Thinking about going out...

[Starshine24]

I have always thought about going out as Elizabeth. Problem is I've never been 100% sure about it. I guess my biggest problem is this: what will others think? I just moved to this city last March and I'm not trying to be exiled already. I don't know.. Perhaps I feel like they're going to gang up with pitchforks and torches and chase me to my house. Either way, its the reason why I've never been completely sure I want to. Although in my defense, I do occasionally get close to a window from time to time ;)

So for those who have been out as their femme self, how did it go? How many pitchforks were involved?

[Marika01]

I'm wondering about that, too. Not ready yet, though.

[michelleddg]

I think there's a standard track to getting out:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?194059-The-standard-track-to-getting-out-and-about&highlight=

I also think if you wait until you're "ready" you'll be old and gray. Even if you're not ready you have to just suck it up, put on your big girl panties and take a chance. You'll be glad you did ;-) Hugs, Michelle

[Nicolesmyth]

Take it slow and don't worry your heart won't actually come out of your chest. I have been out several times mostly driving. I have gotten gas and been to a cd shop "Vanity's transformations" in Houston. Last week I did go into a local department store and walked thru it before my nerves got the best of me. Those that were busy about their day didn't recognize me as a cd'er, but those that looked directly at me did. However, there were no snickers or pitchforks. I too am trying to be more comfortable with this CDing. Good Luck!
Nicole

[Breanneb]

I wish I had your nerve Nicole I've been longing for that day to just walk out and not care whatever they may say. How do you do jt

[Kelly DeWinter]

I took the route of all or nothing, I went to Amanda's for a makeover and photo session, left dressed, went shopping, out to dinner , and finished the night at a club for dancing. It was one of the most memorable nights in my life. Why not do it the same way ?

[Jenniferathome]

No pitchforks. No angry villagers. Mostly people into themselves going about their day.

You can ease the fear of "discovery" by going to a town 20 or 50 miles a way. Makes for a nice drive while dressed and time to sack up.

Good luck

[Cheryl T]

The only pitchfork was the Devil at my back prodding me to step out the door.
It was frightening the first time but got less so each time after. Most of what you fear is in your mind, not in reality. First of all, if you're concerned about your town then follow the basic 50 mile rule and don't venture out unless you're 50 miles from home. Take a weekend trip somewhere and then go out.
Second thing is the thought that EVERYONE is watching only you. This couldn't be farther from the truth. They are all so busy in their world with their problems that most won't give a second glance.

[Starshine24]

Thank you for your replies ladies :)

@Kelly Dewinter: I have done that too. I did indeed get 4-6 feet off the porch.
@jenniferathome: I like that idea a lot. If I ruin it at least I ruin it far from the house.. Lol!
@nicolesmyth: boo. I can't listen to you because you're cute enough to be going out! Lol if I wasn't battling beard stubble constantly I might be able to listen :P

[Kate Simmons]

The usual, you know. Pitchforks, torches, burning at the stake but since CDing makes me a Witch, I am empowered and can hex 'em all big time, so they are afraid of me. That being the case, I just go about my business. Nice being empowered like that, right? ;):battingeyelashes::)

[audreyinalbany]

Best advice is: Be kind to yourself. When you're ready to go out, go out. If you're not ready, don't worry about it.

[Stephanie47]

I have ventured out to purposely interact with humans on that sacred day for cross dressers: Halloween. I did not go to a bar or night club. I just got dolled up and went shopping at a grocery store and a doughnut shop. Even though it was Halloween I was still apprehensive.

I am six foot even and 190 pounds. Needless to say I am paranoid about the pitchforks. I have gone out walking in the early evening. I have parked my car and walked to return library books to the night return slot. I have mailed a letter. I have strolled through a quiet residential neighborhood. I found I was more comfortable strolling in the rain using an umbrella to conceal my male face. I did find wearing a comfortable pair of flats deadened the clicking of heels on concrete. Heels on concrete will really turn heads. Even buying a nice pair of athletic shoes works, if you're presenting as a young working woman coming home. A lot of GG's carry their work heels in a tote bag and wear athletic shoes for comfort for the walking commute. Stay away from dark areas. I would not ever stop at a rest stop. The local or state police consider rest stops to be havens for sexual meet ups. I don't mean a rest stop with restaurants. I mean the unattended stops.

I always make sure my car is in good mechanical condition and gassed up. I always carry a change of male clothing and makeup remover.

[Nikki A.]

First time out is the hardest. I started with a local gay resort that is close to me when they had their CD weekends, of course I left the house partially dressed and finished dressing there.
After that I took a long weekend in Denver, met some wonderful people there and did 3 whole days as Nikki. I purposely brought no male clothing, so I couldn't chicken out. After going into a crowded IHOP on a Saturday morning dressed and not being railroaded out, I realized that even if I don't pass most people will not care.
I even leave and come home dressed lots of times. I now regularly go out in Allentown and have done trips into NYC. Sometimes alone, sometimes with others and so far no problems.
Believe me, it's much more fun being out and about than being holed up at home.
The only thing that is slowing me down a little right now is that I don't trust my car and I am waiting to replace it.

[Rachelakld]

Of the thousands I've interacted with, I've only had one mouthpiece, fairly certain he won't do it again, as for the rest - it's been a blast meeting you all, this is what life is for, meeting people and having fun.

[Michaelasfun]

Hi Elizabeth,

I had been dressing and working with makeup for about two months. One day, I followed my usual routine of bathing, shaving, putting my face on, and as I was doing it, my heart started pounding at the prospect of going out. This was before I had collected any of my own "goin out" outfits, I just had lingerie, etc. So I went and borrowed one of my wife's dresses and a bra, put them on along with my wig, and must have started out the door 20 times before I got the nerve to walk to my car. I am lucky to live in a rural area so this wasn't much of a problem except in my own head since there was no one around to see me. I made it to my car and the feeling was exhilarating!

I drove out to the main road and took as many back roads as I could as I was scared and excited at the same time, not sure what I would feel if someone "saw" me. I finally wound up in the local mini mall parking lot and sat there nervous, some folks going to and from their cars, sure I would be noticed, but everyone seemed to just be going about their business. Somehow I got the nerve to get out and go into the nearest store, figuring if I walked normally and confidently it would be all right. I went straight to the women's section of the store and picked up a small clutch purse and sunhat. I put on the sunhat and looked in the nearest mirror and was so pleased with the look I kept it on. There were some women milling around next to me and I didn't pick up that they had any reaction or even considered me at all, they were just busy with shopping themselves.

I went to the register and went to take the hat off to pay for it and realized the tag had gotten stuck in my wig and was starting to pull it off! Talk about panic..I took stock of the situation and held my hair with one hand and slowly pulled the hat away thank goodness it came unstuck!! I paid without incident, and drove next to the grocery where I thought if I went thru the self check it'd be better; however I forgot I had bought a six pack and the attendant said "Are you 18, ma'am?" Heart almost stopped thinking I might have to come up with ID, but I just demurely said "Yes" and she went away.

Drive home was uneventful. Felt like I'd climbed Everest and survived.

[Diana Bain]

In all the times I've been out I've never had a bad experience..just a rude SA last week and thats about it. Will you be nervous your first time out...yes you will...I think we all have. My advice is try to blend in, hold your head up and be the woman you are. Good luck.

[Rudolph]

The only time I've dressed up for going outside was on Halloween, and even though that's kind of cheating it still felt great lol.

[Beverley Sims]

I am still looking for pitchforks, I also look out the window regularly.
There is a world out there, just waiting..... :)

[Candice Mae]

I've never had a bad experience from being read when out in public, I've heard a few people mutter something under their breath when they passed me. Just relax and enjoy your time in the fresh air, its not as bad as you think. Everyone seams to think that every one around them is gonna stop, turn and look at them all at once and scream freak, tranny... ect. Most people just mind their own business these days, true there will be a few that will try to embarrass you. But those people are just scared or igorant towards what they do not understand.

Here's a little check list to go over before going out, its just a guide not the law no need to follow it completely.

Going from head to toe;

Wig - get a wig that looks realistic on you and as hair in general. Take time to make sure it is properly maintained and styled, so it doesn't look like you have a a disaster on your head.

Make up - simple every day look; go light on the eyes, blush, and lipstick or lipgloss. And SMILE.

Voice - practice a feminine voice and vocabulary, mostly don't swear or use slang.

Shoulders - if you have a muscular build wear 3/4 or longer sleeved shirts that are a little baggy on the arms. Maybe wear a light jacket, Avoid tank tops.

Outfit - Wear some thing that is simple and not a over powering color or pattern. Make sure that it is clean and not wrinkled, and that everything fits as it is supposed too.

Breasts - wear a modest set of forms, you don't need double d's to pass. Pick a size that is proportional to your frame. Try a b or a c cup. If you can create cleavage, wear a lower cut top. Just low enough to show a little cleavage, no need to be flashing everyone. Wear your most comfortable bra, the last thing you need to be is fighting with an uncomfortable bra.

Waist - use shape wear as needed to enhance your figure,

Hips - use shape wear as needed to enhance you figure.

Legs - if you are gonna wear a skirt, shave your legs a week in advance and moisturize often. Wear a skirt that is atleast a couple inches above your knee or longer.

Shoes - wear a low heel or flats don't go over board.

Walking - walk femininely and use softer gentler movements.

As other said confidence and attitude is key. Believe in who you are and not what others think. If you look insecure of worried you will only bring soon on unwanted attention.

Also dress for the occasion, and your age. Don't dress sexy dress to blend.

[AnntoAnn]

It's one of those big steps that most end up taking in some form or another. I remember the three aborted attempts I did before opening the door. My tips are dress your age and appropriately for the time of day and venue. My first outing was a solo affair to the supermarket and it was wonderful, very nerve racking but wonderful. TG friendly places like bars are also a good idea for a first time out, just make sure its the right night/day when you are most likely to find others sharing the same experience. If you are spotted don't panic just smile and carry on. Good luck!

[Helen_Highwater]

There is loads of sound advice here. I would echo the 50 mile rule, really takes the pressure off being seen by someone local to home. Ditto the change of clothing; don't forget to take something to remove the makeup with. 99.9% of the time you won't need it but it's comforting to know you have a safety plan.
Dress age appropriate and modestly.
For your first time start with a walk across a shopping centre or supermarket car park. Just something to get you away from the car and to quietly practice your walk and learn to relax. Perhaps go to a cash point (but in a safe area). It's how most of us start, small steps and build.

[Launa]

I've been out many times to gay bars and drag venues, that was real easy. About 3 months ago I spent almost 3 full days as a woman and it was the best! Going out in the day was a lot more freaky for me than going out at night.

I really had a hard time prying the last dress I was wearing off my body when it was time to switch back.

[julia marie]

I go with the 50 mile rule. Also, I do the "partial" en femme thing when I leave the house (sweatpants over the skirt, no forms, no wig) until I get a few miles outside of my neighborhood. Want to interact with people as an ice breaker? Order a coffee or something else simple from McDonalds or Burger King. You're in, conversation is brief, you're out. Enjoy. It goes from painful to painless to pleasure.

[linda allen]

Go to a city away from home. Either dress there (and change back before you come home), underdress and finish dressing in the car, or find some other way to make sure your neighbors don't see you leaving the house and coming back.

Dress to blend in. That means dressing appropriately for the time and place. Carry a purse and do your best to act like a lady. It takes practice. Taking photos and videos of yourself is a good way to identify problem areas.

A wig with bangs and sunglasses will go a long way in disguising your male face and with the sunglasses (in the daytime, of course) you won't have to make eye contact with people.

[Marcelle]

Having only been out and about recently, I can say that the first time is very nerve wracking and I too was looking for the pitchforks when I left the car and headed to the venue I had picked. Once I got to where I was going, yes a few people read me as I do not pass whatsoever but when I gave the look good consideration, it was curiosity and not rudeness. Heck, I remember the first time I saw a CDer in public, I stared as well but it was not being rude (meh . . . who am I to judge) it was the fact that I have never seen a CDer in public before. Most of the looks I received fell into this category. I won't lie, there were a few rude almost hostile glances with some mutterings . . . but no "TRANNY . . . GET THE PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES.

I have found that the more you look like you belong, walk with confidence, look up and smile the more people are less likely to take notice of you. It is when I get that paranoid look or sheepish walk that people tend to look my way. Still I have not had a bad experience when out and about. Indeed, I feel quite happy when I know I will be the topic of many dinner conversations that night . . . "I was at the mall and guess what I saw". :)

Though not an expert I think if you dress appropriately, pick safe venues and just act like you belong you will find the event is really a non-event. However, once you are ready and do it, you will find that plunge very liberating.

Hugs

Isha

[kimf]

Take baby steps like first walking around at night in cold weather when you can wear coat, scarf etc and work your way up.

[Starshine24]

I wanna thank everyone for their kind words. I like Kimf's idea the best though. Don't get me wrong I love the idea of driving a zillion miles away and doing my thing, but problem is all I have for transportation is a motorcycle. And in not trying to attract attention... Lol a tranny on a motorcycle? I think I'd probably snicker too! Of course I guess I could dress there. But still, I need to get used to here I feel. But what is it exactly I'm feeling? Nervousness? For what? Am I feeling like I'm doing something bad?
What are the other ladies opinions on why you felt jittery. I know it sounds like a silly question, because it is. But with me I feel like I have to have everything figured out and this is one of the things I have to figure out.

[TxKimberly]

It's HIGHLY addictive, and dont shrug that off lightly. Once you start, I promise you will find it terribly hard to stop.
What is it like? It's like discovering that you have been holding your breath your entire life and all of the sudden you can breath.
As you are gasping and panting to fill your hungry lungs, gulping air into your chest for the very first time, you realize what you never knew you were missing before - the chance to exist and breath freely.
Once you start, you can not go back. There is no stuffing the genie back in the bottle. There is no pretending that it didn't happen and that the world will go back to the way it was before you took your first breath.
Would I recommend doing it? Damn right! Just be warned of the consequences . . .

[Suzanne F]

I totally agree with Kimberly. I could finally breathe. For some it is just about clothes. For me it was finally not hiding! I love being Suzanne out in the world. I will never go back. I feel at peace when I get into my car and head off to the city. I meet other girls and also attend a 12 step meeting as Suzanne. Sometimes my wife goes with me and other times I go by myself. I want to be able to be Suzanne whenever i want but that isn't possible at this time. Anyway I say if you have that burning desire you should do it!
Suzanne

[Genesis]

Oh my YES, work up to it and then take the plunge ! I found that finding other CDers to go out with to a club that caters to the lifestyle makes it soooo much easier to handle. I took baby steps and met people on Craigslist. ( I know, just be careful ) It did work after a few months of searching and just plugging along, it does pay off if you are patient. I started going out to Club Q with some really nice friends. and it made it a really fun experience : ) I still get nervous, but I tend to dress a little over the top ( just my taste ) and it goes against my normal self ( Jerry ) because I am a shy type. Just don't worry so much and surround yourself with others that like the same thing and you will be less scared to jump off that cliff lol.

[MindeeGurl]

You're in a new city why not take the plunge?

[Sarahwithanh11]

My advice it to take your time and work up to things. Reading all the encouragement from the ladies on this site will definitely help, and you'll learn some helpful tips.

My first outing was a trip inside a fairly busy gas station/mini-mart/travel center on the 5 freeway at about 8 pm. I didn't buy anything - just went in one door and out the other. Really it was enough as I was scared to death, my hands were shaking and I barely made it in and back out without hyperventilating!

That was nearly 6 years ago. Now I go out several times a month and go pretty much anywhere I want like shopping, dinner, movies.

The first few times are scary and full of adrenalin. After a while though it's just comfortable, a chance to be yourself. I don't plan to go full-time but I truly cherish my few girl days and can't imagine giving it up or bearing the thought of never going out again.

[Michelle (Oz)]

What are the other ladies opinions on why you felt jittery. I know it sounds like a silly question, because it is. But with me I feel like I have to have everything figured out and this is one of the things I have to figure out.
Fear of being embarrassed and laughed at ... fear of rejection ... fear of not being in control of our environment. These took me some time to overcome as each outing added to my confidence. Perhaps it was my own male reaction to my femme presentation ... my male thoughts about a man in a dress or my poor skills with makeup, the femme walk, male voice. Damm natural to be jittery - the first time is akin to extreme sport.

I'm out dressed around 4 times a week. Yet I still get a dry mouth ... not fear just anticipation and adrenalin. People are very accepting or simply disinterested.


It's HIGHLY addictive, and dont shrug that off lightly. Once you start, I promise you will find it terribly hard to stop.

Would I recommend doing it? Damn right! Just be warned of the consequences . . .
Perfect Kimberley.

[linda allen]

Yes, that motorcycle thing is going to cramp your style. I suppose you could borrow or rent a car though.

Assuming you can do a good enough job of dressing to disguise your male self, your real problem is getting in and out of the house or apartment. If a neighbor sees a strange female leaving or entering, you might have some explaining to do.

For some of us it doesn't matter if people know we are crossdressers. For others, it's very important to hide our hobby because of family and career. You haven't told us anything about this, but it's something for you to decide. You may want the freedom of being a known crossdresser in your new town, you may not.

Walking around aimlessly in the dark is not a safe thing to do. A woman wouldn't do it.