'Newbie here' Do I need to see a professional help? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Nirali

11-04-2013, 05:25 AM

Hi friends, I need to let some internal pain out and share some of this with you. Really am hoping for an honest response and really appreciate your reply;

Being a part time crossdresser is fun, but to me it feels more like a double edged sword. I understand that some of us including me do this for fun and some others crossdress for their lifestyle. Well I live alone up north in England and started crossdressing at 12 then had a break for about 15 years, to include school, college, undergrad and postgrad so I never really had the opportunity but always had fantasies about crossdressing. But unlike some, my fantasy has been to dress head to toe and meet/ date/ go out with guys (non- crossdressers). To make this even worse, I fantasied about what I would specifically wear for hours and procrastinate over my work.

Initially I thought this was nothing but a fantasy and quite 'stupid' and 'crazy' and should focus on my career. Unfortunately, this procrastination has been affecting my performance at work which is concerning me.

Well the truth is I have spent a lot of money the last few months (since I started work) to feminise myself and spent hours on YouTube to learn the art of applying makeup. Unfortunately for me it doesn't stop there, I just cannot stop thoughts of how I would love to end up with any guy to make my dream come through. The worrying thing is firstly, why a guy eventhough I am dressed as a girl? Secondly why any guy (my human nature is not to act like and be degraded).

This fantasy feels like its about to explode and I must let it out and have my dream come through. If I told you I never had a gf in the past and was never keen on getting one will this explain my problem? I am attracted and very turned on by guys when dressed and not so much when not dressed.

Please can you advice me, do I need to see a counsellor or psychologist to deal with this problem? This can't be normal, right?

I need to stop this the right way !

Maria in heels

11-04-2013, 05:38 AM

Nirali...first off, welcome to the forum and I know that you will find some of the answers that you are looking for. I do think that you need a psychologist to discuss some of your feelings, as you are leaning towards a "one night stand" which could be wonderful, but also devastating. You need to take your time, yes the shopping is ok, dressing is ok, but don't go rushing out just yet. It's no different than being a young girl, ready to start dating, and wondering what to do. Think of yourself in that way, and remember, be safe. It may just be a fantasy, something that you have thought about for a long time, and sometimes fantasies belong just where they are...dreams. If this is to become a reality for you, then take it slowly, and explore and learn. Either way, please take your time...

Kate Simmons

11-04-2013, 06:58 AM

Many of us have experienced the starry eyed feelings of a "prince charming" when en femme. How to deal with it when the "ball" is over is the burning question. If you are afraid or ashamed of your feelings, it may be prudent to seek professional counseling my friend.:)

S. Lisa Smith

11-04-2013, 07:27 AM

I think that if your cross dressing is interfering with your work, you do need help. You sound unhappy and you also need to deal with that. I hope you find peace!!!

Beverley Sims

11-04-2013, 08:19 AM

The feelings and experiences are normal but are not usually carried out.
If you feel that there are things you can not control yourself, professional help is advisable.
If you can control your feelings and meet a girl who is sympathetic to what you do, your feelings are likely to change again.
One thing though when this occurs, resist the urge to purge and just put the clothing in a plastic bag and mothballs till a later time.

CarlaWestin

11-04-2013, 08:33 AM

Just a comment about fantasies. Something I've learned is there's a big difference about the fantasies in your head as compared to how they play out in real life. I've learned over the years that the head dreams have no boundaries and therefore no consequences. In physical reality, it's a whole different story. I don't think I'll be going to work as Carla anytime soon although, in my head, I have no problem with it.

Oh, and welcome to the forum.

Lynn Marie

11-04-2013, 08:45 AM

First off, you are not unique! There's a lot of people who feel just like you do and lots more who feel similar to what you do. Any guy can provide you with a date for the evening, but it's considerable deeper than that. Talking something like this over with a competent professional is your best bet by far. Avoid conjecture and guess work. There's a lot of ignorance out there.

rachael.davis

11-04-2013, 08:49 AM

If crossdressing / lifestyle curiousity is affecting your day to day life, yes go find someone to talk to.

Jenniferathome

11-04-2013, 10:16 AM

Nirali, you're gay. So what? That is not a "problem." There are a few gay cross dressers here who post. Do a search of the site. You need to to simply admit you're gay and you'll be free.

giuseppina

11-04-2013, 12:10 PM

First, welcome to the forum, Nirali.

I get the feeling from your OP that your fantasy may be interfering with your daily life. If such is the case, then yes, seeing a duly qualified and licensed mental health practitioner is a good idea.

There isn't anything wrong with fantasy per se, but when it interferes with your daily life, it is a problem worth investigating.

Nirali

11-04-2013, 03:01 PM

Nirali, you're gay. So what? That is not a "problem." There are a few gay cross dressers here who post. Do a search of the site. You need to to simply admit you're gay and you'll be free.

Jennifer, I am going to be honest and you are dead right. I just can't come to terms of admitting this about myself.

What do you think I ought to do ? I have been in the dark about my sexual orientation and thankyou for giving me helping me believe in this. Truth I never had any experience with any partner and had no interest in girls.

Problem is what do I do about this now ?

Can't believe how great this site is and how your input has helps me mentally. :)

Lynn Marie

11-04-2013, 03:06 PM

Gay is exactly what I thought also. Just didn't want to scare you. So now you might want to talk to some gay folks who like to dress up. Not necessarily Drag Queens. There's a big difference.

Jenniferathome

11-04-2013, 03:50 PM

...Problem is what do I do about this now ?...

Well, good question. My honest answer is, I don't know. Seems like meeting people and beginning your life would be good but I don't think hanging around in gay bars is the answer. There must be a LGBT group of some kind near you. There are a lot of members from the UK here, perhaps just ask the question here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?7-Places-to-Go-Places-to-Meet

I'm betting you will get all kinds of advice. good luck.

Barbra P

11-04-2013, 04:04 PM

I too thought you were probably gay and just hadn’t reached the point where you were ready to admit it to yourself. Coming out and saying “Yes, I’m gay” doesn’t mean you have fully accepted the fact. Gays like crossdressers may go through their entire lives never fully accepting themselves.

My extremely limited understanding of English medicine is that you don’t have to pay $200 and up an hour to talk to a Psychologist. I would strongly recommend that you seek some professional help so that you better understand your own self. I also think you may be suffering from depression although I’m not qualified to make that call. A Psychologist might recommend group therapy where you could meet other young gays going through much of what you are experiencing yourself. You also might contact a LGBT organization in your area; they frequently have social activities where you can meet other gays. LGBT organizations here will generally have lists of Doctors, Therapists, and other professionals in the area where you can get help.

My knowledge of cruising in England is even less than my knowledge of English medicine, but I do know that cruising here in the States can be fraught with dangers. The last thing I would recommend you do is to don your sexiest dress and head out to the local pub with intentions of picking up some man and getting laid for the first time in your life. That adventure while sounding exciting is far more likely to end poorly, maybe even in disaster with you seriously injured.

Take care and I hope everything turns out fine for you.

Nirali

11-04-2013, 04:35 PM

Forgive me for sounding so naive but what do you mean when you say I can seriously get injured ? I don't understand that.

Thanks for your response its really appreicated

MatildaJ.

11-04-2013, 04:44 PM

what do you mean when you say I can seriously get injured ?

I think the idea is that sometimes straight men are attracted to a cross-dresser or transsexual, but get angry & violent when they discover that they aren't out with a woman. Some other men know perfectly well what they're doing, but hate themselves for wanting it, and so they also can get angry & violent after the sex act is over.

Nirali

11-04-2013, 04:59 PM

I think the idea is that sometimes straight men are attracted to a cross-dresser or transsexual, but get angry & violent when they discover that they aren't out with a woman. Some other men know perfectly well what they're doing, but hate themselves for wanting it, and so they also can get angry & violent after the sex act is over.

Gosh, I never knew that and that's scary....:straightface:

Thankyou so much

Rachelakld

11-04-2013, 05:07 PM

Excuse me, I'm from Yorkshire.
1) go to gay bar
2) if you see something you like, say hi and politely introduce yourself.
3) after a few dates, ask your new friend if he minds if you play dressup

That will be 40 quid Thanks

Nirali

11-04-2013, 05:18 PM

That's true but do gay guys like crossdressers?

Lorileah

11-04-2013, 06:26 PM

Nirali, usually not. They like men. But there are men who like CDs who hang out at gay bars

Barbra P

11-04-2013, 06:31 PM

While many people in the main stream associate crossdressing with being gay the reality is that the percentage of gay crossdressers is roughly the same with crossdressers as it is in the general population, maybe even a little less.

As far as whether gays like crossdressers, it varies, some are OK with it some don’t like us. Some gays who are activists pushing for gay rights think we are infringing on the effort they have put forward to become accepted. I’ve met gays who say that the LGBT community shouldn’t include crossdressers and many don’t even think people who are TS should be included – LGB rather than LGBT. I suspect that the gays that have a problem with crossdressers might be more accepting if they know the crossdresser is also gay. Ignorance, bigotry, and intolerance abound, including in the gay community.

If you’re going to a gay bar I’d consider going in drab, to check the water so to speak. See if there are any crossdressers in the bar, meet some people and after a few evenings you should have a pretty good idea of what the general feelings are in that particular bar.

In the States, and I suspect in England as well, there are cases of gay bashing – beating up gays just because they are gay. This happens less now than twenty or more years ago, but it still happens. The same can be said of crossdressers, some men will take exception if they approach you and then discover you are really a male. Some of these men may think that the way to appease their embarrassment at being fooled by your true gender is to catch you when you leave and rough you up. Unfortunately the world is full of ignorant jerks.

Nirali

11-04-2013, 06:44 PM

Sounds like it will be a challenge for me to meet Mr Right !

Barbra P

11-04-2013, 06:46 PM

Just remember that Mr. Right may be looking for his own Mr. Right and you may be him.

Nirali

11-04-2013, 06:54 PM

Just remember that Mr. Right may be looking for his own Mr. Right and you may be him.

That's always nice to know :D

I am still shocked about my true self and this forum is 'special' place now

Starshine24

11-04-2013, 07:41 PM

Hey there! I came here to offer my two cents but unfortunately I'm in the same boat :( I don't think about it as much, especially with the misses around me. But often I do wonder, and when I am dressed up it's even more so. I think we're just different, darling :) I can say I don't think of it to the extent you do, but from what I can understand of it all, I believe that the same feelings that make us who we are, are the same ones that drive those fantasies. I doubt I will ever have a one night stand with a guy over it though. The closest I ever came to that was I kissed one on a dare. But brighten up though, we don't need a quack to tell us I'm crazy because I already knew that ;)

Vickie_CDTV

11-04-2013, 08:43 PM

Forgive me for sounding so naive but what do you mean when you say I can seriously get injured ? I don't understand that.

Google "trans panic" and you will get an idea of what she means.

If you do opt to start dating men, be very careful, like any GG would be. Meeting and going off with strangers you just met can be very dangerous, as it would be for any GG, plus you have the risk of violence for being trans on top of it.

docrobbysherry

11-04-2013, 09:53 PM

Take it slow, one step at a time, Nirali. Beginning CDing and dating men at the same time seems overwhelming to me.

I began dressing late in life and assumed I must be gay because of my fantasies of being the woman with men. It took me over 10 years to come grips with my dressing and still am trying to figure out where I'm going with it!

It took me nearly 10 years to figure out I wasn't gay. That my dreams of being the woman with men was simply a dresser's fantasy!

I suggest u tackle one issue at a time. Which may be difficult for u. An experienced, qualified therapist could help u organize your thots and priorities!

Tammy Nowakowski

11-04-2013, 10:44 PM

welcome to the forum, Nirali.
all I can say everyone has gave you good info
I would seek out a professional to help with your feelings

ReineD

11-05-2013, 01:13 AM

Hi Nirali, welcome to the forum!

Unfortunately, this procrastination has been affecting my performance at work which is concerning me.

If the Pink Fog is affecting your work performance, I think it's important to do something to keep yourself in check. You might want to discuss this with a professional.

Well the truth is I have spent a lot of money the last few months (since I started work) to feminise myself and spent hours on YouTube to learn the art of applying makeup.

This is a natural progression and I think that things will stabilize for you if you can get yourself looking believable enough to go out in the mainstream. My SO was also distracted for a few years, but things are balanced now that s/he has incorporated the dressing into her daily life. S/he goes out about twice per week and has been doing this for years now, so everything seems to have fallen into place.

Unfortunately for me it doesn't stop there, I just cannot stop thoughts of how I would love to end up with any guy to make my dream come through. The worrying thing is firstly, why a guy eventhough I am dressed as a girl? Secondly why any guy (my human nature is not to act like and be degraded).
I am attracted and very turned on by guys when dressed and not so much when not dressed.

It's "any" guy because you are not attracted to anyone specifically, but instead to a faceless man. You're not alone. There are many threads in this forum about CDers who fantasize intensely about being with men while dressed. I've just responded to someone else with an explanation so rather than repeat it I'll just post a link to my response:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?203747-Bi-sexual&p=3340667&viewfull=1#post3340667

If I told you I never had a gf in the past and was never keen on getting one will this explain my problem?
My SO also didn't date until quite late. He told me he just had no clue how to approach a girl. And like you, he also was focused for many years on a post-grad degree and then obtaining tenure.

MissTee

11-05-2013, 01:31 AM

Welcome Nirali. You'll find lots of good support here, but you might want to find a knowledge professional to talk to. They can assist you in sorting out all the emotional conflicts you're sure to struggle with. Happens to all of us, and therapy helps.

Andrea J

11-05-2013, 04:50 AM

If I told you I never had a gf in the past and was never keen on getting one will this explain my problem? I am attracted and very turned on by guys when dressed and not so much when not dressed.

Hi Nirali. Just a guess about what might be going on. Straight CD'rs commonly fantasize about being with men when dressed. But if you really are gay and were in denial about it, then that might explain your comment above. Dressing fantasies might have been a way of letting your true sexuality escape while giving you the feeling that you were not really gay and that this was just due to the dressing fantasy.

If this is true, this might also explain your obsession with dressing fantasies, it was the only way your sexuality could come out. Obviously sexuality is a very strong motivator. So perhaps if you were to allow your sexuality to come out in a non-dressing context, (which might be difficult if it has become strongly associated with dressing), your interest in dressing might decline, though probably wouldn't vanish. I might be wrong, it's just my two cents. :)

Amanda M

11-05-2013, 05:36 AM

Welcome, Nirali. Youhave had lots of good advice here, and I would just add thatrisk voidance ia the nmw of the game. Not just the risk of violence, but disease as well. Be creful, and meet your date the first few times somewhere public and safe. Good luck.

Michele Tara

11-05-2013, 05:50 AM

Hi Nirali. Just a guess about what might be going on. Straight CD'rs commonly fantasize about being with men when dressed. But if you really are gay and were in denial about it, then that might explain your comment above. Dressing fantasies might have been a way of letting your true sexuality escape while giving you the feeling that you were not really gay and that this was just due to the dressing fantasy.

If this is true, this might also explain your obsession with dressing fantasies, it was the only way your sexuality could come out. Obviously sexuality is a very strong motivator. So perhaps if you were to allow your sexuality to come out in a non-dressing context, (which might be difficult if it has become strongly associated with dressing), your interest in dressing might decline, though probably wouldn't vanish. I might be wrong, it's just my two cents. :)

Take it slow, one step at a time, Nirali. Beginning CDing and dating men at the same time seems overwhelming to me.

I began dressing late in life and assumed I must be gay because of my fantasies of being the woman with men. It took me over 10 years to come grips with my dressing and still am trying to figure out where I'm going with it!

It took me nearly 10 years to figure out I wasn't gay. That my dreams of being the woman with men was simply a dresser's fantasy!

I suggest u tackle one issue at a time. Which may be difficult for u. An experienced, qualified therapist could help u organize your thots and priorities!

oh wow, this thing about dresssers fantasies and faceless men, is it true, is it widespread?

It summarises me perfectly. I'd love to be dressed and extremely feminine and be taken by a handsome man but I am not attracted to men at all and when i was once kissed by a gay guy I found it disgusting (no offence, it just wasnt my thing). it's a revelation for me to hear about this as it has been so confusing. I had assumed it meant I wanted to be with a ladyboy or something but thats not my thing either. frustrating stuff

welcome to the forum Nirali, you sound a bit like me

ReineD

11-05-2013, 02:58 PM

MatildaJ.

11-05-2013, 03:16 PM

If you were truly attracted to men, you would not have felt disgusted.

I agree with your overall point, but just wanted to say that I'm attracted to men, and yet sometimes I don't like kissing particular men.

ReineD

11-05-2013, 03:51 PM

Well, that's true. LOL. But I think for Michele it was more about the notion that she had kissed a guy. A lot of members here have shared similar stories.

Nirali

11-05-2013, 07:39 PM

Thanks all for your help. Because of your efforts I managed to set up an appointment (through previous cancellation) with my counsellor tomorrow afternoon. I am an aumni member back from postgrad but still have to fork out 60quid for the hour :S so hopefully it will be worth it.

Some of the responses you have made such as totally fine being attracted to guys as cd made me really confident.

Seriously thanks to you guys for being so honest.

Will keep you posted.

MysticLady

11-05-2013, 07:44 PM

I need to stop this the right way !

How many women have you slept with?

Taylor Ray

11-05-2013, 10:14 PM

Welcome, Nirali. Like many have said before, this is a great forum to exchange ideas with many different types of cross dressers. I am a bi-sexual CD that enjoys being intimate with men while dressed. It is important to remember to always play safe, but thanks to the internet and modern times there are many more outlets for meeting men who enjoy CDs than there were even twenty years ago.

You should be honest with men who you might want to have a date with and tell them that you are wanting to take things very slowly. Being upfront with people before meeting up can prevent many awkward or uncomfortable situations. Also, use judgement when meeting guys (like all dating people do!) Ask yourself, is this a regular guy in the community looking for some fun? Is it someone who seems sketchy or may not be an honest person? And hosting has always seemed safer to me than traveling.

There is risk in many facets of life, but if you can become more grounded and accepting of yourself, you may be able to use more sound judgement and make better decisions.

Michele Tara

11-06-2013, 07:36 AM

Michele Tara, in the post above mine you write:

"I'd love to be dressed and extremely feminine and be taken by a handsome man but I am not attracted to men at all and when i was once kissed by a gay guy I found it disgusting (no offence, it just wasnt my thing)."

I encourage you to look into the attraction to the self as a woman. If you were truly attracted to men, you would not have felt disgusted.

I agree with your overall point, but just wanted to say that I'm attracted to men, and yet sometimes I don't like kissing particular men.

Well, that's true. LOL. But I think for Michele it was more about the notion that she had kissed a guy. A lot of members here have shared similar stories.

Sorry, maybe i should start a separate thread, i dont mean to hijack this one and hope its relevent to Nirali as it seems we are coming from a similar place.

Im not attraceted to men, I mean I can appreciate handsome guys but not in way i would want to do anything. but when im submissive and in feminine mode I would love to be dressed up and seen as attractive. For me its a very sexual experience and I'd love to be taken or to do very naughty things to a guy but not anyone specific and if i try and imagine their face i cant as it turns me off. (although other parts of their body i can imagine well!) ;) Having said that, in my normal day i'm quite alpha male and girls like me, its just that when i sleep with them i sometimes wish i was in their body and they were in mine.

does that make any sense at all or am i crazy? Does this sound familiar Nirali? good luck with the appointment x

Nirali

11-06-2013, 11:36 AM

Michele I can see how we are similar and I too have the desire to be to be dressed up and seen attractive and submit myslef to a guy.

In fact I just got back from my appointment from the counsellor and she was great. Firstly I explained my situation as a crossdresser and how I never had a gf or have been attracted to females in any form or shape although they make great friends. The key to seeing her was me being honest. Of course I was asked if I ever had a gf or bf, been on a date?-no!

She did simple 'tests' such as showing me 4 different females with minimal clothing full figure. I was asked to give my thoughts and reactions- I wasn't getting an urge other than thinking where I can get those heels from.....I know I know but couldn't help it.

Moving on it was 4 males with minimal clothing. Interestingly I found two of them quite gorgeous and was attracted eventhough I was not crossdressed, but had no urge to go further. Things changed when she made me focus on just my inner when I am crossdressed and provide my natural feelings towards the guys in those photos. It was clear to her how I reacted and suddenly how my attitude changed to a positive tone.

She then asked what I would dress on a date if it was a guy, how long would I take to get ready for them and why that long. Same questions if it was a girl except my response was no longer than 20 seconds and quite monotonous. These questions clearly helped me open up about myself and she expressed how normal I was as an individual and there was nothing wrong being attracted to guys when enfemme.

I was strongly advised to join local cd groups/ meetings etc which I would love to which could help this urge dissolve in my system.

Secondly, taking everything safely and slowly is probably breaking the final ice barrier. This involves dating guys who are genuine cd admirers. The only two ways she recommended me was either via a friend or on a dating site. She did warn about the consequences, but I need to explore myself and it does involve taking that risk! I have been looking around and have found this site http://www.crossdresserdating.co.uk/ which seems legitimate.

As I am writing this I feel really relieved, excited and confident about myself. However make no mistake I am nor ordering that lbd and those killer heels until I get the opportunity to meet some of you guys here and talk this through a lot more. Your support has been second to none !

Will keep you posted

Nirali

Nirali

11-06-2013, 11:45 AM

"You should be honest with men who you might want to have a date with and tell them that you are wanting to take things very slowly. Being upfront with people before meeting up can prevent many awkward or uncomfortable situations. Also, use judgement when meeting guys (like all dating people do!) Ask yourself, is this a regular guy in the community looking for some fun? Is it someone who seems sketchy or may not be an honest person? And hosting has always seemed safer to me than traveling"

Taylor you are dead on right there. After meeting my counsellor she said the exact same things such as taking things really slow and being upfront and honest. The side I posted was specifically for dating crossdressers and there are an abundance of guys who admire crossdressers its astonishing. Its going to be hard nip picking the honest and genuine admirer and YES will be hosting for sure.

Thanks for your kind advice

Nirali

11-06-2013, 11:46 AM

How many women have you slept with?

0 and don't intend to go up on that lol

ReineD

11-07-2013, 01:26 AM

Having said that, in my normal day i'm quite alpha male and girls like me, its just that when i sleep with them i sometimes wish i was in their body and they were in mine.

does that make any sense at all or am i crazy? Does this sound familiar Nirali?

Michelle and Nirali, you're both new here. Believe me when I say that we have many, many threads about CDers who want to be with men when dressed, yet they say they are turned off when the reality presents itself. This is because they are not attracted to the men and the reality of being two naked male-bodied individuals having sex is a turn off for them. They are rather attracted to the thought of themselves as sexy and desirable women and the imaginary guy is the perfect foil for this. A prop so to speak.

Of course there are also CDers who are genuinely gay and bi, I would guess at about the same percentage as there are gay men to hetero men who are not CDers, or maybe a bit more. Who knows. But gay and bi CDers tend to enjoy men when they're not dressed too.

Tiki

11-07-2013, 11:41 AM

Insanely curious but no idea how to start with

julie marie1

11-08-2013, 12:20 AM

Are you comfortable with yourself? If so, I don't think you need help. I started crossdressing in my teens. Although I later tried to share it with my wife it did not go over very well. I spent many years not dressing and feeling ashamed of my self. However, thru the internet I have found a resource that has helped me enjoy being me. When I am dressed (as I am now) I have I feel I have accepted that part of myself and enjoy it.

Kathy Smith

11-08-2013, 01:24 PM

Hiya Nirali
You don't say where abouts you are apart from northern England, but there are a few of us meet up occasionally for a night out on Canal Street in Manchester. We are all (probably!) straight, but you'd be welcome to join us if you fancy a night out sometime. I don't know if you are familiar with Canal Street, but it's the centre of Manchester's gay village. The bars etc. round there are very accepting of any and all LGBT and straight people. It's a great place for occasional crossdressers like me - no-one cares what I look like. :)

Please send me a personal message if you are interested or if you just fancy a chat.

Michele Tara

11-08-2013, 11:34 PM

Michelle and Nirali, you're both new here. Believe me when I say that we have many, many threads about CDers who want to be with men when dressed, yet they say they are turned off when the reality presents itself. This is because they are not attracted to the men and the reality of being two naked male-bodied individuals having sex is a turn off for them. They are rather attracted to the thought of themselves as sexy and desirable women and the imaginary guy is the perfect foil for this. A prop so to speak.

Of course there are also CDers who are genuinely gay and bi, I would guess at about the same percentage as there are gay men to hetero men who are not CDers, or maybe a bit more. Who knows. But gay and bi CDers tend to enjoy men when they're not dressed too.

Thank you Reine, its so reassuring to hear your words. Its so easy to think there is something seriously wrong with me, knowing its common kind of helps. I dont know what i am but at least i now know im not alone. Thank you x

ReineD

11-09-2013, 02:56 AM

Alice Torn

11-09-2013, 03:36 AM

Hosting may not be the best thing to do, with a guy. If it goes bad, he will know where you live. That is scary. I hosted once, and there was no penetration sex, so he did not want to meet again. I would like to host, because i am too poor to go to motels. Meet at a public place first, and get the feel of the situation. If my harsh, cruel brother stopped over and found me dresses, let alone with a guy, i would be in for years of persecution, and harsh ridicule, from my toxic family of origin.

MysticLady

11-09-2013, 05:53 AM

0 and don't intend to go up on that lol

Then, how do you know that you're gay? If you've never experienced the sensuality of a woman then how could you know that you don't want too be w/ women instead? Anyway, just a thought.

Michele Tara

11-09-2013, 07:16 AM

Michele, the best way to find out is to actually have sex with a man and then see how you feel. Reality and fantasy are not the same and bringing a fantasy to reality is the best way to find out who you're really attracted to ... and it could well be that you are most aroused at the thought of yourself as a woman, which I suppose is its own sexual orientation.

Can you see yourself in a romantic relationship with a guy? What about with a girl?

Firstly, thanks for replying, it means a lot to me, i cant be candid about this with anyone else.

The truth is that I have had a lot of relationships with women and am very attracted to them, especially the high heels! Thats not in question. as for guys, well I have a submissive side and sometimes i might cheekily fantasise but its always faceless guys. I was kissed by a guy once but it turned me off and i have actually had sex with a t-girl. i kind of enjoyed the sucking bit (me sucking) and the sex (receiving - i made her let me wear her heels lol, that really turned me on) but afterwards it didnt feel right and i couldnt kiss her at all. if it had been a gay guy with clearly a mans body then i couldnt have done it at all for sure.

im a bit of a mess :(

Girl

11-09-2013, 07:34 AM

i have actually had sex with a t-girl. i kind of enjoyed the sucking bit (me sucking) and the sex (receiving - i made her let me wear her heels lol, that really turned me on) but afterwards it didnt feel right and i couldnt kiss her at all. if it had been a gay guy with clearly a mans body then i couldnt have done it at all for sure.

im a bit of a mess :(
Michele, I think everyone is different and likes different things. We don't all like sex in one particular way. If you find a way that you enjoy sex, I think you should just allow yourself to enjoy it without any feelings of guilt or anything else. I don't think you're a "bit of a mess" at all. You come across as being very caring and sensitive.