So stressed

[Valarie]

:sad: I have been so stressed with school, and grading since I am a T.A. I really need a day just to relax. My wife wants an at home spa day when the semester is over I have never done anything like that as a guy I was always raised that doing things for yourself was selfish, my therapist has been trying to get me to understand I need time for me. Valarie wants to just let loose and relax, but my guy self has a hard time with that, what do you girls do to relax?

[LelaK]

First thing I learned to do to relax in my twenties was to notice tension in any of my muscles anywhere in the body and, when I found any tense, I'd relax them.

In my thirties I found that mental tension can also be relaxed. A sort of mental tension is any mental discomfort or unpleasant emotion. Most, if not all, of these feelings seem to be built up on toxic fear. By toxic I mean it's fear that isn't helpful, because it tells you something painful or dreadful is going to happen.

So I learned to notice my feelings pretty often and, when I found any unpleasant emotions, I'd look for toxic fear, and I almost always would find that pretty quickly. I knew that toxic fear is false, so I was often able to let go of the fear and then be much more comfortable and relaxed.

I learned that process mainly in 12 Step recovery groups. Yay!

[Beverley Sims]

Why not relaxxxxx with your wife in a spa?
Something new for you.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure about anyone else but I love to dance en femme. :battingeyelashes::)

[themodsca]

just relaxing at home away from the strees of work en femme does it for me

[Jodie_Lynn]

as a guy I was always raised that doing things for yourself was selfish, my therapist has been trying to get me to understand I need time for me. Valarie wants to just let loose and relax, but my guy self has a hard time with that, what do you girls do to relax?

I don't understand this concept. Of course, only doing things for yourself, and not doing for others (especially spouse & children) is selfish; but why do you feel that you have to sacrifice any small pleasure of your own?

As to relaxation, I paint, draw, read, create, work in my garden, talk with my wife, meditate, and dress when I can.
Everyone needs their own personal 'downtime' otherwise they tend to either implode (self destruct) or explode ( cause harm or damage to others).

Just my 2 centavos

[Marcelle]

Hi Valerie,

There is nothing wrong in doing things for yourself (me time) as well all need it and so long as it doesn't transcend into "me time all the time". Surely you must have things you like to do which can engross you and help shift your focus from the stress. My recommendation is find one of those things and ensure you dedicate some of your time (even if it is a short time) to that past-time and don't think about anything else. I have a lot of past-times I enjoy both "en femme" and "en boy" but when I find I get to "white noise" levels of stress, I put on PT gear, grab my jump rope and MP3 player and jump for 40 - 50 minutes . . . good exercise and wipes out the stress. This works for me guy or girl.

Hugs

Isha

[Seana Summer]

I can relate to the feeling that your always suppose to be doing something productive, or doing something for someone. If your in Grad school (you mentioned your a T.A.) than I really feel for you as now you also have a major professor demanding of you.

For me, on a daily bases I take breaks where I visit this site and other sites that are of personal interest to me. For longer breaks I try to build in time in my weekly schedule for myself, usually 1/2 a day a week or every other week. For example when I travel on business I set aside a few hours during the trip where I am not meeting with anyone, writing, returning phone calls or any of that. I just chill, sometimes while wearing my favorite outfit at the time. It may seem like a waste, but in the long run you will be more productive and help others more if you take some time off.

I think it gets easier over time to spend time on yourself, at least it has for me.

[MysticLady]

................ :d

[Tracii G]

I felt that way for much of my adult life wife ,kids,job all that stuff.
I did martial arts for most of my life and have always been able to handle stress by meditating.Clearing my mind for a while really helped me.
I do Tai Chi most everyday not only to clear my mind but the stretching of the body is very relaxing.
Nothing wrong with taking some me time so I would do the spa thing in a heartbeat if I were you.

[Stephanie47]

I always found driving is relaxing. Even as a retiree I still get in my car and take a drive. I may have no intended destination. I just follow the hood of the car. Of course, I avoid rush hours.

There are place I like to go to just plain relax. I love going to a deserted beach on the Washington coast, pull a beach chair out of the car, and sit at the edge of the surf or sit on the rocks of a jetty and watch the waves crash onto the jetty and watch the various sea birds, pelicans and cormorants.

[MissTee]

Once a month I spend an entire day at the spa. Hot mineral bath, massage, facial, mani, pedi. I space out the appointments so I can sit in the relaxation room and sip wine in between.

[DeeArel]

I love to through on a dress and go shoot pool to relax.