Wow... never expected this

[Nicole_maybe]

I only look at the forum occasionally and have always been jealous of the members whose partners are accepting. I never thought I would be posting here...

My wife & I have been friends since we were 15, but we only got together in our 30's. We are very close, enough where we are okay sharing extra stuff. I bought a book about how to be a Mistress for her, but nothing really came of it. A year later we were still talking about our kinks & she went through the book. She wanted to know more about what turned me on. I highlighted & underlined the stuff I thought was intriguing. She got freaked out. She noticed a lot of it had to do with the Mistress crossdressing her subject, which I denied. She said that disgusted her & she couldn't respect me as a man if that's what I wanted.

After a night of fighting & being hungover in the morning I blurted out that I did want her to dress me up & other things. I told her it didn't mean I want to be a woman, but I just want to lose a piece of control. I was ashamed, but I was ready to stop fighting. Sensing how vulnerable I was she told me it was okay, but from what she said previously she was repulsed by her man in drag.

I was not going to push it and nothing was said for a week. Then one morning out of the blue she said casually, “I am gonna wash this bra, and then I’ll give it to you.” I was a little unsure what was going on. She told me cavalierly how she was going to dress me up like I wanted. She said this piece was from when she was bigger (i.e., pregnant), and it would not stretch out any of her clothing. I don’t know where this will take us and I’m not pushing it, but I can’t wait for the next installment.

[Beverley Sims]

Whatever floats your boat.
Welcome to the forum.
One word of advice, take it easy and do not push it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Nicole,

Firstly, welcome to the forum. I am glad to hear things are progressing for you with your wife in the direction you are hoping for. But definitely take it slow in this case and let your wife take the lead to ensure she is completely comfortable with this. Once you hit a new milestone (i.e., more dressing) let it process for both of you but then keep the communication line open, talk about it, make sure it is what you both want and of course begin to create concepts of what is acceptable for both and what is not.

Good luck and I look forward to hearing more about your progress.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nicole, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

The ball is in her court now go slowly and don't overwhelm her with Nicole
and who knows where this may lead good luck and maybe flowers will help too.

[SometimesJen]

Good luck, Nicole. I hope it works well for you. This is similar to how it started for my lady & I. She loves the feel of satin & asked me to wear a new satin slip to bed one night. Next, came a striptease for her, down to a lace thong. When she saw that doing these things for her excited me too, it opened the door for more discussions & experimentation. Take it slow and see what you're both comfortable with.

If you don't mind me asking for clarification, what's the main attraction for you - feeling like a woman, feeling like a man in women's clothing, giving up control, or something else? If you don't want to answer, I understand.

[Maria 60]

I believe Beverley nailed it with don't push it. When my wife started to except it a little and she didn't want me wearing her things we went out and did some fem shopping, for years she would not buy me anything pink, no matter what it was, a skirt or top. I didn't push it and then one day she came home and bought me a bright pink bra and matching panties. Now she doesn't even care that I wear her things. I wear hers and she wears mine. But everything came slowly and I didn't notice but at times I was aggressive because I wanted more, during those times things slowed down even more because she didn't like me like that. Just take it slow and don't look into it to much and just enjoy it when opportunity does come.

[Nicole_maybe]

Thanks y'all for the words of encouragement. Although I am selfish, I am not selfish enough to drive my partner away just because of a fetish of mine. I don't dress or take her clothes when she is gone, I just think about adding it to our bedroom life. I think she was momentarily freaked out that I was homosexual, which is understandable. It didn't take a whole lot of explaining after that for her to understand 'I'm just a guy in love with a girl, but who wants to wear women's clothes'. She actually opened up & went further in depth with one of her fantasies that she was afraid of sharing with me.

[sweetshauna]

Hi Nicole,
Welcome to the forum. S/O reactions are as unique as our fingerprints. Good luck with yours. sounds like she maybe open minded enuff to allow herself to get to know Nicole better.
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, hoping for the best.

[Tracii G]

Welcome and yes let her take the lead on this and process all that is going on.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

The best advice I can give is the same as everyone else.....TAKE IT SLOW!

That means at "her" speed, not yours. What may seem slow to you may not be to her. Let her set the pace and don't push it. Otherwise this could come back and bite you. (Happened to me more than once).

Be open and understanding and listen to what she has to say. She may want to set limits. If so, discuss it with her. Not talking about it will just make things worse.

Good Luck and please let us know how it turns out.

[CarlaWestin]

"I don't know where this will take us and I'm not pushing it, but I can't wait for the next installment."

This comment raises a little concern. The fact that you bought the mistress book and there was no interest. Then, a year later you volunteered your crossdressing desires and the response wasn't even remotely open minded. Actually, it was more, "Wait a minute. I sure didn't sign up for this!" Remember how long it took for you yourself to view your proclivities as acceptable. It's not just going to happen for her overnight, if ever. Unfortunately, you may need to drop the subject until she brings it up. Of course, your mileage may vary but, these glimmers of perceived acceptance sometimes go to the pink part of our brains.

[Nicole_maybe]

Thanks Carla for your input. It didn't exactly unfold that way. I didn't make her read the book. She picked it up and got freaked out, she really had to pry my secret out of me. She was relieved the dressing thing wasn't related her, or me not being attracted to her. I am just excited that out of the blue, when I was going to let it go, she said she was going to give me a bra of hers. We have a strong enough relationship I don't need to push this on her.

[Nicole_maybe]

If you don't mind me asking for clarification, what's the main attraction for you - feeling like a woman, feeling like a man in women's clothing, giving up control, or something else? If you don't want to answer, I understand.

Good question, there's plenty of threads on this. For me, like I mentioned, part of it is a loss of control. I am the head of the house. I make the money (not that my wife's job as a homemaker is easier). I make almost all the decisions. It's a fantasy that I could entirely give up control for a little while. I think a lot of us, if not most, also like the sensual feeling of femininity.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Nicole

Baby steps. Now it's out there and not bottled up...do you feel better? Good luck and we look forward to hearing of this evolution in your relationship.

[Shari]

Thanks y'all for the words of encouragement. Although I am selfish, I am not selfish enough to drive my partner away just because of a fetish of mine. I don't dress or take her clothes when she is gone, I just think about adding it to our bedroom life. I think she was momentarily freaked out that I was homosexual, which is understandable. It didn't take a whole lot of explaining after that for her to understand 'I'm just a guy in love with a girl, but who wants to wear women's clothes'. She actually opened up & went further in depth with one of her fantasies that she was afraid of sharing with me.

Now there's something to be happy about. Allow her to explore some of her hidden desires and you have a better chance of getting your.
A bit of quid pro quo could go a long way.

[Stephanie47]

As others have said, "Take it slow!" It's one thing for her to tease you by making you wear a bra. It's another for you to be dressed up in a French maid outfit with petticoats, wig and high heels. Your wife may be willing to accommodate your desires and fetishes, but, I'm sure she will not want to become a "slave" to it.

I'm sure she was taken back when you revealed your desires. Most women have not been exposed to cross dressing or domination. If she ever Googled cross dressing and your fetish, she may have been totally sacred off the subject.

I tried getting my wife to buy me a pair of nylon panties. We went together to the store. It was torturous for her. I realized it was a form of spousal abuse to try to get her to do that. For you, I suspect you'd love it if your wife dragged you to the lingerie section and "forced" you to buy panties, subject to her approval.

[Nicole_maybe]

Thanks again for y'alls encouragement. My wife said sweet nothings to me after we went to bed, "i accept you... i accept you... I will dress you up... I'll make you my sissy boy." That came out of the blue, I haven't said anything or done anything to push the issue.