Boss is out

[Mumstheword]

My boss just came out to me(friends for 14 years) I don't know what to say!?!? Help me! I've never seen him so happy , he walked in as a woman, had a glow & confidence like I've never seen before, I don't want to kill that for him or make him regret his outing to me. I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I joined this forum for guidance. I'm happy for him, he's usually miserable & seems lost. Please tell me what to do!!!!!

[Tracii G]

So glad you are here Mum and welcome.
The best thing is accept it and be genuinely happy for her/him.
Using proper gender pronouns is important to. If she is presenting as a female then her if male use him.
Its very confusing to someone not versed in this lifestyle so read here and ask questions that is the best way to learn.
Once you have 10 posts here you will be able to use the private messages and if you wish to chat I'm here for you.:)

[Eryn]

That one is easy. Just treat her exactly as you would a genetic woman. You can start by referring to her as "her!" :)

Yes, it is easy to make that mistake. We all do. If it happens, quietly say "Oops, sorry." and move on.

[Mumstheword]

Thank you ladies, so I guess my question should really be is DO WE TALK ABOUT IT? Or just go about our day.. So when she walks in , we are just two gals giggling about earrings.... But when he walks in its back to business & I shouldn't mention her? I'm very sincere in this, I've never seen him this happy! So I want to support "them" , I just don't know the rules?!?!

[Tracii G]

The only rule is respect for others as you normally do.
They are still the same person but a transgendered person that is "out".
It takes guts to do this and its not a joke or something to make light of.
The happiness you see is her being able to be herself and present as she feels inside.
Its different for everybody as you will see if you do some research on this site.
Most general conceptions people have about us/TG people is totally wrong just keep that in mind

[sandra-leigh]

I would suggest that you should ask your boss what she would prefer. This would include asking her to let you know the point at which she wants to be referred to as female in business correspondence or on the phone. Likewise, if only the two of you are in the office and she happens to be dressed as male, then does she prefer you switch to male in order to "keep in practice" as male-mode might mean that she is expecting visitors who are not to know as yet.

[Mumstheword]

TRACII-thank you! Can I tell him that she's prettier? Nicer? Happier? Because gurrllll it's true! He has been so unhappy & miserable for years, but the other day when SHE walked in, a happy beautiful person stood before me. May I add with a gorgeous lip color, & can I ask him what it is, or do I have to wait and ask her? This is what I mean by rules.. Can I ask him questions about her.. Do I treat them like two people or just one.. I have so many questions but I don't want to hurt feelings or offend anyone, I'm not like that at all.. I just have no one to ask, that's why I'm here. I want to know, I want to make him/her feel like they can count on me to be their friend. I appreciate any advice good or bad. Also I see HIM 5 days a week, I work side by side with him.. So this is why I need to know the "rules" so I don't make them uncomfortable & I don't get myself fired... THANKS TRACII- you're sweet to help.. Btw great pic!! Oh & I only met her once, no name was given, so am I suppose to name her, or did he already give her one?

Sandra-Leigh thanks for responding , this is my problem.. How do I bring it up? It's ok to do so now, right? I know this is very hush hush & I don't think he's told anyone else.. She told me that she has a storage unit by that doubles as a beautiful closet.. So I know his wife doesn't know, or isn't excepting her in the family.. His wife is mean, miserable, & now knowing about her I think the wife is black mailing them. She lives in another state & spends THOUSANDS daily, he can't say a word to her, he fears her! Hell I fear her too! He's a surgeon & this would ruin him.. I feel honored that he came to me, & just to see how happy he was to show me her, I'm happy for them... She was very sweet & nice to be around... Him not so much!

[Joan_CD]

Perhaps you should sit down with your boss over coffee and say I have so many questions... Would it be ok to ask them so I understand everything. And then mention all these things. My guess is your boss will be happy to answer them and it will probably bring you closer. Your boss obviously has a tremendous amount of trust in you and would probably enjoy the conversation!

[AmyGaleRT]

When she's presenting as female, refer to her using her femme name (I presume she has one!) and with the right gender pronouns. If she looks great and happy, I say, tell her that; she will probably very much appreciate the validation of her femininity! I'm sure she won't mind telling you what her lip color is. :)

In male mode, you might try referring to his femmeself by name; see how he feels comfortable referring to "her" and just do as he does. Sometimes I'll talk about "Amy" in the third person when I'm in male mode, just for convenience, for instance.

I doubt you'll get fired if you're genuinely happy for her and appreciate her as a woman. I'll bet she'll love that, in fact; I know I would. :battingeyelashes:

- Amy

[JennyLynn]

If he's was a great boss as a man, trust me girl...he'll be a better boss being who he really is. Support him, and have lunch with him. He might end up being your best girlfriend! If your boss is happy, if your spouse is happy, if your best friend is happy.... be happy for them. You might be surprised what you will learn about yourself....about acceptance and tolerance.

[Mumstheword]

Joan-as soon as the make-up was off, there was Dr D-Bag... So I don't think I can ask him, right? I guess I have to wait for her to come back... I don't know if theres a personality disorder.. I'm serious when I say SHE WAS SO FRIGGIN NICE! I liked her a lot! That tie & white coat turns him into .... Well not so nice words.

[GretchenJ]

Hi, and welcome...

You must work for a fairly small company, several years ago at my old company, a colleague of mine transitioned , and arrived into the office to begin yer year of RLA. The HR department issued an email the day before reinforcing the work policy as it related to discrimination in the workplace.

After a couple of days of the whispers by the water cooler, things eventually went back to normal, at that was pretty much that. I can't add to what the others said regarding how to act, but just treat her the same way the day before she decided to make herself happy. Eventually she will sense that the friendship between the two of you have not changed, and then business as usual.

[JennyLynn]

This is a really big leap for him. If he was a good boss before, he'll be a better boss now if you all support him. Don't let your own prejudices torture this man who had to take the leap of faith. He obviously trust you and his employees to support him, or if you don't, well... who pays your paycheck? Not to say he would be vindictive, but if you're vindictive against his lifestyle, what should you expect? Support him. He's got alot more balls than most of us and he just needs some support right now. A hug and a word of support might be in order. Besides, if the boss is happy with who he is, then he will probably run a better business and that means more for all who works for him.

[Beverley Sims]

It may be difficult for you, just be sure to keep him from overdoing it and swamping everyone with his desires.
He is likely to get carried away with his new acceptance so help keep a lid on it by watching reactions around you.

[Violet-13]

more power to him/her for coming out to his/her employees. and all you have to do is be supportive

[Mumstheword]

I just want to thank all of you! Y'all are so sweet, and have given me some great advice... I am learning a lot here.. Like I need to moisturize & shave my legs more.. You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head. I just wanna have a slumber party make over with every single one of ya's!!! Thank yews so much!!!!

[Joan_CD]

Joan-as soon as the make-up was off, there was Dr D-Bag... So I don't think I can ask him, right? I guess I have to wait for her to come back... I don't know if theres a personality disorder.. I'm serious when I say SHE WAS SO FRIGGIN NICE! I liked her a lot! That tie & white coat turns him into .... Well not so nice words.

WOW! That does appear to be a little odd... such a noticeable mood swing. That has to be confusing to you... It would be to me!

[Violet-13]

I just want to thank all of you! Y'all are so sweet, and have given me some great advice... I am learning a lot here.. Like I need to moisturize & shave my legs more.. You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head. I just wanna have a slumber party make over with every single one of ya's!!! Thank yews so much!!!! your welcome, thank you for your kind words

[JennyLynn]

Your post is the first great laugh I had today!!

[Mumstheword]

Jennylynn your pic made me get off my ass and shave my legs! My husband thanks you

[Joan_CD]

I just want to thank all of you! Y'all are so sweet, and have given me some great advice... I am learning a lot here.. Like I need to moisturize & shave my legs more.. You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head. I just wanna have a slumber party make over with every single one of ya's!!! Thank yews so much!!!!

And with all that you look more beautiful than any of us could hope to be. We thank you for your kind words!

[Jilmac]

In your post you didn't say whether you are male or female. The reason I mention that is that in some work places genders react differently when someone comes out. That said, one important thing you should remember is to address your boss as she or her whenever she presents as a female. If you support her decision to present as female treat her with all the dignity allowed any other female. You mentioned how happy she was in coming out, and that could be an asset to you and others in your workplace. Also,ifshe isn't already a member of this forum, encourage her to join, he may find a great deal of joy interacting with all the sisters here.

[MissTee]

Mumstheword, your comment about getting off your a$$ and shaving your legs reminded me I need to do same. I'm proud to be one of the b!tches here, and I welcome you to the forum.

[Stephanie Miller]

Hi Mums and welcome.
Reading before chatting I got to thinking. Your looking for a nice way to either break the ice with "Him" about her - or not. So how about leaving an opening for "him" if he desires?
Like maybe a small "Thanks for sharing" Hallmark card. Hand it to HIM and say when you see that pretty lady again, please give this to her. Inside say something like " I enjoyed our day together. If you ever feel the urge I would love to have a coffee and just have girl talk".
If he's hesitant - he won't respond. If he is looking for an opening - you get coffee!
Good luck and I hope for enjoyment for you both.

[Badtranny]

You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head.

I'm in love with you.

PLEASE stick around here. You're hilarious.

[Aly Cat]

I'm in love with you.

PLEASE stick around here. You're hilarious.

I second that, she's great!
The acceptance level you have to do your research and find this site, register, and get to know this intimate part of not just your bosses life but so many others in her shoes is amazing. The world could use so many more like you. You seem so wonderful and nice, I wish I worked with you! No wonder your boss was comfortable showing this new side. I wish him/her well on the wonderful journey ahead. You might also refer her to this site and get networked with others so that she can be part of this close knit sisterhood. These ladies are the best and are serious life savers. I have read countless stories where these ladies here have pulled others out of some dark times...myself included. I can't brag on all of them enough. Welcome to this wonderful site and I hope to be welcoming your boss sometime soon!

[Brooklyn]

If you really want to be supportive, give her a Sephora gift card or something... It will make asking for a raise that much easier in the future! Somehow you got on Badtranny's good side in just ten posts, so no one should ever doubt you are a capable employee with great potential.

[Diversity]

Be happy for your boss. Nothing he is doing is wrong. You may find that you will benefit from his new-found freedom! Don't neglect your employment responsibilities, and act as everything is normal.
Di

[GaleWarning]

Behave professionally at all times. Do your job to the best of your ability. The business comes first.
Your boss's personality issues are his/her problem.
I would not get too involved.

[AmyGaleRT]

I just want to thank all of you! Y'all are so sweet, and have given me some great advice... I am learning a lot here.. Like I need to moisturize & shave my legs more.. You b!tches look great, I'm jealous! I'm over here in yoga pants, a camel toe that looks like a folded mattress ,pop tart & wine all over my shirt, I haven't shaved my legs since the first cold snap,& I have a knot in my hair that looks like bob marley dreaded my head. I just wanna have a slumber party make over with every single one of ya's!!! Thank yews so much!!!!

I hereby nominate this comment for the title of "Crossdressers.com Comment of the Week." :D

Mums, you're more than welcome if anything I said was of help to you, and the thought of a big slumber party warms my girlish heart. HUGS :hugs:

- Amy

[Marcelle]

Hi Mums,

When I left my old job and moved on to my new one, I never hid the fact that I was TG from my superiors (military) but choose not to present female at work. However, I do have three subordinate officers (all good friends of mine) who have begun to hear whispers about my proclivities. So I decided to take them aside and explain Isha to them. They were all very supportive and wanted to meet my female persona so we arranged a girls lunch (all are GGs) to meet. They were great about it and had lots of questions but they asked me if I minded if they asked me these questions. Now for me I did not mind the questions, in fact I encouraged them (not sure where you boss is on this). Once the questions were out of the way we just transitioned into normal conversation and had a great time. While we are at lunch they referred to me as Isha (couple of slips but I did not mind as the effort was there). Now that my secret is out, work is a bit more light and fun. Just the other day, one of the gals came in wearing new outfit and asked me my opinion . . . then she stopped midstream and said . . . "Okay, I want Isha's opinion as her sense of style is better than yours." We had a great laugh about that.

I think in the end, if you follow the sage advice of others you will find that things might be better with your boss both en femme and en male.

Hugs

Isha

[Chari]

Great advice from previous posts, but please be cautious of getting too involved with your boss and his "transition"! Your statement "his wife is mean, miserable, and you both are fearful of her" could bring you into a messy situation that she (his wife) will use your "friendliness & his happiness" in divorce proceedings. Be friendly, concerned, helpful, complimentary, but do not make yourself defenseless.

[Mumstheword]

Can't thank you girls enough!! Y'all have a great day. After seeing all of your fabulous pics I scheduled myself a day at the spa, facial, mani, pedi, wax that out of control chia pet, hellzbellz & now I'm talking like ru-Paul & snapping.. I LOVE IT! Two finger snaps, head tilt, kiss my ass b!tches I feel fabulous!!!! THANX LADIES!!!!

Somehow this turned all about me?!?!?!?!? Whoops! I guess I will deal with my boss on Monday.

[audreyinalbany]

mums, it's always great to have GG's join us here, but to have a gg with your ATTITUDE makes it all the sweeter. Welcome. Also, I kind like the idea of giving the boss a 'thanks for sharing' card. I will add my caution as well about getting too friendly with the female side of your boss. i think for any of us, it's easy to misconstrue an accepting female's intentions and transform her into a love object, especially if his marriage is already as troublesome as you make it sound. I mean you've barely got ten posts and already every CD on this site is hopelessly in love with you...

[Lorileah]

Somehow you got on Badtranny's good side in just ten posts, so no one should ever doubt you are a capable employee with great potential.

Ain't it the truth.


Somehow this turned all about me?!?!?!?!? Whoops! I guess I will deal with my boss on Monday. As a male or female? Better have body armor if male.
Any of you in sw Florida? If so let's do lunch, go shopping, & we will tell each other who's prettier xoxo:whistling: Don't make this a meet up thread, this ain't that kind of site :) Now that you have over 10 you can post in the places to go places to meet section. Anyone responding to the above...send Mums a PM thankyouverymuch

[rachel de Corvus]

Welcome, Mums. You inspire me!

[Sissy_Michelle]

He is looking for support and friendship. This is a good time for you to show him how good a friend you are. If you see this as a positive change for him then support him, be there for him when he needs someone to talk to. Just be open to his needs and be that friend that he needs.

[Mumstheword]

Aww Audrey ... Thanks doll! It's funny you say this, I use to think he had something for me(I'd never) but now I know he didn't have a crush on me.... He just wanted to be me!!! Lol I am awesome, if I may toot my own horn, toot toot! Haha on a serious note, he was always asking me where I got new shoes, he noticed new eye shadow. I always have gloss in my pocket ALWAYS!!! And he would ask me the color, like the name just saying pink wasn't good enough.. I just thought he had a crush, I was obviously wrong. But I'm flattered.

[sandra-leigh]

Always asking you about things like eye shadow and shades for gloss -- yup, definitely at least a cross-dresser :D

(Well, not absolutely positively definitely, but pretty likely!)

[Allison Chaynes]

Jennylynn your pic made me get off my ass and shave my legs! My husband thanks you

Welcome, and tell your husband he's welcome here too.

[Tracii G]

Look at it this way Mumsie you hold all the cards now! :) If he gets douchy then you can say I won't let you go shopping with me if you are going to act that way.
You are a fun person I love that you are here! :love:

[AmandaM]

Aww Audrey ... Thanks doll! It's funny you say this, I use to think he had something for me(I'd never) but now I know he didn't have a crush on me.... He just wanted to be me!!! Lol I am awesome, if I may toot my own horn, toot toot! Haha on a serious note, he was always asking me where I got new shoes, he noticed new eye shadow. I always have gloss in my pocket ALWAYS!!! And he would ask me the color, like the name just saying pink wasn't good enough.. I just thought he had a crush, I was obviously wrong. But I'm flattered.

Let me voice a word of caution. He still might have a thing for you, or not. You don't really know. Also, in your other thread he wants to go to lunch. You have to be careful here. He might try to "latch on to you" cause you accept him. We all yearn for a friend who accepts us. Many cd'ers are very narcissistic. Be his friend sure, but also keep your wits about you. As for his wife. What a byatch. He can only be ruined by her if he lets it affect him emotionally.

[GretchenJ]

Aww Audrey ... Thanks doll! It's funny you say this, I use to think he had something for me(I'd never) but now I know he didn't have a crush on me.... He just wanted to be me!!! Lol I am awesome, if I may toot my own horn, toot toot! Haha on a serious note, he was always asking me where I got new shoes, he noticed new eye shadow. I always have gloss in my pocket ALWAYS!!! And he would ask me the color, like the name just saying pink wasn't good enough.. I just thought he had a crush, I was obviously wrong. But I'm flattered.

Hi Mum,

Maybe she is now looking to you for advice on how to look better in her new persona, and it seems from your posts, that you are easily approachable, and will offer advice.

I really miss the ability to get a honest opinion on how I look... "You look great" is always nice, and would make me feel awesome, but a "You look like crap - What were you thinking of when you decided to wear ...., you look much better if you ..." is more valuable.

Yes, definitely go to lunch, it will be an excellent time to gauge what he is looking for from you... I also liked the idea of saying you have another appointment in an hour, in order for you to have an out

Best of luck
Gretch

[Sabrina133]

My boss just came out to me(friends for 14 years) I don't know what to say!?!? Help me! I've never seen him so happy , he walked in as a woman, had a glow & confidence like I've never seen before, I don't want to kill that for him or make him regret his outing to me. I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I joined this forum for guidance. I'm happy for him, he's usually miserable & seems lost. Please tell me what to do!!!!!


Hon, First of all welcome. This is great place to learn. As for your boss - treat her like you would any other woman. Be respectful of her wishes but if she approaches you, then by all means, talk to her. Let her know you think she's pretty. We all love to hear that.

[CarlaWestin]

OK, now that you've been inspired, please post pictures. And remember, a little beard cover under foundation goes a long way so don't over do it.

[Tamara Croft]

And remember, a little beard cover under foundation goes a long way so don't over do it.For her or the boss?? :D both??

:D

[MonctonGirl]

This is the easiest question to answer, EVER!

Take him shopping. Then to a cafe. Chat about whatever.

[CarlaWestin]

For her or the boss?? :D both??

:D

I say both!

[Leona]

The best support you could give him is to sleep with him while he's a she. Hey, hard to call it sexual harassment or anything else like that, because, well, it just is.

[Marcia Blue]

Leona, I really do not think you are at all helpful. Maybe you are trying to be funny, but you do not come across like you are.

[sperow2003]

I tend to agree with AmandaM. Its important for you to protect your own position at work. I personally would avoid getting dragged too far into his lifestyle because you could end up being a problem between him and his wife given her attitude to his dressing. Caution I would say.

[mary something]

caution shmaution, the threads are much better when caution is thrown to the wind! Please keep us informed Mum :)

[Tracii G]

The boss does need to come out to his wife about his dressing.

[Nicole Erin]

Can anyone recommend a good pair of boots? It is getting deep in here.

[Tracii G]

GB shoes always is have a sale Nicole :)

[Mumstheword]

I think I know where a boot is.... Deep up... Oh wait that's rude.

[ReineD]

Earlier you mention a husband, but in your other thread you said (I'm paraphrasing since it is no longer there) that you like to dress like a sl*t on weekends and do jello shots with complete strangers. Something doesn't add up?

[Mumstheword]

Reine.. Yes Jell-O shots off strangers, girls night out, lettin loose, doesn't mean bein loosey goosey... I was being a lil sarcastic talkin about what I don't tell the boss.. Btw.. Love me or hate me, I'm not being ugly to anyone or trying to cause an issue, I really had no one to turn to. I couldn't tell anyone that I know about this, nor my family, I don't want to ruin my boss' life. I just wanted help that's it

[binx]

Mums, how old are you?? I'm curious because you're married, worked at the same place for 14 years, but look very young and do "body shots off strangers"...

[Jennifer Kelly]

Can anyone recommend a good pair of boots? It is getting deep in here.

I got a cute pair from Payless last week. :)