The one thing that you do that GG's don't do when out and about? Tell or don't Tell?

[Sophie Yang]

OK, it can be more than one thing.

The one thing I do that I shouldn't is go out alone, walking, especially at night. Don't get me wrong, I don't make it a habit of walking in dangerous places.

Why? I have been pretty much a loner most of my life. Not anti-social or unfriendly, just never made a lot of solid people connections with the exception of the love of my life, my wife. We are truly the odd-couple, but that is a different story.

I feel comfortable in the areas that I am in or maybe it is a case of ignorance is bliss. Unless I am at home, which is rarely, I do not have a car and not into taxis. And when I am, my eldest son thinks that my car is his car anyway.

When I worked in San Francisco I hopped the bus, cable car, bus, or Bart to get around or walked. I would walk for miles. Going out alone often results in eating out alone or drinking coffee alone. Another thing GG's, as a rule, do not do. Always enjoyed myself. Great opportunity to people watch.

The day after Halloween, the local VFW was throwing a Halloween party. I dressed, put on a vampire cape and walked down around 9:00 PM. The place was packed with either girls that came together and danced together or couples. Walked around the establishment hoping to find an empty table. None to be found. Ended up asking a couple if I could join them at their small circular table that had an open bar stool. Shortly there after, someone showed up as a toothless farmer and we started talking. During the conversation, an older gentleman showed up who was hard of hearing started cross examining me. He got frustrated not being able to hear me and left. The toothless farmer said I was good natured, because the hard of hearing guy had been tossed out for harassing the patrons. He seemed harmless enough.

Toothless and I danced and talked a lot that night. One of the things that he said stuck with me, “you are a strong women.” I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that so I asked him to elaborate. He said that you just decided to walk into a VFW post Halloween party alone, not knowing anyone here. Earlier I had told him that I had seen the sign for the party, happened to be in town for the weekend, and really had nothing else to do. He also said that he watched how I walked around the post alone looking for a seat. He also mentioned how I deftly handled the hard of hearing gentleman.

Now I have always known women feel physically vulnerable, and as a rule, do not go out alone nor like aggressive men cross examining them. Toothless drove the point home for me that night. To drive the point home further, as I was walking the three blocks home that night after midnight, in heels, a car pulled up and asked me if I needed a ride.

Am I going to change this behavior, maybe. One of the woman I work with is a runner and always has a small mace dispenser attached to her wrist while she is out running. She said that on her last run, she had lost it. I may get one, but not in a big rush.

For the Vets out there: What is the proper protocol at a VFW post? I am not a Vet. The post has a web site, but I did not see any thing about protocol. Toothless would like me to show up for the Friday night dancing or the Saturday night karaoke.

Halloween deception is one thing, a Trick, not that kind of trick and not that kind of treat. Now I don't want to mislead Toothless about who and what I am. Do I tell him or not? I am leaning towards yes. It is just easier for me to be open and honest with people.

Thoughts?

[Beverley Sims]

Do some people need to know the truth.
Not always necessary.
Why spoil their perception of you.

[docrobbysherry]

U don't mention if you're out, Sophie. Walking to a VFW 3 blocks from your house makes me think u r? Either that or you're braver than brave!

I don't go to our VFW more than a couple of times a year. But, I wouldn't even go to a Halloween event there dressed, wearing in a mask. For fear someone somehow mite make me.

[LelaK]

One thing I do is never go out. GG's don't do that. But maybe I will one of these days. Then I may have to change my statement. I might have to say I talk with masculine pitch. I don't know if I'll ever be able to change that. I think I can sound like Carol Channing, if I kind of sing when I talk, while smiling real big.

Do you feel obligated to be obliging when dressed, such as by accepting invitations to dance with strangers? Or do you always do that? Sounds like you're actually planning to go back to the VFW place. If you take your wife along, you won't have to worry about telling the guy, maybe. Did he know you were crossdressed? Did he say he was gay or something? Do you want to date the guy?

I went to a gay bar with my cousin once. He was gay; I wasn't. He invited me, so I went along. We were sitting at the bar and another guy offered to buy me a drink. I said no thanks, I don't drink. Then I got some tomato juice and the guy said, I thought you said you don't drink. I think he thought it was a Bloody Mary. I said it was tomato juice. I didn't think to say I wasn't gay. Maybe your situation is slightly similar.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The guy pulling up offering you a ride should have been a wake-up call. He could have gotten out of his car and grabbed you or something. The guy who initially came up to you in the VFW probably figured you out and was looking to cause trouble. If he had been harassing others, he'd harass you.

Remember, you are at all of the risk a GG has if you pass, and at risk for a violent "hate" crime if you don't.

[linda allen]

Each VFW has its own set of rules for dances and such. If you want to go to one, you have to find out what the rules are for that post. For example, a female veteran might be allowed in by herself but a non vet would require a member to escort her.

The majority of VFW members are well up in years and may have vision or hearing problems. I would not want to take advantage of these issues by attempting to pass as a female. Veterans, of all people, should be shown respect. If it comes out that you are really a guy, he will be embarassed among his friends.

You've had your fun, why not let him keep his memory of the night intact. Don't go back as a female.

[Kate Simmons]

Unless your relationship with him becomes more than casual friendship, I would say not necessarily.:)

[RADER]

Our American Legion & VFW Post are an open post. As long as you act responsibly, you are invited.
Have fun.
Rader

[Sophie Yang]

U don't mention if you're out, Sophie. Walking to a VFW 3 blocks from your house makes me think u r? Either that or you're braver than brave!

I don't go to our VFW more than a couple of times a year. But, I wouldn't even go to a Halloween event there dressed, wearing in a mask. For fear someone somehow mite make me.

I am out only to my wife, two sons, and my sister. Outside of the family only two others know. It is only 3 blocks away, but it is 1500 miles from my home. I am away from home usually 12 out of 14 days per-week. My wife call me fearless. I would say it is more comfortable and confident.
Someone might make you as a cross dresser, but I am not sure they can make you quickly when out of context. Two examples. When I started about three years ago, I was in San Francisco. One afternoon I went to Lusciouswear, a lingerie boutique, in male mode. I spoke with Emma for about an hour about all kinds of things. The next day I showed up again, but dressed. We talked for quite a while. I ended up telling her that I was there the day before before she figured out who I was.
I had a similar experience at the Red Cross on Halloween a couple of years ago when I went as Count Dragula. The receptionist did not know who I was because they are volunteers, but it took the nurses quite a while to figure out who I was and they all know me.

LelaK
Do you feel obligated to be obliging when dressed, such as by accepting invitations to dance with strangers? Or do you always do that? Sounds like you're actually planning to go back to the VFW place. If you take your wife along, you won't have to worry about telling the guy, maybe. Did he know you were crossdressed? Did he say he was gay or something? Do you want to date the guy?

I like dancing and will dance alone. I don't feel obligated to accept all dance requests, but rarely turn one down. I probably decline drinks more than dances. Not a big drinker. My wife stays at home when I am working. He asked me to come back on Friday nights for dancing or Saturday nights for karaoke. I find karaoke more frightening than going out dressed. I really don't think he realized that I was crossdressed. Other women asked him who is the new girl. As I entered, one of the girls was outside and said “girl, I love your costume.” He is divorced and I assume not gay. I am not interested in dating him either. I told him I am happily married.

Vicky_CDTV
The guy pulling up offering you a ride should have been a wake-up call. He could have gotten out of his car and grabbed you or something. The guy who initially came up to you in the VFW probably figured you out and was looking to cause trouble. If he had been harassing others, he'd harass you.

Remember, you are at all of the risk a GG has if you pass, and at risk for a violent "hate" crime if you don't.

Thanks for your concern. Where I am at, many women walk around alone at night. It is the nature of the place. People from all over the country ride the shuttle bus from the airport down to where I am working. It was either the last trip down or the trip before, one of the woman on the bus was shocked that a woman would be walking around late at night alone. The shuttle bus driver told her that it was quite common around here. The police have a low profile in this part of town, but always seem to be present. Campus security has a high profile presence. The older gentleman who was hard of hearing, may have a history of harrassing people, maybe after a few drinks, but in this instance, he wasn't out to harrass me. He just could not hear me over the band. I also don't think he read me.

Even though I walk alone, I am aware of who is around me and my surroundings.

Linda Allen
The majority of VFW members are well up in years and may have vision or hearing problems. I would not want to take advantage of these issues by attempting to pass as a female. Veterans, of all people, should be shown respect. If it comes out that you are really a guy, he will be embarassed among his friends.


There really weren't that many people that much older than me. Toothless is only six years older than I am. Besides the gentleman who could not hear very well, there was only one totally white haired gentleman who was burning up the dance floor with the ladies. I agree that Vets and the active men and women in uniform should be shown respect. My wife and I often pick up the meal tabs for the military men and women we see in uniform.

I know a number of transgendered Vets. All of them are interesting people. If I do go back, it will be to let him know and he decides what happens next. We just had a nice evening dancing and talking about a wide range of topics.

[Sophie Yang]

Our American Legion & VFW Post are an open post. As long as you act responsibly, you are invited.
Have fun.
Rader

Thanks for the tip. Called the VFW Post on Friday and found out that the post is open to the public. Returned Friday night in a dress for the dance. A little overdressed, only one other women was in a dress. A lot of blue jeans and Country Western music. Got there around 9:00 PM. The place was packed, but not quite as packed as the Halloween party. I found an open stool next to the dance floor and asked the woman across the table if the seat was available. I will call her F. Turns out that she was sitting alone drinking her soft drink.

I enjoy people watching and watching the old couples out on the dance floor really enjoying themselves was a very pleasant experience. There was one particular young couple who twirled around the dance floor effortlessly. One could tell they had been dancing together for a long time. There were a number of younger gals who paired up dancing together on both the fast and slow songs through out the night.

For some reason, I felt very at home at the post. I kind of had a look into my future while watching. My wife doesn't dance, but for some reason, watching all those couples out there living life, I could see my wife and I doing this in our golden years which is not that far off. It was a transcendental moment for me.

Eventually different guys asked me to dance which I did and would return to my seat. Eventually F was asked out on the dance floor. It was great seeing her out there. There was also an older heavier man out there dancing up a storm with many of the ladies. I will call him D. He was having a great time, I was just afraid he was going to have a heart attack.

When the waitress came back around I ordered another beer and another soft drink for F. We finally got to talking. I think she said she is 80 years old. She
has been coming to the post for 40 years, has had two bouts of cancer, and a triple by-pass three months ago. I told her she was a strong women and a survivor. I was impressed that she was on the dance floor after only three months. She said that it was her first night back and she wasn't going to die in the hospital, but right here on the dance floor. I should have added spirited and feisty also.

Eventually D came over asked me out to dance. We had several dances. He seems like a nice guy. I told him I thought he was a real people person. I admire people with such people skills. He came by and talked to F and I at our table. He said that they killed him twice; he has been dead twice. Now that is a line that cannot go unchallenged. It turns out his diabetes caused his heart to beat irregularly and inefficiently. The doctors had stopped his heart to restore a regular beat. The first time did not work and they had to do it a second time.

F and D gave me the run down on some of the regulars and who to avoid. There are always a couple of bad apples in every crowd. Before I know it, F is out there lining dances up for me. Before I know it, it is the witching hour and the band is packing up.

Returned Saturday night for the karaoke. Some very good singers. F came in after I did, but was sitting with someone else at a different table. She came over and we talked a bit. I told her I wasn't staying long, but would drop by her table on the way out which I did. We chit-chatted a bit. She was looking for dancing partners, not sexual partners. Not really sure where that came from. I told her if I am there, don't be bashful. I will dance with her.

Enlightening evenings out.

[RADER]

Sophie:
Sounds like you had a great time. Our post has a live swing band with 18 real
live players about 2 times a year. Around Valentines day and Veterans day.
The joint jumps on those days. I use to love to dance, but with my bad knees,
I must sit around and tap my toe to the great sounds.
You will find that the Veterans Post are very enjoyable place to visit. I wish
I could sign you up for membership.
I can not go to my post en fem, everyone knows me to well, as I am a Past
Commander.
Rader