It's not body dysmorphia but is it more than rose colored glasses?

[Jenniferathome]

I typically shop online and when I see something I like - on a female model- I think to myself, "That's cute, I'd like to look like that." But how can I possibly think that? My body is way, way different than your average female model. I shared one such revelation here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?188669-Funny-I-thought-I-would-look-like-her-in-tis-dress...&highlight=East.

I noticed it again with this tie-dye dress. I love the dress but what am I thinking!? I have to be objective about myself. Maybe I need to shop with an item on hanger instead? Are cross dressers particularly blind to the reality of shape or is it just me?


I wanted to add one thought. It is not that I want to look this this woman but that when I see this shape, I ridiculously think, "Oh, THAT dress will make me look feminine." As if the dress had the power to change my body shape. Just such an odd thing to think when I know what I look like. Too funny.

[Marika01]

Shape is always going to be a problem - but ask any GG the same question and you will get the same answer. Take a long hard look at the women you see out and about. How many have bodies like models? They make the best of what they have. And having been told by a GG that I have a figure GGs would like to have, I guess I'm not complaining. Flaunt what's good disguise that which you aren't so happy with. And, I guess, if it doesn't work, try something different next time?

All that said, no you don't look like the model in the picture, but you don't look bad in that dress either.

[Kate Simmons]

If we look at it from the stand point of "The people make the clothes" rather than "the clothes make the people" we have a pretty good head start Hon. :)

[Gillian Gigs]

This is a guess, but I think the truth is in this somewhere. I think that you just experienced what all women who are not models think and feel. Whether you are talking about male, or female clothes, they are designed for the models particular size, and noone ever looks like the model did. You probably just had a real girl moment and didn't realize it!

[Dannigirl]

I have the same thing. I return pretty much anything I buy online from Sears, but then I remind myself that shopping is half the fun. I also find that when I am dressed and look down at my body instead of a mirror, the feminine illusion is much better and I see a female shape , but then I look in a mirror and most of the time I just see a guy in a dress.

[Erica Marie]

First off the girl in the pic is about a size 00, most ggs want to look that way and they cant. I do the same thing. Only suggestion I have is look past the model and like the outfit. If you like theboutfit then find it in your size and go from there.

[DanaInME]

Jen you look cute as hell in that dress!

[Starshine24]

I do the whole looking down thing too!! When I first started I had this magical notion that I could just throw on a dress and *poof*! Instant woman. Turns out I missed a few hundred other steps.
As for your picture of the model, turns out they more than likely chose from several different ladies that could professionally wear a dress, and chose the chick that filled it out the best. Since how we can't do the same, we make the best of what we got just like any other woman.

[DonnaT]

Personally, I think the dress looks better on you than the model. Horizontal stripes aren't for everyone.

As to your question, as the others have indicated, your experience is no different that that of other women.

[Karren H]

I order a dress online once.... looked awesome on the model and horrid on me... that was the last time... Now I try on everything in the store before I buy it.... to see if it works on my not so feminine body.....

[Beverley Sims]

I think we all suffer from severe imaginitus and suffer the rose colored glasses syndrome sometimes.
If we didn't we would never make advances, nor would we better ourselves.
You have to be a realist and realise that it is not just weight but the frame that you are wandering around in needs modification as well.
Put on the nice dress, see how it looks...."Like A Corset." and dream of something more practical.
Jennifer you have nice legs and body shape, but put up with "Twiggy" there you look positively dowdy.
I think you would have looked acceptable in that dress until today. :)

[GretchenJ]

I think what people buy what they like, a particular style, and then try to work around it. I think that this is done for both men and female clothes, but male clothes tend to be much more forgiving.
Thank being said, and by looking at your picture - you really have nothing to worry about, I think it looks much better on you than on the model myself as well..

[Michelle V]

Hi Jen, my wife gives me a hard time when I try to look halfway decent as Michelle, she says I have unrealistic expectations of what I should look like, she is totally right, I should be happy that at least I have her support and open-mindedness ( not sure if openmindness is even a word) I should be thankful that she cares enough to make Michelle feel and look better than she should, let's face it, I'm just a dude in a dress, but if she tells me I look good who am I to argue with a real, smart and beautiful woman.

AND are you kidding me? This is one of your best pictures and that dress is killer. You look awesome.

[Cheryl T]

Try being plus size and seeing all these lovely things on the models and wishing you could wear that when the truth is they probably don't even make it in your size.
We all suffer from the advertising world's desire to sell us on a style or look that they want to push. It takes a little time and introspection to know what will and will not look good on your body when it looks so good in print.

[Kate Simmons]

Like Starshine said, when I put on the clothes I am "poof" instant woman. The "woman" is already in there I just have to adjust the exterior to match the inside and wah-lah there she is. Simple really. :battingeyelashes::)

[jodie k]

hi
well, you would first have to takes off a few pounds to look like the model whose skinny legs dont match the shape of yours--and even doing that you would still feel like a mismatch. i see you have bought the dress and are wearing it, that's more to the point than comparing yourself to any ad photo jodie

[Devin C]

You are gorgeous In that dress. I love it an you rock it girl.

[AllieSF]

That is the disadvantage of buying on line. I look at several fashion magazines as a learning process to see what I first like and then decide if it could work for me. However, the true proof is trying it on and looking in a good full length mirror. Since most of what I buy is from thrift stores giving me the advantages of seeing, touching and trying it on in the store (mostly in male mode which has its own faults) I buy too many things. However, that gives me the opportunity to mix and match until I can finally get it right, or decide to recycle that item of clothing.

I believe that most of us, me included, many times fantasize what we would look like in advertised clothing. It is only natural and there is nothing wrong about that. We just need to have the common sense to realize that we will not look like the model in those clothes, and at the same time realize that we may juts be able to make it work for us anyway. I daily browse Craigslists' "Clothing and Accessories" section. It is always fun to see the bridesmaids; gowns pictures in the individual posts. They many times show the official product pictures with the cute and slim models and then pictures of the current owner wearing the gown at a wedding or prom or some other formal event. There are so few women's and young girls that come anywhere near to really pulling off the advertised look. Some do spectacularly, most don't, but still look wonderful in those same gowns.

In your current example and the one in your linked thread about the black and white dress, you more than made them work for you.

[Maria 60]

Actually looks to me like the dress looks better on you.

[Mssusan]

First, you look very nice in the dress. Second, there are very few people who have a print or runway models body, men or women. Finally, the clothes are often adjusted to look better on the model. In the example you posted, I'll bet the dress was at least pinned behind the waist.

Buy clothes that you like on their own, and decide if you like them on you.

Again, the tie dye dress really does look cute on you :-)

[reb.femme]

I think maybe I should do what I use to do.......wear the wife's dresses! She has two shift dresses that she look good on her and I like them on me too.

As you you say Jennifer, maybe we are blind to our shapes or maybe we blind ourselves to the reality, for the comforting thought of ordering it anyway :heehee:.

I wish someone would lock me in a Wallis store overnight and I'd still be trying stuff on when they unlock in the morning. Mmmmmm,........might look for a Security Guard job there :devil:.

Rebecca

[Jenniferathome]

... You probably just had a real girl moment and didn't realize it!

Gillian, I think you may have hit it. For some reason, I did not think women have this kind of issue because, they still look like women but it must be very close to the same thing. An ideal to which very few can meet. I'm hoping for the "poof", as Starshine so ably put it. Such a curiosity this cross dressing thing.

[Dealight]

Jennifer, great thread...something common to all of us! Certainly have been there.... But at least let me add to the chorus.... I think you make that dress look pretty darn good! :)

Hugs, Dea

[robindee36]

Jennifer, I don't think it is just we CD's that are taken in by advertising. Its what marketers do and they do it extremely well with clothing, food, autos, etc. Whether we are contemplating a dress, shoes or other items being presented for sale, sanity must prevail.

Certainly the mirror is a great check for clothing (and other items too) which is why I agree heartily with Karren about the wisdom, and utility of trying things on. Sort of cuts into on-line shopping, but the outcomes are more consistently positive.

I do a little of both, but if its an online purchase, I have either personal experience with the item (Maidenform bras), have researched the heck out of it (boob pumps) or have scouted it out in the shops first. Whether its us buying girl or guy things, or a GG buying things, some semblance of reality needs to be incorporated. Way too many 'impulse' buys end up in my Goodwill donation bag. Yes, I support them from both ends of their ministry, donating and purchasing ;)

For the record, you look very attractive in the dress. By comparison, the model is an anorexic photo shopped impression of a GG. You, on the other hand look like the real deal.

Hugs,Robin

[MatildaJ.]

I don't normally comment on photo threads, and I'm not sure if this is feedback you're open to, but I think the dress looks great on you, and the problem is that sweater. Something about where it ends, and where the sleeves end (or are pushed up to, I can't tell), makes it look like your arms are wrong for the outfit, or like you're wearing a doll's sweater. Could you try the dress again with a different cover-up? I'm terrible at giving fashion advice, so I don't really know how to fix this, but to my eyes, the dress itself looks better on you than on that emaciated or airbrushed model.

[Rachelakld]

Glad you don't look like the stick in the dress, it's way better on you

[Rudolph]

I don't normally comment on photo threads, and I'm not sure if this is feedback you're open to, but I think the dress looks great on you, and the problem is that sweater. Something about where it ends, and where the sleeves end (or are pushed up to, I can't tell), makes it look like your arms are wrong for the outfit, or like you're wearing a doll's sweater. Could you try the dress again with a different cover-up? I'm terrible at giving fashion advice, so I don't really know how to fix this, but to my eyes, the dress itself looks better on you than on that emaciated or airbrushed model.


Lol that described my thoughts perfectly. Strange sweater. Great dress, overall good looking girl ^_^

[Dani0948]

Most of us will never look as good as most gg's. But we will continue dressing to look as good as ee can. By the way - the dress looks fine on you.

[MissTee]

I have the same problem, too. Do all my shopping on line. See something and think, "Oooh, that's hot! I will so rock that look." Never even come close. The important point is that I FEEL pretty and that works for me.

Also, the dress looks good on you, Jenn. I'm guessing you're wearing the cardi to hide what my wife calls "the man arms and shoulders?"

[Taylor Ray]

I think you look amazing in that dress! Personally, I find all shapes and sizes attractive. I really enjoy plus size models and fashions as well -- which might make a difference in the types of images/ideals we are attracted to.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, MissTee, my arms/shoulders are quite the give away.

[MissTee]

Thought so. Same here {groan.} I power lifted for years. That coupled with the genetics for bulking up and it served me well in guy mode. Not too attractive in a sleeveless evening gown, though. Cardi's are my friend :o

[ReineD]

It is not that I want to look this this woman but that when I see this shape, I ridiculously think, "Oh, THAT dress will make me look feminine." As if the dress had the power to change my body shape.

It's not ridiculous, but I hear you. And I venture to guess the reason that so many CDers' wardrobes are so large is this continuous search for the perfectly transformative dress ... which doesn't exist.

And it doesn't exist for GGs either. :p But I think we may be better at knowing that no matter how good it looks on the model, it won't look the same on the average woman who has different measurements, especially if she doesn't have the youth, the hair, and the face to match.

I would love nothing more than to see clothing catalogs feature real women's bodies to model the clothes. Short women, square women, gray-haired women, flat women, angular women, all different sizes of boobs, necks, arms, legs, hands, and feet women ... PLUS put a ban on photoshopping and air-brushing the photographs.

... but then, would their sales go down? :D

PS. Don't be so hard on yourself Jenn, you look great!

[erickka]

You actually look pretty good in that dress! IMO, you have much better looking legs than the model.

[Lorileah]

want to bet the model didn't look like the photo either? Bet she has been stretched, and nipped and twisted, blurred and softened. For all you know she was a blonde who had no hips at all.

You look good in that dress, that's all that counts. A few weeks ago I was complaining about being fat and a woman told me "Don't complain you have the body a lot of women would die for" Half of it was off the rack :)

[Lorna]

Many years ago (early 1960s) I was with my girlfriend and another girl (both in their twenties) while they were shopping. The other girl spotted a dress in a shop window and went in to try it on. My girlfriend went in with her. When they emerged, with the dress in a bag, my girlfriend told me her friend looked good in the dress. The other girl said, yes, she liked the dress, but that she needed to wear a better girdle to look like the model in the shop window.

It just shows that women experience the same slight disappointment when their perfectly good figures don't quite match the "ideal" shown in magazines and on shop dummies. Back then, a sturdy girdle was seen as the obvious solution. Today it might be diet and exercise...or just a different attitude. To judge by sales figures, replace "girdle" with "shaper" and perhaps little has changed.

[Jillian Faith]

Jenn

I agree with what most of the ladies have said:

You're reaction to not looking like the model in the dress is very close to the typical GGs reaction
I think you look cute in the dress and love how you accessorized it with thw sweater

[Michelle (Oz)]

Jen put that dress on a girl with a decent athletic build (my favourite type of GG) and then do your comparison. You look terrific - trim, athletic and good femme shape.

Now the cardi ... haven't seen you without one (I suspect deliberately ... still remember your reference to the East German swimmer look) but I reckon you would look better without the cardi. It ruins the dress. Try it and ask for opinions. There is nothing so enjoyable as being out and about wearing sleeveless tops or preferably strappy camis ... the gentle breeze and warmth of the sun. Of course you might have to wait a few months until we've finished with the sun.

So does clothing exist that makes us instantly feminine. Hell yes, and you're wearing it ... just a different type of feminine. What about passing then? In my case, hell no ... but I sure enjoy practicing and wearing what pleases me.

[Katie Russell]

Hi

I think it's important to buy the right clothes for your body shape. If you get it wrong the results can be disastrous. We had a programme in the UK called 'What not to wear' and how Trinny and Suzanna could transform normal women just by changing the style of clothes was amazing. You can reduce the size of your shoulders or create a waist with the right clothes. I started a thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?197167-Choosing-the-right-style-for-your-body-shape which had a link to the Marks and Spencers website in the UK where you can put in your height, weight, body shape etc and it will produce recommendations. You might not like them all but it doe give you a pointer and could save you fortune in bad purchases.

Katie

[DianeDeBris]

Hi Jenn - I endorse the points everyone else has made (esp about the GG moment!) so I won't rehash them. A couple of further thoughts: the model's photo is superbly lit, which improves any photo massively (light appears to come closer, dark appears to recede, as we've all learned). The model is in reality about 15 years old, which has lots of pluses and oh-so-many minuses (unfortunately, in twenty years she, too, will be feeling the pangs of "If only I looked like that," which all women sadly are led to feel). A major part of her "shape" is illusion and posture - she has her hip stuck out far to one side; like most of us do, you are posed with one knee slightly bent but it's bent forward, you're stance is pretty much erect and the photo is taken pretty much straight-on - the least-flattering angle and pose of all. I'd also mention that we CDs really need to think more about women a decade or so closer to our own ages - every woman who has been through a pregnancy discovers that her ingenue shape has disappeared when she wasn't looking - and nobody is ever thrilled st the realization!
Finally, the news this week reports that the FDA is planning to ban "Trans Fat" - I thought at first they were specifically referring to me!
You look great, and your smile makes it all work for you! Hugs - Diane

[docrobbysherry]

Your thread makes me scratch my head, Jenn! Some folks comment about my "fem figure". However, I probably have one of least fem figures here!:sad:

The only difference between me and the average forms wearing cross dresser is that I cheat more. Why every CD, (not TS), doesn't wear corsets/girdles and hip/butt pads has always confounded me. Yes, they're a bit of a hassle. But, much less the more u wear them.

My motto is: "If u don't like your figure, CHANGE IT!":heehee:

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[suchacutie]

I brought a skirt/blouse set online without asking my wife about it. Fit was great but it just wasn't Tina. Moral of the story: if I can't try it on, I sure get my wife's input. Sometimes it's just necessary to get a second opinion.

That said, why was it you don't like this dress?