Why??

[Staci G]

:daydreaming: I wonder this as much about myself as I do others. WHAT on earth possessed us to, one day just pickup a pair of panties, pantyhose stockings bra or what ever your first item was and put it on and decide "Hey I like this and I'm gonna pursue it"??? Thoughts

[Carmen]

Why? Because I became curious. and I needed to satisfy that curiosity.
I discovered that I looked better as a girl.

[stacycoral]

Sorry Staci it been too many years ago since I put on my first item, I was just 13 at the time, I really don't remember but have dress ever since, and I love being dress as a woman, hope you get a lot of great answer, hugs girl

[Robin777]

I will tell you what I know, I have no idea why I started dressing. At puberty I was just attracted to wearing panties for sexual gratification,which led to wearing a slip which led to wearing a bra with the slip,which led to full on dressing, pantyhose and all,then admiring how I looked in the mirror, and enjoying what I saw then thinking I look good in this! All I know after all these years I still enjoy the feeling of the clothes and the mood it puts me in and the way I look in them. Maybe I was a woman in a past life? I don't know. that is the only explanation I can come up with that makes any sense.

[Kate Simmons]

Simple answer? It's in our personal grid program. Who put it there and why is the long answer. I prefer to enjoy simplicity myself. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jamie Lynn]

I'm sure that while different for many, it's similar for others.
I started in early high school. Home alone and bored. Wandering through every room in the house. Came upon some frilly things in a room that I shouldn't have been in. Remembering what they looked like on girls that I'd seen or knew. The subtle perfume scents. Imagining my body looking the same, perhaps since there wasn't one right there, right then. Perhaps wanting to become one to have close by.
Same with make-up and it's subtle scents. It's ability to enhance, enliven, brighten, and change a face. All the girls around that always looked so vivacious and happy and beautiful.
Boredom? Pheromones? Crooked DNA? I can't explain it, but..........I LIKE IT!

PS.... I hope that doesn't sound creepy! That wasn't the intent.

[Jilmac]

I did it on a dare at age 7 and was hooked. I had three older sisters and plenty of clothes to experiment with and that kept me going until I could obtain my own clothes.

[Annette_boy]

Hi
Started at age 5 with moms panties just seemed right been dressing ever after.I am now 68 and dress full time for last 8 years. Love being a girl.

Hugs Annette

PS Just noticed this is post 200 woo hoo

A

[docrobbysherry]

I honestly have no idea, Staci! Why I tried on those tite, ladies jeans at age 50+?

But, I had no intention of "pursuing" anything. And didn't for another year. Until some abandoned boxes of women's things ended up in my position. When I found out they fit me, I wanted to see how fem I could look? U can see the result of my studies 16 years later!

[~Joanne~]

I wish I knew what possessed me to continue down the path that I have but I know it started with pantyhose. I just loved the way legs and feet looked in them, the shine, the smoothness, everything about them. I also remember the complaints about them, then came the over all curiosity as to how they felt wearing them, how were they as horrible to wear yet look so damn good? I was always told, if you like them so much, you wear them, then the day came and it hasn't stopped since.

[bridget thronton]

Curiosity started it - not sure why it continued other than "it just felt right"

[Jason+]

At age 12 I found a pair of dusky pink panties while searching through a partially burned down house for electronic junk to play with. To this day I don't know what it was about them that completely derailed the electronics quest. All I know is that I had to have them and I did.

[FrillyShelly]

:daydreaming: I wonder this as much about myself as I do others. WHAT on earth possessed us to, one day just pickup a pair of panties, pantyhose stockings bra or what ever your first item was and put it on and decide "Hey I like this and I'm gonna pursue it"??? Thoughts

I think it was because I wasn't supposed to..... It was forbidden & exciting.

[SometimesJen]

Curiosity. I thought women can wear the same things as men... shirts, slacks, jeans, shoes, etc... but they don't. As comfortable as a well-worn pair of jeans is... As relaxing as an old t-shirt can be... yet, women like puffy blouses, skirts, dresses, skinny jeans, and heels. Why?

The first thing I tried on was a pair of stretch denim shorts that were amazingly comfortable. Next were a couple knee length sundresses. They were so light, flowing, and airy. Some time later my lady asked me to wear a smooth satin slip to bed. The cool, smooth feeling was intoxicating. With her support, it just grew from there.

[Beverley Sims]

I gave up thinking why about a lot of things a long time ago. :)
That was one of them.

[Shari]

Yes, curiosity started it for me. From the moment those stockings slid over my legs I instantly developed a lifetime addiction. No rehab in the world that will ever cure me of it.

I'm long past trying to figure out the "why".
I just enjoy and revel in the bliss and peace it gives me.

[Teddie]

I don't know why. But, the first thing I remember was the smell of the Playtex rubber girdles that my mom wore, and I just had to try it. Of course it was an open bottom one, so I quickly learned about nylons. And, I was hooked.

[Raychel]

Not real sure what was going thru my mind at the time, But I was a young boy going thru puberty,
So who knows,

Anyways it is too late now, I dress the way I like and that is the way it is.

[Cheryl T]

I say it's because it's "in the Genes".
I always felt that I wanted to be a girl from as young as I can remember. It just felt natural to wear the clothing.

[Georgina]

I saw my primary school teacher's petticoats when the wind lifted her skirt. the sight created a reaction in me. Immediately I wanted to wear petticoats. I could not find any petticoats in our house but I did find slips and, from that point on I have worn female clothes when I can.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Not sure why originally, as I was only 4 the first time a babysitter caught me, but there is some of each of these in me...

Jamie Lynne: "Perhaps wanting to become one to have close by."
Joanne: "...pantyhose. I just loved the way legs and feet looked in them, the shine, the smoothness, everything about them."
Frilly Shelly: "I think it was because I wasn't supposed to..... It was forbidden & exciting. "
SometimesJen: "The cool, smooth feeling was intoxicating. "

Deedee

;)

[Marcelle]

Ah, the million dollar question with no real answer. I am not sure and while some theorist hypothesize we are biologically wired that way, others say it is behaviorally based (the old nurture/nature debate). I tried to wrap my head around this one and gave up because it made my brain hurt. So I am just going to accept that I like it because it feels right.

Hugs

Isha

[KayleeTaylor]

I always wanted to feel pretty. When I was young, I was frustrated and saddened by the fact that there are clothes for "girls only" and girls can wear whatever they want. Why can't I wear what I want, why can't I wear a dress. For that reason, I thought girls have it easy, why can't I be a girl, I wished I was a girl.

Fast forward 20 or so years: Now, my thoughts about girls have changed, my daughter has helped me see that. She doesn't know that I am a CD and I don't know if I want her to find out. But now, I see what she goes through, and she is at that age where she is finding her identity and now I think "did I really want to go through that? No"

[suchacutie]

Simple: wife's lingerie drawer + I had just lost a bunch of weight + garter skirt that no longer fit my wife + joke that it would probably fit me + "let's see + "gee, now all I need is hose and heels + "do it!" + laughing + "ok".

See...simple.

P.S. but what keeps me so dedicated to Tina has to be a mental predisposition. At 55 it certainly was not a child's fascination, but a calculated decision that this insane lifestyle was important if not critical. Tina has always been there in my mind.

[Sarah Beth]

I have been thinking about this for a couple of hours now since I first read this post. The first time I did it is still pretty vivid in my mind even after all these years. Still I am not sure why I did it why I wanted to other than the woman who put me into her things was just so beautiful to me. She was a scrawny model type or anything, I guess other people would think she was pretty ordinary but she was the most gorgeious thing I had ever seen to me. I remember thinking something like she just looks so wonderful who wouldn't want to look like her. Her things felt just so soft and silky and pleasant I just wanted to be in them. Once I was there was no turning back. Yes I have tried to purge and "stop the nonsense" at times but I never could it's just so much a part of me of who I am.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, at some point in my early teens (I had been crossdressed many hundreds of times by then) I realized that I felt more 'normal' in girl clothes than in boy clothes. Even so, I resisted doing it, because I knew how the outside world would treat me if it learned that I was a 'sissy'. It was only ten years ago that I gave in, and regularly dressed as a girl on an almost daily basis. But of course, society hasn't changed in those decades, and it appeared that for a guy to be fem in any way pretty much meant being alone unless he was homosexual. So it's back to wanting to, but not doing so, that I have gone. I wish I didn't have to make the choice, maybe someday in the future it will be easier as the gender lines continue to flex. But for now, it seems that a man has to be, dress, and act like a man in order to have a girlfriend.

[AshleyW]

Hmm, that's a interesting question.

The first thing I did that could be described as "proto-crossdressing" was when I was 13. I was becoming very jealous of the girls at my school and the ways in which their bodies were changing, especially compared to the ways in which mine was. Some of them began dressing in ways that expressed their nascent sexuality. I wished I could do this too: I knew I wanted to express my sexuality in a feminine way, and for me at that time that meant skirts. So, I took a pair of my boxer shorts and cut the bottom out to make a rudimentary mini-skirt. I would wear it in my room, but always felt lots of guilt and shame afterwards. At 14 I started becoming very religious, and with a little help from Jesus I was able to supress and deny this part of my identity. For the next decade or so I had a few "slip-ups" here and there (trying on heels, trying on a dress, etc.), but was otherwise pretty much in the closet to myself. It wasn't until earlier this year that I finally learned what transgender actually means, accepted that that's what I am, and started crossdressing properly. And am I ever glad I did!! :)

[Dani0948]

When i was about 9, i frequently played dolls and dressup with my 2 younger sisters. What i remember most vividly was trying on a pair of high heeled pumps given to us by our next door neighbor. I was really sad when i outgrew them.

[mary something]

I've been doing it as long as I can remember. Why? It made me feel good.

[Stephanie_Birch]

I was fascinated with girl's clothing at a very young age, in my pre-teen years. Used to look through Sear's catalog at female clothes and wanted a dress. When I got into my teens and was more independent, I bought a pair of pantyhose. I don't think there ever an option not to do this. I had some sort of inner drive or need.

[Stephanie Morgan]

I've asked myself that same question many times. The only answer I ever came up with is a combination of curiosity and the fact that it was "wrong". I found a pair of my sisters panties and just had to know how they felt. Upon slipping them on (at the age of 9) I was instantly hooked. It just felt so right that I just had to keep doing it.

[Michelle504]

Because.

[BethanyCross]

I think we have all asked ourselves this many times. The first time I remember crossdressing, I was 7. For some reason I tried on my mother's tent dress which must have been like a tent on me! Why did I want to do this? I knew it was "wrong" because I took it to a room to try it on and got caught. I hate this part of myself because society does not accept it, yet I love this part of myself because it just makes me feel at peace and if I don't get occasional femme time I am a nervous wreck. A few nights ago I put on some acrylic nail overlays and, looking at my hands, they just seemed like they belonged that way.

[CynthiaD]

I don't think there's any answer to that question. My earliest memory of crossdressing was when I was three. By the time I was a teenager, it was "just something I did." I used to think that if I ever had a pretty dress all my own that I'd put it on and never take it off. I never wondered why. I still don't.

[kelly10]

I don't know why I like ice cream, or steak, or hot wings either but they sure make life fun! Plus I could never find a really persuasive answer to, "Why not?"

[Lexi Moralas]

I have up searching for the answer to that question long ago.

[Jaymees22]

Sometimes I wonder why, but always end up knowing why not.

[Seana Summer]

Why? It just feels good.

[EmilyPith]

I did/do it because it's the only thing that seems to make me feel better.


As far as why?
There is no one answer.
And nobody can answer this question but you, because we are all so different.

Lots of answers to lots of reasons.
Childhood exploration? Need to play with taboos? Always felt like you should be wearing this instead of that?

Are you a trasngenderist or just someone who simply likes panties?

Your answer is your answer... it's all very personal. Keep looking until you find the truth that fits for you.

[Terrylynn]

I used to play with my sister and her friends rather than other boys. When I was about 5 or so my father told me to stop playing with them. I guess he didn't feel it was appropriate for his son to exclusively play with girls. I didn't stop so one day he threatened to punish me by making me wear a dress. He thought that would dissuade me but something clicked and from then on I associated girls and the pleasure of their companionship with clothes.

At times I really wished he would have given me a dress to wear. At age 7 I started wearing my sisters clothes whenever I had the chance. It just made me feel so wonderful.

[Lynn Marie]

Facinated with women's lingerie for as long as I can remember. Penny's and Sears catalogs were like kiddy porn for me. My first remembrance of my mother was of her in court getting custody of me in a skirtsuit, stockings and heels. She looked hot! I've loved that look ever since even though my mother never looked that good again in the three years I lived with her.

[Mollyanne]

As to why, well the only thing I can remember is that I was curious and when I first put on stockings and panties all I could think about is how nice it felt and I never wanted to stop. I went further and further and enjoyed it more and more. I hated male clothing and just wanted to dress as a girl and be a girl. I guess my female hormones overcame my male hormones!!!!!

Molly

[Gillian Gigs]

This is the eternal CD question, and for most of us it never really gets answered to our satisfaction. Mick Jagger must have been a CD'er, as he sang, "I can't get no satisfaction".

My case runs a bit different than many, my first experience and after that was beyond my control. Terrylynn tells of how her father threatened to punish her by dressing her as a girl, well my Dad did also. I was dressed many times, always in panties with other clothes added at times. The first time is still vividly in my head, I was 4, then things blur out from there. It didn't help having 2 older sisters taunting me and telling me I was a sissy who wore panties also. I would have been 10 or 11, maybe, when the punishment and threats stopped.

Yet the why question is still there, as in why did I choose to start dressing of my own free will around the age of 13. Was it sexual? Was I attempting to recreate how the clothes felt? All I know is that after my first "explosion", while dressed, I was hooked. Why did, or could I not break free of all of this? Everything that I have read over the years suggests that between the traumatic start and my "first explosion" everything set in really deep into my psyche.

I have moved beyond the why's now, and just accept the things I can not change. I see myself as being a normal guy who lives, for the most part, a vanilla life with a little sauce on the side. Who doesn't like a little spice anyway!

[MysticLady]

Just like anything else. Why did you decide too or not decide too, do it?

[phred]

Been wearing panties since I was 5, just because they feel so good. Nothing like the feel of stockings on freshly shaved legs!!

[Joanne108]

There was a bra in the laundry basket. I saw it and thought; I wonder what that would look like on me? I tried it on put some rolled up sock in each cup and then I knew. I also knew I would do it again.

[NicoleScott]

Simple answer? It's in our personal grid program.

Dang. I must have stayed home from school sick the day they went over "personal grid programs". What a shame, as it seems to be the simple answer to just about everything.

[Cynthia99]

I don't know and doubt you will get an answer that satisfies you. Its true, I enjoy it and would prefer to always wear panties and a bra. I am drawn to feminine things - clothing, makeup, jewelry - although I am not one of the ones here who are lucky enough to pass as female when dressed. I liked the way girls looked better than boys - still do - and wanted to be more like them. That likely does not make a lot of sense, but is all I can come up with.

[dana digs sweaters]

Why ask Why?
At 5, a wonderfully soft white cardigan beckoned me to take it out of a sister's room to see how it felt to be inside of it.
To feel the softness all over my arms insured it was not to be the last time.
To progress from there took my sisters help in a complete dressup.
To progress to an adult the 1st time on my own with a complete outfit with makeup & wig..............

[daviolin]

Why? Who cares. I was born to crossdress. It started at 5 years old, and never let up. Daviolin

[NV Susan]

I was there, the panties, bra & skirt were there....and the rest is history!

[Shanine]

Curiosity. Liked how the clothes looked. Then how they felt on me. Liked the picture of me in them. I dunno, I don't have a solid answer, it just seemed like the right thing to do for me.

[Desirae]

I have a theory about this. Keep in mind that its just a theory. When I was a young child, I was told a story that when I was a baby, that a friend of the family mistakenly thought that I was a girl. He said something like, "Oh, what a beautiful little girl", or something like that. Obviously, he was corrected by my parents. However, I believe I heard that even though I was just an infant. Years later when I was told (and sometimes teased) about it, I think a "connection" was made somewhere in my brain. I know I started dressing when I was young, sometime around four or five. I remember running up the stairs to hide when someone would come over and I was playing in my mother's heels. Anyways, I think the "connection" was established/re-established when I was told about the event (events?) and teased about it when I was four or five, right around the same time I started playing with my mother's shoes and, on the weekend at my father's house, my older sister's bikinis, nightgowns, and other clothes that she would leave hanging on the hook of the bathroom door.

I think it would be neat if others on this forum could/would ask their parents if they were ever mistakenly identified by someone OUT LOUD as a girl when they were an infant.

[Amy Fakley]

I am not alone.

Even after all this time, it seems so unbelievable to read threads like this. It's like reading a thousand slightly different variations on my own life.
Perhaps nothing "made" us this way. I suspect there have always been ones like us, ashamed and afraid and isolated ... and here we are huddled together all over the world telling stories to each other that sound so familiar ... It's astounding.

More on topic, I don't know why I first tried on the tights my mother had left drying on the shower curtain rod. I just did, and I think it was inevitable. If it hadn't been that it'd have been something else eventually. Nobody ever asks why a baby starts moving it's legs, and first decides to try crawling, which leads to lots of things. It was just always going to, because that's what babies do. ... I think this is just what we do, baby.

[ArleneRaquel]

I blame it on The Bossa Nova. Really I think that we are wired this way. Whatever the reason I love living as a female 24/7

[NathalieX66]

I blame it on The Bossa Nova. Really I think that we are wired this way. Whatever the reason I love living as a female 24/7

Lucky you........I live 18/4 as female. OK, I can deal with it.

[NicoleScott]

Interesting story, Desirae (Post #53). Maybe there is something to your theory. I read posts on the forum that many CDers believe their crossdressing is genetic, because they say that from their earliest recollection they had these feelings. We don't have conscious recollections from birth, but in early infancy (say, up to two years old) there may have events that happened that stuck in our memory but remain unknown to us, and these events may run the range from fears to fetishes. My CDing is based on fetishes, not on some internal girl wanting to express herself. In the couple of million years that we can call us human, clothing is a relatively new invention, and articles of clothing commonly worn by women that have become objects of fetishes are even more recent. So it's absurd to think that a fetish for high heels, for example, is somewhere in the genes. Some say that the propensity to have a fetish may be genetic, and maybe so, but the actual object itself that is the fetish item must certainly have been introduced in childhood, perhaps before any conscious awareness of it.
So I think your theory may have validity, both for pleasure dressers and for those with internal feminine identities introduced in childhood, such as happened to you.

[audreyinalbany]

I've always believed that it's no coincidence that when i was four my mom was pregnant and my Dad kept saying he really hoped she had a girl because they "had enough boys already." I was the youngest of three boys. Maybe, on some level, I believed my dad would like me better if I was a girl.

[MysticLady]

Think not, why, but, why not?

[NicoleScott]

Think not, why, but, why not?

Sounds like a famous Robert Kennedy quote, only in fewer words:
There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?

[Dana M]

your story sounds familiar. I can remember trying on my moms stocking one day with my older brother while we were playing in the basement and they were on top of the dryer.

[JenniferR771]

Good point above about sisters. How many sisters dressed their brothers up in sister clothes--probably all. But for some, it had some sort of pleasurable effect and the concept stuck forever. For most--no effect at all.

I didn't have sisters, only brothers. I suspect--if a sister was in the house it always started with her clothes rather than the mother's clothes. What about if you were raised only by your dad?

[Karen kc]

I realy dont remember, maybe it wuz moms panties & stockings hanging to dry on the shower curtain or the Sears catalog. All I know is its been a part of me since I wuz young.

[Dianne S]

I remember as a very young child (maybe 4 or 5) daydreaming about wearing a girl's swimsuit. I have no idea why those thoughts popped into my head. Actually tried girl's clothing on around age 9 or 10, and started seriously crossdressing at around 15.

My mother told me that when I was extremely young (< 4 months old) my sisters would dress me in their dolls' clothes, but I seriously doubt that had any effect on me; I would have been much too young to realize what was happening or even have any concept of gender identity.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

I leave the why's and wants of this question to you forum shrinks. I do blame ArleneRaquel for blaming this need on the Bosa Nova. I haven't given that song any thought until I read her post. Since then, the song had been an incessant " ear worm ." Arlene, thanks for the chuckle that only us old farts can understand . Peace to everyone, Melissa

[Andreaxxx420]

My older sister was the "Hott" girl at school and she always had the coolest looking clothes. For me it all started with my sisters clothes. Stealing things and panties from her room when no one was home. Or trying on all her skirts and dresses when everyone was out of the house.

I have been able to keep this a secret my whole life.
Or everyone knows and doesn't say anything about it

[JenniferMBlack]

I had always wondered what it was like to wear a skirt. There was one there I was there and decided to try it on, and well it was pretty awesome.

[dana digs sweaters]

Think not, why, but, why not? Funny To Many :)

[Aneline]

When I was young, all my aunties wore deep red lipstick in the style of day. I became entranced with red lips so when I found a red lipstick in a collection of my Mom's stuff, I tried it out and was immediately hooked on the sensation. Then I tried on a pair of my sister's panties and things took off from there.

[KaceyR]

Can't say exactly myself..but I know of a couple formative things in my childhood..
1: In grade school, I tended to gravitate toward playing with girls. Never was a big tough sports player so I and a few girls would have fun at recesses playing with imaginations rather than sports. So I kind of started a bit as a sissy-boy somewhat from the early on. I was (and still probably am) a bit more emotional and empathic compared to most. (One of those girls later became a first girlfriend briefly in Jr. High). So that probably kept my feminine side going a bit.
2: while I never (that I can remember anyways) did any dressups with those girls (or a few neighbor girls either) I did develop a facination a bit with hose. (Still a fetish today). I do remember while I never tried them on, I occasionally played with mom's nylons just liking the feel of them.

I'd pretty much still never literally did anything CD-wise (although pretty much stayed a loner-and yeah a virgin to today even) but one day I won a camisole at a lingerie party I DJ'ed. Kept it (yeah I'm a hoarder). Eventually it was a thing where "i've got this here not getting any use...wonder what it's like" so I tried it on.
Nylon/hose fetish continued with some tights play at times later (pretense of making outfit for SCA/Rennaisance recreation) and now recently over last few months have just outright been Underdressing.

As to why continuing into full CD now... Well, not sure. Psychological in part, there is a base thrill to putting on the dress/outfit. (Its new to me and I can understand that the rush might be old to longer-term CDers here). But I've kind of got a second 'boost' in a way person-wise. I'm a bit reserved social-wise and don't get out much in RL. Being Kacey gets me feeling different, more empowered, and like the personality i wish I was able to be. It's also (unfortunately) triggered the challenge aspect.. To work toward being able to pull off a good presentation that might make a person not realize I was a guy.
So there's that too.

Ya know... Thinking back on the grade school times... How come we never keep up "recess-es"... Life would be more fun if there were recess times even thru adulthood :)

[SometimesBrandi]

I don't know why. But, the first thing I remember was the smell of the Playtex rubber girdles that my mom wore,. That's interesting. Did you know that our memory for odors is stronger than all the other senses. One of my early crossdressing memories is the first time I tried on lipstick. I'll never forget the smell of that lipstick. I don't know why but I loved that smell from the first whiff. To this day the smell of lipstick still turns me on.
My earliest memory is trying on a training bra I found in a house my parents had just bought when I was 6. I put it on out of curiosity and wore it a few times but soon forgot about it. From then on the thought of crossdressing never occurred to me until I was 17. My girlfriend one day commented on my body and said I would make a hot looking girl. That did not boost my ego considering I was skinny and was trying to bulk up and I didn't want to look like a girl, or so I thought. Before I knew it she was turning me into her girlfriend, mostly for her amusement. That worked for her because she was into other girls anyways and it worked for me because I was pretty much willing to do anything as long as I was getting sex. I feebly complained about dressing but the truth is I would have dressed like Bozo the clown if she asked me to. It didn't take me long though to realize I really liked dressing, especially dressing for sex. At this point my psyche was all messed up. The dressing went on for a year or so with but we eventually broke up and I stopped dressing. It was like I turned off a switch. I didn't have any desire to dress at all. I didn't even think about it. Probably because it reminded me of my girlfriend and I wasn't getting any sex either. I was torn up pretty bad over the breakup and actually ended up joining the Navy partly to try and put things behind me. For 6 years I didn't dress. Then I got out of the Navy and got married. I discovered that having my wifes lingerie sharing the same dresser as my socks and underwear would lead to frequent dressing malfunctions where somehow my wifes panties would wind up on me instead of my Fruit of the Looms. Of course it was only a matter of time before she noticed things in her dresser drawers were not arranged like she had left them and then she came home early one day and caught me dressed. I explained as best I could what I was doing but she pretty much already knew what I was doing. Our relationship was strained for a while. I didn't realize it at the time but that was the best thing that could have happened and soon felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 24 years later we are still married. My wife doesn't approve of my dressing but she tolerates it. At times I think she actually enjoys being around me when I'm dressed but she'll never admit it. All in all I have no complaints.

[Maria 60]

When I told my wife, one of her questions to me was what made me start and what was the first thing I put on. I told her it was a long time ago and didn't even remember the first thing I wore, but I do remember when I was young I always wore pantyhose and slips and never wore panties till later, so as far as I can remember it was my love of pantyhose and slips then and still now.

[LelaK]

I was in 4-H with 3 of my siblings and Mom was one of the leaders and we were thinking of a play to put on for Fun Night. Someone thought of doing a Wedding with just each member of the wedding party introducing themselves with a short funny rhyme. My brother came out toward the end wearing a box with strings over his shoulders, as if naked under the box. I think he got the most laughs. His line was: I'm the father of the bride. She took everything but my hide.

Someone thought it would be funny if one of the boys played a girl and one of the girls played a boy. So my sister agreed to play best man, or something, and I played the Maid of Honor. Wow, did I ever hit the jackpot! Our main leader happened to have an old bridesmaid's dress, a dark green, that looked and felt great, very satiny. They made a wig for me out of yellow baler twine, I think, so I got to go on stage looking pretty. I felt rather ugly most of my childhood as a boy.

A classmate of mine in another 4-H group later said I was the best-looking girl in our group, but he probably meant the other girls weren't hot. It happens that his group was all boys and they all dressed as girls. That used to be funny, you know. Like Milton Berle used to play a girl now and then in his comedy show, and Flip Wilson did it later.

I'm not positive, but I think that was the first time I wore a dress, although I remember when I was about 2 that Mom put her scarf on me and my brother when it was cool out, and I loved that too.

At about that same time I saw my sister's girlscout dress in her closet one day and decided to borrow it, so I could wear it in the bathroom when no one was around. Unfortunately, Mom found the dress in my hiding place one day and asked what I was doing with it, but I fibbed my way out of that embarrassment.

[Amanda_P]

That's a no brainer. It's because I can look like this and wear prettier clothes

[Jenniferpl]

"I'll try anything once" Sound familiar? This got me thinking. Maybe the question we should be asking our self's is why the second time. Most of us seemed to be hooked after the first time.

[Brenda Freeman]

I had always loved when the Christmas catalogs from Sears and Montgomery ward arrived in the mail,when I was probably from 6 years old on. I liked the toy section but always went to the lingerie section too. I loved the look of the slips girdles and all in ones. When I was maybe 9 or 10 and home alone I went into my moms drawer hoping to find lingerie, I pulled out a girdle with garter snaps some stockings and put them on because I wanted too Not curious I WANTED TO. I so loved how it looked the gusset was smooth and flat like the women in the catalogs. Loved the look and it felt so snug and wonderful. I loved looking in the mirror and spent sometime posing. I loved that and the feel, I added a white slip with lace and have loved it ever since though I did not get my own until years (decades) Later. If Santa had brought me what I really wanted I would have been in girdles and lingerie at a very early age. It was how women looked in the catalogs and how I wanted to look that got me going and once I tried them on,the feel of wearing the clothes was a real plus.

[Confucius]

I believe our brains become hard-wired in early childhood to become predisposed toward cross-dressing. Then when we reach puberty we discover that just touching some feminine clothing gives us a thrill. The experience releases dopamine and other neurotransmitters which produce the sensations and expectations of gratification similar to an addiction response.

In my case my mother wanted a daughter. I was born. However a year later she gave birth to my sister. My mother would tell stories about how badly she wanted a girl when I was born, and how I was such a disappointment. However a year later she gave birth to a daughter and that was the happiest day of her life. My sister was pampered, and spoiled rotten. I grew up thinking that all parents prefer girls because girls are smarter and prettier. Girls had it better in life - they got all the pretty things, and everyone made such a fuss over them. I believed that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. When I was about 3-4 years old I started playing dress up by going into my mom's closet and playing with her things. This never ended well. That was when I was introduced to aversion therapy.

I gave up cross-dressing for a few years, at least until puberty hit. Once the testosterone started flowing then everything changed and cross-dressing because a sexual thing.

[Glenda58]

When I was about 4 a young girl about 6 was if her friends and she watching for my mother. And she had me and another girl exchange cloths even underwear and she put lipstick on me that got from her mother and we stay that for hours and I liked it. Years later while in Boy Scouts they needed someone to dress up as a female a skit since I was the smallest it was me. I had to try on skirts and tops with petticoats and frilly lace panties by then I was 10 and now I can stop at 66

[NicoleScott]

Did you know that our memory for odors is stronger than all the other senses.

I believe it! When my wife and I went to bed one night, I detected something I hadn't smelled in over 25 years, and I knew instantly what it was: she got a perm in her hair that day. I remember my mom and sister getting Toni home perms long ago. That smell was still in my memory.
I also agree with you about the smell of lipstick. Nowadays, those great scents are mostly gone, and some lipstick smells are downright unpleasant. But the other reasons for applying lipstick override. Those great lipstick scents of the past were just a bonus.

[Confucius]

Okay, lets look at this analytically. 95% of the male population feels nothing special from wearing lingerie and stilettos, except overwhelming humiliation. Most real females will only wear dresses for special occasions, and they say pantyhose feels uncomfortable. Most real females say it is much more comfortable to wear androgynous clothing. For us wearing petticoats, wigs, make-up, etc, is just a wonderful fulfilling pleasure. What makes us different? What made us this way?

It has to be the way our brain is wired. In our early childhood our brains were programmed to associate cross-dressing with female contact. When we cross-dress our brain interprets it as contact with a female and releases dopamine and a host of neurotransmitters. This neurotransmitters produce the sensations of well-being and sexual gratification. It affects the reward centers of our brain, instant gratification, and thus it mimics the addiction response.

This couldn't start in puberty. The first time you cross-dressing during puberty was already a thrilling experience, so you had to be hard-wired much earlier than that. Most likely in early childhood, when our brains are very plastic, and the connections are just being made, we made the connections. When you were a wee little boy, (2-4 years old) you craved the love and attention of your mother. You wanted that contact, but you don't believe you got your needs met. Then you made the association that females had it better in life, mothers prefer girls, your mother would have loved you more if you were born a girl. Whatever it was, there was some form of female envy. There was a childhood perception that became a reality in adulthood.

Even if cross-dressing doesn't make logical sense as an adult, the sensations (neurotransmitters) are indeed a reality. The reality is it makes you happy. Perception is reality.

[SometimesBrandi]

I believe it! When my wife and I went to bed one night, I detected something I hadn't smelled in over 25 years, and I knew instantly what it was: she got a perm in her hair that day. I remember my mom and sister getting Toni home perms long ago. That smell was still in my memory.
I also agree with you about the smell of lipstick. Nowadays, those great scents are mostly gone, and some lipstick smells are downright unpleasant. But the other reasons for applying lipstick override. Those great lipstick scents of the past were just a bonus.
I believe the scent I'm attracted to is ambergris. Ambergris used to be an ingredient in the more expensive lipsticks and it was also used in perfumes. It's been banned in the US since 1973 so that probably explains why I can't find that smell on new lipstick. Probably for the better. Save the whales and all that.

[Stacy L]

,




One night just before I turned 5 I was beamed up to a large black oblong thing in the sky where they hooked me up to some machines that were covered with flashing lights and tubes.
It's rather vague but I think they contaminated my DNA or Genes, this hasn’t been confirmed though, but I’ve had these feelings since.


I have a bridge for sale too.
:)



.

[mykell]

it started at a young age, growing up feeling guilty, shameful about it, why was i cursed with this, since joining i feel why was i blessed with this, so i guess for me because i could,

why does a dog lick himself ?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Staci, It all probably started when I was two or three days old when my
mom dressed me in that little white receiving dress when
mom & dad brought me home from the hospital.

Then when I was four or five pulling on a pair of moms nylons and hi-heels
and I never looked back, At almost 71 dressing is now more fun than ever.

[Billiejosehine]

I myself never knew why I began CDing: maybe it is because I have done it since I was a child, maybe it's because I am more feminine, maybe I grew up as the only guy in my family, maybe it was because I was bullied, or maybe it's because when I was 15 my sisters friend dared me to put on a bra. As a Behavorist maybe it's the attention, access, or a sensory issue. But all I know is how I feel and what I want. Instead of asking why, I need learn to accept myself for who I am.

[Adriana Moretti]

I always loved soft materials like silk...things guys never wore, I like the way a women looked in a skirt, how women had many more options than men. I was always into the fashion side of dressing myself...then there are heels...omg!!!

[CarlaWestin]

Mom's bra. I kept checking in to see it just lying there, folded neatly in the drawer. And then one day, it talked to me..........

[Victoria Davison]

When I was a younger teenager, home alone after school each day and hormones raging, and no internet at that time, I would scour our house for anything sex-related. Women's catalogs with underwear models were my first exposure to women in what one could consider sexual clothing, so that was probably a big imprint for me. With that fixed in my mind, that place to go to next was my mom's closet, and while hardly anything fit (and I most likely stretched out a couple of her wardrobe items!) I was hooked.

I remember going to K-mart and buying a package of thigh-high stockings for myself and the cashier didn't say anything but I blurted out "It's for my sister!" (I have no sister btw). Oh the memories of my silly teenage self...

[EarringGirl]

After many years of introspection about why I am like this, I think I finally realized it's because I was abused (not sexually) as a child by my father. My sister, on the other hand, wasn't; she was put on a pedestal. Early on (about the age of 6 or so?) I started sneaking into my mother's closet when I had the chance (when everyone was in the family room watching TV) and putting on her clothes as an unconscious escape mechanism. Girls weren't abused, so I think part of me wanted to be one to get away from the abuse.

As I got older, the urge to dress waxed and waned depending on whether my father was away on business trips and how much abuse I'd taken recently.

[KristinTX]

I remember my first time.........it was like a magnet drew me to the chest of drawers at the neighbor's house where I was babysitting. I went through he undergarments and pulled out a pair of pantyhose.........Why? Still no clue! Put on her pantyhose, which I never had even thought about before and left them on for a couple hours. Hooked without even knowing what the bait was or that I was being fished.

[Kagji]

Uh... To be honest, porn. I stumbled across a CD video around... 14, I think and that was it. I've wanted to do it ever since and before now would only occasionally wear panties, pretty gloves, socks and other suck things only in my room and for very short periods of time. After my dream of enlisting in the Marines fell through I talked to my boyfriend about it and here I am.

[bimini1]

This thread is fascinating. So many different stories with common elements and vivid recollections.

[Launa]

I believe it! When my wife and I went to bed one night, I detected something I hadn't smelled in over 25 years, and I knew instantly what it was: she got a perm in her hair that day. I remember my mom and sister getting Toni home perms long ago.

When I was in high school my girl friend gave me a perm, her and her sisters were always getting them back in the day. At first I acted reluctant but after a while I said what the heck as her friends were over at the house that day too and everybody said to go for it. As it turned out there was already a box of Toni perm in her house, ready to go so out came the perm rods and they went to work...

[Tina B.]

I was 6, 64 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I went into the bathroom getting ready to take a bath. There hanging on a hook on the back of the door was a white nylon slip, my sisters. It was just hanging there laughing at me daring to try it on, I've never passed on a dare, big brother wouldn't let me, so I took that slips dare and put it on, Oh it felt good, but more important, for me, it felt right, not naughty. Well with a big brother like mine, it didn't take a genius to figure out, keeping this to myself would be a good idea.
While learning to dress from a dirty clothes basket might sound icky to some, it did have the bonus of all of the lovely smells of womanhood, and it was private and safe. When I got a little bigger, and could find time alone, I moved to sisters closet, she had some great clothes.
As we grew up, my sister joined a club that was very formal, in fact They actually wore formals to special events at least a few times a year, Sis always got a new one for each event, mom was great with a sewing machine and it left a lot of formal clothes in the closet that didn't get used much, except by me.
I loved playing with the hoop for the hoop skirts, strangest form of a slip I've ever gotten to play with. An open frame of hoops and straps to hold them together it always make me smile putting it on, and layering crinoline slips over it.
Wish that slip had never dared me, I've spent a lot of time and money chasing that feeling I found in that bathroom at 6 years old. If I ever did anything, or thought of it before that day, I don't remember, but that first day with that plain white nylon slip sent me on a life time journey.

[Wildaboutheels]

The evidence for the major [or almost always at least one "contributing"] CAUSE of WHY is overwhelming at this site alone. Even if one never bothers to read the Qs or responses.

This site posts the FACTS everywhere in the form of #s scattered about the site in various places. I don't think this is any accident. Members are free of course to ignore these #s.

I find it ironic that ONLY members have access to these #s and that so few choose to utilize them.

[Lisa.Stevenson]

The most prevalent "WHY" I can think of: When I was 13-15 years old I had absolutely limited social skills and dare I say zero success attracting women. right about then was when I started crossdressing. I'm no psychologist but maybe it was a way to get that female contact that I was unable to get at the time. I guess it's a part of me now because my social skills sharpened up but the crossdressing kept going on :P

[Valarie]

My therapist and I have talked about this a little. I remember at a young age I would sleep with a silky night gown that my mom had as like a security blanket. When I got to the age of 4 when my little brother came she took it from me and said, "boys don't sleep with things like this anymore." I remember feeling really sad; after that I loved the feel of women's clothes, how it felt on my skin and made me feel happy and secure. When I got to puberty it became more of a sexual thrill but now it has returned to that feeling of happiness and security.

[Edm_Jamie]

I was 5yrs old and when I was playing with the neighbour girl, I saw black patent tap dance shoes in her closet. Like a moth to a flame, I had to try them on. The rest is history.

[irene9999]

Interesting question, I'd say in my case it was as simple as I thought the clothes were pretty and wanted to try them on. Also, I was really skinny as a teenager so in my mind I think I just figured they would look good in me since I was about the same size as most girls my age.

[Confucius]

It's part of our biology. Our brains are hardwired to release dopamine and other neurotransmitters when we feminize ourselves. These neurotransmitters produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding that we love.

To give you more information on our biology: Your brain goes through a couple of critical periods of producing neural connections. (In biological terms this is called synaptogenesis.) It is interesting to know that you have more neural connections when you are 12 months old (just a baby) than at any point in your life. Then you go through a period of removing connections that don't make sense, and reinforcing those connections that do make sense. It's is believed to be part of the learning process. (In biological terms this is called synaptic pruning.) Now the funny part. Sometimes you keep some neural connections that don't make a lot of sense. For instance some people see colors associated with numbers. When stimulation in one sensory pathway produces an involuntary, automatic experience in a secondary sensory pathway it is called synesthesia.

It is only a theory, but cross-dressing may just be a form of synesthesia.

[Ms. Babs]

Now I understand why Helen tells me "I do not know."

Babs

[VeronicaBea]

I remember going through the lingerie sections of the Sears and JC Penny's catalogs as a kid. I would fantasizing more about what it felt like to wear those panties, bras, teddies, garter belts, and stockings than I would fantasize about being with the models. As a 13 year old it was so much easier to "borrow" my mom's clothes to fulfill my fantasies of what the clothes felt like than it was fulfill the fantasy to score with a model.

[Christen]

Ah, the eternal question! I remember being very jealous of girls way before I ever slipped on a girls cardigan at 6 years old. I think I craved the softness girls had, the affection girls got. I don't recall my sisters getting more affection, attention than me, but I did think I wanted to be like them, or all girls really. I still get a feeling of being cossetted when I dress up.
Maybe the hardwired at birth theory is right, don't know, haven't met anyone who's really been able to explain.
Head hurting!

Christen x

[Truth]

I would say it's the way our brains are wired.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

somehow ended up in my parents bedroom when I was alone around age 11 or 12
tried on my mom's bra, girdle and nylons and for the first time felt sexual arousal
I am certain my mother suspected something with run's in her nylon's etc but
she never confronted me(always wonder what would have happened if she did?)
stopped once I entered high school and was dormant for a long time.
of course many years later it came back strong and 3 years ago I came out to
my wife and that's a story for another time

[Lucy Lou]

I have to agree with an earlier post. I started putting on panties and stockings in puberty for sexual gratification and just carried on. It was a long time before I put make up on and bought a wig and shoes etc. I just got to the stage where I wanted more and stockings and panties was not enough. There was a mental battle going on for ages until I finally plucked up the courage to get some make up on and do the whole thing.

One of my biggest fears for so long was the fear of being found out. I had fought it for years and used to purge a lot, which I must say, I have finally sorted out a couple of years ago. The truth really for me is that I feel so 'right' dressed as a woman and adore the whole dressing up and make up process. I know there are many here and elsewhere that look convincing, which I know I don't but when I am fully dressed and made up and sitting in my lounge in soft lighting looking in the mirror I think I look Ok, and feel brilliant and just keep saying to myself that I never want to stop because I love it so much and it makes me feel truly real.

Why do we do it? Answer, because I/we: love it, need it, feel right doing it, feel happy doing it, feel a bit naughty doing it, feel excited doing it, feel sexually aroused doing it, have to, want to, or just because we can, so why not.

Lucy Lou xx

[Erica Anne]

Synesthesia? perhaps, in my case I was born premature in the mid 60's. There was nothing that would fit me but doll dresses. I often wondered why I could never find my baby pictures, always thought they were all of my older sister. That may explain why I do it, but does not explain why others do. Considering historic attire, boys and girls wore dresses long ago, boys would undergo a right of passage called getting breeched. That in itself did not lead to cross dressing at an older age. I always thought the phenomena was associated with androgen exposer during the pregnancy that resulted in behavior later on in life. Sure, I want to be a girl, but yet I am physically and sexually attracted to them at the same time. I may buy the dopamine theory but not sure if I could buy into the synaptogenesis theory of learning behavior by synaptic pruning. If not most of my life I was taught it was wrong, not just by parent conditioning but also by society and peers. In other words, is there to be an understanding of this behavior to offer a cure? At times I may have seen it as a curse, but many more times I embrace it and would not want a cure. Since man does not fully understand how the brain really works, how it can recover from injury and why there is a large part of the brain that is not in use, how could one really understand the nature of cross dressing or gender disorders of any type. Sure there may be some that have been exposed to a catalyst but that may not be true to all. Besides that, the brain is not the only organ that stores memory. There have been recent discoveries that other organs posses similar ganglion structure as found in the brain tissue. (they knew of this decades ago but recent theory is that organs may posses the potential to store memory, this may support why some who have received organs from transplants and have some memories that are not their own, not sure I buy that either but.... enough said already). I do not want to understand why, I would rather enjoy the end result.

[MsVal]

As one that has come to the realization later in life that he is a crossdresser, I have been pondering the questions: Why? and Why now? This is what I've been able to dredge up from the muck at the bottom of my brain.

Like most other guys, I liked looking at the girls. I believe that's pretty common. What was probably a little uncommon was my appreciation of their grace, clothing, hair style, and scent. I would secretly wish that I could see, think, and speak as a woman.

Men's clothing, in my opinion is boring. Year after year, the stores have the same spring clothes in the men's section. Khakis and pull over shirts. Solids or stripes, primary colors, take it or leave it. A watch and a chain are all they can offer for jewelry. I have a fondness for Hawaiian shirts because they are the closest socially acceptable thing to a colorful floral blouse.

The heroes and role models of my day were cowboys, soldiers, detectives; rough talking, hard living, and fiercely independent. They were often covered with sweat, dust or blood. Their faces were tanned and their wrinkles were their combat ribbons of life. These were "Real Men".

There was no way that I could be a "Real Man". I wasn't big enough, coordinated enough, or brave enough to keep up with the guys. I have no interest in sports and aside from some physical attributes, have little in common with them. I hung around with a few other geeks and built my hotrods, but my best relations were with the girls. At a table of guys and gals, I felt more comfortable with and had more fun with them than the guys. On my most recent work assignment I replaced a woman in what had been a six woman team. It was great sharing stories of our families' new babies, weddings, illnesses, and challenges.

I am certain that I do not want to live as a woman, but I am also certain that there is "something" very natural about presenting as a woman. The texture, the lightness, the colors of the clothing; the variety of hair styles, shoes, make up, and jewelry, and of course the scent.

I've never fully dressed, but I've never been to an exotic island retreat either. As one may have a dream about one day going to the island, I have the dream of "being" that woman, if only for a little while.

Best wishes
MsVal

[sara70morgan]

MsVal,
So much is so true. Anyway, I started with just finding my sisters panties. After that is was a sexual thing. I loved my girlfriends panties, and I lost a long time GF after being discovered. I love to dress in femme, and it is not for sexual pleasure, most of the time. I just have accepted this for what it is, and I am just happy to have found others that are talking about it as well.
Sara

[Annie M]

I'll go with hard wired, always felt female and mens cloths felt awkward. I have warn panties for years and bras as I developed breasts. Just felt right to me, hard wired.

[Julia Red]

My wild guess is that I wanted a girlfriend but was too young and didn't know how to get one, so I became my own girlfriend. But that would be the short story.

[Alice Joyce]

Is it OK to ask or at least get some advice. How did you develop breasts? I have no idea but wish to do so. Thanks Alice

[Tanya+]

i was rolled up in a rug when i was 4 or 5, craved/obsessed about restriction from then on. Was dressed in a dress by a girl my age when i was 5 or 6, soooo embarrassed.. fantasised about it afterwards. Maybe something about it being 'wrong' gave it more energy. In hindsight the energy seems sexual in nature, but i don't otherwise remember being sexually aware (though i fell in love at around the same time a 12 year crush). I used to pull my shorts up high and try and walk like a girl when none was looking. My friend had dress up box, i got to the point where i always put on a dress when i visited, and lipstick a couple of times. My friend stopped asking me around when i was about 11. I am very interested in the "why" of it all, but i like the person that it makes me.

[Sallee]

curiosity. What is it like on the other side. Why are womens under silky and mens thicker cotton. Do they feel different? Those might be the initial reasons or the excuse. Why do women dress that way? might be a good question too. I'll say genetic makeup cause us to want to cross the gender line. but every one is different

[TxCassie]

I don't know the "'why". I just know as long as I can remember, I would "dress". As a young boy, I would play with my sister's and mom's dresses when I grabbed a chance to be alone. I would play in the bathroom with my towel imagining I had on various length of skirts. Of course once I hit puberty, I dropped 'dressing' all together because I was growing big and stocky, not tall, but a genuine bulky type of guy, short, stout, muscled, barrel chested. Yet, the gurl in me never left. I never felt as masculine as I felt the other boys demonstrated. But when you have the body of a young teenage bull, it's easy to pass, to learn the basics of how to be a boy, though I never was a jock, or ladies' man, just a quiet, nice, sweet boy. And then there was the "gay" thing was blossoming, so for a long time, gender, masculinity, sexuality, was very confusing, frustrating, painful at times to live. As I resolved issue after issue, reading a lot material, learning from my peer group what seem to be the "accepted" way to be, I thought I figured it out. But of course, I didn't. With each movement to be "a man", the burning desire to reject that notion and be feminine grew like a searing heat in my chest so much that I remember always wanting to just burst out of my body and explode. I lived like that till I was about 45-47. It was not till then when I actually put on a pair of panties and remembered feeling, not kinky, not guilty, not naughty, but relief, comfort, self-aware. Yes, for a time, there was a sexual component but slowly that pass when one day, as I was underdressed, I realized, I was not sexually aroused, wearing my panties and bra, just seem right, ok, what I wear.

Now at 54, I am seeing a therapist to better understand my long suppressed feelings. I need to get them into a positive place where the manifestation of my feelings is expressed positively as well, i.e., sweet, nice, pretty clothes and SHOES, SHOES! SHOES! I never felt so much like a woman now than ever before and it's not just the clothes, the clothes only complete my being, my mental orientation, my self. Do I want to transition, I don't know, it certainly seems I am heading that direction. But I am so happy now, now that I know, accept, and can be. Not that I didn't grieve for the loss, but I grieve for his failure only, for the 'man" I really never was. He was a sweet guy, just not real. He helped me live, to get through life, to be a boy, and a man but his mission is over now. In that I grieve, but with all loss, beckoning is the future and I sense happiness there, so while I many not be walking into the light just yet, I do think I'll be walking into Catherine's or Lane Bryant's soon.

Cassie :daydreaming: :love:

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

It started for me when I tried on a pair of my moms shoes. Somewhere around 7 or 8. That broke the ice, so to speak. Then came pantyhose. For a long time afterwards, it was just single items... shoes, hose, bathing suits... But for whatever reason, I had a moustache for a LONG period in my life. So I never really tinkered with makeup until I decided to shave my face clean. And no surprise, it was for a Halloween party. I was 28, and none of my friends had ever seen me clean shaven. Imagine how blown away they were when I showed up at the party not only stubble free, but wearing makeup, hose, dress, wig and painted nails... I didn't look anywhere near as good as I can look now, but they were blown away nonetheless.

That night, I experienced the 'wig moment', the one that probably everybody here is familiar with. It's when everything is in place, clothes, makeup and jewelry. Then you put on the wig and gaze into the mirror that first time. Speechless. Almost teary eyed. It was right then and there, I knew that this was now part of me. I would never ignore these feelings again. And Tracy was born.

[Confucius]

There is a psychological and a biological answer to "Why?"

Psychologically, as a small child I believed that parents preferred girls, I believed that females were better persons than males, I also craved my mother's attention, and I believed that girls had it better in life than boys. Girls got all the attention from adults. Girls were praised for being pretty, and they got all the pretty things to wear. I grew up over-valuing the female, and thinking that being a boy was a handicap.

Biologically, during my early years of brain development (synaptogenesis and neural pruning) my brain became hard wired so that activity in one sensory pathway causes an automatic and involuntary response in a second sensory sensory pathway. So while the majority of males can cross-dress and feel nothing special, it is entirely different for us. For us, cross-dressing causes a secondary sensory response where our brain releases dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding.

[ossian]

Oh I wish at times I didn't have to deal with this. Most of my friend would dump me if they knew. I would probably loose my minimum pay job. My brother would make fun of me. Ultimately I would be alone. My fear. But at the same time it has brought great contentment. I'm screwed. This has been going on for 40 years. Why wasn't I born a girl?

[kimberlybates]

I remember walking over to a wash basket that had some of my Aunt's clean laundry. I saw this long blue silky nightgown and wondered what it would feel like if I was to put it on. I took the nightgown into my room, removed my clothes and let the silky blue nightgown slide down over my body. The sex-citement was so lovely. I knew at that moment I was hooked.

[LoriFlores]

I remember my first time. I had always been enthralled with girls clothing and had wished that I could dress as a girl / be a girl. I had especially liked my sister's figure skating dresses and tights. One outfit I had especially been attracted to was her pink tutu. One day, when everyone was out of the house, it dawned on me that the tutu was available in my sister's bedroom closet. I ran upstairs and excitedly tried it on, it was wonderful. It was on that day that I understood the true nature on my being transgendered!!

[sanderlay]

The... Why... is a question I have asked and searched for in many places. The Nature versus Nurture debate continues with still no hard facts either way. So I have my theory...

Nurture Theory
Because I have been able to over come nurture related issues in my life and not cross-dressing I tend to disbelieve the nurture theories. They are interesting... but I don't think so.

Nature Theory

This idea makes more sense to me because it seams to always be tied to gender expression issues. Something in the brain of the person want to express a gender opposite of their birth sex at some point later in life. This condition can be very mild to very debilitating.

Applied to me - My theory

1) I believe because of hormones while I was in the womb the gender part of my brain was partially feminized. That set the stage for the desire of the feminine and masculine experience to be a part of my personality, my gender idenity.

2) As a child I grow up and learn about males and females. I was attracted to both feminine and masculine things, including clothing. But I'm also told by adults I'm male because of what is between your legs. Males don't do feminine things or wear feminine clothing. So my brain subconsciously calls me to the feminine clothes and tells me to wear them. You will feel feminine. I do and that message has never quit.

[Ume123]

Why? I put on the dress, the hose, the shooz... It feels awesome. We dress because we want to. Perhaps the feeling pulls and drags on us. But why do we get those pulsing feelings. I love all the posts. This is such a deep topic. So why not, Cyndi Lauper sang it better than I can express, Girls just want a have fun.

[Danielle_cder]

WHY??? probably because it rocks! its ultra unique, and I get to play around with my boob size :D :D

[sometimes_miss]

In other words, is there to be an understanding of this behavior to offer a cure?
Repeat after me: "there is no cure". At least, not yet. Our personalities are the result of not just out initial genetic predisposition, but all of our experiences too. There have been some CDs that got relief from their crossdressing desires temporarily through electro convulsive therapy, aka 'shock treatment'. But it appears that it may only work by destroying memories, and that as the connections in our brains heal from that shock, the memories and feelings gradually return. So unless you want to destroy your mind, that's no permanent solution. Also, you may very well be reduced to being incapable of supporting yourself, because those treatments don't selectively destroy only what you want them too. Sure, there are still people who get this treatment, but if you get to know more about it, you certainly won't want it.
The best that modern mental health can offer you, is an understanding about why you want to crossdress/feel as if you're a female, which will help you accept this life and deal with it a little better. And that can take years of weekly sessions to figure out, mainly because so many guys hide our experiences and feelings not just from the world, but from ourselves as well. It took me several decades to figure myself out, mostly because the psychologists I went to didn't know any more about gender identity problems than I did! I often wound up bring up subject matter that I had come across myself, which they had never heard of, essentially I was teaching them more than they were helping me.
The goal of western medicine's mental health industry IS NOT THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY. No. All it is, is to help you become self sufficient and a functional, contributive member of society. Happiness is not in the picture. Western medicine goes to great lengths to avoid anyone becoming happy without working their asses off for it. Consider; the pharmaceutcal industry spent billions of dollars to figure out just how much of the active ingredient in marijuana you need to give senior citizens to get them to eat, without giving them any of the euphoric, happy feelings that usually go with it. THEY REMOVED THE HAPPY PART INTENTIONALLY! It's some distorted, evil puritanical belief that people must suffer in order to ever enjoy themselves.

[sara70morgan]

When I found out that there was some kind of special feeling down there one day when I was shimming up a clothesline pole, and I was very perplexed as to what that feeling was, which I loved of course. Then I realized that was my first orgasm, only without anything coming out. Then I masturbated in panties because first of all the silk felt great, and then I pretended that I was getting into another girls panties. Over time, I not only like the sexual stimulation, but I then started putting on more than just panties, I put on hose, a bra, a slip, a dress, etc. I have never put on heels, and I have only gone out to a drag bar once, and yes, I was not even close to passing. But now, sometimes I wish I were a girl all the time, and I dress not for sexual pleasure, but I dress because I want to be feminine.
Sara

[Jamie Christopher]

Girls do have all the fun stuff anyway, so what the hell....

Jamie

[PaulaQ]

Because it turns out - it's who I am and what I was supposed to be wearing all along.

[ArleneRaquel]

PaulaQ,
You have expressed my feeling darlin.

[Alice Joyce]

I am with you....Awful if friends/brother found out. The up side for me is also contentment..... the amazing, happy, feel great, way in which being dressed as Alice (therefore actually BEING Alice) .....hard to put into words, I love this side of me. Not sure if I would have wanted to be born as a girl, tough thought. I also agree with you "I am screwed" I am totally hooked and addicted by being Alice, I like me the most when I am Alice. Yet I do have this male roll in life that I HAVE to deal with. Warm Thoughts to you. Alice

[JazT95]

I remember having an interest in the opposite sex's clothing since I was 5/6. Since it was such an early age, I have no clear memories of my life before crossdressing. Now I too am really interested to know what I was thinking at the time! xx

[VAWyman]

Why? When? Hmm, well, I guess it started with me playing with a couple of girls in my neighborhood when I was maybe 6 or 7. They wanted to play dress up, and so I put on a dress and we three played house. It was fun, and as I grew older I remembered that fun. I started with my mothers clothes and some other stuff I found in storage when I was older, maybe jr high. My parents moved around a lot and I was always the new guy and the target of the school bully. My retreat was to hide in a dress when I got home.

[Darla Jean]

I have such memories of the first time because my mother was involved...she was a seamstress and quite good...she actually made wedding dresses and the like to order...but she never had a little girl to make clothes for or dress up...so, it turned out she had some nieces and she loved to sew for them but use me as a "model" so that she could make sure things were right...well I loved putting on dresses, the frillier the better! And later, as I hit 12 and 13 my mother would not have known that I started wearing her panties, slips, girdles and bras to recreate the feeling...goodness knows why - it just felt sooo good, and it still does....