Wife requires us to go to counseling

[Kirsten1]

My wife is not a feminine type woman and feels threaten by wish to cross dressing. But I am concerned if we go to counseling that my work will find out. Am I over concerned?

[sweetshauna]

I believe that marriage counselors are not allowed to discuss their cases outside of you sessions. I think you should be ok, unless you plan on going there "dressed". Though I would check into it first.

[AllieSF]

Not sure where you live, but in the USA doctors cannot reveal your personal medical records to anyone unless under some legal order. It is a very serious breach of personal privacy. So, no info from the doctor, then how else may someone find out about your counseling? Well, if you call your HR rep to ask about your insurance coverage for counseling, then that person may know that you are doing that or at least considering doing that. But then you really do not need to call your company, just call the insurance company. They are not allowed to inform your employer about your inquiries, nor what services they are paying for under the insurance policies that they provide the employees of the company. If you need to miss part of a day from work to go to an appointment, you only need to say that you have a medical appointment, or personal matters to take care of. I would guess the only way the company may find out is if you or your wife talks to others about it, or someone sees you going into a counselors office and then gossips it back to your co-workers or company. That is not too probable. So, I think that you will be very safe in going to counseling with your wife. If that is a major concern of yours, by all means let the counselor know. You only get back what you put into your sessions, being open, honest and questioning will only help the process be more successful. Good luck.

[Sarah Beth]

If you go to a liscensed therapist there is client counselor priviledge and the counselor is obligated both morally and legally to keep what is said private. That is unless you reveal an intent to harm yourself or someone else. So you should be safe in going unless you or your spouse say something to someone yourselves. If someone sees at the counselors office and says anything just say that you and your wife are going through a tough time and are looking for some help to work it out.

[Barbra P]

I’ve been seeing a Therapist (she is a licensed Therapist) for about two and half years through the same medical group as my personal Physician. What we talk about is just between my Therapist and myself, even my Physician doesn’t have access to my file with my Therapist other than a brief description of a few, very few, medical diagnoses such as depression that might influence my Doctor’s diagnoses of my general health. Nothing we actually discuss, such as my cross dressing, is available to anyone outside of the Psychiatric Department.

I would be very reluctant to discuss my cross dressing with a Counselor or Therapist who was not trained in dealing with gender issues; this includes Marriage Counselors. Priests and Ministers. I’ve read too many accounts of Counselors taking sides with the wife and saying that the cross dressing was having a negative influence on the marriage and it must stop.

As a patient you have every right to expect that what you say in a counseling session will remain strictly confidential. Going in I’d ask for a written and signed declaration from the Counselor that your sessions will remain confidential. If the Counselor won’t provide such a document I’d walk out.

[Beverley Sims]

As Sarah has explained there should be no trouble with your work finding out.
You can always ask and stress your fears beforehand.

[Marcelle]

Hi Kirsten,

There should be no issue with you seeing a counsellor with your wife as they are bound by patient confidentiality and can have their licence revoked if they do not follow those guidelines. The only limitation of confidentiality is if you admit you are planning to engage in a capital offence then the are bound to inform the authorities.

I will agree that if you plan to see a marriage counsellor, you really need to find one who is trained in gender identity issues as they will have the training and knowledge to guide both your and your wife through this.

Hugs

Isha

[mykell]

I’ve been seeing a Therapist (she is a licensed Therapist) for about two and half years through the same medical group as my personal Physician. What we talk about is just between my Therapist and myself, even my Physician doesn’t have access to my file with my Therapist other than a brief description of a few, very few, medical diagnoses such as depression that might influence my Doctor’s diagnoses of my general health. Nothing we actually discuss, such as my cross dressing, is available to anyone outside of the Psychiatric Department.

I would be very reluctant to discuss my cross dressing with a Counselor or Therapist who was not trained in dealing with gender issues; this includes Marriage Counselors. Priests and Ministers. I’ve read too many accounts of Counselors taking sides with the wife and saying that the cross dressing was having a negative influence on the marriage and it must stop.

As a patient you have every right to expect that what you say in a counseling session will remain strictly confidential. Going in I’d ask for a written and signed declaration from the Counselor that your sessions will remain confidential. If the Counselor won’t provide such a document I’d walk out.

thanks for sharing that with us, i may need this info in the future as my SO fits the same description, im more of a girly than she when dressed.

[Jenniferathome]

Yes, you are overly concerned. Privacy is foremost in any doctor/client relationship. Your employer will never know you even went.

[mikiSJ]

I agree with the comments above and even if you will be using employer paid insurance for a portion of the cost, the insurer can only report on total costs of the treatment of an employee and not the individual charges by any provider.

Kirsten, if you can give us your general location, I am sure some of the girls here can give you names of therapists who would be close by. I would recommend that you seek out only licensed psychologists who have extensive experience with transgender/crossdressing individuals. My licensed therapist is currently working with 8 other transgender individuals and I can tell you it shows. My consulting psychiatrist is also well experienced in gender issues and has agreed to supply me with the "Letter" once I choose a prescribing physician (I have an appointment on 12/4).

[Kirsten1]

I guess my main concern is that if the therapist is known for dealing with gender issues then I am outed

FYI I a in the Indianapolis area
And thanks to all for your support!

[Sharon B.]

This is not saying that your spouse may let the cat out of the bag to someone you work with, Been down that road before.

[Stephanie Morgan]

I can only echo what the others here have already posted....the counselor cannot legally or morally tell anyone else what is disclosed in a session. Wish you all the best of luck and sending some big hugs your way!
Stephanie

[ShelbyDawn]

Kristen,

Been there done that.

You have nothing to worry about.
The therapist cannot tell anyone about you and you are under no obligation to tell anyone which therapist you are seeing.

On the up side, it could turn out like my joint counseling with my ex; we quit going when the therapist told my ex to quit looking for things to complain about all the time.
I have been seeing my therapist for over three years and have talked to her about all kinds of things, including my dressing, and nobody knows about any of it.

As for work, I just tell them I have a Dr. appt. and that is the end of it. Thanks to HIPPA, they cannot ask any questions about why I am going.

:hugs:

Shelby

[kimdl93]

yes you are overly concerned. And while your wife may fear the consequences of CDing, there's no better cure for her apprehensions that going to an unbiased professional. Just make sure that the counselor you seek has experience in dealing with gender issues within relationships and does not come with some sort of "agenda", like trying to "cure" CDing.

[Helen Grandeis]

90% or more of licensed therapists will support your cross dressing as vital to your mental health. The parameters with which you dress are open to negotiation. Avoid "faith based" or lay people. Stick with licensed therapists.

[Jackie7]

My exwife and I were better off and got more useful help from an experienced family/marriage counsellor who was not a gender specialist. The young gender specialist we saw for a while pushed me down the road toward transition even tho that is not my path. Your mileage may vary, but I believe experience as a counsellor counts for more than special training in gender issues.

[Sometimes Steffi]

If the therapist is a licensed medical professional, revealing information about you is a violation of doctor patient confidentially. Not that you want to pursue it, but violation of confidentially could probably subject the therapist to a complaint (by you) to the state medical licensing board, which may be less fun for him/her than for you. Under Fedreal Law, the therapist is required to provide you with a HIPPA form for you to sign addressing what can or can not be revealed and to whom. Failure to do so, or to abide by the HIPPA confidentially agreement is, how shal I say it, a violation of Federal Law. I took the added step of asking for the diagnosis code not be "Crossdresser", but that might not be a problem now, since I believe crossdressing is no longer characterized as a mental disoeder in DSM V.

Just as a note, I'm not sure that all marriage councelors are medical professionals. If they are not, you will not be eligible for any medical/mental insurance.

Since you wife demanded counceling, I suggest you insist on selecting the councelor. It will work to your benefit.

[Eryn]

Up to this point the assumption is that the counseling is via a licensed gender therapist and if it is you are reasonably safe. However, beware of "faith based" counselors who may not feel that they are under any privacy restrictions at all. They won't be very good counselors, either.

Steffi is correct, you should select the counselor.

[Amanda M]

For those who are in the UK, if you go to a counsellor who is UKCP registered mor BACP registered, you are completely safe as far as confidentiality is concerned. Furthermore, you will be working with someone who is adequately trained.

[docrobbysherry]

Kirsten, I believe you're over thinking this. First, see a therapist u feel knows enuff to help u and your wife. Then, go see him or her. The first session is usually introductory. Ask him/her about your and your wife's fears. If they aren't addressed so that u feel comfortable, find someone else.

If anyone asks, say u r interviewing therapist(s) to mediate between u and your wife. If u don't go back, even if someone knows that counselor, they'll just think u went to them by mistake.

[Michelle789]

Kirsten, therapists, and all doctors, are required by law to keep what you tell them, and your medical records, confidential. No one can find out unless you give consent to disclose your medical records. You're totally safe.

[Shari]

If you do decide to go to counseling, don't do it during working hours. What excuse would you give for taking off work?

Otherwise, unless your wife or yourself decides to tell someone, your "secret" will be quite safe.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Umm, I have a doctor's appointment.

[Janet Bern]

I have not done counseling but I would imagine that if you scouted one that really understood
crossdressing and brought your wife I may help her gain and understanding of crossdressers.
That is we have to do it. Just promise you will stay within the boarders you establish.

[CarlaWestin]

Yes, you are over concerned. Look forward to joint counseling as your turn to eliminate the misconceptions and level the playing field. With a good therapist this can be a golden opportunity.

[AKKaren]

:battingeyelashes:Counseling will help you and yours work out if you two are going to be able to deal with who and what you are. My bride and I are in counseling too and it has done wonders to help me, especially, express my feelings and needs in a way that helps her understand.....we have not been this close since our life together started so many years ago.
Give it a try, Kirsten.
Hugs and Happy Thanksgiving!
Karen Elizabeth

[Sharon B.]

I can remember back to those days when I told my ex-wife that I was one of those people that like to wear woman's clothes. As long as it was on the movie screen it was fine but when it came home it wasn't. She told me I needed to go to counseling and dumb me thought we were going to couple counseling. She said she didn't needed that I did. I did go a few times after my divorce from her, back then there wasn't to many around that did transgender counseling. We were all sick in the head.
It didn't take to long before I figured out that I could go and sit in a park and figure out what I needed to do and save some money. The only thing the therapist did was sit there and listen then ask what I thought I needed to do.

[Jason+]

....Steffi is correct, you should select the counselor.

While I agree that the chosen counselor is vitally important to the success of the counseling I believe both of you need to be involved in selecting a counselor if you are both willing to work through this. I think you two also need to consider what "success" means. I am less worried about a counselor telling your work than I am about your wife going in with the expectation that you can be "cured" and you going in with the expectation the she can be "persuaded."

Best wishes for you both.

[KristyE]

Your therapist can submit your claim under the mildest form of depression and not even the insurance company will know the difference. Good luck sweetie, my so and I had 3 sessions to straighten out the fact that xdressing won't destroy a marriage. I'm still going alone, it's good to unload with someone you can tell everything to without judgement.
Love KristyE