Inna
11-07-2013, 07:25 PM
I suppose it goes so deep in so many facets of so many plateaus of cerebral as well as innate events, making for levels of understanding of one self, that I believe SELF to be an evolution! and not a rigid, fixed, platform.
As I had posted a many time, my latest understanding, but only because of my own experience, there are at least two parts to transition. Transition of visual stimuli, such as your Avatar, and as important if not more important, transition into or rather de-tangling of forced character and behavior until its innate state of self is revealed.
I believe I was born with woman's aura, however because my body was born a genetic male, my confusion as to center of self was always askew!
Since the earliest memories I remember, I felt as though I stood only on one leg, and comfort of being had never bestowed its comfortable vale upon my existence. I remember describing to my mom how different I was from all the rest, the boys as well the girls, but I was always met with some superficial explanation.
How did I feel?
Well, I felt like a BOY with serious issue called "A GIRL"
It literally translated it self into dreadful feeling of being weird, repulsive, leper of consciousness!
I had chosen to follow the conscious road, the one made of concrete facts and one reflected in the eyes and opinions of my environment.
There were moments of eureka when my mother constantly received remarks of how pretty her daughter was, only to hear her correct such observations with forceful strive.
I didn't want to disappoint!
Forward 44 years and we get to the reckoning day, when all the charade, enigma, deceit and denial came crashing together in eruption of pain so immense that only death could render it null.
I am still here........
Ever since I had embraced the truth, I started to unravel the mystery. I allowed the innate emotions to take hold and take over. I've succumb to the river of truth.
The male chemistry was diluted, the essence of the masculine body reduced to minimum of proportion. Femininity was granted to take hold.
Slowly the essence of innate sensuality infiltrated every crevasse of my self.
I now stood centered, for the first time in my existence I felt righteous and true!
I have taken what was there, the femininity, and steered it towards womanhood.
Now I believe that No one is simply born Boy or a Girl, but that everyone has a feminine or masculine core despite their genetic avatar.
Just as girls become woman same goes for boys to become man, we all have a chance to become who we innately feel we are, except in our case, boy becomes a woman..............
As I had posted a many time, my latest understanding, but only because of my own experience, there are at least two parts to transition. Transition of visual stimuli, such as your Avatar, and as important if not more important, transition into or rather de-tangling of forced character and behavior until its innate state of self is revealed.
I believe I was born with woman's aura, however because my body was born a genetic male, my confusion as to center of self was always askew!
Since the earliest memories I remember, I felt as though I stood only on one leg, and comfort of being had never bestowed its comfortable vale upon my existence. I remember describing to my mom how different I was from all the rest, the boys as well the girls, but I was always met with some superficial explanation.
How did I feel?
Well, I felt like a BOY with serious issue called "A GIRL"
It literally translated it self into dreadful feeling of being weird, repulsive, leper of consciousness!
I had chosen to follow the conscious road, the one made of concrete facts and one reflected in the eyes and opinions of my environment.
There were moments of eureka when my mother constantly received remarks of how pretty her daughter was, only to hear her correct such observations with forceful strive.
I didn't want to disappoint!
Forward 44 years and we get to the reckoning day, when all the charade, enigma, deceit and denial came crashing together in eruption of pain so immense that only death could render it null.
I am still here........
Ever since I had embraced the truth, I started to unravel the mystery. I allowed the innate emotions to take hold and take over. I've succumb to the river of truth.
The male chemistry was diluted, the essence of the masculine body reduced to minimum of proportion. Femininity was granted to take hold.
Slowly the essence of innate sensuality infiltrated every crevasse of my self.
I now stood centered, for the first time in my existence I felt righteous and true!
I have taken what was there, the femininity, and steered it towards womanhood.
Now I believe that No one is simply born Boy or a Girl, but that everyone has a feminine or masculine core despite their genetic avatar.
Just as girls become woman same goes for boys to become man, we all have a chance to become who we innately feel we are, except in our case, boy becomes a woman..............