a woman's touch

[bas1985]

Yesterday I was working as usual, on my keyboard. I work at home, I was
dressed as a woman, but a casual look, simple skirt, cotton pants, nothing
exciting... but... a strange thing happened, as in the "boobs again" thread
I had a moment of revelation.

At one moment my left hand was over my right hand and I was thinking about
my work... when suddenly I had the sensation that a _female_ hand was posed
on my right hand.

I looked down, for the first time in my life I saw MY hand as a female hand.

For a long time I had this block, I may alter my body, I thought, I may
have boobs, longer hair, etc... but my hands, my feet will remain male, I
won't be able to touch a man and that man senses a "woman's touch".

Yesterday for the first time I felt that I am able to give a woman's touch,
with my real hand, no need to change it (it's impossible, by the way).

---

As you know I have been married, I had some girlfriends, so I KNOW what's
the feeling about touching a woman's hand. It's different from the touch
of a male, it has a different energy, maybe a different warmth... I don't
really know, it's more subtle than boobs. Boobs are of course feminine, hands
are "neutral", men and women have hands... but they are different.

I know that this sounds a bit self appraising, I did not start HRT yet,
how my hand can be so different? Only because I wear a simple ring? I am
not even wearing nail polish (but I am curing them and I am giving them a female
shape).

Well, I do not know...

...but for the first time I had this sensation and I wanted to share it with
you. I am before the gatekeepers... in November I will have my head examined
by the psychiatrist... I will let you know.

[Beth-Lock]

Sometimes when I am touching someone else or wanting to, I think I am exhibiting the "woman's touch." I certainly hope so. If I can describe it, it is a very gentle touch, and is coupled with a gentleness of emotional feeling, perhaps some part of the essence of love and tenderness.

Physically, my hand is bigger than that typical of women, and I am big-boned too, including around the wrist but have a narrow wrist compared to the average man. One older GG complemented me on my wrist, which nicely set off my narrow. metal braceletted watch, she said, and was not as nice as her wrist, for setting off a watch. I have stopped wearing rings, and don't always wear a bracelet, (I used to, often more than one, since that made me feel more feminine), but I almost never go without nailpolish, and use quite obvious colours. So physically, my hand is not very masculine, and jewelry certainly sends messages out, signals for others to perceive me as being a woman, regardless of male markers in other places.

In general, my repertoire of behaviour is still a mixture of male and female kinds of behaviours. The times I reach out or imagine myself doing so, but stop before actually doing it, is one of those things to be done in the feminine mode, as a part of my female expression. Today, when I was passing an elderly man in a store aisle that was too narrow, I brushed him, and felt him becoming unstable on his feet, so I stopped and reached subtly to steady him, in a masculine way, and said in a masculine mode, something like, "Steady, man," though quietly in a soft voice, a bit of a whisper. So I never know which gender of behaviour will come out, though increasingly it is the female type, and my touch, I would like to think is increasingly a woman's touch. Male moves, strong and aggressive, are harder to call forth, without a definite reason in the situation. When making a fist, and a punch, for a Tai Chi move, which is a reflection of its martial arts roots, I could see, I did not have my heart in it, and looked like I was woman delivering an ineffectually girly motion, and not doing it effectively to hurt or maim. So behind the women's touch, is a whole psychology open to introspection.

[bas1985]

thank you for the example of the elder man, it has been instructive for me.
Transition is, for me, a nearly mental process and the more I indulge in it the more my
real self is emerging. I really do not know who is emerging, but he-she is another person.

That is for sure. I _think_ from what I see that I am seeing emerging a female, but I need more
confirmation from the outside.