How come it is so hard to meet other CD ladies...

[Sierra228]

has anyone else had problems meeting other CD girls? I would love to get to know other girls that have this same lifestyle but it always seems like there are so many problems with meeting like minded girls.

[AllieSF]

I have not had a hard time, it just took time. I have met several ladies from this site, another site and then through some meet up groups and word of mouth. The taking time part requires continual pro activity to put yourself in situations where you can meet someone. The people that you first meet may not be the ones who become your friends or maybe even not good acquaintances. However, they may introduce you to others who could be. Keep networking and putting yourself out there. And by putting yourself out there, that does not mean dressed as a woman. There is no reason that you cannot meet in drab more than once before you ever meet dressed en femme. Good luck and it does work.

[Sara Jessica]

I was out with some friends on Friday night at a bar in San Diego which caters to a quite diverse crowd. A very cute CD'er from Taiwan was there alone and she joined our little group. Turns out she was supposed to meet someone there who apparently chickened out for whatever reason. Needless to say, I was not surprised in the least bit. There are many out there who have dreams of grandeur when it comes to stepping out into the real world but when it's time for the heels to hit the pavement, they back out. I cannot count the number of times I've heard of such stories. Fortunately, it has only happened to me once.

All that said, keep talking to people in these pages and also look for support groups or alternative lifestyle venues in your area. Once you have made friends, whether those from within our community or otherwise, you will truly know a richness that can only be dreamed of by many who refuse to set foot into this wonderful world of ours.

[Seana Summer]

It is hard to meet many of us because we are not "out" to the general public for a variety of reasons, respect for our families wishes among others. The internet is wonderful, this site is great, but many of us are very cautious for good reason

[Tracii G]

Find a GLBT or GLSO branch in your area.I'm sure there is a support group for CD's close to you.
You have to make an effort to find them, maybe get your self out into the scene.
I have contacted a few on a different sites for a meet up and they always back out at the last minute for some reason.
Sure you can be nervous about it but just do it.You might actually have fun.:)

[Rachelakld]

I especially check for posts with my city in the title.
Maybe that's a search engine that could be attached to this site one day?

[MssHyde]

I some what agree it is hard. for two reasons.

1. my wife does not approve, its very hard to have a time to get away.

2. I'm selective about who I want to be seen with when dressed, I don't want to be made as a guy in a dress.
I'd rather be with a GG or a transgender that looks like a woman.

I'd love the friendship and chat or to meet where it doesn't matter if we are made.. but when I can get out usually there are no transgender type events.

[Eryn]

We belong to the most secret of secret societies, one in which we usually don't even acknowledge our membership to other members! :)

That being said, I have met people through this forum and through other TG organizations. One thing leads to another and soon I found myself with many TG friends. Last night I was at a dinner at a steakhouse in downtown Los Angeles with 15 other people, about 10 of whom were TG. Three of those I had met through my electrologist and the remainder through a CDing club that I joined a few years ago. Like any social group, we tend to meet friends of friends and find that we have a lot in common with them.

The opportunities are out there for those who are willing to reach out and embrace them.

[Jaylyn]

A lot of us are not out in the public yet. Sierra I know it is tougher to find CDs in the western states. I would have to travel about two and half hours to feel really safe to San Antonio. But I thought for sure that there would be several in the Albuquerque area.

[Sophie Yang]

It is all about connections. Once connected, there are all kinds of things going on. When I started, my wife said when it comes to make-up, you are on your own. Green light. I made an appointment for a make over. It was for a Wednesday night. The make over artist has had such an interesting life. It was enjoyable just talking with her. She is tied in with a local t-girl social club and sponsors a monthly get together at her place. She did me up and sent me on my way to meet the girls who were out at one of the downtown bars shooting pool and dancing. They also invited me to the Comedy Club the following Saturday night.

The girls have 3 to 5 standard events per week. The last event I attended a couple of weeks ago, there were probably 25-30 girls at the Comedy Club, three sets of tables. The group always gets the same wait staff. They love the group. The comic posted pictures on her and the girls on her web site when she was in town the time before. Someone in the group has special events, Halloween party is always a big hit, a couple of Thanksgiving Dinner, a Winter Gala, a day on the range, Prom night, etc.

Find businesses that cater to the t-girl community and ask them to point you in the right direction.

[Leah Lynn]

I had a friend that lived in Albequerque, that was involved with several lgbt organizations there. Best bet, just type your request into the search engine. A good start could be "gay pride, Albequerque", or "transgender, Albequerque". It's a big city, so I'm sure there's more groups there. Perhaps try Tri-ess. Good luck,

Leah

[Beverley Sims]

Sierra,
Establish yourself here get to know others and eventually the right opportunity will come along.
Some of the monthly meetings such as Tri Ess might be in order.
Go to the meeting place and see what events are coming up.

[sammysaenz]

Yes I feel your pain. I go through the same thoughts

[JenniferYager]

Sierra, I hear ya. You have to simply hit people up and ask. I've tried finding a chat channel or meetup group, but most of those are folks looking for sex, not conversation. I've met up with someone through here once, we went out to lunch in drab and had a great time. I keep trying to catch nearby folks, although I'm always about 2.5 hours from anyone near me.

[Brooklyn]

I would have to travel about two and half hours to feel really safe to San Antonio.
Yes! Eat your heart out Austin!

I don't think there is a Tri-Ess chapter in ABQ, but I guarantee there are groups that get together for girls' night out (GNO) and maybe there are support groups. Try searching Yahoo! user groups and avoid anything that looks too shady.

[Candice Mae]

Some of us like their privacy.

The internet is a scary place to meet people, and although there is a group for CDs in my area but their all around 10-15+ years older then me. I also don't have much interest in hanging out with other CD's.

[Badtranny]

[B]2. I'm selective about who I want to be seen with when dressed, I don't want to be made as a guy in a dress.
I'd rather be with a GG or a transgender that looks like a woman.

LOL

Really? I won't say what I want to say, but suffice to say, that attitude is not okay.

[KayleeTaylor]

I have just opened myself up :) I met somebody on here who is going to take me to a support group soon :) I am staying positive that I will indeed meet new people face to face very soon :)

I wish you all the best in the road ahead of you :hugs:

[MssHyde]

LOL

Really? I won't say what I want to say, but suffice to say, that attitude is not okay.

you didn't quote my whole reason, its the way I feel and I was being honest.. my area is not very excepting.

to quote myself: I'd love the friendship and chat or to meet where it doesn't matter if we are made.. but when I can get out usually there are no transgender type events.

[jackielynn]

Its funny because I have met several crossdressers at places I've worked but I have never opened up to them about myself. Mostly because I worry that if I do, they will tell others and turn it into a big deal.

[JamieQ]

I think its hard because many say they want to meet up and then they chicken out for what ever reason...valid or invalid of a variety of reasons. We are sort of in a secret society, but most likely they really are not ready. We are out there...it just takes time and effort and it is very rewarding meeting others. I say find a GLBT or trans group...you might have to drive a bit...:)

[Ginger Maxim]

I am 47 and have yet to meet a single sole.
I live in Ontario.

It could be that I go to the wrong places. But what is a wrong place.
Yes it's true I do not go to bars at all any more, but I don't like going to bars. I stopped going in my late 20s.

I would just love to meet some nice CD ladies...

[Launa]

We can also be a fickle bunch. Some of the experienced CD's loose interest in trying to arrange events, parties get togethers because of the lack of commitment from others that say they want to come but don't show and don't want to part their money upfront with the RVSP events.
You also have to look the part when you hang with them as some of the "good looking" ones don't want you around if you're not looking up to par to a certain degree.
I can also be the same way.... If you want to go to a mainstream place with me then you have to try and fit in, I will tell anybody up front I won't go out with someone that wears a sissy dress, 6" PVC boots, a 10 dollar pink wig or a beard with their looks unless its at a fetish party.

[Lynn Marie]

The obstacles to getting out and making CD girlfriends are legion. SO's, beards, only underdressing, fetishes, hairy arms and knuckles, it just goes on and on. It all boils down to fear and a lack of confidence to go out and make friends! Even CDs who have been dressing and going out for years often have trouble making friends.

My advice? Develop your look to being presentable in public. Be willing to meet other CDs from the forum. Be willing to go to LGBT friendly clubs. Be reliable, not a flake. And most importantly face your own fears, be bold, and confident in who and what you are.

[docrobbysherry]

U didn't mention WHY u want to meet other dressers, Sierra. To meet for lunch, shopping, and get your nails done? Go out clubbing? Or, maybe for something more intimate and personal?

Personally, I've never had an interest in meeting someone for the first time, dressed, just the 2 of us in private or in a vanilla public venue. Meeting out at nite in a T friendly venue is quite a different matter.

Having met quite a number of nearby girls that enjoy getting together on Tgirl nites at a club, I now feel comfortable meeting and going out with some individually to vanilla places day or nite. They can go dressed, me not, and both of us r comfortable.

To be able to do that, I needed to feel comfortable with the girl. Which required seeing her over and over with no stress or expectations at parties, Tgirl dinners, or clubs. Meeting someone u don't know out, set up for just the 2 of u, can be very uncomfortable! I don't feel that is a good way to acquire a friend u wish to hang out with, with no strings.

[Sierra228]

I really just want to meet people that share my hobby. I have been out to many events dressed up and CD girls at the places I have been dressed up were very cliquey. It was hard to get more than a hello out of most girls. It is just frustrating and honestly a little isolating knowing that CD girls exist but I can not meet any. I think it would be so fun to go out and share dressing experiences with like minded folks

[Violet-13]

I have the same problem

[Lynn Marie]

Meeting people is easy if you are truly interested in who they are rather than trying to impress them with who you are. You can come and join my group of girlfriends, but you are going to have to "join" us! We're not going to be joining you. Trust me, the closet is not the best place to develop people skills.

[Badtranny]

I have been out to many events dressed up and CD girls at the places I have been dressed up were very cliquey. It was hard to get more than a hello out of most girls.

Nope.

Don't blame other people for your shortcomings. If you want to meet people than meet them, it's really as simple as that.

People aren't "cliquey" because they're stuck-up, they're just not anymore comfortable with meeting people than you are. Walk up and say "hi", tell them you want to hang out with them because you don't know anybody.

If you choose to stand in the corner and wait for someone to entertain you, then don't be surprised if you spend a lot of time standing in a corner.

[docrobbysherry]

I agree with Lynn Marie and Melissa. I've gone out quite a number of times. But, because of shyness, bad hearing and loud music, and lack of confidence when I'm out dressed, I tend to hang back. The girls I know r always greeting and hanging in groups with others I don't. All having a great time yapping away! Sometimes I just don't feel all that social. But, I DO feel left out, too.

When I'm in a quieter, less crowded enviornment, I'll talk easily to the same "cliquey" girls I didn't know in the clubs. Rather than being stuck up, I've found them to be the opposite. Open, accepting, and eager to share their stories and themselves!

Just reach out, Sierra. I believe you'll be pleasantly surprised!

[Sarah Beth]

Many of you are fortunate to live in places large enough to have organized or at least semi organized groups. You meet and get to know one another at these functions and since you are familiar with one another to an outsider, who is there and doesn't know anyone, being from that group we are from the new person is likely to be shy and unsure of how to insert themselves into a group like that. I know I have heard about groups I go in places like Colorado Springs or Denver but I don't because I am unsure about how I would be received. Maybe those in these groups should be more aware of new faces and put forth a little effort to show welcome and acceptance like folks do here when someone joins the forum. Which by the way is a somewhat difficult step for some people and welcoming words of acceptance go a long way to helping new people get involved.

[KayleeTaylor]

Well, I did it :) I met someone here who took me to a Transgender support group. It was nice to meet other people and listen to their experiences. I didn't say too much at the meeting, but I did make some friends! Afterwards, we all went to a Trans-friendly bar, I sang karaoke. That was the first time in years that I went out enfemme, I had a blast :D

[nooneknows]

I agree that it's difficult to find other cd's like myself. I've been out with my girlfriend a few times to a local drag bar, soo going out and being noticed isn't my issue. It just seems that most other CDs I've found are all looking for some sort of sexual interaction and that is something that I'm not looking for. Despite being bi, I'm happily committed to my incredible gf. I have absolutely no interest in cheating on her and destroying a good thing! It just seems, however, that the few cd's I've had contact with are only looking for "hook-ups." If only I could find another CD to simply spend time with and build a friendship! Play video games, watch movies, do each others nails, you know, the usual! lol

[robindee36]

Not sure how active the TG community is in your neck of the woods Sierra. Around here, its just a matter of connecting through one or more of the groups or frequenting the LGBT establishments.

While its nice to meet girls here on line, most of us do not live within a stones throw of each other. That and getting out is sometimes difficult for we closeted girls.

Keep looking, I bet they are around, you just have not yet found them.

Hugs, Robin

[kfsteve391]

Many CD's are married and are in situations where their wives do not approve. It is very difficult or next to impossible to get away to meet someone. Some are just flakes and want to talk. I have found for every 25 people who want to meet me, I may be lucky to see one. Sorry, that's the way it is. Don't give up as that one may turn out to be a very good friend.

[5150 Girl]

I wrestle with the same feelings of uniqueness, and loneliness that Commander Data (from Star Trek TNG) often speaks of. I'm in a fairly redneck and conservative community, and if there is anyone else around, as far as I know, fear keeps them in the closet. It would be nice to know I'm not alone.
So, if you're in SE Ohio, and see me out and about introduce yourself. Even if you're in drab, introduce yourself with your fem name.

[Stephanie47]

Three decades ago when my wife and I had that expected conversation concerning cross dressing, she said it was OK with her if I wanted to attend a support group. I tried to find one. That was before the Internet was even invented. It took some doing but I did find a telephone number for a support group in Seattle. Or so, it was suppose to be a support group. Well, the jerks on the telephone gave me the impression those are the type of people I would never want to associate with on any level. Over the years I resolved with myself and my wife those cross dressing issues.

What I found over the years is the need to have some communality of interest before I will socialize with you. On this forum I've seen many posts on model railroading and scale model building. I'm a scale model building of military equipment. For the life of me I cannot envision myself at a model building event en femme.

I guess meeting others en femme has to have some purpose of self fulfillment. At times I have visited a website for a group in Seattle, who meet socially for dinner. If I clicked with those individuals it would not make any difference if anyone was en femme or en homme. That's my individual hurdle.

[Lynn Marie]

At times I have visited a website for a group in Seattle, who meet socially for dinner. If I clicked with those individuals it would not make any difference if anyone was en femme or en homme. That's my individual hurdle.

You're welcome anytime Stephanie.

[splitlife]

Agreed. Always seems that the other person or people are only looking to get "serviced" and want you to show up dressed but they for some reason can not, or there is always some reason as to why they can not make it. I used to be secure a few years ago when I had the chance to dress more frequently, but as of late, I don't think I'd be as passable as I once was without some continued practice. Either way, the few times where someone actually did show up, they were not dressed, I was, and it made it awkward as they only wanted to see me and see what I would be willing to do. I didn't ask for a date, I just wanted to meet some other girls who wanted to make friends and share experiences.
It would help if your area has a CD group, meet ups, activities, or what-not. If there isn't any as I've found the case to be, then it is just you trying to find individuals through online sites such as this with hopes of meeting someone who is willing to make friends.
I wish you luck in your endeavor.