You maybe, but not ME!

[LeaP]

I honestly thought it would never happen to me. I was ma'am'd today in drab!

He was a mid 20s grocery store worker. He had to get by me while I was in the checkout line. He tapped me lightly and said "excuse me ma'am" – he passed, turned and looked again and then said "oh my God I'm so sorry, please don't get mad at me!"

I have never, ever been misgendered in my entire life. Not once. But I must be presenting enough mixed cues at this point that it can happen. Amazing. Made my day, in fact.

[Angela Campbell]

It happens to me a lot lately. I kind of like it. Today I had electro so I did not have on any makeup at all or a wig, afterwards my Mother and I went to lunch and were greeted at the door by the 20 yr old hostess with "hello Ladies". I like that place.

Now I cannot say I was in drab as I was wearing womens jeans, womens tennis shoes, and a tank top, but I didn't really think I looked very much like a girl to tell the truth.

Anyway...welcome to in between land

[StephanieC]

Excellent! May you have many more days of mistaken identities.

This is one of the things that makes life so interesting.

[Jorja]

Keep popping those funny little pills, it will happen more often. ;)

[Angela Campbell]

You mean those little blue oval shaped ones? I'm not sure I know what you are talking about.

[mary something]

Congrats Lea! Smile next time so they don't think they're in trouble :)

[Kimberly Kael]

I'm delighted for you, and agree you should get used to it. Relax into it and appreciate the recognition of who you truly are.

[mikiSJ]

Puts a smile on my face and drives my wife crazy when sitting across from each other at a restaurant with me in drab, the waitperson will come up behind me and say "Afternoon/Evening Ladies"!

And then apologize!

[wanabe-Leona]

Sounds like such a nice place to be! I only fantasize about that day it will come!

[arbon]

Thats awesome!! Way cool, I remember what a great feeling that was. enjoy! :)

[I Am Paula]

I have had to do guy mode twice this year (contract work for the Catholic school Board). Both times I've needed to stop for gas, or food...whatever, and been ma'amed everywhere.
Feels great to know when you don't pass anymore.

[Rogina B]

That is wonderful for Lea and everyone else that it is happening for! I honestly give credit to the young people for all of this..Having worked the Pride events again here in Jax,I can honestly say that the "metrosexual" look is very popular and was very evident at a college TDOR service the other day...I think there is a whole lot more to "gendering" these days and that's a great thing..

[LeaP]

It was fun, and I walked out of the store with a huge smile. Hopefully the start of many more.

[Marleena]

That was a very encouraging encounter Lea. Good for you!:)

[Chari]

If you were comfortable with the greeting, then enjoy the compliment, as it may be a sign of it happening more often, especially if you are with other GG's.

[melissaK]

Lea, getting called what you have so long yearned to be called. Awesome fun isn't it!!

Decades ago I rocked 2 foot long hair and was misgendered all the time. Secretly I loved it.

Now, I've got 1 foot long hair going, and last month at a recent rock concert I got misgendered from behind like you, and AWESOME. :) About freaking time too, it's the whole point of me living in the "gender outlaw" badlands.

[Angela Campbell]

It kind of goes like this over time as we develop



1. "Oh, my god! Did you see that?"
2. "Here's your change, SIR."
3. "Here you go, ma'am. Snicker."
4. "Pardon me, ma'am. Oh! I mean 'sir.'"
5. "What the hell are you?"
6. "hi, guys. I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that one of you wasn't a girl."
7. "Excuse me sir... uh, ma'am. I'm so sorry."
8. "Thank you, ma'am. Come again."
9. Man: "Hey beautiful! Can I get your phone number?"
10. Lesbian: "You're kind of cute.

[Jorja]

I really don't believe you girls were misgendered at all. Someone finally got it right! :)

[arbon]

I remember one of my favorite times when something like that happened early in transition. I was still going to work as a male (against my will) and one day a lady came in and I told her my name (male name). She said thats an odd girls name, that must have been tough growing up.
It was so validating.

[Kimberly Kael]

Sometimes life tells you loud and clear that it's time. In the final months leading up to my transition I had several occasions where men told me I was clearly in the wrong restroom or spa lounge. They were right, of course, but I was still presenting as male, however badly, until the date I had arranged with my wife and HR.

[gonegirl]

Just recently I've been having the same experience as well, Lea. My everyday winter wardrobe (for the past several years) usually includes technical pants, a down ski vest, and baseball cap. Certainly not haute couture or remotely feminine, but all of a sudden I'm finding it very hard to pass as a dude (which is sometimes problematic when one is not 24/7). It has caught me off guard because just a couple of months ago I was moaning and bitching about being sir'd all the time! Like Kimberly said, life has a way of telling you when it's time.

PS. Great anecdote, Arbon!

[Angela Campbell]

Yes life does tell you. I had planned to come out at work a bit later than I am, but I started getting troubles in secure locations as they do not think I match my ID. I also have some .....uh....things.....that are beginning to show and are harder to hide lately. Yes it is time.

[Nicole Erin]

almostalady has a point about the progression of comments. Kind of funny to know I am not the only one who has been through all that. Of course once in a while some prick will detect us and be like, "did you see that?" but mostly - opeople just eventually start treating you as any other woman.

You get to a point where you expect it, I mean the "ma'am".

[LeaP]

I don't expect a lot of this. My hairline alone would prevent that. But from certain angles the changes are becoming more definitive. I'm told that I look different. My features are much softer. And the "sporty B's," as Angela so charmingly put it, don't hurt, either. In fact, it was probably the latter that prompted it. I was standing sideways in the line and was not wearing a bra. My wife says my chest looks unambiguously female these days. The real encouragement is in more confidence presenting female.

[Angela Campbell]

I have people who haven't seen me in a couple of months tell me I have lost weight. Especially in the face. I have not. I have been the same weight withing 5 lbs for the last 6 months.

[Kalista Drake]

Great list, Angela. I usually get the 8 or 10. It does feel nice! I find myself smiling at women when out shopping or wherever, and love it when they smile back which is always! :)

Now, the 10 is usually not spoken aloud but is definitely implied sometimes by the smile and/or body language.

I get ma'amed all the time! Or someone at a store will say, when I am with my mom "can I help you ladies find anything?"

I also get doors held open for me by men.

It's all wonderful!

I am so happy for you, Lea!! You are on your way to many more great experiences! :)

[JohnH]

Sometimes life tells you loud and clear that it's time. In the final months leading up to my transition I had several occasions where men told me I was clearly in the wrong restroom or spa lounge.

I had a weird experience today. I was in the men's restroom drying my hands with the electric hand dryer. I was wearing men's business casual, however, I have a femme haircut and I was wearing lipstick, blush, and eye makeup.

Someone came into the restroom seeing me and said that he must have gone into the wrong restroom. Then I proceeded to announce in my deep masculine voice that "This is the men's room".

I get ma'amed in grocery stores even though I am wearing men's attire with the additions mentioned above. Maybe to keep from making people feel like fools I need to use a feminine voice then.

Johanna

[Angela Campbell]

I guess I am just tired of hiding it at all lately. Tonight I went to the little place I go to about 4 or 5 times a week to pick up dinner. They always ask for a name when ordering and call out your name when the order is ready. They have become so familiar with me that all the employees say hi to me using my name (michael) when I come in. They all know me there. I was talking to one lady who works there - The owners daughter - and she said something about everyone here knowing my name. I told her I think that is nice but in a few months they will have to learn a new one because I am getting a name change.

She asked me what the name is going to be changed to, and I said Angela. The look on her face was priceless. It lasted about 5 seconds and then the biggest grin came across her face, and she said she really liked the name.