A letter

[suanne]

This has been something on my mind for some time now. I have shared with you alll that I am very much in the closet. I have my girlie treasures hidden in my hobby room in a safe. I worried about dieing or being mentally imparied and having a family member have to dispose of my things and open that safe and find my girlie things. :eek: This issue came up a few days ago (about leaving a letter) and a friend (a closet cd friend on this forum,like me) suggested leaving a letter with the clothes explaining what and who I am, and why I dress as best as I can explain. It sounded good and I wondered why I haven't done that before. I did just that. It wasn't hard, and I spoke from my heart about all the years of crossdressing (and much more) and to let them know I am still Husband, Dad and Grandpa. I find it impossible to even dare to share that with them now but if I am gone I don't want them to wonder about these clothes forever. After I completed it I felt a lot better. I would show it to you all but it (as you can imagine) is very personal. Being a cd has been a very big part of my last 59 years. I make no excuses for it...it's part of who I am.

So....if you are on the same page with me on this letter idea, please share your feelings. If you aren't in agreement, well.....share that too.

Suanne.

[Margyany]

What a great idea. I too have pondered this dilema and this seems to be the perfect solution for me. Thank you so much for posting this. As soon as I write the letter, I know it will bring me peace of mind.

[Nikki Dee]

I think it's a wonderful idea Suanne...far better that under what would be difficult circumstances they have the real truth...and not confusion.
Nikki. x

[Rikidee]

I also have done this in the past but I keep losing the letters when I am going through my clothes. I must admit that my letters may not have been as honest as yours in that I alluded to the fact that the clothes were not mine, but I was holding them for someone else, bad to feel you cannot tell the truth even if you are incapacitated for some reason.

[Rikki Elisabeth]

My attorney has a video tape which I have replaced every so often. It is to be given to my executor should something happen to me. I have left it to my executor as to whether my family should see it or not.

[Robyn2006]

I've a letter to my family on my computer that says it all. it's foremost in my "Documents" folder and hard to miss. If I should ever meet an untimely end, it is there for anyone who takes a look. It's really nice knowing it's there and that all my other things they would find would begin to make more sense.

Robyn

[Sweet Susan]

Sounds like a good idea to me for you to do. I don't need to do it, but I can understand why you might need to.

[Diann]

I real wouldn’t want any family that doesn’t already to know. This part of me most people don’t get it and won’t by my coming out after I’m dead.

I would like to find the confidence of a good friend to dispose of my things and dump my hardrive, I have yet to find someone to do this the one I trust doesn’t live nearby. I’m still thinking about that one. Di
:)

[Monica55cd]

Diann... i agee with you... finding a way to have a confidont dispose of them is probally a good thing to do.....another good reason for a best friend....i guess i dont feel i have anyone like that yet in my life now....

[MC_Becki]

I also have a letter because I have been in that impaired situation before - although it was temporary.

My letter, like yours, explains the reasons but makes no apologies. I am the person they have always known, and the items they have found with this letter are simply those private items I cherish - like the old rose your wife still carries in that special book that brings back memories of happy times.

While my reasons may not make sense to the reader, they should be respected.

mc_Becki

[Sarahgurl371]

Actually that fear was one of the reasons for comming out to my wife. Which lead to both mine and her parents knowing about me. So I guess now I don't need the letter. Still not accepted at home for who I am though, but at least I no longer have to hide my things. That always made me feel so dirty, and deceptive, not to mention the fear of someone finding it all. I just couldn't live like that anymore.

I guess I would find it hard to explain in a letter. I have spent the last 2 + years trying to explain myself to my wife and she still doesn't understand. I couldn't imagine how long the letter would have to be.

Just my opinion. Just How I decided I needed my life to be.

[suanne]

Hi Tammy. Well there is a little more. I should mention that I put a copy of the Jennellerose letter in the thread "This is how I feel" from the crossDresser forum.

With my letter there will be no questions to ask cause I won't be around.

Thank you for your opinion.

Suanne

[randi_789]

Suanne,

I have often thought about what would happen if something happened to me and my secret life was discovered. My clothes and CDs with pictures are in the basement in a secret compartment under my work bench, with nothing on my computer. But after I am gone I am certain that eventually my things will be discovered by someone. It is possible that it might be by the next owner of our house, but in the event it is by someone in my family the idea of a letter to them is so simple it is brilliant. Now that you have given me that idea I will do it and hope that the worry of what they will think of me after I am gone will be less burdensome. I just hope I can come up with the words to explain it all.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this.

miranda

[joni-alice]

Funny. I tripped this morning,looking for something in the attic. As I lay there I considered those finding a dead "woman" on the attic floor, but that thought ended when I arose, a bit shaken but still in one piece.

I figure that when I go, I go. As far as a letter, if someone goes beyond my clothes to my pc and discovers forums like this in the bookmark section, hopefully they will read it and know more than any letter I write would be able to tell them.

hugs,
j-a:cool:

[Wenda]

Really good idea. Reminds me of Bridges of Madison County. Could explain a lot of things to our heirs. My kids know, so I have that base partly covered. The final letter is still a good idea.

[susiej]

Ladies,

I worry a lot about the timing -- my family mourning my untimely departure -- a funeral -- coming home to the house without me -- starting to go through my stuff and giving it out to friends and family -- finding a cache of womens' clothing and a letter shamelessly describing how I've lived a secret life for 35 years??? Listening to my girly self-hypnosis tracks on my computer?? Eeeeeuuu!

If I thought my wife and daughters could handle this side of me now, while I'm around a) for them to scream at, b) to answer frank questions, c) to love and hug them as they deal with it -- I'd tell them now, and hope to reap the benefits of emerging from the closet. But I don't think they can handle it, so I don't tell them. The decision to remain in the closet now might be dead wrong, but that's a separate issue.

Respectfully, I submit that it couldn't possibly be easier for them to learn this "terrible secret" after I'm recently dead.

So -- my clothes are stored in a place that might never be found, and if they are, they won't be identified with me. All my computer files are stored in an encrypted folder. I never leave my machine for longer than a few minutes without buttoning it all up.

Hugs,
Susie

[Sherrie]

I had thought about something like a letter myself. However I decided it would be better to let a few people I know know who I really am. I have told my sister, son and mother about Sherrie, but dont have the nerve to tell my dad. I am not sure he would understand. I also have my very best friend who is a gg who seems to have always known somehow. She has always been able to read me like a book. I also have another gg friend that knows as well. So if something by chance does happen to me they will be able to sort out my stuff and not be concerned. I think it is good to do something in the event of serious injury or death so as we do not shock the ones we love in thier time of grief.

[randi_789]

Suann,

After my previous reply I have been thinking and now am conflicted on how much to reveal in a letter to be discovered after i am gone. How much detail is needed? How much of an explanation? What, if anything, is going to ease the minds of those who mourn my passing? What did you include in yours, without being specific because i know it is personal? Is it just enough to try to explain my feelings, or do I try to justify the secrecy and separate existence of my other self? What seemed like a great idea has now blossomed into something altogether different.

miranda

[susancheerleader]

I have thought about this topic. I have a dresser that has ONLY female stuff. I live alone, no GF or SO. So if anyone finds my stuff, it will raise allot of questions.
I haven't figured out how to cope if someone need to go through my stuff.
Before I had any female clothes, (about a year ago) I had an accident that put me in the hospital. My mother had to come to my house, and get some underwear, and sweats for me to wear to come home. No big deal as there was nothing to hide then.
But now I have allot to hide. A whole drawer of womens underwear, a huge pile of skirts, some tights, and a handful of leotards, and a few blouses.
In that same accident, if my mother had to come and get stuff again, I am almost sure that she will find my "stuff" and not be at all happy about it.
She was after all, Not at all thrilled at catching me allot of times when I was 12 wearing my sisters leotards. She would be even less thrilled no to find all the stuff I have now, that arn't "guy clothes." Unless of course, it really belonged to a lady in my house... as of yet. Hasn't happened.

So I sometimes think about leaving anote to explain myself too. But so far am chicken to do it.

[christine55]

Even though my family know of my dressing, no one knows of its extent. If something happened to me I would imagine there would be more than a few raised eyebrows from whoever had to clean out my apartment. A good letter would greatly sooth wounded feelings.
Hugs, Christine

[suanne]

Good Morning.

I feel good about the responses to this thread. Thank you. But it wasn't for me. I hope that someone else can benefit from this thread. As I explained in the begining "I am in the closet" and don't plan on coming out. I like 99.9% of you have a deep desire and need to cd. I also love my wife and family. Think about it. This is personal. For alot of us who hide. We hide everything. I don't have any place to keep Suanne except close to me. She lives where I live. I don't want to run all over town when I feel the desire or more than that have the chance to dress. So I keep it here. I didn't think I needed to explain that to everyone but I think I do now. I can't tell my wife about this now. She won't accept it. I know that for a fact. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I must do that without girlie clothes. I have tired and tired to rid myself of this but......just call me Suanne. All of that said. If something should happen to me I want my wife to understand some things I can't tell her now. I did that in the form of a letter. In that letter I wanted to clear up some things that she would always wonder about. Ok, here are some points I covered. But remember this is personal. Each person is different, so nobody can carbon copy my letter. I wanted her to know how much I loved her, I was not gay. I didn't want to be a woman. How long I have been this way. I don't know why I had this burning desire. The agony I have been thru to want to share this with her, and told her to read the attached description of a cd. Plus a few other things. Yes, maybe there will be other questions, but....I won't be there to answer them. That letter WILL help. I don't care when she reads it. I labored over this to long. I had a real fear about leaving this world and leaving her to find Suanne's things and never know MY truth or MY feelings. She will now. So if she hates me...and I don't think she will, but she WILL hate Suanne. But she will know for sure one thing. When she looks back over the last 40 plus years she will know that I loved her. And if she doesn't know that, then I cannot do anything else except get rid of Suanne now! But you see thats why I left the letter, because I can't get rid of me.


Sincerely, Suanne

[uknowhoo]

Suanne, I understand. I too am 99.9% closeted. My wife has no idea and would have a very difficult time with it if she were to find out. While I share SusieJ's concerns, I too have written a letter just in case. While it is a risk, it's less of a risk than telling her now, and it's far better IMHO than the alternative... leaving with no explanation, and only anguish and confusion.

Thanks for the thread.

Tammi

[Helen MC]

This simply isn't just an issue for me. A handful of people know of my CD side , my ex-wife and a former GF, both tolerant of this and a three male friends who are of a similar liberal outlook.

When I am dead I am dead. If the human consciousness survives the death of the body then I will have far greater matters to worry about than whether someone finds my knickers, skirts, etc. I live alone and am likely to do so for the rest of my life and my only concern would be that someone will have the problem of disposing of my body and clearing up my affairs, disposing of my chattles and possessions etc.

If someone was open minded and at ease with CDs etc but didn't know then they will possibly be surprised if they found panties and other female clothing in my house when I am deceased but would not be shocked nor upset. To them there would be no need to leave any letter of explanation. On the other hand if someone is anti CD(my father comes to mind- he simply would never understand nor tolerate my wearing female clothes not even only panties and does not know about this) . Were I to pre-decease him and he found out then no amount of letters, not even a Doctoral Thesis would alter his anti CD views.

People have to take me as they find me both alive, and after my death. I feel I owe them no explanation in this Life and am indifferent to any they may seek when I am in the next, should there be any.