Happiness? How important is it?

[Briana90802]

It always seem that the in depth questions fall by the wayside and some of the superficial question threads go on an on. I hope you all consider the following.
Week after week we all see threads about the sacrifices we make, or have made, to keep our SO happy. For some it's to never reveal, for others it's DADT, and yet for many it's forbidden altogether. So in most cases it is basically we are accommodating our SO so that they can be happy and live this fantasy life where existence is idyllic, and where we suffer in silence.

But, most of us are not happy. We forfeit the one truly essential piece of our soul, who we are inside.

So are we happy hiding in the closet? With DADT?

Can we achieve happiness knowing that we may never reach the top of Maslow's hierarchy?

One more thing, for those of you who have told your SO, would you take it back?

Edit: let me be clear, I'm not say that happiness alone brings happiness. I'm saying the that CDing is part of selfdiscovery.

definition of Maslow's_theory (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs)

[Beverley Sims]

If you cross dress, you cannot afford to be unhappy and depressed.
If you do try another hobby.
I do mean this, no smileys here this time.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

Thanks for asking the question. I think about it all the time. For me, I haven't told her yet because her happiness has always been of paramount importance to me. But that was easier to justify back when I believed some day I would stop. That this was just a passing phase. The day I realized that this is part of who I am, was the day the real struggle began. While liberating on the one hand, thus began the struggle to get the courage to tell her the truth. Still, the biggest hurdle is the fact that I'm trying to protect her happiness, but at the same time, I'm prevented from getting there myself. The biggest challenge is that what if things go badly, and I lose her? Then there's something else to be sad about.

I realize that in my case it's pretty unlikely she would up and leave, but I'm still scared to upset the status quo. Despite my internal struggles, we have a wonderful life. I wish that was enough!

Love to hear others thoughts on this. I agree that keeping it all under wraps prevents us from getting to the top of Maslows pyramid, but what are we willing to sacrifice to get there!

[Stephanie Miller]

In the case of marriage and family - I feel we made the commitment and should stand by it. For better or for worse. If the fact that someone was aware of and crossdressed prior to those choices - made the other party aware of - then both parties should work with that in their lives. If that person was not aware of and the one partner cannot deal with it, then it is for the other to live without, if a compromise cannot be made.
In my case, I was not aware until 25 years into the marriage of the totality and effect of being a cd/tv. I made her aware of the fact a soon as I had information that I could share. We have dealt with it accordingly, as partners, since. As much as I had always wanted to transition it isn't ever going to happen. My wife and children come before me.
I think this is the good side of all our today's technology. When I got married 38 years ago, we did not have the information to make the same informed decisions before committing to marriage. People do today. They have more of a chance to really look into their souls, experience that lifestyle more openly before dragging someone else along for the ride.
Nobody took my freedom to choose, I forfeited it. They should not suffer because of my choice.

[Lynn Marie]

My happiness and serenity are of supreme importance to me. That's why I'm happy to stay unattached and free to do as I please. I waited until my daughter was out of the house and with her blessing pursued my divorce. Never been happier in my life. I absolutely hate being deceptive. It builds walls between us and makes life so unnecessarily complicated.

[Aly Cat]

My wife of 10 years respectfully declined to live with a transgender person. She respects my decision to be who I am but does not agree with that life style and will not live with it. She also does not want the children to know about it. Since we agreed to separate and I have felt more freedom to express myself, she says I look happy for the first time in our 10 years of marriage. She wants me to be happy and no longer holds anything against me. She just wants me to be happy at this point. And I want the same for her. We both have difficult roads ahead; her with working for the first time in 10 years and standing on her own, me with transitioning and going back to school to follow my dream. I don't think that struggles determine unhappiness, I think that the willingness to go through the struggles when you know what is at the end of the journey is what causes true happiness. It's the prize at the end of the race that makes it work it. Yes, you have to go through training, sore muscles, lack of breath, sometimes dizziness and fatigue, but at the end of the race, it was all worth it. That is the way I look at it.
Right now I'm going through the pain of it. My wife moved out 2 days ago with the children and its living on her own now. Yes I'm sad, yes it hurts, no I'm not giving up. I am going to finish this race come hell or high water.

[linda allen]

If crossdressing defines one's "happiness", that person has a problem. Nothing like this should run your entire life. Things like family and career should be higher on the list than crossdressing. It's when crossdressing takes over our lives that it becomes a problem for us and our loved ones.

To answer your last question, I have told my wife and no, I would not take it back. I can figure out when it's OK do dress and when I should not or when I should be doing something else.

[NicoleScott]

In my life I have had a variety of situations concerning my crossdressing: secret life of exploration through teen years, unknowing wife, divorced when she found out, unlimited opportunities to dress when living alone, times of tight finances and times of enough money to get what I wanted, few opportunities to dress because of a child in the house, and now an accepting but non-participating wife. I've dressed home alone far more that I've gone out.
My happiness has never been dependent on CDing. There are far too many other factors and my reaction to them that determine my happiness. I've been both miserable and happy married, and both miserable and happy single. When things are going well I try to keep it going, and when things aren't going well I make changes. Sometimes we have to make the best of a bad situation and try to maintain happiness through it.
There have been times when I wanted to dress but couldn't, being unable to find a time and/or place. That's life, just a temporary disappointment, but no cause to be unhappy.
There are people with little going for them who are happy because they choose to be. And there are people with good looks, good health, wealth, and good people in their life, but they are miserable. Go figure. Maybe it's a choice more than a consequence. My happiness doesn't hinge on CDing.
I can see how a TS would see it differently.

[Briana90802]

My wife of 10 years respectfully declined to live with a transgender person. She respects my decision to be who I am but does not agree with that life style and will not live with it. She also does not want the children to know about it. Since we agreed to separate and I have felt more freedom to express myself, she says I look happy for the first time in our 10 years of marriage. She wants me to be happy and no longer holds anything against me. She just wants me to be happy at this point. And I want the same for her. We both have difficult roads ahead; her with working for the first time in 10 years and standing on her own, me with transitioning and going back to school to follow my dream. I don't think that struggles determine unhappiness, I think that the willingness to go through the struggles when you know what is at the end of the journey is what causes true happiness. It's the prize at the end of the race that makes it work it. Yes, you have to go through training, sore muscles, lack of breath, sometimes dizziness and fatigue, but at the end of the race, it was all worth it. That is the way I look at it.
Right now I'm going through the pain of it. My wife moved out 2 days ago with the children and its living on her own now. Yes I'm sad, yes it hurts, no I'm not giving up. I am going to finish this race come hell or high water.

Sorry to hear that she can't accept you for who you are. Cheers to you for persuing your dreams. Happiness, IMHO, is in the pursuit of goals not nessasarily in the achievement of goals.

[suzy1]

If you cross dress, you cannot afford to be unhappy and depressed.
If you do try another hobby.
.

Its a hobby now!:strugglin

Simply put, if you are not happy why bother to go on.:sad:

[Briana90802]

If crossdressing defines one's "happiness", that person has a problem. Nothing like this should run your entire life. Things like family and career should be higher on the list than crossdressing. It's when crossdressing takes over our lives that it becomes a problem for us and our loved ones.

To answer your last question, I have told my wife and no, I would not take it back. I can figure out when it's OK do dress and when I should not or when I should be doing something else.

Maslow's suggested that self-actualization, was higher on the path to happiness than career. As I read your post over and over it would suggest that money is what brings happiness not self-actualization and person enlightenment. Crossdressing doesn't rule our lives, it's an expression of inner self.

Moreover, you'll notice that the majority of persons here are later in there careers and it hasn't brought them happiness. Thier journey in career discovery hasn't brought them happiness, it's thier pursuit of self discovery.

[suchacutie]

I presume the question in this thread is aimed at those of us who are not transitioning to 24/7 since the drive to do that would be all but undeniable it would seem. If that drive manifest after the start of a marriage, then it would require a serious reassessment of the relationship in order to insure that the maximum satisfaction with life could be obtained.

For those of us who can remain part-timers (notice how I worded that), we have, by definition understood that our feminine selves are a part of our lives that could be completely compatible with a satisfied married life for both partners. Satisfaction in life should be a goal for everyone. I'm sure every one of us with an SO could do something that would make them unhappy, and the same the other way around, and I'm surely not limiting this thought to anything related to CDing. We compromise all the time, hopefully because of our sense of self and our sense of the relationship we are in. It's all one big package. Anything that could be said about CDing could also be said about any aspect of a relationship, IMHO.

[Michelle55]

I am happy. I have a wife that not only knows about my crossdressing, she enjoys it. Most of the time I'm dressing it is not with her, but she is fine with that as long as it does become the focus of my life and I can still get the work done I need to do.

I am also happy since after having a logging accident not quite 3 weeks ago that I ONLY ended up with a broken lower leg. It could have very easily been much worse. I have a rod in the leg and already am able to walk without crutches. The downside is limited ability to work and make money. I'll be there soon.

I'm happy because I'm able to figure out a way to get done what I need to with the resources available. Right now that is less income, but I have friends and family that can help me. Typically I say no thank you as I don't want to feel obligated to others. I have to say THANK YOU and let them help me now. Ultimately that actually brings us all closer together.

I can't remember who said it first but I've always liked the quote "Most be people are about as happy in life as they decide to be". That is me and it can apply to my wife as well, but not without her medications. She has had depression and anxiety problems her entire life. The right meds and a loving relationship has allowed her to be happier now that any other time in her life (her words).

In the end it is easier for some people to be happy. Sometimes due to choices, sometimes due to random events, and sometimes due to the specifics of your life or genitics.

[NicoleScott]

Sorry to hear that she can't accept you for who you are.

I didn't read Eva Lynn's post that way. The wife does accept Eva Lynn transgenderedness (is that a word?) but doesn't want to spend her life with a TG person. They want the best for each other, and while it may be rough now, the goal is a better future and happiness for both. That's what I read.
My first wife divorced me because she couldn't be married to a CDer. The split was friendly - "let's get past this and move on as painlessly as possible." My dad was not happy about the split, and tried to stop it, unaware of the cause. He was acting on his beliefs, mostly religiously-based. While my mom wasn't thrilled with the news, she agreed with us that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.

[Amanda M]

Sorry, Brianna, but you still have a lot of growing to do. "Accommodating" a Significant Other" is not sacrifice. It is one way of showing love. Compromise is the fertiliser that helps relationships grow.


Sadly, money does NOT bring happiness. Not on it's own. Happiness often comes from enjoying what you have, rather than dwelling on what you have not. It's about emotional maturity, self knowledge, and self acceptance. Suchacutie has wise words, I think.

Whatever YOUR happiness might be, I hope it comes to you.

[Rachael Leigh]

For me my happiness is not defined by if I can dress or not. I get my chances to do it when I can and even though my wife would rather I not she knows I do when she's not here. I've had that conversation with her about it's the clothes or me and well I did that a few times but it always came back, that's why she finally gave up that conversation. I don't push this on her and I try my best to respect her and love her for who she is. I define my happiness by my faith in God and in my relationship with my family and of course my wife.

Yes I would love for my wife to be more accepting but I just don't think it's in her DNA so I'm good with that.

[Stephanie Morgan]

The happiness of my wife and family are of the upmost importance to me. We try to make one another happy by enjoying what we have together. The CD'ing is a part of who I am and I am certainly very happy when I get to dress en femme. However, no relationship is perfect and all of them require compromise of some sort or another. If one is not having to stress about CD'ing, it will be something else. As someone else posted here, one is as happy as they decide to be. I truely agree with this statement wholeheartedly.

[Karren H]

Suffer in silence.... not me... I'm not suffering and I'm never silent .... my happiness does not depend on the clothes I wear... not even remotely... my happiness is based on who I am and what I do and my impact on others....

[Gillian Gigs]

I find that happiness for me is more a state of mind, rather than in an action, or deed. If I went to an event alone, one time I could be happier than another time. if it was with other people it could run along the same vane. So what is the common thread that makes one happy one time and not another? I can only find that it is within our attitude leading up to and at the time of doing what we are doing. There are different types of sacrifaces that we can make. One is all about love and setting aside what I want for the sake of another. Then there is the sacriface of duty, the I have to do it brings no joy or happiness to me, in any way. To me, true love is all about laying down what I want for the other person. Setting aside my feelings, defering what I want, setting aside my opinion to come up with a win win compromise should be what a marriage is about. Regrettably, many marriages are no where near to this ideal.

As far as Maslow's theory goes...it is a theory, his opinion of how life should go. Most theories have there weaknesses within them, if it works for you, then fine, but don't get too upset if it doesn't.

[Jessica1983]

hi i try to keep my wife and children happy because they r my world and i would be a lot sader without them as for telling her i wouldnt go back told her after 10 years togther i should have done it sooner i dont have to lie and sneak and hide anymore i just wait till shes asleep and shes fine with that

[ReineD]

So in most cases it is basically we are accommodating our SO so that they can be happy and live this fantasy life where existence is idyllic, and where we suffer in silence.

Here are different scenarios to consider, where a CDer still might suffer in silence:

1. He tells his SO. She's OK with dressing at home. Eventually just staying home dressed with the SO isn't enough, and so he needs to start going out. She does not want to go out in public with him. There is also the risk that he will be recognized by the people he knows.

2. He tells his SO, who is OK with it. They even go out in public together, in the next town over. Eventually this is not enough, since just being with the SO gets old. He wants to tell other people, he risks having them not accept, and eventually he also resents having to go to work in guy mode.

3. He does not have a SO. He is free to dress at home as much as he wants to. Eventually, his social life narrows because there is no other activity that compares to staying home dressed alone. It becomes lonely.

4. He does not have a SO and is free to dress at home. Eventually this is not enough and he starts to go out in public in the next town over. This also get lonely after awhile (always being alone), and so he wants to start telling the people in his life, who might not accept. He also begins to resent having to do anything in guy mode, even work.

5. He either does not have a SO, or has a supportive SO. Having gone out in the next town over alone or with the SO gets old after awhile. He seeks to make friends and finds that the only accepting friends are those in the T community. So he joins a support group or makes friends with local CDs, and soon most of his social life revolves around doing things with his CD friends. The other activities and other friends fall by the wayside. Or, if he has a SO he sorely resents having to go to non CD events or activities with his SO while not dressed.

All of the above scenarios can happen to CDers and not TSs. In the above scenarios, none of the CDers wish to have body modifications.

Is there ever an end point where happiness might be reached?

Just something to think about.

[docrobbysherry]

I always profess, "If you're NOT having fun dressing, you're doing it WRONG", Briana! Of course, I'm referring to CD's, not TS's.

Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, I'm divorced. So, I don't have to compromise as many married dressers do. I'm having more fun dressing than anything I've done in the last 15 years!

[suzy1]

Is there ever an end point where happiness might be reached?

Just something to think about.

6. He lives alone, has a lovely social life outside of CDing and really is blissfully happy!

Sorry Reine, I just had to add that one:)

[ReineD]

Ah yes. But Suzy, you're special. :D

On a more serious note, there are CDers who are deeply afraid of being recognized because like you, they feel they will suffer greatly should the people in their lives find out. Some of these CDers will be happy staying at home. Others won't be even if they're single, and they'll be just as unhappy as the OP.

[Jaylyn]

I find that people are about as happy as they allow themselves to be. My happiness doesn't depend on my CD. It depends on my attitude towards my problems in life. I have lived 64 years and it took a while to figure this out. Be your self and be happy, if you can't be yourself then choose to be happy or adjust your attitude to fix the situation making you unhappy. I was taught it's your problem if you can't find happiness in life. I find it so many small insignificant things. Why just this morning as was out sitting in my deer blind there was a tremendous sun rise, the bird call as it got louder coming down the valley, and seeing nature can make me happy. I find that playing with Grand kids can make you happy. Life s full of set backs I just told myself that I was gonna not let anything bother me enough to make me an unhappy camper..... With that said I can be disturbed or annoyed with life but I've found when that happens I do something I enjoy as soon as possible to change the problem. Such as not long ago one of my red lipsticks broke. Well to be happy I found an excuse to go buy a deeper red plum colored lipstick now I am happy happy happy. Lol

[Kate Simmons]

I made the decision for years to suppress myself and make others happy. When I finally came out openly as a CD, those people were no longer happy and wanted me to give up my desire to express myself. Once the cat was out of the bag, I couldn't put it back in so those other folks, my wife and family were not happy. I eventually lost them to keep being happy.Their choice on that issue. This is a personal decision that has to be made by each and every person, not just with regard to CDing but with anything in life. What makes us happy doesn't necessarily make others happy, so at some point we have to make a choice. No one ever said it would be easy.:)

[Suzanne F]

I have told my wife and I would not take it back! I can breathe now. I am lucky, she has supported and helped me. That has not come without pain though. We have struggled to find balance and I have had to slow down at times. I want to be totally out and that is not comfortable for her. We love each other very much and that has saved us.

For me I could not have dreamed of how much my life would change in the 8 months since I came out to her. She asked me point blank, " Do you want to be a woman?" I started to answer if course not but sometimes came out. That started my march to freedom. I now go out regularly as Suzanne with and without my wife. I meet other ladies from this forum out in the mainstream world. I glow when I become Suzanne. I will never go back to hiding!
I know this level of being out is not for everyone. I understand each person must make those decisions for themself. I just don't think I could be happy now without being Suzanne. It was so suppressed for so long. It was eating me alive on the inside in secret. I hope my story helps others avoid this self hatred. Thanks to all the inspiring women on this forum for helping me!

Hugs
Suzanne

[Vanessa5]

I thought by keeping this part of me a secret was a way of keeping my wife happy. When I came out I was finally happy but my wife as I suspected was not and is still not. The DADT part is now what depresses me. I believed that maybe someday she could understand if we talked about it but it is not to be. I am starting to believe that in order for us both to be happy a divorce or seperation may need to happen.

[Seana Summer]

A couple of thoughts on happiness

A friend of mine who is a pastor at a local church (not my church) once asked me "do you want to be right? or do you want to be happy?" in regards to an issue that me and my wife were arguing over (not CDing). That has been great food for thought!

Second thought

While it would be great to "do as I D@^% well please and to H3!! with what others think or want,...... why should I, ole number 1, not be happy all the time?!?!". Well...It is unpractical to say the least. If everybody in the world took that attitude, nobody would be happy, ever.

[Alice B]

I've always said that if you do not enjoy what you are doing, then why are you doing it. I greatly enjoy dressing.If I did not I would not.

[Jenniferathome]

... in most cases it is basically we are accommodating our SO so that they can be happy and live this fantasy life where existence is idyllic, and where we suffer in silence.

But, most of us are not happy.

I don't agree with either of these statements. The word "most" is patently wrong. "Some" is appropriate. I would equally argue that if you have told your wife/SO, they accommodate US, not the other way around. If you are hiding, that is your choice but not one about which to complain. It is a situation that is most easily solved.

[Jodi]

My wife of 10 years respectfully declined to live with a transgender person. She respects my decision to be who I am but does not agree with that life style and will not live with it. She also does not want the children to know about it. Since we agreed to separate and I have felt more freedom to express myself, she says I look happy for the first time in our 10 years of marriage. She wants me to be happy and no longer holds anything against me. She just wants me to be happy at this point. And I want the same for her. We both have difficult roads ahead; her with working for the first time in 10 years and standing on her own, me with transitioning and going back to school to follow my dream. I don't think that struggles determine unhappiness, I think that the willingness to go through the struggles when you know what is at the end of the journey is what causes true happiness. It's the prize at the end of the race that makes it work it. Yes, you have to go through training, sore muscles, lack of breath, sometimes dizziness and fatigue, but at the end of the race, it was all worth it. That is the way I look at it.
Right now I'm going through the pain of it. My wife moved out 2 days ago with the children and its living on her own now. Yes I'm sad, yes it hurts, no I'm not giving up. I am going to finish this race come hell or high water.

Eva, Bless you and your naiveté. Your hurt is just beginning. If you don't have a good lawyer now, you'd better get one fast. When the lawyer games begin and the property settlement goes on, you will know what stress really is. When it's all done you just might not have a shirt on your back or a roof over your head, unless you protect yourself.

Good luck.

Jodi

[JennyLynn]

I, personally am not happy with hiding in the "closet", but then again, would I be happier coming out? Who knows. I take my happiness where I can find it. If I could design my perfect world, I would not want it. Who wants to live in the "perfect" world where all our desires are met. What a boring place and sure way to never be happy! Ever want something so badly and then get it, only to find out it was the wanting that
made you happy? Now you have it and it gets tossed aside? Been there, done that. I'm now more careful about what I think I want and appreciate the want more than the have. Make sense?

[Julie Gaum]

So many sides of the "happiness" issue have been addressed and many do hit the spot, that is, making happiness out of whatever circumstances life has dealt you. I do, however, question those who think that they are compromising with their wives or GFs by
accepting DADT, dressing only when they are out or asleep and other very restrictive agreements AND either say that they fine with that or that they are unhappy. I don't for a minute believe that they are really fine with such agreements. Compromises to work must be mutual as Reine once said correctly. Can't dispute those who state that their wives and family come first and CDing is not a factor in their lives. Knowing full well that the urge to CD, whether it's an overwhelming motivation or something they are able to do happily once a year ---
at some point it must be discussed with a loved one and a MUTUAL agreement concluded that will make both sides happy. Easy to say? Yes Everone willing to do it? No way. I don't have one solution other than communication that MAY bring happiness. In the meantime many of the posters will remain with their heads in the sand and proclaim how happy they are.
Julie

[Maria 60]

Wow! You really got me thinking on this one. On one hand I feel lucky I took the chance of telling my wife, telling a traditional Italian women wasn't the easiest thing to do, it could have went either way. She has a great attitude and wants me to live and tell her if I want something that she is my pocket aces in my poker hand. That's the happy part, the unhappy part is the hiding and always being careful of being caught and not having the opportunity to dress when I want. We love taking chance's but we are one click of a cell phone from being in some real emotional problems. That's the unhappy part. Even without the dressing in our lives how do we weigh happiness.

[CarlaWestin]

Happiness. That's a condition that's not tragedy, fear, saddness, boredom and many other emotions. You know them. I derive percentages of happines out of most of lifes conditions and I'll have to say CD is way up on the list. I'm proud of my career and I love my family. I'm in a holding pattern at DADT and I hope to respectfully progress past it. Hope. There's an emotion that's almost as good as happy.

[Aly Cat]

Eva, Bless you and your naiveté. Your hurt is just beginning. If you don't have a good lawyer now, you'd better get one fast. When the lawyer games begin and the property settlement goes on, you will know what stress really is. When it's all done you just might not have a shirt on your back or a roof over your head, unless you protect yourself.

Good luck.

Jodi

The funny thing is that I dont want the roof I have over my head right now and the clothes on my back are the 50% of hers that she gave me so that I didnt request a mediator. The 50% that I got were of course her least favorite/worn but its 100% more than what I had before and that suits me just fine. I actually want her to have the house. My kids are with her and I want the best for them. She is planning on moving back in here in about a year or so whenever she can afford it. For the time being, I am trying to find a renter so that I can move and start my new life. We are pretty civil about how things are going. It is of course hard but it is what it is. All I can do is keep looking ahead and moving forward.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Simply put, if you are not happy why bother to go on.:sad:

there are other reasons to go on than happiness, Suzy. Honor, duty, responsibility, purpose, competition, accomplishment...

I'm more of a 'feeling of accomplishment' person than a happy person. I'm rarely unhappy, but usually satisfied with life.

Deedee

[Deedee Skyblue]

"When the lawyer games begin and the property settlement goes on, you will know what stress really is."

My bother and his ex-wife agreed to divorce amicably. Both lawyers went out of their way to stir up hatred between them. Years later, they are still good friends, but no thanks to the lawyers.

Deedee

[suzy1]

there are other reasons to go on than happiness, Suzy. Honor, duty, responsibility, purpose, competition, accomplishment...
Deedee

It was a sort of throw away remark Deedee, not to be taken to seriously.
I could not agree more with what you say here.

[mary something]

It is a situation that is most easily solved.

You should write a book

[Christina Kay]

I hid in a closet from age 11 till 56. It became unbearable as I got older , and realized this wasn't ever going away. Just came out to my wife a month ago. Would I take it back, the first two weeks YES, Yes, yes,..The last two weeks , things have settled quite a bit. She has noticed how much happier and balanced iam. Yes this is just another hiccup in life, but a tough one to swallow. We have noticed our interaction with each other has increased , and so has our happiness . We now enjoy girlie moments together. I was happy before I came out , but I now feel a completeness to my soul. A inner contentment and a happiness that is hard to explain. My wife said to me the other day, "Since you came out to me, the whole energy of this house has changed,For the better". Iam truly blessed to have a wife who is so understanding.

[Tina_gm]

True happiness is a state of mind. Some of the happiest people have very little, and some of the most miserable people have so much. As Cders we have an additonal aspect of our lives that often times makes true happiness a complicated struggle.

It has been almost a year now that I gave up my fight to deny and repress this aspect of myself. I will likely be making a thread on this. I have achieved some inner peace and happiness from giving up this fight. But, it has also led for some other struggles as well. Right now I am doing some inner reflecting on my gender issues. I do not plan on not Cding, but there is likely to be some changes with me. The changes are mostly internal ones, and it will likely involve my overall focus in life. As for now, my dressing habits are not going to be changing much, if any.

As with anything in life, there is always compromise. Whether it be wanting to buy a new home, or going on a once in a lifetime trip, subtantial money is required which means the sacrifice of working harder and longer in order to get the money that is needed. The sacrifice is giving up short term fun time, or cutting back on leisure activities. both because of a lack of time to do so, and to save money as well.

As parents, we sacrifice much of our time and leisure activities for our kids. It can be frustrating at times, but there is a greater good of the happiness we get of having healthy happy kids who become successful in life. There are no guarantees. Sometimes the best parents who make the best choices and make many sacrifices still end up with kids who are not happy and are not successful in life. I know of a couple of parents who that has happened to. It is heartbreaking for them to see their kids struggle and suffer, knowing that there is nothing they can do to end it. Only peace of mind knowing that they gave all they could.

So far I have been blessed with my two sons who are both doing well in school, one exceptionally well, staying out of trouble and both are for the most part happy. That brings me a greater overall joy than putting on womens clothing. There are times when the desire is strong, but the sacrifices I am making are for a greater overall happiness in life.

I am married to a wonderful woman who brings me so much joy and fulfillment in life. It is amazing that she has accepted me at all coming from the life and background she has had. It has not been without great struggle though. And there is still times where she struggles with this, and probably always will. There too are, have been and will be times where I will sacrifice the enjoyment of dressing and just feminine expression for her. Not that that is the only thing I sacrifice. I sacrifice many things for her, as she does for me.
In the end, a lifetime with her and her happiness is more important and of a greater overall satisfaction than that of wearing women's clothing.

I agree with the fact that should we sacrifice ALL of our personal enjoyment, and do not allow ourselves any expression of who and what we are, life would become miserable and not satisfying. There in lies a balance. With those of us who have the unique condition of having desires and enjoyment of a gender that is opposite our birth gender. That balance can become a very tricky one. But a balance nonetheless and ultimately those who have achieved happiness are those who are able to balance their lives with great success.