reason to offer her support.
It is a very tough road ahead but it is worth it.

[Kimberly Kael]

When I announced my transition to friends and family, congratulations were pretty common. Not because I was embarking on an enviable path, but because it was obviously important to me and was clearly a difficult social challenge that I was declaring myself ready for. It's not like qualifying for the Olympics, or anything, but it is a significant milestone that it's hard to imagine taking on if other options were available. It's also a show of support, which I very much appreciated.

So it's an understandable reflex that the same reaction shows up in forums. Except that it doesn't represent the same risk it does in real life. Few if any here have interacted with the OP to the extent that we get to know our friends and colleagues in real life, so it rings a little hollow. That doesn't mean it isn't an important step. Acceptance of self can be a huge step along the path. Coming out to strangers can be a trial run for coming out to people close to you. Getting a mix of responses back is probably appropriate here, given how much more challenging the same is in person. Buckle your seatbelt is right! Thinking about jumping out of that seat before the ride begins is also a viable option.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Welcome and thanks for sharing...

Pls share more and be specific about how you've come to this place...the best support is the most informed support..

If you were in my kitchen (this is where I got my best counseling, and where I've talked to many others) i'd push back on you based on your OP... but only to challenge you and help you understand how difficult this is..lets make really really sure before going down this path...

so what is the nature of your self introspection..what is going on with that internal monologue as you crossdress for all these years?? btw...I spent 1000 posts on the cd forum...I definitely considered myself a crossdresser for my first 40 years...I considered my female expression a fantasy in my head, and never allowed myself to think that i was actually female....so I do think I have good perspective...

I recall talking about "becoming" a woman, and got my head cut off in group therapy... I got all excited and pretty for dinner with some ts women and they giggled and teased at how overdressed I was for an outback steakhouse!! on and on...

and that was nothing... so buckle up and spill...!!!! and be ready to stand up for yourself in every way...here is a pretty good place to practice

[Launa]

How is she served well by a cheering section that encourages her to move forward, when the cheering section has nothing of substance to base their cheers on?!



I am a little concerned when people pile in with 'you go girl' comments.


I'm one of the ones that is from the cheering section and gave a go girl comment.

I thought it was the right thing to at the time. If she chooses to go this path and I've always said to myself and others that I know that this has got to be an extremely tough road to hoe.
I can't even imagine how hard it must be to fully transition! However I felt this was the right time to cheer her on and say nothing more!

Cheers!

[arbon]

And I find it disturbing that one can come in here all la dee da dee da, state that "today marks my progression into the world as a transsexual," as if it were some sort of promotion (which it's not), and immediately glean a cheering section based upon nothing more than simply claiming to be a transsexual, without any evidence in support of such claim at all.

I mean, what if she is not TS, even though she may think she is? How is she served well by a cheering section that encourages her to move forward, when the cheering section has nothing of substance to base their cheers on?!

:-P

Its probably one of the most important and exciting decisions she's made in her life, I would think. Why rain on it. If she is not TS she will figure it out.

I've noticed some ts go through a lot of hell to reach that point of decision, others seem to just suddenly be there and sail through the whole process without all the drama or resistance at all.


Anyway her post did not come across to me as a guy lost in fantasy. Actively pursuing transition, doing it, well she is crossing a line. Its not a promotion but a shift, a big change in ones life.

[Anne2345]

All right, y'all!! Damn. I get it!! Sheesh!! :beatup: Lol.

So how 'bout if I just start over? Will that make y'all happy? :praying:

Welcome on board, Kandy. There are a lot of fantastic, wonderful, kind, supportive, compassionate, wise, and understanding folk here (present responder excluded). Many here have helped me learn and better understand much about myself, and have helped me through some of the most difficult times I have ever experienced and faced in my life. I owe much to this forum, and to the wonderful friends I have made here within.

And yes, this journey can be very exciting, as some have said. But as others have alluded to, it is no game. In this, you are correct to acknowledge being scared. We all are, or were, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is a difficult journey, for sure. If this journey is for you, though, it will be well worth the hardship, hurdles, and challenges you may face.

Because in the end, if we cannot be true to ourselves, there really is not point to anything we do (IMO).

I wish you well. I hope that you can relax your privacy issues and concerns, learn to trust, and open up. I don't know that anyone can do this alone. But I do know, though, that no one should do this alone.

Enjoy your stay, and make the most of your opportunity here. I look forward to seeing you around the forum. :)

And to the rest of y'all - that any better??!! :tongueout Y'all gonna let me off the hook now??! Please??! :<3::love:

[Kathryn Martin]

Like Kaitelyn, I would rather know more about you and what your journey is and what you are about. You see based on the information that you have provided to us (me) here on this thread it is difficult to express what I think and if the kind of support I might be able to give is useful. what I know is this:

Your name is Kandy Barr! You like to take photos of yourself in various outfits dressed mostly in young sexy clothes, but you don't seem to be anywhere else but in your house, alone. You favorites photos show other people like you except some of them are of people outside of the house but no one else in sight.

I know that you have been in therapy for many (not really sure how many but many it is) months and have concluded based on these many months that you are able to say that you are not only a crossdresser. You don't say what other things you have concluded you are, but no longer "only just a crossdresser".
You also say that you have progresses in this world "as a woman".

You have a letter (presumably from your therapist that says that your Doctor need not be concerned when you ask him for cross-sex hormones.

You appear afraid sharing this news with anyone although because you did here I presume you mean in your real life not here.

Because you will be receiving hormones from your doctor, you seem to be quite sure about that, you wanted us to know that you will joining in this forum from now on from time to time.

I will give you my interpretation of your information so that you can correct me:

Your name here is Kandy Barr. That is your female name you have chosen for yourself. I imagine that you think that is is a sweet name for the girl you are. I must assume that you have not googled your name because it unfortunately resembles that of Roller Derby player, and a 1970s stripper and porn actress (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/04/arts/04barr.html?_r=0). This will not help you in what you have set out to do, that is progressing into the world "as a woman".

I have looked at your photos. You certainly have not been beaten with a stick in the grand genetic lottery which we are all subject to. But as I look at your photos referenced in your signature it shows that most of them are photoshopped and the one most resembling your current state seems to be the one by the grill which does not look as if it is photoshopped. You appear quite tall, 6'3" maybe, and like so many of us you have a male body habitus. But I think you have a lot to work with and both hormones and some some dieting and exercise will help with your shape, like almost all of us.

Of all of your photos, there is only one where you appear to be in the mall. Most pictures have no one in them but you. The Mall shot seems furtive but your clothing seems to have been designed to attract a lot of attention.

What really concerns me most is your fear to open up about yourself. You will be in for the ride of your life. Many if not all of us lose their friends, family, their jobs in the process of coming out and disclosing to people who we are. Steel yourself for this, it will be harrowing.

You will start hormones next week. Good luck with that.

[Badtranny]

Participation in the TS forum is easy and free, but respect here has a very real price. The girls here tend to be a little bitchy at times but they're also very real and very open about who they are.

At this stage in your pre-transition I suspect that you're only a few weeks from being scared out of your mind. I for one love reading about the new girls since I was where you claim to be only 4 short years ago so I hope you're for real. Time will tell.

I also think it's amusing, as well as totally apropos that a couple of girls already 'welcomed' you to the life. That was nothin', wait till you really begin the work. The bitchiest bitch here is but a firefly compared to what you have coming in the real world.

[lauren_m]

Congratulations! No matter what happens down the road, you are taking steps to determine the path that is right for you, and I join everyone in wishing you the best of luck!

[DaniellaNYC]

Congratulations, not on winning a prize or having arrived yet as it is a long road, but on taking it another step forward.. I wish you well and good luck, even if luck hasn't anything to do with it.

[Angela Campbell]

At this stage in your pre-transition I suspect that you're only a few weeks from being scared out of your mind..

At this point for me I had been scared out of my mind for months. I would be very concerned if this were not the case.

[emma5410]

And to the rest of y'all - that any better??!! :tongueout Y'all gonna let me off the hook now??! Please??! :<3::love:

Reading your thread about the loss of a close friendship I can understand your reaction on this thread. I do not actually disagree with you. Being a TS suggests that you may well transition at some point and that can bring loss and pain. I think Kandy may find this section tough. A lot harsher than the CD section. That is because something very different is going on here. Something life changing.

[Maria in heels]

Kandy....this is wonderful news. Its great to hear that you have clarity and know what you want. Many of us are unsure and spend a lifetime wondering what if and should we have or should we still? but it makes me happy to hear when a sister finds herself

[MysticLady]

Hi there, so how did you become a transsexual?



Based upon the substance of the information you have presented within the OP, however, I must admit to being confused. It is unclear to me how you arrived at your conclusion, and you have offered few if any facts to support it.
.

You no Tranny. :heehee: Hey Kandy, you just go wit your bad self. I'm a part time tranny and it's wonderful.:D

[gonegirl]

Mystic Lady- I'm sure it's wonderful, but what exactly is a "part time tranny"?

I'm also curious as to which part of your time are you a dude in a dress and which part of your time are you a transsexual?

[Marleena]

I'm officially stepping down as "chairperson" before chairs start flying.lol.

[Ceri Anne]

Hi Kandy, As a CD'r not quite yet on your path, I wish to congratulate you for taking the step. I hope to hear updates and wish you well in your progress.

[Launa]

The bitchiest bitch here is but a firefly compared to what you have coming in the real world.

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Who is the bitchiest of them all?

[Badtranny]

Who is the bitchiest of them all?

LOL

I appreciate the nomination.

[Shellycd12]

Kandy,

Congrats and I wish you the very best.

Shelly

[Angela Campbell]

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Who is the bitchiest of them all?

she tells the truth, sometimes the truth hurts.

[Amanda M]

Up front, I am not a transsexual person. Kandy - you have taken a great big step forward in your life, and it's only natural that you should want to share your joy. Congratualtions.

I do, however, find your post, Annie, somewhat censorious, and condescending. Especially from someone who came over all gushy in her other post today about how her boobs have grown. Gosh, really?

I wonder how you might have reacted if you had received a reply similar to that you gave Kandy. At least you had to good grace to make another post later in a different vein.

[Rachel Smith]

Anne2345 said:
Welcome on board, Kandy. There are a lot of fantastic, wonderful, kind, supportive, compassionate, wise, and understanding folk here (present responder excluded). Many here have helped me learn and better understand much about myself, and have helped me through some of the most difficult times I have ever experienced and faced in my life. I owe much to this forum, and to the wonderful friends I have made here within.

I would like to say except for the (present responder excluded) part :) I agree whole-heartedly. There is a ton of knowledge here but in order to share in that knowledge you must be open and honest or you quest here will be fruitless.

Sometimes you will feel berated and shot down but understand this is some of the best information you will receive. Take it as it is meant and that is not to hurt.

Open up and you will learn much from those that have traveled this road before you, even the sometimes bitchy ones :devil: .

For now I will just say welcome enjoy the ride when you can and learn from the struggles.

Hugs
Rachel

[Launa]

she tells the truth, sometimes the truth hurts.


Yes, I know she does.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Hi Kandy welcome to your real world.