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View Full Version : Life and Death - Rest in Peace my dear sister Sandy



Anne2345
11-15-2013, 08:33 PM
My sister passed away last evening at 5:47 p.m. EST, as I gently caressed and cradled her feverish, disease ridden, and battle-scarred head lovingly in my arms.

My sister, 41 years old and the mother of a sweet, innocent, beautiful three year old little girl, finally lost her ten year war against cancer.

My sister, although she had won 3 previous and hard fought battles against the enemy throughout the years, could not defeat the scourge a fourth time.

The cancer came back too strong this time. It was brutally, effectively, and efficiently powerful. It became and evolved quickly into an overwhelming and unstoppable force, and engaged heavily, unfairly, and without mercy in guerilla warfare tactics designed to weaken and destroy my sister’s body, brain, mind, and will. The cancer held nothing back this time, absolutely nothing, and it went for the hardcore decisive kill to end the game.

My sister, though, was a battle toughened and experienced warrior princess cancer veteran. She fought and fought and fought valiantly, bravely, and tirelessly against the enemy with everything she had and all that was made available to her. She left no stone unturned, and refused to give in and raise the white flag.

During my sister’s last stands, she and her doctors counterattacked time and time again, and struck back with cutting edge medical technology, assistance, and big time, heavy duty pharmaceutical drugs. My sister, the born fighter that she was, was also blessed with an innate and natural resiliency and indomitable will, so she was a formidable opponent to say the least from the very get-go.

More than anything, though, my sister was the single most courageous person I have ever known. She fought on against virtually impossible odds, and subjected herself to painful and brutal therapies and surgeries that no one ever, ever should have to go through for any reason.

This courage of hers, this strength of hers, this love of self, family, friends, and life that she was so heavily armed with has humbled me time and time again. I can barely even conceive of such single-minded dedication and spirit she exhibited on a daily basis, even during the inevitable low times and bad moments.

By and through my sister’s example, through her courage, through her desire to simply live and remain a viable part of her family and this world, I have learned much, and experienced emotions, thoughts, and feelings that I simply did not know could even or ever exist.

Although my sister’s fire has been prematurely extinguished in the physical world, my own inner fire now shines more brightly than it ever has before, and it continues to grow daily.

A couple of years ago, after witnessing my sister go through the most horrific surgery I could imagine, and subjecting herself to that willfully and with hope, that was the beginning of the end of the lies for me.

Although I did not know it at the time, and did not recognize it for what it was, I was dying inside myself, and had been dying inside for quite some time. I was all wrong on the inner and the outer side. I was just plain wrong period. I was also in massive denial and suppression. I was literally standing, unwittingly and unknowingly so, before the gates of massive depression and breakdown that would ultimately lead me to serious thoughts of suicide.

But despite it all, despite the inner war that I was waging (and losing decidedly) against my self, my being, and my very identity, my sister managed all by herself to do something for me that I could not. Through the actions of the hero that she was, she gifted me with both hope and strength. This hope and strength took much work to cultivate, develop, and grow, but gift me these important and life-changing qualities she did.

I mean, the thing is that my sister, my dear, dear precious baby sister, was fighting for her life, and enduring challenges and battles that I could not ever even begin to imagine taking on or experiencing. So the least I could do, the absolute very least I could do, was do for myself what my sister so bravely attempted to do for herself – and that was to improve, live, and make real my life.

My sister was my wake-up call. She was my mentor. She taught me the value and lesson of hope and life.

Before my sister came to my rescue through her fights, my previous life just wasn’t working. My previously life, in fact, and I know this now for the truth it was, was doomed to failure from the very beginning. I was, after all, living an absolute and complete lie. I was inauthentic. I was not true to myself. I deceived not only the world, but I deceived myself. I gave into my fear, the fear I so unwittingly and cowardly allowed to fester and grow beyond sanity, and I deceived myself.

And living in fear is no proper place to live. Living in fear, being too afraid to be yourself, being too afraid to admit to yourself who and what you really are is nothing short of and tantamount to living a tragic existence.

My sister, the blessed angel looking over me that she now is, gifted me life. She taught me the value of self. She showed through her spirit the value of opportunity. Through her life, through her battles, I have learned that we cannot take tomorrow for granted. Nor can we take ourselves for granted.

I could not be more proud of my sister, and how she lived her life. She was the first family member I came out to as transsexual. She did not even hesitate in offering me her support, kindness, and compassion. Her unconditional love for me grew all the more that I was able to share this with her two years ago. Our already super tight and close relationship was cemented even further.

There is nothing my sister would not have done for me, and there is nothing that I would not do for her. In so giving me her blessing to be me, she also let it known time and time again how proud she was of me that I was and am working affirmatively and positively towards a true, authentic existence and life, as scary as that proposition is.

That I had it in me to earn my sister’s pride is no small thing to me, and means more than I am able to express in mere words. My younger sister, my baby sister is my hero and she was my teacher. She has made me possible through the love, genuineness, and beauty that her life represented, and all that she gave to those around her.

I owe her much. I owe my sister so very, very much, and my love for her is without bounds.

I know my sister will always be with me. She resides deeply within my heart, and I shall never, ever forget the positive influence and deep impact she had on my life.

I love you, Sandy. I love you to absolute death and beyond. Somehow, someway, we shall be reunited again.

Thank you for all that you have done for me, and all that you have gifted me. I have much hope, much love, and much strength in my heart because of you. You have made me a better person, and helped me to believe when I was ready to give up on everything.

Rest in peace, my dear, lovely, amazing, wonderful, magnificent sister.

Rest in peace, Sandy.

With all of my love and faith, I shall see you later, baby . . . .

Marleena
11-15-2013, 08:38 PM
Oh no...I'm so sorry Anne! My condolences to you & your family. May she RIP.

Denise69
11-15-2013, 08:38 PM
I am truly sorry for your loss, and wish you and yours much peace in this trying time.

Carlene
11-15-2013, 08:44 PM
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister and mentor. You have paid her a wonderful tribute Anne. I so respect you for this.

Carlene...............

S. Lisa Smith
11-15-2013, 08:48 PM
I am so sorry for the loss to you, your niece and the rest of your family. Words fail me.

Michelle V
11-15-2013, 08:49 PM
So sorry for your loss. Your writing beautifully describes a very sad situation, I believe it is your sister teaching all of us to appreciate what we have despite our differences and shortcomings in our lives, thank you very much for sharing and I know you will make your beautiful sister proud by being strong in this very difficult time.

crystalann
11-15-2013, 08:51 PM
So sorry about your loss my heart goes out to you and your family.

giuseppina
11-15-2013, 08:55 PM
I'm saddened to hear about Sandy, Anne. 41 is too young regardless of cause.

Angela Campbell
11-15-2013, 08:56 PM
I have no words to make it better. Yours were beautiful Anne, and my heart goes out to you.

Cynthia Anne
11-15-2013, 09:25 PM
Your story is so touching Anne! Although I have never met your baby sister I too never want to forget her! For she played a huge part in blessing all of us with your wonderful friendship! As I can see she was just as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside!
The great and wonderful stories that you have written on this forum has truly enlighten many of us! And for this I want to thank you and your sister!
I sigh this with love for you and your wonderful sister! Love Cynthia!

Toni Citara
11-15-2013, 09:42 PM
Wow. I'm truly at a loss for words. I've never read something so powerful and heartfelt.

LaurenB
11-15-2013, 10:00 PM
So sorry Anne. She will always be with you in your heart. Best to you and your family at this time. May she rest in peace.

Tamara Croft
11-15-2013, 10:24 PM
I've just read this on fb :( so sad Anne, what a beautiful woman, inside and out. I'm so sorry you've lost your sister, I cannot even imagine what it's like for you :hugs: :hugs:

steftoday
11-15-2013, 10:34 PM
Anne, prayers for you and your family in your time of sorrow.

mary something
11-15-2013, 10:40 PM
I am so sorry for your loss Anne, sending the warmest regards and kindest thoughts your way

Barbara Ella
11-15-2013, 10:43 PM
Dear Anne,any words and thoughts i may have pale in comparison to the love you have shown in your writing of your beloved sister. Just know that you and your family are in my prayers while you grieve through this period. You describe what your sister taught and instilled into your life, and they are wonderful. Just know that now Sandy is observing you and will be praying that her help will also help you as you face the difficulties to come in your life. She has not left you, and now you cannot leave her. The two of you are now going on through your life. Live it well dear, it is the only one we get. you now carry a treasure with you.

Hugs,

Barbara

stacycoral
11-15-2013, 10:56 PM
Anne, I am sorry for your lost girl, your sister sound so great, and she was beautiful woman, and pray for your peace, and wishing you well with your niece, I hope you get all the time you want to spend with her, Just know that we girls are thinking about you today, All my love Anne, hugs of love to you.

Sonya
11-15-2013, 11:08 PM
All I can offer is my sincere condolences, full blown cancer is such a terrible disease, I recently lost a love one to cancer. Your sister was so young, all you can really do now is celebrate her life, thanks for sharing.

Robin777
11-15-2013, 11:16 PM
Anne, sorry for your loss, My prayers are with you and your family.

Kimberly Kael
11-15-2013, 11:49 PM
So sorry to hear it, Anne. Your message is incredibly moving and make it clear just how much you cared for your sister. I'm sure her loss will be keenly felt by all who knew her.

arbon
11-16-2013, 12:19 AM
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, Anne. My heart and thoughts go out to you and your family

Jorja
11-16-2013, 12:25 AM
I am so sorry to hear of this Anne. My heart and thought go out to you and your family.

Emma Beth
11-16-2013, 02:25 AM
Anne, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister.

I read your post and I think this is a fitting memorial for her and her memory. I feel that you yourself are a living memorial to her memory also, as she saved you and brought out the true you in the process of her own fight.

You and her story will live on in the hearts of many of us here because of your love for her.

Because of your news, the tears that now run down my own cheeks remember her and fear what my own Father may yet go through again as he had his own battle that he won earlier this year.

Our hearts are with you and the spirit of your sister.

Love and Hugs,
Liz

marshalynn
11-16-2013, 02:50 AM
I have tears in my eyes reading how beautifully you wrote about your love for your sister, I know she is with you now and for ever. You made my life better, because now I want to love all my loved ones more, while I still have the chance to do so, thank you Marsha

Persephone
11-16-2013, 02:53 AM
Hugs,
Persephone.

GaleWarning
11-16-2013, 03:39 AM
I add my condolences, Anne.
It doesn't seem fair that we need to suffer so much pain in order to learn the really valuable lessons in life.
Death, where is thy sting?
G

Nigella
11-16-2013, 05:36 AM
May you find peace in the memories of the 41 years you shared together :love:

BOBBI G.
11-16-2013, 06:13 AM
The most beautiful tribute I have ever read. I feel as though I knew her. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to you and the entire family at this time. May she have the peace she so deserves. May you and your whole family find peace as well.

Bobbi

donnalee
11-16-2013, 06:49 AM
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My own brilliant sister passed away 3 1/2 years ago; at her memorial I, who hadn't cried in 50 years started sobbing; it went on for 4 hours straight and I just couldn't stop. When I got off the plane and went home, I started up again, and my SO, who was suffering from final stage Alzheimers, held me in her arms to comfort me, not knowing she would be gone in less than a year. It's one of the most poignant memories I have.
You have the deepest sympathy of one who has been there,
Donna

Christina Kay
11-16-2013, 07:28 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. She will always be your Angel watching over you.

Tara D. Rose
11-16-2013, 07:34 AM
This is very sad Anne. Such a tragic loss, a young sister. My prayers go out to you. Our words can't heal your pain, but we pray for your comfort with this tragic time in our life.

Rianna Humble
11-16-2013, 08:31 AM
It is never easy to lose a loved one - even worse in circumstances such as these. No matter how hard you try to prepare, it is like something has been ripped out of the very core of your being.

Hold on to the good memories, Anne, I will not lie to you and say that it gets easier, but at least you will always have those memories to temper the sadness.

gonegirl
11-16-2013, 09:21 AM
I'm so glad you were with Sandy at the end of her time here. Take comfort in that Anne, you will never forget it because she will always be with you. You shared something incredibly special with your sister; a bond of love so powerful that it spans this world and the next, where ever that may be. She understands and believes in who you are, take that and go be who you are, and never look back.

Your friend who believes in you too,
Simone.

SherriePall
11-16-2013, 09:53 AM
So very sorry to hear about your sister, Anne. Losing a sibling, especially one who is close to you is terribly painful. Yet good memories will buoy you up as you carry on. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Dawn cd
11-16-2013, 09:53 AM
I've been thinking of her in recent days, Anne, knowing how dear she was to you. I'm very sorry for your loss. But what she gave to you still lives.

bas1985
11-16-2013, 10:02 AM
With all of my love and faith, I shall see you later, baby . . . .

thanks for your courage to let the feelings out and thanks for sharing such a nice story of unconditional love.

quem di diligunt, adolescens moritur “Whom the gods love, die young.”

wanagione
11-16-2013, 11:10 AM
I'm so very sorry, my prayers are with you, your family and her.

barbaraclothes
11-16-2013, 11:40 AM
Sorry for you re loss , may she rest in peace.

Leah Lynn
11-16-2013, 11:58 AM
My sincerest condolences, Anne. The loss of a loving, understanding sister is a formidable blow. May she now know peace. And now through your grief, may you know that her love will remain in your heart.

Leah

Rachel Mari
11-16-2013, 12:31 PM
I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister.

I am happy that you were able to be there with her as that means so much.

Marcia Blue
11-16-2013, 12:36 PM
Anne my heartfelt prayers and tears, for you and your sisters families. Especially the little one, who has lost her mother, at such a tender young age.

Sandra
11-16-2013, 02:13 PM
I am so sorry Anne for your loss :hugs: :hugs:

Robbin_Sinclair
11-16-2013, 02:58 PM
So sorry for your loss.

Her life must have been made better knowing that you were there and you will be there for the children.

Her spirit will remain with you forever. Her self is now your self.

:hugs: robbin

Nicole Erin
11-16-2013, 03:25 PM
Oh my god. I am really sorry.
I was just laughing about something I saw on a different sub-forum, this wiped away my smile right away.
I know what it is like to lose a loved one. I know how you feel. Like Rianna said - yes it feels like something was ripped out of the core of your very being. We wonder why it happened. We know death is real but do not truly believe it can happen to someone we love. We think we could have stopped it, like if we had done something.

Sometimes people expect us to "just get over it" but it takes a long time. We have good and bad days. My mom died over the summer and on some days I still cry, just out of nowhere I feel horrible.

I don;t know if this is of any comfort but in both our cases - we knew it was coming. I guess it is better than getting a call saying someone died in a car crash or whatever. It gives some level of preparation instead of none.

Death of a loved one is a growing experience. You do change. You learn a lot of things like why it is more important to love instead of hate, make times with people the best you can instead of fighting, you also understand why some people are just more calm, less bitter than others. Once you experience this like you and I have, you come out understanding what is REAL.
It is hard to cope, one faces confusion, worry, thinks about things like "This christmas, oh who cares, my (whoever) is gone, what kind of holiday will it even be?"

I know you and I often joke around or say silly things but this time - if you need to talk or whatever, my PM box is open.

Kelly DeWinter
11-16-2013, 03:51 PM
Anne, I'm very sorry for your loss and touched by your tribute to your sister. May peace be with you family.

GingerLeigh
11-16-2013, 07:43 PM
My sincerest condolences Anne. Having such a close relationship with your sister is a rare blessing and it must be devastating to lose her. I too have a sister, but she's older and HATES me. Always has.

I am truly sorry for your loss. I will pray for her and her little girl.

Take care....

Ginger

Sara Jessica
11-17-2013, 10:32 AM
Anne, I come to this late after being away on a weekend holiday, one which seems frivolous to write about at a later time given the gravity of what a dear friend has had to experience...and the gravity of the horrific fight that Sandy had to endure. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.

Some are able to donate organs at the time of their passing. Sandy clearly gave you something just as important. Strength for your heart & soul along with perspective. She helped to save your live by pulling you back from the brink. Indeed, in the fleeting moments when I have thought of suicide myself, I take myself back to my own cancer fight as a reminder that I didn't go through my own version of Hell just to waste it away with such an act. You will always be a tribute to her as you continue on your path.

Sandy is beautiful and it was sweet of you to share her pictures. I will often think of her strength and beauty as we see yours emerge in years to come. After all, you will always be sisters.

Hang in there in these difficult days.

Sara

ps - call me if you need ANYTHING.

Mssusan
11-17-2013, 12:59 PM
Please accept my condolences on your loss. Your memorial is beautiful, as is your sister inside and out. May her memory be a blessing for you and your family.

ReineD
11-17-2013, 01:25 PM
Words seem inadequate to express the sadness I feel about your sister's death. Please accept my warmest condolences.

StephanieC
11-17-2013, 06:49 PM
I am sorry for your loss and my prayers go out to you and your loved ones.

-stephani

Rachel Smith
11-17-2013, 07:26 PM
I am sorry for your loss Anne. You share your thoughts in such beautiful well written words. I am sure you and your family will miss Sandy but keep her in your hearts and talk with her often. Just because you can't see her doesn't mean she can't hear you.

Hugs
Rachel

Renecd
11-17-2013, 08:02 PM
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. My sincere condolences.

melissaK
11-18-2013, 11:00 AM
:-(

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

MysticLady
11-18-2013, 12:17 PM
.............:hugs:............:sad: