Came Out to My First Family Member

[Julie8181]

Here's a potentially interesting coming out story...

So... I've been thinking about how to come out to my immediate family and close friends as transsexual pretty much every day for the last year, but hadn't summoned the courage yet (for reasons I may get into in another post). I'm a daily Facebook user, and when I got home from work tonight I saw a post from my ten year old niece announcing that she was going to start wearing girls clothes and that everyone could call her by a girl's name, and that anyone that didn't like it could "deal with it!" I was blown away. Not by the fact that my niece is transsexual, but that she came out at that age in a public space such as Facebook. Don't get me wrong - I'm not so much worried about her, since she has very supportive friends and family members, but rather I am impressed by someone so young being so brave!

I texted my brother about it and said "Did your child just come out as transgender on Facebook?" His reply was that she was just doing it to get attention. My reply was "Are you sure?" while I'm thinking there's no way someone would come out in a public place like that unless they meant it. Even though she is young, I think she knew what she was doing and that it was a catharsis for her.

Anyway, I got into a text conversation with my sister-in-law, and I let her know that I supported my niece. She said that she did as well. I told her that I thought it was great that she had the courage to come out at her age. I'm not sure what prompted my sister in law to ask this, but she said "Are you gay or transgender and don't have the courage to come out?" I danced around the question for a while, but eventually I pretty much told her everything - from my gender identity and sexual orientation, the name I'm thinking about using, my plans for transition, all of it.

She asked alot of questions, and at one point asked when I was going to say that I was kidding, but overall she handled it quite well and was very supportive.

So... I did not wake up today with specific plans to come out for the first time to anyone (that is not on a forum), but there it is, it happened. I am a bit worried about my niece, but at the same time I'm jealous she is starting her journey so much earlier.

[Amanda_P]

The first one is always the hardest. I'm happy for your niece and her courage to take such a big step.

[Angela Campbell]

For me the first was the hardest. I spent months worrying about it, thinking about what to say, scared to death. I knew though, from the moment I decided to transition, that there would be no going back, and eventually everyone will know. I realized that this was the largest fear I had been tortured by for my entire life. The first one I told was one of my cousins. She is a Dr. At first she was somewhat ok with it but eventually I think her religion caused her to be less accepting. It lead up to telling my Mother who was very accepting. Each time it went a little easier and each time I felt a bit of the weight being lifted from my shoulders.

Now nearly everyone who knows me is aware that I am transitioning. I have nothing to hide for the first time in my entire life. It is hard to describe what that is like. Yes it was frightening to tell some people, but in the long run it made it all easier.

[I Am Paula]

You got two great stories rolled into one here.
My only concern is that a ten year old may indeed only be testing the waters. That would be a very hard bell to unring.

[Kimberly Kael]

My only concern is that a ten year old may indeed only be testing the waters. That would be a very hard bell to unring.

By the time she grows up it will almost certainly be much less impactful to have dabbled in another gender identity than it is for our generation(s). I doubt any medical professional will let her pursue anything more than delaying puberty for years to come, which is appropriate. Is it the easiest path in life? No, but it's not the hell it once was, either.

[Julie8181]

So... my brother and his wife think my niece (I'm going to continue to use female pronouns out of respect for her coming out) just did her post to get attention, now. When we all got together for Thanksgiving, everyone acted as though nothing had happened. I'm a little disappointed that no one really offered her some support except for my aunt and I, who offered words of encouragement in the comments section of the Facebook post, and my sister in law. I wonder if I can expect the same reactions when I come out to the rest of my family. I guess that's better than negative feedback, but it sounds like my gender identity may not actually sink in until I show up for a family gathering presenting as female.

[Angela Campbell]

That is true. To them it will not be real until you do it.