Another Why?

[Angela Campbell]

I just cannot understand why so many have such strong reactions to people who are "different" from the norm. Is it something we are born with? The desire for all of us to be the same?

I see it everywhere. It is not just a desire, it is a complete hatred at times of anyone who does not completely conform to what the majority does. And this changes as when more and more people begin going against the norm, until it is no longer something that generates hate the same way. Once upon a time a male wanting to be a nurse would have been ridiculed and scorned. Now it is accepted and even respected. Why? Because so many do it now.Years ago a female Doctor was just not respected, now it is normal.

Why would someone hate another person because they want to transition from one gender to another? It does not hurt anyone, it is not evil, there is really no reason to generate such a reaction, but it does. If a Doctor decided to become an engineer, would that have the same reaction? If I changed my career path would that effect anyone any less than changing my gender presentation?

Does my gender really effect others in this world to such a degree as to cause such extreme reactions from people who do not even know me and have never met me? Why are humans born with this desire for all of us to be the same or if not to attempt to make us all the same? I say it is something we are born with because it occurs at the earliest parts of our life. Even children are this way. Is it something that is taught, or is is something inherent in our makeup?

Why?

And I would like to keep this discussion free of the argument of the effects on marriage.

[Beth Wilde]

The way I see it is this:

A large percentage of the human race share one particular fear, the fear of the unknown..... The unusual..... That which is not "normal". Even children rapidly gain a sense of what is "normal", and transition (and Cd'ing) are unfortunately still seen as not normal. People react in a lot of different ways based on their perceptions, what they learned growing up, their religion and their friends.

Sadly, as many of us have seen, some people become very hateful towards the "not normal" because it upsets their own personal view of the world. I believe things will change as they have changed/are changing for gay people, for people with different coloured skin, different religions and cultures etc but it will take time and a more positive view in the media and day to day society will help a lot.

The worst thing we can do is hate back or antagonize these people, they need to be educated! Unfortunately this is unlikely as things stand but I do believe it will become more mainstream in the future.

[Rogina B]

Blame religion[in our area] for non acceptance of all things different...You can only educate successfully,a mind that wants to absorb what you teach..Peer pressure that a religious group applies can stifle any progress to an individual changing their viewpoint..

[mary something]

fear of the unknown and the suspicion that they are trying to be "tricked" by someone representing themselves as a member of a non-threatening group (women) when they aren't

very few people understand the difference between gender and physical sex, they just don't get it nor do they usually want to because they feel their identity might be threatened by it (my opinion)

[Michelle.M]

Blame religion[in our area] for non acceptance of all things different....

Yes, but that's short sighted. While it's inherent in any religion to expect acceptance of the prevailing doctrine there are plenty of non-religious people who are xenophobic. You need look no further than this very forum to witness all the opposition people get for not conforming to trans-orthodoxy when they declare themselves to be non-ops or androgynous with no plans to go any further towards a traditional gender transition.


You can only educate successfully,a mind that wants to absorb what you teach.

And that's the real issue. A closed mind, religious or otherwise, is nearly impossible to penetrate.

[I Am Paula]

Even before Darwin, researchers noticed that vertabrates tend to shun, or even kill, those born 'abnormal'. It was a very simple way to protect the gene pool.

[mary something]

there are plenty of non-religious people who are xenophobic



And that's the real issue. A closed mind, religious or otherwise, is nearly impossible to penetrate.

great point Michelle, Xenophobia according to wikipedia is the irrational or unreasoned fear of that which is perceived to be foreign or strange

Fear makes people closed minded cause it makes the brain less likely to be logical and reasoned and more ready for an emotional fight or flight response.

So what is the root of this xenophobia exactly?

[Dawn cd]

The "pull" of the collective, like gravity, is a powerful force in human relations. There's a deep need in humans to be part of the greater entity, and in general being part of the collective serves a useful purpose. But unreflective people can be swept along by the flow and never think about their individuality (or other people's). A person who opts for singularity is always threatening to such people. I agree with Beth that it's closer to fear than to hate—altho fear might lead them to say hateful things. However this fear is based on a very shaky foundation. Once there are enough people opting for singularity, these unreflective people wake up and realize that the choice of singularity is just another way of being part of the collective (the human race). Fear and hate instantly evaporate.

[Chari]

It is not only the "unknown, religion, and suspicion that causes a "difference", but also the era of time which each society of the world dictates and judges as "wrong". Some areas men wear skirts, long dresses - and that culture says it is normal. In other societies women can wear "boy friend" clothes/accessories and it becomes fashion. Life has definitely never been on a "level playing field". Because some of us do not fit into a certain box or carry a standard label, we become the strange, the unusual, and sadly sometimes the outcasts. We are all individuals - similar to each other but also unique to each other, and hopefully some day we all will be accepted for whom we decide to be and whatever we wear.

[stefan37]

Even before Darwin, researchers noticed that vertabrates tend to shun, or even kill, those born 'abnormal'. It was a very simple way to protect the gene pool.

I am thinking along those lines myself. My friend and I had a conversation just the other day when I asked him why are people so uncomfortable around others that are different. I believe gender awareness is hard wired in our brains as is our gender identity. The first thing we think when we see people is to gender them. Someone walking in the dark 100 yards away and we try to gender them automatically. Possibly it could have been a survival issue. Another member of my support group says gender is the final frontier. At some point in the far future gender nonconformity will be more open and commonly accepted. Unfortunately it will not come about in my lifetime.

[I Am Paula]

I forgot. Our INABILITY to reproduce ought to make us LESS threatening. Sort of blows my survival of the fittest/natural selection theory all to hell.

[STACY B]

I think that people who change genders are SEXY ,,,,, MeoWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[MysticLady]

Because of Fear of what others may think of you. The others that we fear are the ones that we want approval from, for some reason or another.

[robindee36]

Why is a good question. Seems we humans have a propensity for shunning anything 'different' than our vision of normality. The reactions to we CD's is only one area where it is manifest. You don't have to look too hard to find any variety of societal rejection of 'different' folks based on any number of distinctions, race, hair, clothing, politics, religion and the list can go on. Just human nature I suspect.

This is one of my chief reasons not to pursue 'passing' as a goal. Much better goal to blend and fly under the radar. Several of the other girls here also ascribe to this stratagem. Unless you have very thick skin, going quietly about things is a very fine goal.

Just my thinking on this.

Hugs, Robin

[tori-e]

Regardless of how closed or open minded a person is, we all attach a set assumptions about a person, based on what gender we see them as. Even more, we tend to categorize people based on any number of other visual queues. A woman that is butch. A man who is just too well dressed. It's human nature to categorize. When suddenly a person comes out as trans, everyone around them has to transition as well. They have it their head you are this or that, they suddenly they have to change how they think of you. When I transitioned at work one of my coworkers started holding doors and such for me. It was nice and weird at the same time. Post transition, I don't think anyone that knows me now can think of me as a man. Even if they are aware that I'm TS. Because they've always known me as female.

I think the anger for a lot of people comes from conflicting visual clues. (I've written about trying to fit in on my website.) Unfortunately a lot of people do the Lola thing (walk like a woman and talk like a man) I've traveled all over the western states and nobody's ever blinked at me. If you conform to societies expectations of male and female all is well. If you do things that make you stand out, you're going to draw attention. Most people will just ignore you, but those with their own issues are going to cause trouble.

On religion, I don't think that any religion endorses any kind of intolerance. Instead many people will use a particular religion to take their own hates and prejudices to advance their own agenda. I know quite a few good Christian transpeople and lots of crazies too.

Victoria

[Chickhe]

People are scared of change. They have invested time and energy to reach a point where they are comfortable. As soon as anything changes there is a fear that they will need to invest more time and energy to bring their ying and yang back in balance. If you show them how they will benefit from the change they are more willing to support it.

[LeaP]

People are under a special kind of stress when encountering things outside their normal sphere, however they define that and no matter how narrow or broad.

Reactions under stress are very different from normal behavior, whether or not the stress is positive or negative. A positive stressor might evoke nervousness, temptation, uncertain attraction. A negative stressor, confusion, anger, irritation, aggressiveness.

But you cannot predict any of this, including whether or not you are in someone's normal zone, where they are in reasonable control of themselves. The intersection between circumstances and psyche is complex. The only thing you can predict is that if a person is stressed in this way, the best you can hope for is still not a stable situation.

Unfortunately, trans people frequently fall on the negative side of the balance, for a whole lot of reasons, many of which have been mentioned already.

[STACY B]

Lets just be honest here ,, If your really small or short young or just plain Fem looking its OK with the world in most cases ,, Its the older taller an heavier ones that get it ,, An if you wait to your older you have ALOT more explaining to do !! Younger is BETTER !!

[Angela Campbell]

I listened to a seminar a while back on the subject. She stated that when a male sees another person he immediately sizes them up and determines one of two things.

1 Do I want to fight this one

or

2 Do I want to F&^% this one

Much of their anger is likely to be from misjudging someone or anger because of a sense of betrayal - deception.

When a female sees someone they compare this one to themselves and determine if they are a threat or if they are competition.

Maybe both cause the same result?

[KellyJameson]

It is primarily an adult problem to the degree an adult cannot accept uncertainty.

Those who cannot tolerate uncertainty are easily threatened and they are easily threatened because they have not learned how to peer behind the curtain and see how they have been victimized by the needs of their own mind in reaction to fear so they stay enslaved to it.

They are a prisoner of their own minds because the superstitions they believe in only work to the degree they are not challenged.

Most of what we are taught as children has a basis in superstition so children are indoctrinated into fear by adults.

Adults plant the seeds that will make children (as adults) sick with fear

Only those who are able to step outside of the system of thought by using rational thinking can be free of the fear created in them by others who are irrational in their embrace of superstitions created to reduce existential anxiety.

All of the hate was created by others so it is like a catagion that is passed from one person to the next.

Much of what is called gender roles is based on superstition to give society a false sense of security.

[Nicole Erin]

I assume someone make a rude remark that is bothering you. If that is the case -
Think of who made it. Probably someone you would not want anything to do with anyways.
Some men do make those "size ups" and are vocal. Consider this - would you want them looking at your G/F, wife, sister, daughter or whatever woman you love and/or care for? No, because the vocal men are disgusting.

About people being less hateful as something becomes "norm" - It is not that people are more accepting, it is that they are just following the herd.

Plus, if someone talked crap to you, I am guessing it was someone in a group of three or more.

[Angela Campbell]

No no one has said a foul word to me at all. I see it aimed at others. I have never even received a rude remark about this. This isn't about me, it is about us.

I read today that a transgendered person is murdered every 72 hours. I just think about people like me in general.

[kimdl93]

I think people who are insecure in themselves take some perverse satisfaction in finding fault in others...whether it's an individual who deviates from the norm, or a group that is looked down upon. But it operates at all levels of social organization. Human history is an almost continuous procession of societies that justifies repression, slavery and genocide, all based upon bigotry.

[docrobbysherry]

Men usually start having their masculinity tested and threatened at an early age. They often react to anyone or anything that threatens that masculinity in ways developed as children or young teens automatically without thinking.

I've seen it myself in a number of my friends. It's irrational and emotional for some males. Remember, I was a vanilla guy until age 50+!

[bas1985]

I have a sexual theory on this, maybe also related to conservation of the species.

We are "unable to reproduce", but this is also a trap. A post op mtf is a sink of precious male semen which is wasted.
If we are prettier than a female, a male would make love with a mtf and will waste his semen.

This probably has a biologic implication, in that we "fake" a fertile woman but we aren't. So this threaten in some way the species, because
we promote semen waste, it's like the condemnation of masturbation in the Bible. Do not waste semen.

Well maybe just a fantasy, but I wanted to share it...